i had a really fucking weird dream where homestuck was a musical. like. a Broadway musical. and i went to see it and all i really remember is that 1) the opening number was called “everybody dies” and 2) bro strider was inexplicably played by shia labeouf, who did an interpretive dance scene with a smuppet that lasted roughly seven minutes. it was uncomfortable for everyone involved
what do you mean “inexplicably” that’s exactly how it would go down
I’m pretty sure snoop dogg was aimless renegade? honestly it was an experience
like the stage was essentially four room in the beginning and every time John would get a notification on pesterChum the particular room of whoever was messaging him would light up and you could see Jade Dave or Rose. when the trolls did their thing (it was early on), you could just hear the disembodied yelling of Karkat. Rose had a dramatic monologue that ended with mom physically pulling her away from her empty suicide threat. bec was just some guy in a fursuit. shia laBro passionately ripped off his shirt before kicking dave’s ass. lil cal was played by Ellen Degeneres(?)
do you have a medium to talk to because the more you talk about this dream the more it sounds like you’re spirit channeling andrew hussie and i’m concerned
don’t get me started about the medium bro
also when the trolls were introduced the lusii were these freakish jim henson monstrosities but honestly the best part was the felt. like. the actual composition of music was beautiful, and the choreography for the dance numbers was sublime.
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt. once he finally had his moment his voice soared through the theater, only to come to an abrupt end as he was drowned in hot puppet ass.
now that I think about it, dadbert was definitely nic cage, which was confusing as fuck because John kept talking about how Greatly He Was Caged By Nic while his father stood by. it was uncomfortable
idk man, it’s been like a reoccurring lucid nightmare for the past week, but the sb&hj sequences were performed by acrobats above the actual stage, who looked dangerously inebriated and probably needed immediate hospitalization (they were also narrated by dave and a bunch of dissonant recordings of the cast? what the fuck man. what a visionary)
i honestly don’t know what to focus on here because i’m wheezing and snorting right now but
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt.
was dave … was dave’s self doubt an actual part in the play
shIT I thought I answered earlier but apparently not. yes, daves self conscious is just a shitty cardboard cutout of zac efron wearing sunglasses who offers sage advice like “no one loves you”. he’s voiced by zac efron.
yknow I forgot to note this but vriska has a lot of really aggressive musical numbers that make everyone visibly uncomfortable, mainly bc they’re unprovoked and don’t. make sense. like its canon but only to an extent.
also I’m p sure that mom and dad /almost/ share a heartfelt duet–like there’s soft piano music and they look into each other’s eyes–but then Jack noir, fursuit edition, kills them. on that note, when rose goes grimdark it sounds like the Dresden dolls met born this way era lady gaga and then murdered each other while a thirteen year old descends from the rafters, hissing like a motherfucking snake on a plane
btw “sICK FIRES” is a rap off with cello featuring the talents of yo yo ma himself
“#i’m tired” “#why do you keep reblogging this”
because it’s amazing
that’s objective but I’m just happy that people are enjoying this. like the tags are so nice and it feels pretty rad to know people are laughing at my hideous reoccurring nightmare musical extravaganza
FYI there is a track called “flight of the bifurcated asshole/rest in peixes” and y’all know EXACTLY what it’s about
“These nominations come just days after Marvel’s Vice President of Sales, David Gabriel, went out of his way to blame Marvel’s lagging sales on comics—like Black Panther and Ms. Marvel—starring people of color and women. Suffice it to say that the optics of this whole thing don’t reflect well on the publisher, but the Hugo nominations send a telling message to Marvel about just how the public actually feels about its “diverse books.”
In his presentation to the Marvel Retailer Summit, Gabriel said that he and other executives heard from retailers that readers weren’t interested in change, despite the company’s many “fresh, new, exciting ideas.”
“What we heard was that people didn’t want any more diversity,” Gabriel said. “We saw the sales of any character that was diverse, any character that was new, our female characters, anything that was not a core Marvel character, people were turning their nose up against,”
While it’s true that Marvel’s sales have been steadily declining for some time now, the drop has been seen across its entire portfolio, not just with titles starring leads who aren’t straight, white men. Both Black Panther and Ms. Marvel have regularly charted as New York Times best sellers over the past few years and that isn’t by accident. It’s because of interest from communities of fans (like the body that makes up the Hugo Awards voting committee) who make the effort to critically analyze the titles despite the fact that Marvel doesn’t do the best of jobs when it comes to promoting them effectively.
Writing for The Guardian, JA Micheline correctly notes that while Marvel may have a handful of progressive characters, it doesn’t go out of its way to let new potential readers know about them in a meaningful way.
“Marvel seems to outright misunderstand capitalism when it largely limits its marketing efforts to comic-book shops – spaces that have historically been unwelcoming to marginalised people,” Micheline argues. “[I]t largely presents white male heroes to the public via its cinematic universe, then makes public comments that outright concede that its main interest is selling comics to white men.”
Johnston says [sales] numbers are off by about 15% on average, and notes that they don’t include digital or international sales, or the potential for sales in the bookstore market (which is high for many of these titles), and that the numbers aren’t even inaccurate consistently, making it difficult to compare them month to month.
So.
1) Marvel doesn’t count digital sales.
2) Marvel doesn’t count international sales.
3) Marvel doesn’t count comics that are sold as trades in book stores or online.
4) Marvel only counts monthly issues of physical comics sold in stores.
And that’s really not where they’re getting most of their sales from any longer.
Not to mention that:
5) Comic book sales in general have been slumping for a while–at least if you only look at the monthly sales of physical comics sold in stores.
6) Most of Marvel’s money now comes from its movies, not its comics.
7) Oh, and the potential readers who refuse to buy Marvel comics during the run of Secret Empire (i.e., the one with Hydra Cap)? That’s probably not helping sales, either.
But sure, Marvel. It couldn’t be that your business model is outdated, that the types of sales have changed, that your sales figures are wildly inaccurate, that monthly purchases of physical comics are just not as affordable for customers as they used to be in the 1980s and 1990s (especially since the cost keeps going up), or that some potential customers have been boycotting your comics for a year.
No. Clearly all of your problems stem from diversity. Because that way, you don’t need to change your way of doing business or your attitudes.
Marvel blaming diversity for their lack of sales when in actual fact a LACK of diversity, a lack of PROMOTION of the diversity they do have and the fact that as storytellers and salesmen they are doing a SHITTY JOB at marketing their comics to the people who would be interested in them and writing some truly GARBAGE stories (Like the Civil War II crap or this Secret Empire nonsense) that puts people off bothering to buy them
Because that way they can use this scapegoating bullshit as an excuse to fill their comics with yet more heteronormative shit featutring yet more utterly tedious cishet characters, most of whom are all white
wait wtf they don’t count digital sales or trades
jfc
like how many different kinds of abhorrent and incompetent can they be
Right?
It’s 2017
SO MANY SALES come from digital sales and trade sales
just moving along like everyone else 