the fact that obama got called in on jury duty is hilarious. imagine you’re in court on some petty misdemeanor like a traffic violation and fuckin obama is there in the jury
i really love when people on tumblr make a purposefully misspelled and idiotic post to annoy asshole “intellectuals” and respond to their corrections with increasingly inane comments, because it makes me imagine diogenes of sinope going to one of plato’s lectures and calling him ‘sweatie :)’
diogenes, holding up a plucked chicken: finally found me a man 🙂 lol!
plato: that’s a chicken.
diogenes: ummmm but sweatie you said a man is a featherless biped
plato: that’s not what i meant-
diogenes: but this is a biped? with no feathers? lol
plato: FINE. man is a featherless biped with broad, flat nails. now get rid of that chicken
diogenes, holding up a plucked chicken with fake nails glued to its feet: um, sweatie,
you know that feeling when you’re on your period and you take a shower and you feel so clean and relieved and nice but then as soon as you turn the water off it’s a race against you, gravity and time
I swear the last line made it feel like the plotline of an action film
“i’m sad i wasn’t born in the era of -” bitch do it! if you like love letters, write them! if you like poodle skirts, wear them! society is imploding as we watch on in abject horror! do whatever you want!
SPACE LESBIANS GONNA COLONISE MARS, MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL SAPPHIC UTOPIA ❤
its actualy really fascinating, the reason they are considering making the mission to mars all female ACTUALLY doesnt have to do with “impure sexual thoughts” or anyhing it has to do with a multitude of factors, for example (cis) women astronauts tend to be smaller and require less food, nasa also did a series of studies showing that in groups, all woman groups showed better cooperation and teamwork than mixed or all men groups, and also probably the most interesting reason is that (cis) mens eyesight is damaged in space travel for reasons we dont even understand yet, for some strange reason the vast majority of men who have been into space have suffered damage to their eyesight and yet almost no women have had this issue, and scientists are still trying to figure out why but in the meantime sending men into space for long periods of time is a huge concern because they may go blind over time … just thought that that headline was a little reductionist and sensationalist so i had to comment, that being said tho…
HELL YEAH SPACE LESBIANS
I propose we call the landing site Themyscira Base
Tonight I may have had an encounter with the smoothest human being on earth.
As many of you know I work as an actor in a haunted house. This is a fun job for many reasons, but witnessing people’s reactions to being scared is by far the best. I’m a scare window actor, which means I hide behind a section of the wall that is held up by a latch that I can lift and drop away suddenly, scaring people with both my scream, and the loud sound my window makes upon being dropped. I have a small hole drilled in the wall to look through to see people passing.
The smoothest human being on the planet wore a white hoodie. He came in a group with three other friends. I did not expect to scare him much. After a while you can kind of gauge just by what you can glimpse from your peephole whether someone will be a good scare or not. Men in their 20’s in a mixed group of friends typically do not get scared easily. But this guy was wearing white in my blacklight-equipped hallway, so he had made himself an easy target and I had to take advantage.
I dropped my window precisely when he was in front of it.
He leapt back toward the wall on the other side of my narrow hallway and his drew back his arm like he meant to punch me.
“This is it.” I thought. “I’m finally going to be socked in the face for scaring someone.”
But I was wrong.
His arm kept curling back behind his head. Smoothly, flawlessly, effortlessly he tucked his hand behind his head, leaned back on the wall opposite me, and propped a foot up on the plywood frame of my open window, reclining with ease.
“So, come here often?” He asked.
All of this occurred within the span of a second. Maybe two.
I was shook. I was stunned. I almost broke character.
I shrugged. “Only on the weekends.” I replied with my character voice. His group laughed. He double finger gunned me and walked on.
I will never forget him.
I cannot stress enough how perfect his transition from his fear reaction to his playboy act was. It flowed so naturally.
just moving along like everyone else 