So, because people writing inaccurate kid!fic bothers me, a quick reference to kids (Disclaimer: I have no professional background in child development, and no offspring of my own – this is all based on other people’s kids.):
Newborn: Person-larva. Cannot do much but eat, sleep, cuddle, cry, poop. Cannot hold their own head up. May pick up on the mood of the person holding them, but response to it is going to consists of either contentment or complaining. Those are pretty much the two states of a newborn: happily cuddly or expressing displeasure.
2 – 6 months: Somewhat more aware of surroundings, own appendages, etc. Will recognize people, like some better than others. Smiles, laughs, babbles. Somewhere in here rolling over commences, and possibly crawling. Starts teething.
6 -12 months: Lots of babbling, but no actual talking. Crawls, pulls self up to standing while holding onto things, may start wobbly independent walking. Some kids are climbers (may heaven help their parents). Eating some solid food (as in, mashed up stuff), but still nursing / drinking formula too. This is the beginning of the exploratory, everything-goes-in-the-mouth stage. Still teething.
1 year old: Has teeth, eats solid food. Many parents wean at this age, but it’s not unusual to continue breastfeeding. Talks, but probably not very clearly – pronunciation will be interesting, and vocabulary very limited. May repeat a new word incessantly. Points at things they want. Physical coordination and verbal skills increase as child gets older. Maybe develop utterly random phobias, usually of things that are new or unpredictable. Interested in other children, may mimic older children. Still sticks everything in their mouth.
2 years old: Speaks well enough to be understood by those who know them, but not necessarily strangers. Uses simple phrases. May mash words together to express a concept for which they don’t yet know the word, or make a word up. Is learning labels for things, though they may not be accurate (i.e. all old men are grandpa, all round objects are a ball, etc.) Knows colors, parts of the body, types of animals, etc. Walks, runs, dances, etc – basically the full range of physical stuff, just all of it is kinda awkward. Can roll a ball or throw it in a clumsy way. May have a favorite toy, security blanket, etc. May play pretend games or make up stories, but they’re likely to be fair inscrutable to adults. Wants to do things independently, but is likely to be easily frustrated. Has tantrums. Plays with other children, but not terribly good at sharing or being nice. Asks questions; the ‘why?’ stage has begun. Toilet training begins around this age; girls tend to get the hang of it quicker than boys.
3 years old – pretty much the same as 2, only a bit better at all of it. Asks a LOT of questions. Has friends. Plays pretend. Understands rules (though is unlikely to obey them very well). Can count, though not very far. Speaks well enough to be understood by strangers; you know that so-cute-you-could-die kid-speak people love to write? This is the appropriate age for it (up through about age 5).
4 to 5 – cutesy kid-speak is age appropriate. May still have tantrums, still not the best at sharing, but should be starting to get socially functional. Can throw or kick a ball, jump, stand on one foot, all that. Can count, recite alphabet. Some kids start learning to read and write arond this age, though it wouldn’t yet be abnormal for them not to be able to. Lots of pretend play. Emotionally intense; everything is dire. Learning to be self-maintaining, i.e. may bathe independently but needs an adult to wash their hair.
6 – 10 – speaks like an emotionally immature adult; the things they have to say are still kid-like, but they should be easing out of kid-speak. Reads, writes, can do math – these skills increase with age. Understands and (usually) obeys rules, has a concept of fairness, kindness vs. cruelty, etc. Forms tight friendships, keeps secrets, wants to fit in and be liked; having a best friend or a group of friends is the most important thing in their world. Wants to be good at things; has definite interests and academic strengths and weaknesses. May bully or be bullied; kids this age can be mean. As in horrifyingly so. Has crushes (though probably still finds it acutely embarrassing). Understands death. Kids this age will curse, though hilariously badly. Still wants parental affection, but probably not in public.
