Girls who don’t lift up other girls confuse the fuck outta me
I just don’t have the upper body strength for it
Wait that’s not what you meant
Three things: 1. You gotta squat down and lift with your legs, so your upper body strength matters less. You would probably be surprised by how strong you actually are. 2. Use your “traditionally feminine” skills such as cooperation and consensus building to get that girl lifted. There is no shame in recruiting a third, or even a fourth girl to help you lift the first girl (and no shame in being a girl who requires a whole crew of girls to lift her). 3. Always get the consent of the girl being lifted. Some girls don’t like to be lifted and that’s okay.
(This sign used to be outside a health food store on my way home from classes)
(I mean it won’t do that to humans, but that’s always my first reflex, too)
OBEY
The reblogs on this post are absolutely priceless.
Hall of fame:
And finally:
I don’t understand…
Cordyceps is a genus of fungi that parasitizes insects or other arthropods. One of them (Ophiocordyceps unilateralis) does that by having sorta mindcontrol powers.
Infected ants are driven to leave their nests or foraging tasks, climb up a thing until ideal fungus-growth-conditions are met, chomp down with their mandibles on the thing (usually the underside of a leaf) and then stay there while the fungus bursts fruiting bodies forward from their bodies, killing them.
It’s been nicknamed ‘zombie fungus’ because of that.
AN EPISODE WHERE BILL AND THE DOCTOR GO BACK IN TIME TO MEET SAPPHO
SAPPHO WROTE POEMS ABOUT BILL 100%
OK YOU KNOW HOW A LOT OF SAPPHO’S POEMS ARE ABOUT APHRODITE WHAT IF SAPPHO LITERALLY THOUGHT BILL WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THAT SHE WAS THE GODDESS APHRODITE
“Oh. My God. Oh my God. That’s her! That’s – that’s the original. The original Lesbian, I mean proper Lesbian. The Mother Gay. Oh, God. Oh, God, what am I even gonna say?”
“Your brother Charaxis may be under the hypnotic influence of his alien mistress might be a good start.”
“Can you even imagine what was like to read her when I was a fifth-former?” Bill continued. “Like, finally it wasn’t some bloke whining about why some beautiful girl won’t give him sex, it was ‘sweet mother, I’m too gay to do my chores, blame Aphrodite’ like, honestly? Most relatable thing I’ve read in years.”
“Bill-”
“God, what I wouldn’t give to hear an actual completed poem.”
“Bill-”
“Seriously, what was up with the fragment that was just ‘soda’? Like, did it mean the same thing, or – ?”
“Bill, she’s staring at you.”
And she was. Like a figure out of a painting, white chiton against dark arms, hands hovering above the strings of her lyre, fingertips gently rested on the frame. She was biting her lower lip, and the look in her eyes was one Bill knew immediately – the panicked, exhilarated look of an actual goddess is walking the earth, right now, and holy mother of Zeus am I gay or am I gay?
“Oh my God,” Bill said again, eyes wide. “I’m the original lesbian.”
DONT ASK ME THIS, THIS IS HOW THE TROJAN WAR STARTED, I DONT WANT THIS MAN
Right away, Aphrodite popped into my head.
And then I’m just like, “DAMMIT, DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM PARIS? YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT, AND NOW ALL THE TROJANS ARE DEAD. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY.”
If you are ever actually in this situation, pro-tip: name Persephone. Half the goddesses will be too surprised to smite you immediately and while Hades won’t do you any favors he may at least high-five you while your on your way down.
Another tip: name Mesperyian. Not only will you shock everyone, including her (since Aphrodite was a jealous ho who burnt half her face off), but you’ll win Hades’ favour. As his most beloved daughter, anything that praises her will make you a kind human to her, an okay human to him, and a genuinely good person to anyone else.
I heartily endorse this alternative answer.
I love how all of this advice leads to “please Hades at all costs.”
#because Hades really wasn’t that bad
No shit. The only real villain that caused so many problems was Zeus’ Thunder Cock and that thing has been in Olympus-knows-what.
ZUES’S THUNDER COCK
To be fair, Poseidon was like the greek mythology personification of the phrase ‘BITCH, FIGHT ME’
I’m imagining all the Greek goddess asking me who I think is the most beautiful and I say the Norse goddess, Hel, is.
Aphrodite yells “She doesn’t even go here!”
