The more Jack drinks, the more his accent goes from Letang to Fleury…until he’s just steadily rambling in French and no one in the Haus can understand a word he’s saying.
Holster looks up from where he’s flicking through photos. “What’s up?”
“Bro.” Ransom elbows him, then nods his head to the ugly orange recliner where Jack has Bittle in his lap. He’s drunk, swaying a little, a crooked, green, sparkly party had perched sideways on his head, and he’s mumbling into Bitty’s neck.
Bitty’s just laughing and patting him and saying things like, “Okay sweetheart, whatever you say.”
And it’s not like they can pass this moment up, right? Because it’s Jack and not only will this be years of chirping material–which Holster thinks is only fair coughEstherScough–but also they could probably afford another two recliners with the fines they can charge when Jack’s sober.
So.
Holster fires up the camera and steps closer, only to sigh because Jack’s at the drunk stage where he’s not even speaking English anymore.
“Bittle…Je…” *hiccup* “Je t’aime. Il…il est…” *hiccup* He looks up and sees Holster there with the camera. Bitty’s still engrossed in his conversation with Chowder, but Jack doesn’t seem to care as he grabs Holster’s arm and drags him in closer. “Tu ne comprends pas! Tu…ne. Je l’aime. Je l’aime,” he lets out a noise suspiciously like a sob, and Holster turns to Ransom.
“Uh…”
Ransom shrugs.
“Il est mon futur mari. Il est trop beau.” He lets out a louder sob, releasing Holster’s arm so he can cling to Bitty. “Mon coeur bat pour lui.”
Bitty finally looks down, shakes his head with a grin, and pets Jack’s hair who goes quiet, smiling as he kisses Bitty’s neck over and over.
Holster, with wide eyes, turns back to Ransom. “Did you like…understand any of that?”
Ransom snorts. “Dude, no. But you know who Shitty invited to the group chat last week?”
Holster eyes him. “Oh shit. Bad Bob.”
Ransom nods. “Small enough to upload?”
Holster quickly edits the video, then clicks on Bob’s name, and starts up a private chat, typing: ‘Uh so how much chirping material do we have here, Mr Zimmermann? For science.’
Neither of them expect Bob to be awake, but the message comes in not five minutes later. ‘Tell Jack I expect invitations by the end of the Hockey season. This was a true gift. I’ll get you rink-side seats to any game you want, just say the word, boys.’
The pair look at each other, then Ransom scrambles for his own phone. “Fuck it. Google translate.” He types it in as best he can remember, and it pulls up, and the pair stare at each other.
“Bro,” Ransom whispers.
Holster just nods. “Bro.”
(dedicated to @nomorelonelydays for her tags. This is all your fault!)
pay for the boy’s froyo, really listen to his problems without mocking him, but when he stops being sad flirt with him to oblivion
did i forget: just sign your huge nhl contract but still take that boy out and listen to his oven woes.
#you know why jack hates when bitty starts tweeting#BECAUSE HE STARTS PAYING ATTENTION TO HIS PHONE AND STOPS PAYING ATTENTION TO JACK#“pay attention to meeeeee” jack says “look i’m chirping you! look at me! what’s so interesting?? you could be talking to me!!!!” (x@jacksbits)
Jack comes out of an outpatient knee surgery about 6-7 years into their marriage (maybe a decade after they get together) and like Bob, Alicia and Bitty are waiting in the family area. And like Bob and Alicia come and check on him after he’s been placed in a room to come of anesthesia but he isn’t awake yet so they go get food for all them while Bitty waits with him.
Jack comes around, blinking blearily and is like “Oh, hey.” with his heavy accent.
“Hi” Bitty says back grinning.
Jack tries to sit up.
“No no, sweetie, you need to stay put,” Bitty says gently pushing him back.
“Why?”
“Cause you just had knee surgery honey,” Bitty says.