11 – 12 – mini-teen, which is to say emotionally vulnerable, short-sighted mini-adult. Naive still, but not terribly so – has a basic understanding of human nature, events around them, etc. Begins to form political / ideological / religious opinions. May begin reciprocal romantic attachments. Strongly focused on collective identity, what ‘niche’ or ‘crowd’ they identify with. Some girls start puberty. This is also the age of things going badly wrong; kids know which other kids are the sociopaths at this stage. While everybody else is learning how to not be a mean little shit to everybody unlike themselves (or a bitter perpetual victim), those few who aren’t developing in a good direction become downright terrifying.
13 – 15 – somewhere in here, kids will start either facing major adult-scale decisions and problems themselves, or seeing peers doing so. Shit gets real. This is why teenagers think they know everything; the rose-colored glasses of childhood fall off, and they are suddenly So Very Jaded and cannot imagine there being more to the world than what they can suddenly perceive now, because it is overwhelming. Likely to be angry at the world, likely to gravitate toward ideological extremes. Takes risks. Forms romantic attachments; may experiment sexually, may not, maturity levels here very A LOT.
16 – 21 – moody adult with far more curiosity than common sense. Does thing in grand and dramatic fashion. Experiments with different identities. Wants total independence. Many develop greater social maturity around this time; stop seeing others in terms of cliques, develop greater empathy and ability to see things from multiple perspectives. Forms romantic attachments that may be serious or even life-long.
This is pretty accurate IME, and if you want more detail for the first few years, try Touchpoints.
Tag: to remember
Just Figured out:
The point of going back to the Citadel, for Furiosa and Max anyway, was never about surviving or succeeding. Neither of them actually believed that they would make it.
The point, for them, was the run itself. Because it was the attempt to succeed that would redeem them.
There is no safe haven in which to seek refuge, no hidden Eden to which you can return. The utopia of your youth is gone, and it doesn’t matter whether it was destroyed or it never really existed beyond your idealizing memories. You cannot ride away into the sunset and find a magical land of escape, safely separated from your old, ruined land by an ocean (of salt).
You must turn around, face the reality of your broken world, and fix it. Or die trying. Only this can save you.
Hi! You seem to have become a sort of dinner consultant/therapist/cheerleader, which is delightful. I hope you don’t mind if I ask a downer question–how do I will myself to make good food when I’m depressed, and feel deep down that I may not deserve proper nourishment? Than you, you’re well.
I suffer from Depression, Bipolar, C-PTSD, ADHD and Memory Issues and yeah, I really get that feeling of not having the energy/focus/self-worth to make dinner. I’m not a therapist or nutritionist, so all I can offer is things that have worked for me, and hope that some of them work for you:
It’s Better To Eat SOMETHING Than Nothing
No really. There are a LOT of days when I’m too tired, too distractable or just too Blugh to cook. And for days like that, I have microwave meals, or “put in pot and add water” things, like Mac N Cheese. They’re not Organic, or Nutritionally Balanced but everything I’ve been told by every doctor and therapist I’ve had: EATING SOMETHING, EVEN MICROWAVE MAC OR CHIPS IS SO, SO MUCH BETTER FOR YOU THAN EATING NOTHING.
Food is not an all-or-nothing deal. Humans have an amazing ability to take in nutrition from darn near anything that doesn’t kill us, which is part of the reason we’re all over the dang planet. Any food is good food, esp when you haven’t eaten all day because your brain has been playing a shitty surrealist version of reality for you all day.
So when you CAN cook, cook, but if you can’t, don’t worry too much. Just get something down your throat, and live to see the next, better, day.
Related: If you can’t do a full meal, but you CAN add *extras* to things to help you. Tortilla Chips Depression meal? Add Salsa! BAM! VEGETABLE SERVING!! Can of beans? CHEESE. OH LOOK, MORE PROTEIN. whatever you can add is like, extra credit. Good job you!
Actually Learning To Cook
So actually learning about food safety, spice theory, what happens chemically to food when you cook it and how to make different styles of cuisine confers a whole bunch of cool benefits for my sometimes-garbage brain:
- I really like reading and learning new stuff, so making it a “learning a new thing” makes it less like a chore and more of an Interesting Distraction.
