If, as I surmise, the smartass-to-wiseass continuum is measured in terms of increasing proximity to cornball dadjoke humor, John Egbert is definitely a wiseass.
An excellent addition to this discourse.
But then, if wiseass is closest to dadjoke humor, then what is smartassery more akin to?
I’d say smartass is a little more Dersite, founded on canniness and quick wit rather than zaniness and independent-minded tomfoolery.
A prank (or a dadjoke) is a staged invitation to a gotcha; smartassery is an opportunistic gotcha, formed from the tools at hand.
Yo ok what if there was a Cinderella story where Cinderella is a trans woman and that’s really why her stepmom treats her like shit and won’t let her go to the ball and when the prince and his men come around looking to try the slipper on every woman in the land her stepmom tells the prince there aren’t any women left in the house because she insists that Cinderella is a man, but Cinderella comes out and the prince recognizes her and says something along the lines of “well I’d say that’s a woman if I ever saw one”
“Ella is transgender. She’s known since she was young; being a woman just fit better. She was happier in skirts than trousers, but that was before her stepmother moved in. Eleanor can’t stand her, and after Ella’s father passes she’s forced to revert to Cole, a lump of a son. She cooks, she cleans, and she tolerates being called the wrong name for the sake of a roof over her head. Where else can she go? An opportunity to attend the royal ball transforms Ella’s life. For the first time, strangers see a woman when she walks down the stairs. While Princess Lizabetta invited Cole to the ball, she doesn’t blink an eye when Cinderella is the one who shows. The princess is elegant, bold, and everything Ella never knew she wanted. For a moment she glimpses a world that can accept her, and she holds on tight. She should have known it wouldn’t last. Dumped by her wicked stepmother on the farthest edge of the kingdom, Ella must find a way to let go of the princess and the beautiful life they shared for an hour. She’ll never find her way back. But it’s hard to forget the greatest night of her life when every rose she plants is a reminder.”
This isn’t mentioned in Brotherhood, but the reason Roy and Riza came to Resembool scouting out the Elrics is because someone fucked up the ages on Ed and Al’s file.
Literally Roy and Riza are riding in the back of some horse-drawn carriage into Resembool chatting with the driver like “yes we’ve heard rumors of two alchemist brothers here, Ed and Al Elric ages 31 and 30 respectively. Do you know where they live?” And the driver pretty much answers with “lol what? Those kids are like 10.”
Except now Roy and Riza are already THERE so they decide “Fuck it. Let’s pay a visit anyway.”
So everything that went down in the series is thanks to some mysterious fuck up in the Amestrian Intelligence Department and I salute that person.
Bonus: He buries his goddamn face in the document at the end, like staring at it closer might make it less wrong.
if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it.
You missed some of the best ones
the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean.
But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean.
How could you forget this one though
I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR.
someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do?
Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.
So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.
Art world is not thrilled with that.
Enter Stuart Semple.
Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.
Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.
Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”
Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.
Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.
He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.
Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.
So I think we can guess who got the better deal.
And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.
…But not quite.
Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.
No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.
The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.
Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.
So that’s been the art world for the last two years.
Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.
and kapoor hates it when people call it The Bean so of course we never call it anything else
R2D2 communicates in a language consisting exclusively of swear words which can somehow still transmit meaning. Like Mat.
EXACTLY 😀
“I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS THE EVENTS OF EVERY MOVIE I’LL SAY WHAT I LIKE”
R2 IS GONNA GIVE U A VERY FOULMOUTH PEPTALK LUKE AND UR GONNA LISTEN TO HIM
“hey fucker, long time no see, you got a single CLUE how much SHIT i’ve gone through for your shitass family? go ahead and guess. Because I can asure you, what you’re going through is nothing by comparison, and I NEVER RAN AWAY”
so the stormtroopers right. if they think u didnt fire ur blaster they inspect it & if you didnt they send you for reconditioning.
maybe. thats why. they never. HIT. anything.
they dont want to be punished but they dont really want to hurt anybody.
maybe.
DUDE
well this is an entirely strange new level of sadness
This has been observed in conflicts through out the last century and a half or so, Soldiers deliberately firing high and missing.
Oh. My. God.
Trooper QG-3148 was a sergeant placed on the Death Star a scant five months ago, but they had wanted to be part of the Imperial Forces since they were a small child. They were the best shot in their squadron with blasters, second best with rifles and had never missed a target when deployed.
So when that kid running around with the Princess crossed their path trying to escape, QCG3148 lined up the first shot to take them out…. and missed. The Princess with no world and her rescuer dashed off down another corridor and QG-3148 gave chase slowly. Couldn’t make it seem like they weren’t chasing the rebels, that would only put QG-3148 in trouble.
In every hallway they passed, troopers were marching in time, blasters at the ready. But no shots hit and none of the rebels were harmed. No words needed to be spoken between the ranks; they had all seen the destruction of the planet Alderaan and knew what needed to be done.
It was a secret between the Stormtroopers that the brass buttons had no notion of; orders were to be followed unless they proved to cause harm to your brothers and sisters. Veteran trooper CC-2224, nicknamed Cody among the troops, was adamant every Stormtrooper followed this creed before clearing them for duty. It seemed that every Stormtrooper on the Death Star remembered that lesson; many of them had families on Alderaan, after all. And now they were hurting.
well, shit. and that explains why hux’s stormtroopers CAN hit what they aim at. i mean, i haven’t seen tlj yet, but in tfa i quite clearly recall them rolling over that village like a lawnmower over a tennis ball. with a single exception, they were not firing to miss.
because they’ve been, as hux said, indoctrinated since birth. i imagine stormtrooper culture in the first order looks a lot more gung-ho than it did in the empire, because brendol hux was kind of a twisted genius in the brainwashing department, and armitage improved on his methods.
which brings us back to finn being a precious gem, because he was raised to be all HOOAH GET SOME but he still said no.
After three (3) years since the release of Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) dir. Anthony and Joe Russo, I still don’t understand why the Captain America exhibit was held in the Air and Space Museum. Steve Rogers is not even a pilot. The only time he ever manned a plane, and he nosedived it straight into the Arctic.
I have definitive, rational answers from both filmmaking and museum-curating perspectives. Y’all ready? Buckle up; try not to crash the plane into the water before we reach our destination.
Here’s the short version if you don’t want to read below the cut:
1) Filmmaking reason: using visual metaphor to remind the audience of the previous Captain America film’s events and Steve’s identity through the lens of history, science, and the military.
2) Filmmaking reason: using visual allegory to echo The First Avenger and foreshadow events of The Winter Soldier, specifically the theme of “Steve Rogers Versus Planes of Doom: Bad Things Happen (The Sequel).”
3) Museums curation reason: museums move exhibits as needed according to renovation schedules and capitalizing on popularity for visitation numbers.
4) Museums curation reason: museums try to stick to their themes, but they don’t have to adhere to them entirely. They can have the occasional exhibit “for fun.”
5) Steve Rogers did have relevancy to Air & Space because he prevented it from going down the Darkest Timeline path when he took out one of those Planes of Doom.
6) Filmmaking reason: Aesthetic and emotional buildup.
7) Parallels reason: Captain America fits into the Air & Space museum’s themes of “ingenuity and courage, war and peace, politics and power, as well as society and culture.”
just moving along like everyone else 