At this point Bob and Alicia come back and Bob is so amused he starts filming. (apparently he also had some sort of corrective surgery at some point (he’s a pro- athlete after all) and he says some wacky shit but this was before people had recording devices in their pockets, but Alicia has Stories™)
“Hey there champ, how are you feeling?” Bob says patting his shoulder.
“Pretty good, especially since I have a cute nurse,” Jack stage whispers gesturing vaguely towards Bitty.
“That so? Do you want me to introduce you?” Bob says to him, laughter in his voice.
“Yeah, that’d be great,” Jack whispers louder this time, looking up at Bob seriously.
“Okay champ, this is Eric Bittle, your husband” Bob says grinning.
“Hey there Eri- Wait what?”
“Eric “Bitty” Bittle, your husband,” Alicia repeats.
“What?” Jack ruminates on this looking back at Bitty who is sitting on the foot of his bed facing him. “Woah”
“Really?” he asks.
“Really,” Bitty pipes up.
“Wow,” Jack ruminates on this some more. “When—How— How long have we been married?” Jack asks.
“Seven years, sweetheart, it’ll be eight in July,” Bitty says.
“Wow,” Jack says again. “You’re a looker though aren’t ya, eh?”
He gives a lopsided grin. Bitty gives a hearty laugh.
“But you’re the cutest guy I’ve ever seen.”
“Thanks, honey”Bitty smiles, blushing.
“Like, whoa, give me a spin,” Jack says, motioning with his hand with the cracker he’s been given, shaking a few crumbs everywhere.
“Jack!” Bitty blushes and laughs. “Let me go ask the nurse if you can have ice chips yet. Do you want some ice chips honey?” Bitty gets up to the door and turns to ask him.
“Woah, your glutes are perfect,” Jack answers. Alicia gives a high-pitched shout laugh and Bob guffaws.
“I’m gonna go get you ice chips sweetie, keep eating your crackers,” Bitty says, turning red and escaping out the door.
Jack turns to his dad. “I hit the jackpot.”
Bob smiles patting him on the shoulder again and says, “Yes you did son, yes you did.“
i’ve been thinking a lot about size differences and how jack is massive and bitty is not and i Need™ to talk about it more, because the black and white facts of this are very important to me as a writer and i’m weirdly defensive about it (athletic family, more knowledge about athletic bodies than an amateur should have, driving ferocity to be Accurate and Right all the time).
first off, there is the height thing to address: jack is 6′1″. bitty is 5′6.5″. it’s not a huge difference, sure. it’s only the length of a subway sandwich, which i think we can all agree is not super impressive. However. it is a noticeable difference, and a difference that both of them are obviously aware of. bitty is often shown reaching up to jack, or jack is shown bending down to bitty.
regardless of their marginal height difference, however, there is a Much More Important aspect to their size difference – and this one they are both very, very aware of. [clue: bitty’s an ex-figure skater, and jack’s a fuckin professional hockey player]
jack likes to feel huge and just be all over bitty. some ways this happens:
bitty is standing there mid-conversation w someone and jack comes up behind him and drapes himself over bitty’s shoulders and settles all his body weight on bitty’s back
bitty’s knees buckle
“jack whY”
“increase your weight class bittle”
must be big spoon (”jack let me breathe” “no”)
bitty sitting on the couch and jack just throws himself across bitty’s lap #highdrama
sitting on bitty’s lap at parties (”you’re crushing me” “stop skipping leg day”)
bending down in exaggerated ways to kiss bitty and leaning down over him and wrapping his arms around him
bitty is asleep in bed and jack comes home late (roadie? game? who knows rly) and just flops on top of bitty
first time it happens bitty thinks he’s being smothered
he wakes up and screams
jack is like “shut up i’m trying to sleep”
any time bitty is lying down anywhere. reading on the couch? studying on the floor? sunbathing outside? must lie on top of him.
Must Pick Bittle Up™
fireman lifts
bridal style
just throw him over your shoulder it’s fine
i see you’re sitting on that bench bittle. well NOW you have to wrap your legs around my waist haha.
i can’t be bothered bending down so i’m just going to lift you up to kiss you okay
oh you’re sitting over there. well if i pull you across the couch, you’ll be sitting in my lap. imagine that.
