do you ever see someone’s comment about a film/tv show you watch or a book you’ve read and wonder if maybe we all truly live in different realities and the internet is the only commonly shared space which doesn’t change across universes, because it isn’t fucking possible to draw such dumbass conclusions about a thing unless we’ve seen/read different versions of it
I just have such a profound need for best friend to lover AUs when both sides think there is no chance of anything ever happening.
Sharing beds together since they were little kids and never really growing out of that habit even though it now hurts to be that close to each other, knowing it will never be anything more than platonic cuddling.
Each of them being that one person the other goes to to feel better when they’ve had a shit day or date. Bonus if it’s 3am and they spend all night talking.
Neither of them realising how much they act like they are dating/married and getting super flustered or sad when someone asks how long they’ve been together because do you have to remind me of this painful unrequited torment I die a little more of with every passing second?
How much they make each other smile when one of them walks into a room.
Drunk kissing.
Practice kissing.
Going as each other’s dates to everything because it’s “convenient”.
Wearing each other’s pyjamas when staying over somehow becoming more arousing than if the other person was naked.
Having inside jokes and finishing each other’s sentences as casual as anything.
Knowing random medical shit about each other. Bonus if one of them takes an allergic reaction to something and the other one just pulls out some random ass medicine like they carry it around all the time- spoiler: they do-just in case of this exact eventuality.
The heart break of seeing each other with other people but doing their best to see it through with a grin and with as much encouragement as they can muster.
Staring a little too long at each other.
The awkward moment when they reach the age they said they would marry each other if they were still single.
Getting fake married as kids and family members always reminding them about it , maybe going as far as to put on the video of the fake ceremony and giving them knowing looks.
Something happening- a kiss, sleeping together- and getting into an argument about it, scared this is it, this is the end, that they’ve fucked up and just wishing they could talk to each other about it, to their best friend.
Having the best black mail material on each other but ready to pounce on anyone else who so much as dares try black mail their BFF.
Having a song. Having a whole playlist.
Laughing the first time they have sex.
Already having seen each other at their very worst.
Getting to say cheesy things like, “I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend” or “I know I’m marrying you but…do you think I could still be in charge of your send off party? I’ve been planning this night for ten years and I will not have someone else mess those plans up.”
Even after years of being together, still being in awe of the fact they get to have the one person they thought they’d never get. The person they helped ask other people out. The person they used to give the “you deserve someone who loves you for you” speech to. The person they used to look at and wonder why does it have to be you? The person they look at now and think it could never have been anyone else.
My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.
“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:
“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.
“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.
“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.
“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”
“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.
Bitch just thwarted a ghost possession by judging his accents
My boyfriend would be gettin’ hit with the baseball bat beside our bed if he ever woke up and said, “What is he normally?” about himself.
Then you would NOT have liked the time he pointed to a corner of our room while he was sleeping and said “they share a dimension with Earth and they take cats to eat them”.
so tonight im working super late at an adults-only event at the zoo where it’s basically endless beer and wine tasting and then wandering around the zoo at night. Keepers mainly sit around then we just take turns going up for a circuit through our areas and let me tell you as the night has gone on things have gotten more entertaining. So far I have seen:
-A group of drunk girls legit crying in front of the puffin exhibit because they’re Too Cute
-A dude pointed at a vacant eyed, open mouthed, coldwater fish and, completely deadpan, turned to his friend and went “it’s you”
-overheard a very serious debate on whether or not sea turtles sleep (”Ted you fucking moron everything fuckin sleeps jesus christ”
-A girl stroking her hand back and forth on the glass in front of a chillin Amazon cichlid (idk what part ok freshwater exhibits aint my thing) cooing “It’s just so pretty I want to be it’s friend”
-A man enthusiastically singing a ballad in front of the aquarium with some grand drunk improv like one standout line was “What we doin at the zoOOOoooOOooo? We drinkin a breeEWWWwwwwwwwww!”
-a very harried voice on the radio sighing “we need more captain morgan and vodka at concessions”
-five calls for medics
-three calls for broken glass
-A girl standing on her own in the middle of the shark reef tunnel, staring straight up with an open mouth and arms limp at her sides, oblivious to all the people around her
– “Ahaha. holy shit look at all of it’s legs” said in front of the octopus exhibit
-overheard a loud furious “DID YOU JUST FUCKING AS ME IF THE PENGUINS ARE FAKE?!”
-This exchange on the radio “Hi concessions to event management? What do we do with the used napkins?” Long pause, then a disgusted “You throw them away. Because they’re garbage.”