- This doesn’t have to be any form of academically rigorous. Like, watching cooking shows, looking up stuff online, or hell, googling stuff in the middle of the supermarket if something is on sale and you’re curious but don’t actually know what to do with it. Good Eats and America’s Test Kitchen are both very educational and soothing to watch.
- Also cooking shows are GREAT for both my anxiety and stimulating my appetite
- Reduces the number of Thinking Spoons to actually make dinner. If I have a general working knowledge of what things taste good and how to make them, it’s a lot less effort than trying to look up and follow a recipe.
- GO AHEAD AND USE SHORTCUTS. No, really. Those frozen cutlets of fish you stick in a toaster oven? GREAT. pre-mixed seasoning? AWESOME. Frozen veggies are already cut up and are just as good as fresh. Like if you don’t have the energy to do something, pre-made stuff is FANTASTIC for getting something healthy into your system for honestly not that much money or less in some cases.
Being Responsible For More Than Myself
The thing that has helped me take care of myself was getting engaged and a dog. My mental illness has a neat shortcut where when I can’t do things for myself, I can magically do them for other people. When I cook, I’m cooking for both myself and for my fiance. Being responsible for making sure he eats a few nights a week is the biggest driving force in getting me to stay on enough of a schedule that I’ll be capable of cooking. (He cooks other nights and whoever cooks, the other does the dishes.)
I realize that getting hitched is not in the cards for everyone and that’s hardly a reflection of one’s worth, but there are ways to add responsibility to your life if that helps with executive function. Prior to meeting my fiance, My family had an elderly German shepherd with a sensitive stomach and I cooked him chicken and rice every night for three years on the vet’s recommendation. Or maybe you cook for a neighbor once a week. Or tie feeding your cat to you having dinner as well, becuase you can’t take care of fluffy if you’ve got low blood sugar, right?
Eating Is Self-Care, Like Taking Meds or Wearing Comfy Jammies
Another thing that helped me: Realizing that eating made me feel better. Literally, if I keep my blood sugar stable (Prone to hypoglycemia), my mood’s better, I get fewer headaches, and so on. What’s Healthy is different for everyone and I recommend talking to a nutritionist at least once to get an idea on what might be unique to you. Most gyms, community centers or clinics will have someone on staff to help, but you should start by asking your GP for a recommendation.
So when I start too feel poorly, my checklist is “When was the last time I ate? Am I craving something?” (Along with “Am I dehydrated?” staying hydrated also helps with appetite issues) and I fin that I usually am. Sometimes it’s salt, sometimes it’s a whole head of broccoli. Food is our body’s main means of getting what it needs to survive and giving your body what it needs (even if it’s fat and sugar and carbs, which yes, you need sometimes) will make you feel better, I promise.
Eating Stuff You Actually Like
Bananas are, allegedly, really good for me. Potassium, vitamins, good fats etc. They also taste like satan’s own diabetic mucus and I’m never gonna eat one if I can’t help it. Just, No. Don’t force yourself to eat things just becuase they’re healthy. That’ll only make you hate eating.
Like I mentioned before, you, presumed human, can draw nutrition and calories from darn near anything. So go boldly, and try new foods and spices and cooking methods and find things you actually enjoy eating.
- Remember all those veggies you hated as a kid? Try them again as an adult, because your taste buds literally change over time and things taste way less bitter than when you were a kid. Try different cooking methods too- anything brassica is like 500% better tossed with olive oil, salt &pepper and roasted on a sheet pan.
- HOW you cook things makes a huge difference in both how they taste and how stressful cooking is. Wanna leave something in a crock pot and forget about it until the timer goes off? AWESOME. Grilling becuase you prefer something more engaging becuase you’re bored? ALSO GREAT. Try out different cooking methids to find out what tastes good and is fun to do,
- Are you one of those people that likes, 3 things, and can have them every night for eternity? GO YOU, with your pre-planned menu! Maybe call up a nutritionist to see if you need to be taking some extra vitamins, but really, this is fine too,
Ok this has gotten a mile long and kind of rambling but I hope it helps you!