(”jaCK ZIMMERMAnn let me live”)
“here sit between my legs and lean back against my chest”
making out? cool cool cool. would be better if i were lying on top of you though.
lying with his face mashed into bitty’s chest, bitty playing with his hair
“you’re drooling on my shirt, honey”
“shh no i’m not”
“ew”
folding bitty into a little ball and curling around him entirely (”jack my knees hurt” “let me love you”)
bitty pancaked across jack’s chest this time
“are you lying on top of me? i can’t actually tell because it’s like someone laid a tiny cat on my chest. or like a feather or something.”
AU where Jack’s mom is a terrible baker and finds Bitty’s blog, who explains things very easily, is incredibly charming and doesn’t make her feel like an idiot when she gets things wrong, so she slowly starts gaining confidence and improving a lot.
She becomes a true, 100% fan, when her simple totally on point brownie recipe, kicks the ass of Sharon’s from down the street at the next neighbor party. That horrid woman who was convinced she married Bob for money and tells everybody about it.
As if there was enough money in the world that could make someone put up with Bob’s snoring, that she hasn’t smothered him with a pillow yet is true love.
She finds his other blog, the one where he talks about himself and Alicia loves hearing about Bitty’s life. He does hockey and while she cannot picture this tiny adorable boy slamming himself against guys like her husband and son do, is just another thing that makes her feel a connection.
About what I see as the biggest moment for Jack and Bitty as individuals as well as a couple?
The newest comic definitely hearkens back to the biggest tension so far this year– Bitty’s breakdown in the previous update over the stress of keeping it secret from everyone– and his doubts over how serious Jack is about this relationship.
But as we saw in that rainy entryway, Jack’s not just thinking about his career. And “team” means something more than just “the people you play ice sport with”.
This isn’t just personal growth for Jack 110% Zimmermann, this whole arc has shown Bitty coming to understand that they’re both in this relationship together, and it’s the motherfuckin’ culmination of communication.
After all of this, Bitty’s coming to accept that he matters to Jack, but it’s also okay to matter to himself. He doesn’t want to meet Jack’s teammates as anything other than his boyfriend, and he says so. And that is what leads to my number one moment that puts a fuckin’ BOW on this whole fear of Bitty’s:
At the end of the day, Jack loves two things.
Hockey: cons include Expectations, Spotlight, Anxiety
Bitty: “a few risks” “it’s scary, but”
Just, the way Jack’s little speech here is weighted is amazing. Their relationship has a few risks, but it’s worth it. Those risks are nothing to him compared to the shit he faces for his other love.
I JUST HAD A THOUGHT well technically I had this thought hours ago when I wasn’t computer-accessible but anyways IMAGINE IF Bad Bob Zimmermann was a raging bisexual (like, technically never came out of the closet, but everyone who knows him knows) and he came down for that second family weekend that we never actually heard about supposedly because of “how embarrassing” it was, and he sees Bitty and Mama Bittle again and he’s just like “Oh! Hey there, son, you’ve gotten a lot cuter since I last saw you, well done!”
and Bitty’s just like “WHA? UM? THANKS, SIR??? UH” and then Bad Bob turns to Mama Bittle and is like “clearly he gets his looks from you, Suzanne” and it’s like an instant KO to poor Bitty’s mom, she’s out cold, she’s gone
meanwhile Jack’s completely mortified in the corner like PAPA, N O N and he turns to his mom and whispers “MAMA DO SOMETHING, STOP HIM”
and Alicia’s just like “what? He’s right, Eric’s definitely gotten cuter since last time, no wonder you like him” and Jack’s just “ET TU, MAMAN?” and everybody is blushing except for Jack’s parents who literally have no shits to give, they are there to make their own son become a hockey-playing tomato for the WHOLE weekend and to continue fostering the Bittlemann Alliance of Glory.
just moving along like everyone else 