As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.
mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town
okay but don’t try to tell me that some muggle born kids in America or Canada (or Russia!!!!) won’t have AT LEAST one (1) person with a goalie as their patronus, like i’m calling bullshit if you think that a 6 foot something man decked out in protective gear squatting in front of you and batting dementors away like pucks during warmups isn’t something that has happened in these countries
for that matter what about d-men, what about fiesty players body slamming dementors away to whatever hellscape they came from isn’t totally gonna protect you or at least make the situation less scary
but it’s not just obscure, generic “goalies” or “d-men” no it’s legitimately real people probably based on the person’s favorite team or the team they have good memories with so please just imagine being in that situation and ur friend’s patronus is Marc-Andre Fleury and yours is Henrik Lundqvist and your sisters is Kris Letang but your neighbors is Jordie Benn and I am just
Given that I think “My Immortal” is a troll (with the reason generally being that author Tara references both Marty McFly and TOM BOMBADIL), I just reread it and I’m astounded by the effort put into it.
The spelling and grammar gets steadily worse over the course of the story, messing up simple words and even the main character’s name (variations on Ebony include Enoby, Enony, Eboby, and my favorite Enopby). The author gives frequent shoutouts in the A/N at the beginning of each chapter to someone called Raven, who she considers a friend and apparently functions as a beta. In chapter 16, Tara severs ties with Raven, expels/murders Raven’s character Willow, and changes Ebony’s full name to Ebony Dark’ness Dementia TARA Way. It’s suggested that they fought because Tara stole Raven’s poster of Gerard Way. By chapter 17, they appear to have made up and Willow is brought back with no further explanation.
The plot, of course, is just insane, but the story was obviously being read; Tara begins each chapter furiously ranting about “flamerz” leaving bad reviews, terribly misspelled. At one point, Ebony was referred to as a Mary Sue and she immediately tried to shut that down, citing “Satanism” and “depression” as flaws. She held each new chapter hostage, demanding a certain number (usually 5) good reviews before she would update. Assuming the spelling and grammar mistakes were intentional, the natural progression of them getting worse and worse is incredible. The difference between Tara’s A/Ns and Raven’s edited text is also astounding, although chapter 16, during their supposed rift, is not noticeably more poorly written than the chapters immediately preceding and following it.
The misspellings of character names and general slipups get worse and worse to the point that once, “Enopby” is referred to as “Tara”, and at another point, “TaEnby”, further to emphasize that Ebony is, in fact, the most obvious self insert in the history of literature. The reference to Marty McFly (he appears at the end of chapter 35 to spirit Ebony into the future) confounds me; Tara does not seem like she’d been aware of pop culture enough to have seen “Back to the Future”, given that she describes “The Nightmare Before Christmas” as this serious, depressing, Adult movie. She’s young enough to consider “he put his thingy into my tool” an accurate description of sex. Further, she references Tom Bombadil, a character in “Lord of the Rings” who I believe just shows up and sings for a while and is strongly implied to be God and then disappears, not really relevant to anything. He’s not even in the movies. Would Tara Gilesbie have read “Lord of the Rings” when she admits she’s never read the Harry Potter books?
Read through that lens (that this was an elaborate hoax), can you believe the rest of it was so organically terrible? Even now, 10+ years after the fact, no one can agree on whether this story is a troll, and until anyone finds out who Tara Gilesbie really is, it’s going to be impossible to know for sure. This is just crazy to me.
I have done extensive digging on this subject, and there is a lot more to My Immortal than meets the eye. Read as a troll, this story is a brilliant piece of satire on fan fiction. It incorporates so many cliches of the genre, especially those from the early to mid 2000′s. The obviously self-inserted Mary-Sue (mentioned above) along with unnecessary and unexplained crossovers, nonsensical sex scenes, and allusion to scene culture and pop punk music. Not to mention the story outside the story, Tara and Raven’s falling out, critiquing the culture of A/N’s and reviews. The tropes and cliches are far too obvious and overplayed to be sincere. I am a true believer that Tara was not only a troll, but a genius of satire. After all, if it was truly so bad, it would not have survived mixed in with ten years of equally terrible fan fiction. The legend of this story is so *ehem* immortal it has sparked heated debate in the online community for years, and was even made into a web series. (https://vimeo.com/70381882) Whether you believe it was satire or not, there is something about My Immortal that is inherently fascinating. Even if it was not her intention, Tara has created the bad fan fiction. It is a perfect storm of chaotic, nonsensical drama spiraling around the least original character ever written. Story lines are dropped and picked up again seemingly at random, characters and names are inconsistent to the point of being unintelligible, and there is no consistent overarching plot. In a sense, it is the anti-story, because it so decidedly defies every literary rule in the book. Either we are drawn to My Immortal as one watches a car wreck in awe, or because it satirizes the worst aspects of every story we have ever read. Regardless, the legacy of My Immortal will live on, either as a warning, or a work of pure genius.
shirts, socks, underwear, and shorts are the “meat” of an outfit because you feed them to the washing machine after one use. jeans, jackets, scarves, and some hats are cartilage because you use them a few times before washing them. shoes, belts, and jewelry are bones because the washing machine cant digest them. this concludes my TED Talk
You telling me the washer vores my clothes
okay listen im fucking SICK of how this site treats “vore” as a synonym for “eat”. vore is SPECIFICALLY when you can see the outline of the person being eaten and/or see their distress as they travel down the throat and into the stomach. just eating something isn’t “voring” (not a verb by the way) it any more than calling someone a dickhead and punching them is BDSM. i hate that you put me in a situation where i had to write this paragraph and i hate that i knew enough to actually write it
someone please print this out and give it to griffin mcelroy
okay just stay with me for a second and think about kids whose parents drop them off at conventions or even chaperone them at conventions.
I hear kids now a’days say stuff like “I hope my mom doesn’t see anything weird while she’s dropping me off,” and I find out they define weird as a bearded man in a seifuku or a Jojo cosplayer.
In 2007 you had to pray to god your dad didn’t pull up the the convention center to see Sasuke Uchiha bent over, both hands on the ground, ass in the sky, bracing himself as a Kingdom Hearts character raises a yaoi paddle behind their damn head, readying the swing.
like I am by NO means saying conventions aren’t still wildly surreal reaches deep into a very humid corner of hell
but we’ve definitely managed to claw our way from the inner-circle to maybe, like, the third level.
2005: twelve year old catboy, shirt long since ditched in a ramune sugar psychosis, skinny kid torso liberally decorated by black magic marker graffiti identifying him as shota jailbait, running around in the artist alley trying to steal stuff
It doesn’t matter how terrifying or monstrous or deadly you make your eldritch monster, there’s gonna be a person who hauls themselves out of the sewers to tell you that they will personally fuck it.
This post has so many notes and it’s mostly people calling out their friends for being sewer-dwelling awful cryptid fuckers and I love it. Expose them.
god bless you lady cause these white ppl out of hand
If modern art is supposed to challenge the viewer by posing the question, “What is art, really?”, it needs to be prepared for viewers to answer that question.
Art: what is art, really? Cleaning Lady: not this
I’ve said it before: if scattered trash is a legitimate art installation, then cleaning it up is legitimate performance art and she should also get thousands of dollars for her incisive commentary
just moving along like everyone else 