I don’t know all the reasons why I like dark things, and I don’t think I need to know them all, but… I was just looking at the blog of that person who said I “dehumanize and fetishize” gay men, and I saw that he was quite young (15) and his blog was all full of pastel colors and references to his mental illness and something dawned on me that I hadn’t thought about in a Tumblr context at all.
Part of my PTSD is about experiences I had in hospitals, and because of that one of my triggers is… not pastels, all by themselves, but like… have you ever stayed in a hospital as a kid? And everything is covered in soothing soft colors and all the nurses wear scrubs with like… cute animal drawings on them and everyone talks in a sing-song voice and reassures you things won’t hurt when they OBVIOUSLY will and you’d rather they tell the truth, accept that you have good reasons to be scared, and get it the hell overwith?
Yeah, I think I just figured out why those kids’ blogs give me a weird tingly feeling of creeping dread.
And I think I figured out, also, where my intense leeriness of “safe spaces” and trigger warnings comes from too–even though as a person with PTSD I’m supposed to want them.
It’s because in my experience, people who were trying to make me feel safe were LYING. They were lying because it was in their interest–in mine, too, but in theirs–for me to feel calm and soothed. For me not to feel despair, or anger, or blind screaming rage.
…Is it any wonder I like the stories where the people with the knives and the cruel smiles and the mind games are blatant about it? Or that I might want a few knives of my own, even though I have no desire to hurt anyone who isn’t going to get off on it?
I don’t want those kids to not need safety.
I want them to stop pretending safety looks the same for everyone.
Yes, this.
When people tell me “You’re safe,” I don’t think of Helpful Adult saving me from the monsters under the bed. I think of my teachers, saying the people who hurt me would never do such a thing, and I should stop lying because I was perfectly safe. I think of the people who used to hug me until my lungs wouldn’t fill and my ribs creaked, and got away without a whisper of a reprimand. Because they were pretty and soft, and I was cold and harsh.
That’s not safe, to me. That’s the most dangerous place in the world, because the people who live there will do anything- anything at all- if it means they don’t have to acknowledge how nasty their walled garden has really gotten. Because if I defend myself, they can’t pretend anymore. And they sure as hell won’t defend me.
THIS.
I have experienced a lot of passive-aggressive emotional abuse in my life and let me tell you – my abusers had a vested interest in keeping me calm.
Upset means resistance. Upset means that they have to face the damage they’ve caused. Upset means that you may finally realize that you should leave. Upset means that you might just get up and leave. So they soothe you. They make you doubt the validity of your feelings. They make you feel guilty for getting upset. They make you think that the issue was your fault in the first place. They make you feel like getting upset is pointless. They make you feel like you have wronged them and yourself by being unhappy.
You do not have to let yourself be soothed. You do not have to let them take the fight out of you. If you do not feel safe; you do not have to feel guilty for getting yourself out. You do not have to feel guilty for being upset when someone has wronged you. You do not have to feel guilty for seeking your own brand of safety.
This is the most poignant description of what it actually feels like to be helpless in an institution that I’ve ever read.
It’s a special kind of violence to be hurt and to be told that it’s kindness. It’s intensely intimate and perverted. Succumbing to it is… spiritually destructive in a way that I have a hard time putting to words. Just… in my safe space I’m always fighting because as long as I continue to struggle that very special form of violence can’t take hold of me and I’ll be okay.
Like… when I get triggered about some of these experiences I’ll even have fantasies about dying while resisting. I mean… I don’t want to go into details because super triggering but… just think about that for a moment.
“It’s a special kind of violence to be hurt and to be told that it’s kindness. It’s intensely intimate and perverted.”
My experiences are not exactly the same as yours, but this, yes.
This is why I have such intense reactions to unkind SJ, whether it’s “sit down, shut up, and listen” (gee, what might that resemble?) or “representation means heroes with no serious flaws.”
Because that particular “shh, shh, shh, if we pretend utopia is already here, it soon will be” lie has hurt me EVERY TIME I’ve heard it.
