the-real-seebs:

jumpingjacktrash:

evolution-is-just-a-theorem:

jumpingjacktrash:

evolution-is-just-a-theorem:

evolution-is-just-a-theorem:

evolution-is-just-a-theorem:

evolution-is-just-a-theorem:

jumpingjacktrash:

gemstone-enemas:

kaijuno:

kaijuno:

Observation: I have never broken a bone
Hypothesis: I am boneless
Data: I appear to have broken at least two bones in my foot slipping on the ice
Conclusion: I have at least two bones. Strong evidence suggests the possibility of a third one. 

I’m an astrophysicist. 

SOMEbody has a broken funny bone.

layperson: there’s a brown cow in that field

scientist: there’s at least one brown cow in that field

mathematician: there’s at least one cow in that field, at least one side of which is brown

Freshman philosopher in “God is: no there isn’t

Socrates: but how do you know it is brown? What is the true nature of brown?

Plato: It is the fundamental nature of fields to contain brown cows.

Aristotle: There is a brown cow in that field. It has more teeth than the black cow.

Pythagoras: The cow doesn’t matter. That is a field of beans and we need to get out of here right now.

Thales: Did you know that cows are 100% water?

Zeno (of Elea (no Citium doesn’t get a place on this list)): To have a cow you must first have half a cow.

Anselm (refusing to look at the field): There is no need to observe the field. The best possible field contains a black horse. Furthermore, the best possible field would be improved by existing, and by being right next to me. Therefore that field over there contains a black horse.

Descartes: there’s a brown cow in that field. I know this because God would never be so cruel as to hide a cow from my sight, or to make a cow appear brown when it is only half so.

Leibniz: I will use that cow to handle I/O and state in a pure manner.

Hobbes: The cow is not attempting to jump the fence, and therefore it consents to being in the field.

Voltaire: That is not the best possible cow.

Hume: no there isn’t

Wittgenstein:

Older Wittgenstein, stepping out of a time machine: This is actually just a problem of language.

Russell: I’m gonna fuck that cow’s wife. It’s okay: I’ve devoted my life to the pursuit of love.

Rousseau: That cow would be better if it was getting torn apart by wolves

Hegel: The World-Spirit is in a state of Becoming/Not-Becoming the State of having been, being, and will always having been a Bovine. The Notion of the cow is a duality of Forces existing/not-existing to Conceive a sense-colour. *wanders off to suck Bismarck’s dick*

Marx: *suplexes Hegel* THAT COW IS ALIENATED FROM ITS NATURAL MILK-MAKING STATE

Heidegger: That cow is dying.

Derrida: *inscrutable scribbles*

Foucault: The “fence” is a social construct, created by the millennia old power structure designed to oppress cows and use them for meat and milk. Is it not just as true that *we* are fenced in by the *cow*?

Sartre: I am also going to fuck that cow’s wife, but only after Simone reels her in for me.

Simone de Beauvoir: What is cow? It is defined by its difference from Man.

Camus: I’m going to fuck that cow, its wife, its parents, the milkmaid, the farmhand, the landowner, his wife, and every other philosopher here. And every single one of them is going to love it. Might kill someone afterwards.

Eliezer: there’s a brown cow in that field, p=0.999

Hanson: This post isn’t about cows or philosophy. It’s about signaling.

Bostrom: The cow is nothing compared to the future of humanity.

Ray Arnold: Someday, cow, you will reach the stars. Here, let me sing you the song of my people.

Kurzweil: in ten seconds, it will become cybercow.

Tegmark: I’m very tall, so I can see that behind that cow is every possible variation of that cow. At least one of them is brown.

Scott: there’s a brown cow in that field, p=0.99. I’m not sure why everyone yells at me when I say that.

Singer: We should save the cow and kill its calves.

MacAskill: there’s a brown cow in that field, and I will save it. 

Ord: *saves cow*. Everyone is too busy staring at MacAskill’s dreamy face to notice.

CFAR: pay us $1000 and we’ll teach you how to see the brown cow

Leverage: pay us $10000 and we’ll teach you how to see the black horse

MIRI: That cow is dangerous!

OpenAI: That cow is dangerous, so we’re going to give one just like it to everyone!

DeepMind: *sharpens the cow’s teeth*

@another-normal-anomaly: Someday, I will be that cow.

@ambivalencerelations: *ignores cow, stares at fence post. There’s some dung at the base*

@cptsdcarlosdevil: I’m gonna pretend that cow is Daveed Diggs, then I’m gonna fuck it.

@sinesalvatorem: I would fuck that cow, but I don’t have enough sharpies.

@theunitofcaring: there’s a brown cow in that field, and we will save it.

@dataandphilosophy: Bryan Caplan told me there’s a cow in that field.

@slatestarscratchpad: there’s a brown cow in that field, p=0.999

@nostalgebraist: there’s a brown cow in that field, but it would be ridiculous to put a number on it. It’s not dangerous either.

@funerealdisease: that cow would look great in this hat.

@gruntledandhinged: there’s an adorable brown cow in that field

@loriphos: The field would be better with a brown dinosaur

@evolution-is-just-a-theorem: What, you think I can’t go more meta? This isn’t even my final form.

i would like to be friends please

You seem like a wise man. Could you explain what it is to be friends?

reckon i’m wise enough to know i can’t explain it 😀

This reminds me a great deal of the time when some people on a religious discussion forum were first exposed to the observation that it is unclear whether the farmer or the dog is named Bingo. Conclusion: After a couple hundred years of violence and bloodshed, we’ve all agreed that Bingo is both fully farmer and fully dog. But what about the part where letters get gradually replaced with clapping?

Catholics believe that the letters are still there when you’re clapping.
Lutherans believe that the letters are still there in spirit when you’re clapping.
Eastern Orthodox still sing all the letters.
etcetera