uswe:
A werewolf film written by a woman wouldn’t be as interesting because they know how unrealistic it is to be caught by surprise by something that happens regularly every damn month.
#run right into queue#no no no no no the exact opposite#by this standard a werewolf film written by a woman would be much more interesting because it would be more /varied/#some werewolves who are prepared not only for their own shift but also for those of six of their closest packmates#some werewolves who wake up already covered in fur and look at their ruined clothes and think ‘oh /shit/ that was yesterday’#some werewolves who can’t be assed to figure out what day it is and therefore have an alert set in their phone#so that once a month they wake up not to a blinking ‘wake up’ message but to ‘wake up and Be Prepared’ and dramatic hyena music#(and then inevitably lose/break/forget to charge their phone the day before and spend hours humming uncomfortably#before suddenly remembering at the least convenient moment possible and rushing off stripping as they go)#not to mention the one werewolf who only transforms one night a month and then has to refrain from gloating#while they help their one packmate who’s been shifted for an entire goddamned week and has started dreaming of murder (via @ereborne)
And then there’s that werewolf who goes three full moons without transforming, then transforms one night during a waxing crescent moon.
Now I’m imagining some on the werewolf form of the pill and having to regularly keep up their schedule and one werewolf telling another that they used to have such irregular changes but the pill now makes things so much easier and the other werewolves being like oh man I should talk to my doctor about this.
All i imagined is some poor fucker that’s like “you think you have it bad. I got my first change at 9 and change sporadically every 4 months or so. For 2 weeks. Sometimes it happens randomly so i just gave up.”
#for days before the change you’re extra growly and constantly want to go for walkies
Why. Is this not a thing already. Why.
Wake up pissed and agitated with a headache and slam some aspirin with no real thought to the matter because it must just be a shit day. Halfway through the day they just “…oh shit that explains so much fuck fuck fuck”
@teland
I don’t usually reblog stuff, but this is just golden.
#these tags come back to my dash every now and then and y’all I am so proud of them you don’t even /know/ #I was so tired that night I almost didn’t even write them but then I was like ‘no for real though we all know how this would go’ #wolves written by people who have actually dealt with these kinds of problems would be faaar more interesting #wolves who were malnourished as children and now don’t always shift when they should because sometimes their bodies can’t support it #wolves who make it to unreasonable ages without their bodies pulling the plug–their first century’s looming on the horizon #and still every month like clockwork they rip and rend and bleed and their grandchildren are terrified this is the future they’ll inherit #wolves who spend a day with their heads in a ghirardelli box trying just to inhale the scent #because they know if they eat the chocolates they’ll be sick but god they want them /so bad/ #wolves who splurge on steak and fresh spinach and glare at anyone who side-eyes them while they shovel it in #they need iron dammit and anyway you have no idea what they’ve gone through these past couple days buddy you wanna stare a little harder? #wolves who get hella irritable vs wolves who become unbearably anxious vs wolves who just wanna stay in bed and cuddle forever #I have so many thoughts about this and maybe I shouldn’t babble about it constantly but fuck it I refuse to let the boring werewolves stand (more tags via @ereborne )
This is priceless
Going to work one day and changing the shift for the new were who’s been around you just long enough.
One month it’s just some body hair and the next month changing so hard it takes two weeks to remember what being human was like
Tag: werewolves
it is pretty hard to find solid statistics on wolf attacks, but as far as i can tell, wolves in north america kill way way way less than one person a year, which means that forces more deadly to us than wolves include: dogs, ice fishing, and getting crushed by a falling flat screen tv.
…further complications to trying to write non-ridiculous angst into a werewolf story
“you don’t understand…i’ve done things under the full moon that i can never take back…one time i ate a squirrel”
“I SNIFFED MY OWN BUTT. THE INDIGNITY HAUNTS ME STILL.”
“i have pooped in the woods and now must go brood about it. don’t try to follow me.
…and seriously, be careful around your flatscreen, it is probably heavier that you think.”
European wolves (before they were hunted into extinction in most areas) attacked humans purposefully a lot; it’s in the historical record.
North American gray wolves have a natural fear of humans and attack people very rarely, really only when threatened or starving.
