Tag: lmao

jumpingjacktrash:

downtroddendeity:

evtrained:

downtroddendeity:

jumpingjacktrash:

ways to amuse yourself when you fail at sleep: google a cryptid

i have discovered that there are three types of lake monsters:

  1. it has a head like a sturgeon and a tail like a sturgeon and a body like a sturgeon and ok yeah it’s probably a sturgeon but it was really big you guys
  2. it’s exactly like nessie but it’s here in East Armpit, Michigan where your tourist dollars are needed most
  3. it’s bigger than the lake and it breaTHES FIRE AND IT CAN FLY I SWEAR I’M STONE COLD SOBER ITS NAME IS INEZ AND I’M GOING TO MARRY IT (here i drew a picture it looks like 1800′s trogdor and i’m never backing down from this story as long as i live)

guess which kind is my favorite

@evtrained can you confirm this very important taxonomy?

There is one important cryptid missing – “No it’s this vengeful Native American ghost octopus woman from before time, it drowns people in the swimming hole that was dug out with a backhoe in 1962″

#Also the dude talking about this definitely said ‘Indian’ not ‘Native American’#He heard this story from his drinking buddies over a warm Miller High Life#He’s got a moustache and wears a cowboy hat and gets spooked at fresh seafood 

Thank you for this critical addition to the list. I know I can always trust your cryptid expertise.

now i see my search was incomplete, thank you for broadening my horizons

feynites:

andhumanslovedstories:

The best cover for Bruce Wayne would be dumb carefree playboy who is also Instagram Optimistic, everyday he’s posting a selfie of his smiling at his breakfast with a caption like “it’s a waffle day! #goodvibesingotham #grateful” or a picture of a sunrise with a caption that’s just “wow #blessed” 

Bruce Wayne ending up as Gotham’s favoured son because he may be an idiot, but he’s a cheerful idiot, and he donates tons to charity and genuinely loves Gotham and actually, truthfully does put a lot back into the city. And his instagram is a bright ray of sunshine, and honestly there are a lot of people in the city who get surprisingly defensive of their Dumb Carefree Playboy because, okay, sure, every month or so Bruce Wayne falls off a yacht or sleeps with a reporter or whatever. The man clearly never met a healthy coping skill even once in his life.

But as far as news regarding Gotham’s prominent citizens go, Bruce’s ‘scandals’ are so normal that it’s downright refreshing. When a headline has ‘Bruce Wayne’ in the title, you know you’re either going to read some Celebrity Gossip level non-drama, or else something to do with a charity. Maybe he’s been kidnapped again, but that’s only happened a few times. Bruce Wayne news is like the Gotham equivalent to special reports about dogs who rescue their owners from drowning, or raccoons who’ve figured out how to get past the new self-locking garbage can lids.

And there’s something weirdly reassuring about following his twitter. Like, if Bruce Wayne is tweeting about a really neat old tree he just saw, things must at least be sort of alright.

(Meanwhile, Bruce’s social media persona is 100% him flanderizing Clark.)

copperbadge:

ceescedasticity:

iguana-sneeze:

marzipanandminutiae:

derinthemadscientist:

bedlamsbard:

burntcopper:

meduseld:

penroseparticle:

My favorite thing is that Europe is spooky because it’s old and America is spooky because it’s big

“The difference between America and England is that Americans think 100 years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way.” –Earle Hitchner

A fave of mine was always the american tales where people freaked out because ‘someone died in this house’ and all the europeans would go ‘…Yes? That would be pretty much every house over 40 years old.’

‘…My school is older than your entire town.’

‘Sorry, you think *how far* is okay to travel for a shopping trip?’

*American looks up at the beams in a country pub* ‘Uh, this place has woodworm, isn’t that a bit unsafe?’ ‘Eh, the woodworm’s 400 years old, it’s holding those beams together.’

A few years ago when I was in college I did a summer program at Cambridge aimed specifically at Americans and Canadians, and my year it was all Americans and one Australian.  We ended the program with a week in Wessex, and on the last day as we all piled onto the bus in Salisbury (or Bath? I can’t remember), the professors went to the front to warn us that we wouldn’t be making any stops unless absolutely necessary.  We’re headed to Heathrow to drop off anyone flying off the same day, then back to Cambridge.