This keeps getting better every time I find a different deviation
not sure i could resist the temptation to answer “eris” and then point off stage and go “eh? eh?” like a douchebag until the other goddesses smote me to a greasy spot
i had a really fucking weird dream where homestuck was a musical. like. a Broadway musical. and i went to see it and all i really remember is that 1) the opening number was called “everybody dies” and 2) bro strider was inexplicably played by shia labeouf, who did an interpretive dance scene with a smuppet that lasted roughly seven minutes. it was uncomfortable for everyone involved
what do you mean “inexplicably” that’s exactly how it would go down
I’m pretty sure snoop dogg was aimless renegade? honestly it was an experience
like the stage was essentially four room in the beginning and every time John would get a notification on pesterChum the particular room of whoever was messaging him would light up and you could see Jade Dave or Rose. when the trolls did their thing (it was early on), you could just hear the disembodied yelling of Karkat. Rose had a dramatic monologue that ended with mom physically pulling her away from her empty suicide threat. bec was just some guy in a fursuit. shia laBro passionately ripped off his shirt before kicking dave’s ass. lil cal was played by Ellen Degeneres(?)
do you have a medium to talk to because the more you talk about this dream the more it sounds like you’re spirit channeling andrew hussie and i’m concerned
don’t get me started about the medium bro
also when the trolls were introduced the lusii were these freakish jim henson monstrosities but honestly the best part was the felt. like. the actual composition of music was beautiful, and the choreography for the dance numbers was sublime.
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt. once he finally had his moment his voice soared through the theater, only to come to an abrupt end as he was drowned in hot puppet ass.
now that I think about it, dadbert was definitely nic cage, which was confusing as fuck because John kept talking about how Greatly He Was Caged By Nic while his father stood by. it was uncomfortable
idk man, it’s been like a reoccurring lucid nightmare for the past week, but the sb&hj sequences were performed by acrobats above the actual stage, who looked dangerously inebriated and probably needed immediate hospitalization (they were also narrated by dave and a bunch of dissonant recordings of the cast? what the fuck man. what a visionary)
i honestly don’t know what to focus on here because i’m wheezing and snorting right now but
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt.
was dave … was dave’s self doubt an actual part in the play
shIT I thought I answered earlier but apparently not. yes, daves self conscious is just a shitty cardboard cutout of zac efron wearing sunglasses who offers sage advice like “no one loves you”. he’s voiced by zac efron.
yknow I forgot to note this but vriska has a lot of really aggressive musical numbers that make everyone visibly uncomfortable, mainly bc they’re unprovoked and don’t. make sense. like its canon but only to an extent.
also I’m p sure that mom and dad /almost/ share a heartfelt duet–like there’s soft piano music and they look into each other’s eyes–but then Jack noir, fursuit edition, kills them. on that note, when rose goes grimdark it sounds like the Dresden dolls met born this way era lady gaga and then murdered each other while a thirteen year old descends from the rafters, hissing like a motherfucking snake on a plane
btw “sICK FIRES” is a rap off with cello featuring the talents of yo yo ma himself
“#i’m tired” “#why do you keep reblogging this”
because it’s amazing
that’s objective but I’m just happy that people are enjoying this. like the tags are so nice and it feels pretty rad to know people are laughing at my hideous reoccurring nightmare musical extravaganza
FYI there is a track called “flight of the bifurcated asshole/rest in peixes” and y’all know EXACTLY what it’s about
im really looking forward to the new vampire chronicles making anne rice popular again, because then i will get to watch her try to pull the same fucked up authoritarian bullshit she’s always pulled with her fandom, only this time she is going to get torn to pieces by a generation of teenage fans used to holding their content creators accountable for every single sin ever invented, and i will be there with popcorn and a big grin
ayn rand failing to understand that sesame street is for young children
god this is missing the best part JIM HENSON I think Ms. Rand and my character Oscar the Grouch would have a lot to talk about actually. I am laughing out loud at this idea.
AYN RAND Why would I want to talk to him. What has he achieved or trying to achieve.
JIM HENSON He has achieved what I think is the ultimate goal of your way of thinking.
lmao
Savage
I can’t believe I never knew that Jim Henson straight up murdered Ayn Rand.
it’s fictional, dears. it didn’t actually happen. still hilarious.
just moving along like everyone else 