So like, imagine, like, a divide between people who got infected with Old World and New World lycanthropy. One makes you this dangerous beast that sees humans as a viable food source an another makes you perceive humans as a threat. Imagine people getting it wrong!
Some shady paranormal group capturing a werewolf to use as security but it just runs away when people trespass.
Some hunters go deep into the woods to murder a werewolf clan for their pelts but it turns out they’ve isolated themselves so deeply because they have the European strain and none of the hunters survive.
New werewolves are so confused because the websites give conflicting advice: get yourself to your nearest national park when you’re about to turn and just let yourself run free; if you try to cage yourself the claustrophobia and the smell of people will make you panic and you could really hurt yourself or someone else.
vs
If you’re anywhere near human civilization you must make sure you turn in a closed space that you can’t escape from in wolf form or you’ll definitely kill someone. Just try to take a nap during the full moon, OK.
And they’re like, WHAT DO I DO WHICH ONE DO I HAVE?
updated position: at the end of the day, there are, in fact, a number of possible compelling werewolf problems.
case in point, the global werewolf cultural divide!
on the subject of the global werewolf cultural divide, another update, per wikipedia:
Wolves from different geographic locations may howl in different fashions: the howls of European wolves are much more protracted and melodious than those of North American wolves, whose howls are louder and have a stronger emphasis on the first syllable. The two are however mutually intelligible, as North American wolves have been recorded to respond to European-style howls made by biologists (x)
that’s right guys: wolves have accents
THIS IS THE KIND OF CONTENT IM LOOKING FOR
There’s a lovely old English myth that if someone who truely loved and trusted the werewolf called it by name that it would turn back to human.
Others include throwing their human clothes at it and it’d turn back but that’s a bit less romantic
#ok i understand ppl would take the romancey route here#but imagine the werewolf’s mother#or grandmother#some wizened old woman or middle aged woman#with wrinkles or hands toughened from years of labor#just going out into the woods#where even the men with axes won’t go anymore#and facing down the ravening beast#and saying#it’s time to come home
I actually like the “throwing clothes at it” better cause now I’m picturing Grandma stomping out of the house at 3 AM in her slippers, arms full of clothes and facing down this horrible, snarling beast.
And then she just starts flinging clothes at it like “GODDAMN IT JEFFERY IT IS THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING YOU GET YOUR PANTS ON AND COME BACK INSIDE RIGHT THIS MINUTE”
Everyone knew that the Widow Grumly’s granddaughter was a werewolf. She was bit by one and the prayers from the priest held it off for a little while, but she started going strange. Started saying things that didn’t make sense. And the next full moon… she was gone.
We all expected blood and murder, but for a while everything was mostly normal. The hunters and woodsmen, they’d see a big damn wolf sometimes, and find the leftovers of deer, but nothing came close to being what everyone told us a werewolf would be. No livestock dead, no attacks on people. It was a mercy, for the Widow Grumly asked after her grandchild every chance she could. Poor thing kept asking for her grandson; bedridden as she was, we hadn’t the heart to correct her. They’re fine, we said, not hurting no one.
Not until the wolfhunter came.
Talk spreads, as talk will. And he followed the talk, the hunter in the fancy clothes and the cape of scraps of wolf fur. Were-wolf fur, if he was to be believed. He offered to kill it for us, and we declined. He decided to kill it for himself, and we declined. Didn’t matter much- he set out anyway, calling for Jemma. That was her name, Jemma.
We found him dead as a doornail, throat ripped out as neat as you please.
Well, a man turns up dead and Authority will poke it’s nose in. Doesn’t matter if it was self-defense. No one listens to a werewolf, much less a peasant werewolf, not when a wealthy fool gets himself killed. Soldiers combed the woods and found nothing. Eventually they gave up, figured she had moved on.
She hadn’t.
The evening the soldiers were all cleared out, the Widow Grumly coerced the blacksmith’s sons to carry her outside, to the edge of town. She had a bundle of rags in her hands, shirt and trousers that had seen better days. We tried to tell her that Jemma might not be Jemma no more, and that killing people can turn the nicest were’ crazy no matter the reason.
She said nothing.
When the moon came up, the whole town heard her calling from her nest of blankets and pillows, there in the road.
“Jeremy! Jeremy, you come home now! I’ve been patient long enough! If you don’t come home for your birthday I will come get you with a leash!”
