Ooh ooh! The guy from TFA who called Peggy “your majesty” and both Peggy Princess Liz go “yes soldier?” totally straight faced
SOMEONE WRITE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then Steve sees her AGAIN in the present day, and any and all other superheroes in attendance are trying very hard to live up to protocol, and Queen Elizabeth is like, “Steve. Long time no see.”
Following the ice, Peggy gets a call from her Army buddy Liz, offering condolences and any assistance she can. It’s the only call Peggy gets that isn’t from Howard or the Howling Commandos that matters.
He stopped in front of the mirror and sighed. His penis was just a little too large to be fashionable, and his balls were just a little lopsided. Most days it didn’t bother him, but today he pushed at his genitals, trying to make them look more normal, like the men in magazines. It was hopeless. He dropped his junk in resigned frustration. There were worse things than having too large of a penis, he thought.
Its like the 80’s all over again, a remorseless madwoman runs the UK, a maniacal bastard runs the US, the world’s on the brink of nuclear war and all I want to do is listen to synthpop
star wars, ghostbusters, and mad max all pass the bechdel test now tho
that helps with the deja vu but tragically not the crushing fear of nuclear apocalypse
Do you know what cracks me the hell up? The idea that an author or artist or you yourself got “seduced” by a new or different fandom. Like, just… the mental picture cracks me up. Like, I’m seated at the dinner table in my nice house, raising several nice WIPs with the personification of the fandom, who is my spouse. It’s the perfect setup for a seduction.
Like, you know, there’s this really hot neighbor who’s looking more than a little tempting and one day, this other fandom winks at me and gives me a smoldering look, I just sort of… sidle out the door and sneak over the fence. I don’t leave a note or show up to dinner that night; my old fandom has no idea what’s happened to me until they look over the fence and spot me happily domestic with my new fandom and pretending not to know them.
Or I’m out having fun and wham! New fandom, from nowhere, hot af and suddenly there’s clandestine make-outs happening. Like, oh we shouldn’t do this and I already have a fandom, I can’t cheat on them like this. And it’s like some affair, where I won’t admit that I even know the fandom or meet their eyes in public, but every once and they’ll call me up and say a few sexy lines and I’ll sneak away for a night or two of wild fun with another fandom.
Or my friend introduces me to this new fandom and our eyes meet and there’s instant chemistry. They french dip me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. And later, after a quick divorce with the old fandom, said friend is remorselessly and gleefully giving a toast at my quickie wedding with the new fandom because there’s already a WIP bun in the oven. Damn enabler, I say fondly, as they simultaneously demand to be named godparent and point out that the best man’s kinda hot too and clearly interested.
Or maybe life is going on as usual, then suddenly there’s the screech of a car pulling up to the curb. It’s my childhood-friend slash high-school-sweetheart slash college-lover slash ex-spouse of an on-again-off-again fandom. My first; my fondest; the one who got away. It’s been years, but they’re still fine as ever. They roll down their window and give me that look, I know the one, and I’m seduced. I don’t even stop or wait or apologize as I abandon my current fandom and hop into the car with my old fandom – the one I just can’t quit because they know all my buttons.
Hey since I haven’t been active in forever, who wants to hear a story about how I became a local cryptid in my town?
Alright lets do this.
So I live in a small neighborhood kinda thing. Its honestly shaped like someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street, so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end, and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it’s Saturday morning, like 3 am and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside.
Little background, this dog is a saint bernard, lab mix, so he big. Hes also amazingly stupid. He’s only three and we got him a year ago so he still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and my sister is kinda dazed, still sleepy.
Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind my house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters palm skin. Whatever he’s chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So I run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after him. I thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back before they hit road, and then stretch around 5 miles horizontally.
I’m worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so I run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. I honestly thought I was going to die). After like 15 minutes of tripping and trying to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this point I still look a human so nothing happens, I dont see him anywhere, and I run back to the house cause I’ve realized I’m in a tank top and boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost 90 degrees out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks.
After chugging some water I take back off, this time going horizontally. I caught sight of something running so I took off, yelling my brains out, managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in the process. Around a mile down I lose sight of it so I turn and hike the mile back to the street just to make sure it didn’t go that way.
After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i last saw him and continue walking till I’m like 2 ½ miles away.
So my trip so far has been
1 mile to street > 1 mile home > 1 mile horizontally > 1 mile to street > 2 miles home > 2 ½ miles horizontally
So I’m about ready to die. I’m covering in blood from smashing my arm, one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I’ve got a limp, I’m breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I’m covering in leaves and sticks.
I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so I take off and after like 5 minutes I spot him. He is now howling like a banshee in distress. I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him, which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool, whatever. His leash is tied around two trees so I unravel it and he pounces on me in relief. He’s salivating like crazy so I take him to a stream near by to let him drink.
Mother fucker pulls me in. I’m too tired to be pissed. At this point now that I’m calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with both blood and water. I’ve got several scars on my thigh and they all got ripped open. So I’m gushing blood like no tomorrow. I soak my jacket in water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual. I take my shoes off and toss them over my neck and we’re about to start the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I’m holding the leash and I do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me with him. With are now covered head to toe in mud, shit, dirt, blood, and whatever the hell else is in those woods.
Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are gone. Whatever, I just want to get home. I pick a direction and walk until I end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street.
Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the ground for some reason, which I trip on. Now I have barbed wire practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I wanted to get home so bad I didn’t even bother to rip it off. I’d do that later and return it to the guy or whatever.
So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet. I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he can’t take off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which, from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. I eventually make it back to my house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever. He’s a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if I’m okay. I respond with “yeah” but I’ve been yelling for like 3 hours straight so it comes out as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in his house.
I get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine. UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting thing and hears an interesting story.
Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house, which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw (what they thought) was a “humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging a bear covered in blood around by its neck”
For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard the “horrific screeching” and how there was blood all down the streets and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling everybody that the “thing” growled at him and he could see it had blood red eyes.
So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood. Rumor states that you’ll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes sounds like a howl and a scream. People later found my boots covered in blood and said it was a “victim” of the demon. A week later a house that was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall, which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some more screeching was heard for a couple nights (coyotes most likely). Due to people “spotting” the demon (which was either their imagination or the actual bear) the rumor grew and grew so now its famous in my neighborhood.
So yeah thats how I became a “bear killing demon” in my neighborhood. I never corrected anyone because I was too embarrassed.
just moving along like everyone else 