“All right, it’s going to be a long bus ride, so make sure you’re prepared for that.”

We all brace ourselves.  A long bus ride?  How long?  We’re Americans; a long bus ride for us is a minimum of six hours with the double digits perfectly plausible.  We can handle a twelve hour bus ride as long as we get a bathroom break.

The answer.  “Two hours.”

Oh.

English people trying to travel around Australia and wildly underestimating distance are my favourite thing

a tour guide in France told my school group that a particular cathedral wouldn’t interest us much because “it’s not very old; only from the early 1600s”

to which we had to respond that it was still older than the oldest surviving European-style buildings in our country

China is both old and big. I had some Chinese colleagues over; we were discussing whether they wanted to see the Vasa ship (hugely expensive war ship which sank on it’s maiden voyage after 12 min). They asked if it was old, I said “not THAT old” (bearing in mind they were Chinese) “it’s from the 1500s.” To my surprise they still looked impressed, nodding enthusiatically. Then I realised I’d forgotten something: “…I mean it’s from the 1500s AFTER the birth of Christ” and they went “oh, AFTER…”.

My dad’s favorite quote from various tours in Italy was “Pay no attention to the tower – it was a [scornful tone] tenth century addition.”

My last boss was Chinese, and she said when her parents came to visit her from Beijing they pronounced Chicago “A very nice village.” 

rvengefulobster:

iamthedukeofurl:

unpretty:

unpretty:

my two categories of anime rec are “it’s okay if you don’t really like anime, you’ll probably like this” and “this will not make any goddamn sense to you if you have not wasted years of your life on trash”

y’all took about five minutes to turn this into some kind of contentious madoka post when i was just sitting here innocently contemplating the spectrum from miyazaki to the bread anime

Okay, so, I feel like I should explain the greatest invention of the modern age…that was produced by my apartment. 

We call it, the Weeb Ass Shit scale, after our traditional method of asking what anime somebody was watching (”What Weeb Ass Shit is this?”)

It grades a given Anime from 0-10 on three different methods: Weeb, Ass, and Shit. An individual will have different degrees of tolerance for various levels on the different scales.
0 is low, 10 is high. 

Weeb is the degree to which the show assumes a familiarity with japanese pop culture or anime tropes in general, not only in terms of the actual content of the show, but occasionally at a conceptual level. Hyperspecialized high schools with all-powerful student councils, for example, add a couple points to the Weeb scale. Same goes for the presence or use of tropes that would be bizzare and off putting if you weren’t used to seeing such things in other anime. 

A zero on the Weeb scale could be enjoyed by somebody who doesn’t even know that Japan exists, a 10 assumes the audience possesses a PhD in japanese cultural studies with a focus on animation. Something like Cowboy Bebop comes in at a 1, while I’d put Kill-La-Kill at a 6. Anything of the form “These Girls are anthropomorphic versions of something else” rates at least a 7 in my book. 

Next comes the Ass Scale. Put simply, how much Fanservice is in the show. busty character design, male-gaze camera angles, skimpy outfits, hot spring episodes, character A tripping and landing in a compromising position on top of character B, all that nonsense. 
At a 0, you’ve got something you would watch with your Grandmother after church (Miyazaki’s stuff comes in at a 0). 

Finally, the Shit scale, which covers general overall quality. A 0 indicates that the show is flawless, a 10 holds that you would rather sandpaper your own face than watch it. It should be noted that the Shit scale should be judged independent of the others. Too much T&A shows up on the Ass scale. 

Proper use of this scale is in the form W/A/S. 
For example, Shokugeki no Soma (Aka Food Wars) would come in at W 4/  A 6/ S 3

This is a game changer!

gay-culture-is:

haiku-robot:

gay-culture-is:

gay-culture-is:

gay-culture-is:

gay-culture-is:

Gay culture is the haiku bot

Someone turn this into a haiku pls

Now wait a second i have an idea

gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay

gay gay gay gay gay
gay gay gay gay gay gay gay
gay gay gay gay gay

^Haiku^bot^0.4. Sometimes I do stupid things (but I have improved with syllables!). Beep-boop!

Haiku bot marry me i fuckign love you