35% dead skin cells 15% bodily fluids (butt sweat) 12% PBR 10% upholstered wood 10% “cushioning” 7% pizza grease 3% pie debris 3% an xbox controller that’s just like, in there 2% black mold 2%
bottlecaps .5% organic vantablack
.5% a new breed of spider
After hearing Ransom describe “a weird crawly thing” he saw in the couch, word spreads through the Biology department and soon a grad student specializing in Arachnology shows up at the Haus and wants to have the couch declared a protected field work site.
Bitty: “Y’all mean to tell me, that THING…” *waves spatula from kitchen door in the direction of the couch* “…could contribute to the advancement of science?!?!?”
Bitty vs the arachnology students
idk. As soon as Bitty realizes that’s a way to get RID of the couch, I think they’d band together: I donated it to science, how can anyone complain about that? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
I don’t think I’ll ever be over the concept of, like
cars seen from a biological perspective. you open the door and sit behind the wheel and suddenly as far as Mother Nature is concerned you’ve received a five-tier upgrade from Weird Bipedal Primate to Superlarge Armored Quadruped But With Cheetah Speed.
it’s just straight-up cheating
the highlighted area is where Jason Derulo knows what the girls want. london to taiwan.
new york to haiti
greenland is right out
ummm no offense but new york to haiti should be measured as the area between the two latitudes, not the longitudes. this graph is incorrect and vastly underestimates the total region of the earth in which Jason Derulo knows what the girls want
Even measuring that way, Greenland remains right out, as does the entirity of Brazil.
Have we considered measuring by neither latitude nor longitude but in all area that would extend perpendicular from the diagonal of the two places?
There are many different interpretations of the data, and until more is available, we ought not conclude anything at this point.
In light of that, I posit this alternative map of regions where Jason Derulo is potentially claiming where he knows what girls want:
As we can see, if we assume that model, the vast majority of the area where Jason Derulo knows what girls want is either open ocean (the Atlantic, the Mediterranean Sea) or sparsely populated (the northern Sahara, the northern Arabian Desert, various desert portions of Iran and Afghanistan, and the southern Tibetan Plateau). Four of the ten most populated countries on the planet have no territory in it (Nigeria, Brazil, Japan, and Indonesia), and two which do have relatively little territory in it (the US and Russia). It is suggested that for all his boasting, Jason Derulo does not know what a probable majority of the world’s girls want.
Perhaps Jason Derulo’s intention was never to proclaim to be omnipotent to the interests of the female gender. Perhaps he was instead expressing his humanity, or the limits of his knowledge. I applaud Jason Derulo. Jason Derulo is not just another 2 dimensional character. Jason Derulo has depth.Jason Derulo has limitations and has come to terms with them. Jason Derulo knows Jason Derulo. Thats why he makes it a point to say his name so much.
isn’t that the guy with the long white hair from final fantasy
no your thinking of sephiroth,
a sephora is an angel belonging to the highest order of angels
No you’re thinking of a Seraph
A sephora is a second year college or high school student
No, you’re thinking of sophomore. A sephora is when you use your phone to take a picture of yourself.
no, you’re thinking of a selfie. a sephora is a calm breeze.
No, you’re thinking of a zephyr. A sephora is one of those Greek vases with the two handles and the pictures.
You’re thinking of an amphora. Sephora is the web browser you have to use on iOS devices.
You’re thinking of Safari. Sephora is an informal term for the seven-week period of counting the days between Pesach and Shavuot in the Jewish calendar.
You’re thinking of Sefiras. Sephora is a bright blue gemstone best known for combining with Ruby to create Garnet and lead the Crystal Gems, training Pokemon, and/or assisting Steel to fight against time’s intrusions into our realm.
No, you’re thinking of sapphire. Sephora is actually a part of a flower; it protects the flower in bud and supports the petals in bloom.
No, you’re thinking of sepal. Sephora is the wife of Moses, who lead the Israelites people out of Egypt.
No, you’re thinking of Tzipporah. Sephora was an ancient Greek poet who inspired a lot of lady-lovin’.
No, you’re thinking of Sappho.
Sephora is the youngest of the five Marx brothers.
No, you’re thinking of Zeppo.
Sephora is the Heimdall’s sister.
No no no guys, you’re thinking of Sif. Sephora is a venereal disease that turns your brain to swiss cheese, going so far as to destroy external features like the nose. Famous gangster Al Capone suffered from sephora.
No, you’re thinking of syphilis. Sephora is that radiant feeling you get when you have found perfect peace and happiness.
No, you’re thinking of euphoria. Sephora’s a fucking makeup store you dipshits.
Only blogging because this is my favorite tumblr post and i can never find it when I need to.
auditing is the best accounting class because auditing isn’t difficult so much as it is tedious and so like 80% of the semester is just, “you will not BELIEVE the shit these assholes tried to pull, check this shit out”
we once spent like two weeks just talking about Crazy Eddie and watching documentaries and YouTube videos about the dude (our prices are INSANE because we are COMMITTING HUGE AMOUNTS OF FRAUD) and apparently when it came to audits they actually took a very common approach for people who commit fraud:
Select an auditing firm that’s a sausagefest
Specifically one of the many auditing firms that sends their newbies out to do on-site audits (because as stated, it’s not necessarily difficult it’s just boring as shit) (auditing is charlie work lmao)
Hire a hot chick as secretary or w/e to help this young man find his way around the office and files
which is how they managed to commit extensive tax fraud for like sixteen years without it ever getting picked up by the auditors, because the auditors they’d send down to the office would be too distracted by titties
we were told of multiple known instances of companies that did this, including one that managed to hide their family business’ fraud for decades until they screwed over an in-law who snitched, and whenever it happened the accounting firm who’d been doing the auditing was fucking mortified because they absolutely should have caught this shit
and that is why we learned in auditing class that young straight men cannot be trusted to audit without supervision, because they are so easily distracted by titties that they will fuck up the most basic of tasks
I didn’t realize the “crazy so-and-so’s discount whatevers” trope was based on a real thing, holy shit
honestly fuckin “lovecraft inspired” games are everywhere and in every genre except the one they really need to be in
farming sims
like nothing says lovecraft like being aware of cosmic terror in your town and being unable to do anything about it so you sort of just tend to your radishes and hope everything turns out okay but you pull up one of your radishes and there’s a human head at the base of the stalk and you drop it as soon as you make eye contact with it but once you go to pick it up again it’s a normal radish
“Cthulhu is not gonna stop me having a well kept lawn”
the internet is a reverse monkeys-on-typewriters things where we learn that if we get enough people typing coherent phrases, eventually many will produce incomprehensible bullshit
just moving along like everyone else 