The Riddler hijacks the local TV airwaves and appears onscreen holding a comically long roll of paper. After dramatically clearing his throat, he proceeds to read from it.
“The following is a list of people who can suck it. Number One: The Joker. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Number Two: Cluemaster. Fuck you, you stole my bit, and I will be like a plague unto your house. Number Three: King Tut. You also stole my bit, but did it while killing people and got me arrested for murder. Also, I’m, like, 93% sure you’re a white guy and your costume is racist.
“Number Four: The Scarecrow. I know you ate my leftover Chinese, Jon, even though I wrote my name on it. I was saving that for lunch. I had to eat a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a five-year-old. It was all you had in the hideout. For fuck’s sake, go shopping, not all of us can live like a bridge troll.
“Number Five: The Penguin. You- No, no, wait, wait… That one should be crossed out. He replaced that and apologized. Never mind, Oswald, you’re fine. Drinks at 7:00 tomorrow, right?
“Anyway, where was…? Ah, yes. Number Six: The Mad Hatter. You carded me and left me like that for six hours because I, and I quote, ‘would not stop talking about Mythbusters.’ Well, excuse me for trying to make intellectually stimulating conversation on a level you could understand. I suppose every time you prattle on about mome raths and borogoves it’s goddamn Shakespeare? Well… Well, it’s Carroll, but… Oh, you know what I mean!
“Number Seven: Catwoman. You left me hanging by one hand from a ledge five stories up and holding a twenty-pound bag of jewels and very pointy
objets d’art while you ‘distracted’ the Dark Knight. I know you were making out with him, Selina. You were gone for fifteen minutes. My shoulder almost dislocated. Very unprofessional.
“Number Eight: Kite Man.”
Here the Riddler pauses, lifting his narrowed gaze to glare at the camera, voice dropping to an ominous tone.
“You know what you did…”
His demeanor shifts quickly, and he’s back to reading from his list almost cheerfully.
“Number Nine! Th-”
He’s interrupted by a crashing noise in the background and looks over his shoulder just an instant before a deep voice angrily growls, “Riddler!”
“Oh, for the love of-” He turns to glare at the camera, speaking quickly. “Number Nine: Batman! Interrupting me while I’m on television making very important- Hm-mmph!”
He’s reduced to muffled curses as a black gloved hand covers his mouth and pulls him out of frame. The camera tilts, a cracking noise is heard, and the broadcast turns to static.
KITE MAN’S CRIMES WERE NUMEROUS AND TERRIBLE
If I were batman I’d give him like a five minute warning, because this actually sounds theraputic.
Batman: Riddler, you’ve hijacked the TV airwaves and you know that’s wrong but I think this is actually theraputic. So I’m giving you five minutes, and then I’m taking you to Arkham
Robin: Geez get a facebook account for this crap, hell if you wanna vent to millions of strangers just get youtube.
“RIDDLER YOU CAN’T JUST GO ON TV AND SCREAM AT PEOPLE
THAT’S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR”
Riddler takes this advice. He gets his own youtube channel called RiddleMe_Th15. It starts out as being purely therapeutic, a platform for publically calling out those who have annoyed him. Then someone leaves him a pathetically easy riddle to solve in the comments, and he spends his next segment ranting about it, and then posing a better one.
This starts a dialogue with a number of other youtube users who both attempt to answer his riddles and pose their own riddles in return.
Riddler has found his people, and his hit count is climbing.
Seriously, Riddler would KILL IT (metaphorically speaking) on YouTube. He just does those weird animated puzzle videos where he poses lengthy, overly complicated puzzles, game theories, and riddles, then gives away…fuck I don’t know…Amazon or iTunes cards to whoever gets them right.
“Riddle me this: How can I ensure there are more videos like this one? The answer, my little quest solvers, is simple: Like and subscribe, and consider donating to my Patreon! Which isn’t much of a Riddle, but seriously I’m down to eating crackers and ramen right now and YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain.”
Bringing this back because “YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain” has to be shared and because I have some followers who have not experienced The Riddler Post.
Seriously, if you ever need a good time, just read all the responses in the notes. This post still ranks as one of the best things I’ve ever done.
So I’ve watched a bunch of Very Good Videos today.
Lindsay Ellis has been doing an examination/critique of The Hobbit films and her team’s finally finished the last one:
They are Excellent(u_u), Perfec(u_u u_u), and Majestic(u_u u_u u_u).
Lastly, through a VERY Circuitous route which began with searching for obituaries for the late lamented Harry Anderson(Here is Markie Post. Here is John Larroquette. Here is an Obit By David Hill at The Ringer which I very much liked), is this talk on Consciousness by Dan Dennett(TED 2003; somewhat dated; don’t want to bother trying to embed it) that, incidentally, has some pretty fun perception games in it :>
hartbeat (gay black woman, makes vlogs and sketches, you might recognise her from that gifset where she wore watermelons and danced)
ash hardell (nb bisexual, makes videos about lgbt+ education)
dodie clark (bisexual, queen of music on youtube, you’ve probably heard ‘she’ and ‘sick of losing soulmates’ already, just a wonderful person tbh)
riley j dennis (lesbian trans/nb woman, makes social justice videos, trans lesbian sex education, she gets a lot of hate though so seriously send her a nice message if you like her vids)
neonfiona (bisexual, makes vlogs about both serious and light hearted topics, dating riley dennis and they’re so fucking cute)
missfender (bisexual, has a satirical ‘i don’t bi it’ series, super funny and cute)
thomas sanders (gay, former viner, makes short sketches and cute stuff)
hannah hart (lesbian cutie of youtube, makes videos of her getting drunk and cooking badly, wonderful person)
ingrid nilsen (lesbian/queer woman, makeup guru, lots of vlogs about being femme)
jordan shalhoub (bisexual woman, makes videos about fitness and health, you probably recognise her from buzzfeed)
kat blaque (black trans woman, makes videos about feminism and racism)
maggie mcgill (lesbian, reviews plus-sized clothing, vlogs about gay stuff sometimes but its not the focus of her channel)
marina watanabe (bisexual woc, makes vlogs about racism, feminism, lgbt+ issues)
miles chronicles (trans guy, you probably know him already, soo many videos about memes)
kaitlyn alexander (nb person, queer, does covers and original songs, vlogs about gay stuff and occasionally does lets plays, you probably recognise her as lafontaine in carmilla)
rose and rosie (lets be real you know exactly who they are lol)
this list is already amazing as it is, but hey, a few more names wouldn’t hurt anybody:
alex bertie (trans guy, also makes videos about his transition, has some fun videos with his partner jake edwards, a great and fun guy)
shannon beveridge (lesbian, you probably know her, she is funny and makes amazing videos about being a wlw and just other great, fun content)
mitch & scott (they are the guys from Pentatonix, I am not sure if scott is bi or gay but he is definitely queer, and mitch is gay, they are amazing singers, and they make funny videos)
mandi & tara (both lesbians, married, it is a family channel, they have a daughter called Lennon Ray, 2 dogs, and they are gonna have twin girls in a few months, they are really cute family vloggers)
domo & chrissy (married, woc, have a kid, family vloggers, you probably know them already)
jamie raines (trans guy, makes videos about trans issues and also has videos with his fiancee Shaaba, they both are very cute and funny)
dulceida (hispanic vlogger, I don’t speak spanish so I can’t tell much actually lmao, but she is a beauty vlogger and sometimes makes videos with her wife Alba, they are really cute)
mosco moon (scottish vlogger, queer, makes great videos about everything scotland and has the cutest scottish accent)
just moving along like everyone else 