(honestly prayer circle for concessions)
– “holy shit it’s nemo what up dude” (I hear a million variations of “i found nemo!” but this is my favorite so far ok)
i am a deaf iranian muslim womxn and i have NEVER seen art that is even CLOSE to resembling me.
today, my pal tagged me in this photo, and i fucking cried. i have NEVER seen art even close to my identity and so seeing art that describes me to a T made me cry so hard.
this is why we need representation of different identities. so people like me know we arent alone
-mod tabby
God that’s beautiful art, too. Like, how expressive her face is – and I LOVE the way the artist drew the sign (with the arrow) so that you read it in movement. I love this. I want to see this character in something.
DULUTH, MN—In a shocking display of utter spinelessness, 33-year-old coward Benjamin Dyer gave in and changed his opinion just like that Monday after learning he was wrong. “You know, I think I’ve come around to your way of seeing things,” the weakling said, reportedly reassessing his viewpoint to accommodate new information like an unbelievable pussy instead of doubling down on his previously held belief like a real man. “No one likes to be corrected, but you really set me straight on a lot of stuff. Thank you.” At press time, the whimpering little puppy said he’d welcome the opportunity to continue the conversation further since he’d benefited so much the first time.
not to be a downer but your twenties are super hard and super lonely and tv lied and it’s not glamorous at all and if you are having a hard time it’s ok and it’s normal and you’ll be ok
another weird thing about beer is that it has weird masculinity connections to it. “ya i’ll get a beer, i don’t want none of them girly drinks” Jimothy, you’re drinking wheat juice with a 5% alcohol content and my mixed, fruity, “girly” drink is 40% alcohol and tastes great
O.KAY *CRACKS KNUCKLES* I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU AN EDUCATION
BEER IS TRADITIONALLY A WOMAN’S DRINK, IT IS THE MOST FEMALE OF ALL OF THE DRINKS. FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS, BEER WAS MADE AT HOME BY WOMEN, TO BE CONSUMED BY WOMEN AND CHILDREN–IT WAS ACTUALLY A SOURCE OF NUTRIENTS FOR MANY HOUSEHOLDS. WOMEN CREATED THE CRAFT OF BEER, AND FOR MOST OF HUMAN HISTORY THAT IS WHO YOU’D BUY IT FROM: MANY WOMEN MADE ADDITIONAL INCOME BY BREWING AND SELLING BEER FROM HOME. IT WASN’T UNTIL THE ERA OF INDUSTRIALIZATION THAT BEER BEGAN TO BE BREWED IN FACTORIES. AND ONCE BEER WAS BEING BREWED ON A LARGE SCALE, IT MADE TO START MARKETING IT TO ALL THE MALE FACTORY WORKERS WHO SUDDENLY HAD EXTRA INCOME. HENCE AN AGGRESSIVE MARKETING CAMPAIGN TO RE-BRAND BEER, A DRINK INTRINSICALLY TIED WITH WOMEN’S HISTORY, AS A ‘MASCULINE’ BEVERAGE.
EVEN BETTER, FEMALE BREWSTERS WERE THE ORIGINAL WICKED OLD WITCH. THE TROPES WE COMMONLY ASSOCIATE WITH STEREOTYPICAL WITCHES ARE ACTUALLY BASED ON THE TRADITIONAL BREWSTER. CAULDRONS & HOT STEAMING POTIONS = BEER BREWING. THE WITCH’S HAT: BELIEVE IT OR NOT POINTY HATS WERE ACTUALLY WORN BY BREWSTERS WHEN SELLING THEIR PRODUCT AT MARKETS: THE ENORMOUS HEADGEAR HELPED THEM STAND OUT, AND CLEARLY TOLD EVERYONE ‘YO MOTHERFUCKA GET YOUR BEER HERE’.
CATS AS FAMILIARS: CATS WERE COMMONLY USED TO PREVENT RODENTS FROM GETTING INTO THE WHEAT. EVEN THE BROOMSTICK IS RELATED TO BEER: A BUNDLE OF TWIGS RESEMBLING A BROOM WAS USED AS AD FOR ALEHOUSES
so basically, beer is the ultimate woman’s and witch’s drink
REBLOG ME
fuck u guys, i didn’t spend 20 min fact checking for 3 notes
I am impressed at this much knowledge
Also, anthropologists say there is much evidence that women invented agriculture, and that the first semi-permenant agricultural villages were established for the primary purpose of facilitating beer-brewing.
That’s right: Civilization was invented by women. For beer.
All this information and I’m simply laughing at “Jimothy”
just moving along like everyone else 