Those with windows facing the road watched the black shape come forward. Watched it nose the clothes the Widow held. Watched it change.
He goes by Jeremy, now. The Widow had family connections to a local pack, and when her grandson didn’t want to pretend any more, she called in a favor. Apparently, if you’re willing to wait a year or so, you can change how you look, a little at a time. Jeremy has hair now in places Jemma didn’t, and his voice broke a couple months back. The priest don’t like it, but he doesn’t complain too loud. Not after the hard winter, when Jeremy was bringing in the only meat the town saw. The hunters still say they’d trust his nose, four-legged or not.
With each change back from wolf, more of the man shows through. And the house of Grumly has never smiled more.
I’m gonna cry
♥️
that wolf-meets-dog-horror comic got me thinking about werewolves and how different kinds of werewolves must have very different feelings about dogs. like, my erskin was born a wolf and remains very staunchly a wolf in terms of his self identity. his boyfriend bel just got turned into a werewolf a couple months back. and they stand at totally polar ends of like… the werewolf opinion spectrum on dogs.
like, erskin finds dogs to be kind of pathetic, mutated idiots— part alien child and part alien toy. he’ll go to a dog park sometimes for funsies, like you might go to the circus and laugh at the clowns, but he doesn’t respect dogs or want to interact with any of them on an ongoing basis. he would probably eat a dog if he was hungry enough and got the drop on one. he might actually have already eaten a dog. he’s definitely eaten foxes. in contrast, he thinks of wild wolves as people, just people who aren’t as smart as his relatives. they look and sound like people.
bel is like overwhelmed with delight and joy that as a werewolf he can communicate with other canids and is busy disney princessing it up with every fox and coyote and chihuahua he comes across. humans and dogs are just predisposed to like each other: being able to communicate even more clearly with each other due to lycanthropy just tightens and reaffirms that bond.
so i bet wolfish werewolf families have no dogs whatsoever, and humanish werewolf families have two to three times as many dogs as werewolves. mixed families have… a lot of friction.
#imagine if your husband kept trying to adopt clowns#‘MR SQEAKUMS IS SUCH A GOOD BOY THO’#hon he’s a freak who keeps falling over his own feet#he tried to eat a chair#he thinks a rubber ball is a worthy foe#this is my house not a comedy show#werewolves#‘he can help us hunt!’#HE IS A DASCHUND
wait a second is this where the ‘clowns as pets’ meme started??
ROACH IS THIS YOUR FAULT
oh my god
Let Me Talk About Werewolves for a Second
Why is it that every werewolf book is this weird testosterone fueled alpha male/female romance thing?
Like guys. Werewolves are family groups. They are basically big ol’ dog families. Your werewolf family wouldn’t be made up of alpha males fighting each other for dominance and subjugating females.
If there was a werewolf in your neighborhood, they’d be that family of 10 kids always roughhousing outside and their house is the one all the neighborhood kids go to hang out at because Mr. Werewolf and Mrs. Werewolf are the Cool Parents that their kids find really embarrassing.
“Wait…Emily? Aren’t she and her whole family…you know?”
“Don’t believe everything you’ve heard; worst thing that’s ever happened over there is the twins teething on visitors’ shoes.”
Here’s the thing, though.
While the notion of the “alpha wolf” is indeed misguided, being based on observations of wolves in captivity, the dominance thing does happen. And it’s not just the adult males; adult females do it too – but it’s only a thing when wolves who aren’t related by blood end up sharing a habitat.
So consider: by some happenstance, two unrelated werewolf families end up living across the street from one another. Of course they’re not going to start brawling in the streets – they’re civilised people, after all – but that urge to show the other pack who’s boss comes out in other ways, resulting in the two clans getting, like, weirdly competitive about everything.
Imagine the Hallowe’en displays.
I think the reason NHL players not wearing face-cages or even like full-face visors bothers me is because like–
If every player in the CWHL or NWHL turns into a werewolf during the game we’ll be fine because they can’t take off the face cages with paws and thus can’t bite us
but like if ur at an NHL game during a full moon ur fucked
I don’t know what I was expecting when I started reading this but it wasn’t what I read
Hockey Lycanthropy is a serious issue
just moving along like everyone else 