I’m learning now that the roots of a lot of my trauma was this exact “your life is perfect, you’re not allowed to feel anything other than happiness, you’re ungrateful,” yelling more if I cried, any inkling of talking back or standing up for myself was met with twice the punishment, etc
So while it’s understandable that those in a dark place seek softness and gentle color, and there’s nothing wrong with that, those of us forced into it seek the grime as a form of truth and expression that wasn’t allowed for us, or a fictional playground of violence and anger where we can actually scream our frustrations onto a canvas.
And telling people that they should ditch such exploration for holy goodness is just another form of telling us our anger shouldn’t exist
Boom.
i’ve just realized this is why i have such a negative reaction to ‘think of the children’ rhetoric. because my abuse was so often put in terms of ‘think of the other children, they’re more important than you’.
I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”
“if it’s meant to be, it will be” – friendships, relationships, people in general coming into your life, dealing with rejection
“if you want it, go get it” – your goals, aspirations, work and work ethic, changing your life (diet, exercise, hobbies, political views, opinions)
^this seemed important
When I was in highschool, my culinary teacher gave me the greatest gift of all- the actual recipe from red lobster, he worked there for a little bit. I haven’t made a batch in forever but I’m excited.
The cheese bread biscuits from red lobster?!? Teach us dear anon submitter!!!
TEACH US ThE SECRET
@thantos1991 @peanut-for-your-thought @simonalkenmayer
This is the easier recipe, taste damn near the same but less work, but it also makes like 48 biscuits:
8
cups Original Bisquick™ mix2 2/3
cups milk cups shredded Cheddar cheese (8 oz)1
cup butter or margarine, melted1
teaspoon garlic powder1 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon old bay seasoning OR onion powder
Preheat to 450
mix bisquick mix, cheese and milk until a soft dough forms.
don’t over stir, it mixes pretty
quick
grease a pan or put parchment paper down
Put dough balls about 2 inches apart, and put in oven.
MAKE SURE the oven is completely pre heated, if you put it in before hand the biscuits will come out nasty.
Bake 8-10 minutes.Melt the butter in the microwave completely.
Add parsley, seasonings and stir.Once biscuits are done, should be brown on the bottom, pull them out and let them sit for a moment before covering or dipping them in the butter. Dipping upside down means more coverage.
NOW, here is the recipe I actually use:
This recipe makes 10-12 biscuits.
3 cups all purpose Flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon cream of tartar
¾ cup butter or ½ cup butter ¼ shortening
1 and ¼ cup milkPreheat oven to 450.
Combine flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, and cream of tartar.
Using a blender/pastry blender, cut the butter into the mixture until it looks crumbly.
make a well/hole in the middle of the mixture and pour ALL the milk in at once.Now, you’ll want to add the cheese, which for this recipe you’ll want to use ¾ to 1 cup sharp cheddar.
Use a fork to stir/fold the mixture just until the mixture is all moist. Do not over mix.
Use a spoon or scoop, and scoop 12 onto a parchment paper or a greased pan surface. You’ll want to put them 1 ½ – 2 inches apart.
Bake for 10-14 minutes, until the bottoms are brown.
½ cup butter or margarine, melted
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon parsley
1/3 teaspoon old bay seasoning OR onion powderMelt the butter, mix and either dip the biscuits in or cover them with a brush/spoon. If there is any left over it goes super good on french bread too.
You are a queen among bees.
TRUST YOUR OBSESSIONS
“I remember Alan Moore in the late 1980s telling me about a documentary he’d seen on TV about Jack the ripper. And then, over the course of the next few months, telling me about Jack the Ripper books he’d read. By the point where he was asking me to go and find rare and forgotten biographies of possible Ripper suspects at the British Museum, I though it quite possible that a Jack the Ripper comic would be in the offing. From Hell didn’t start with Alan going, “I wonder what I’ll write about today.” It started as an obsession.
Trust your obsessions. This is one I learned more or less accidentally. People sometimes ask whether the research or the idea for the story comes first for me. And I tell them, normally the first thing that turns up is the obsession: for example, all of a sudden I notice that I’m reading nothing but English 17th century metaphysical verse. And I know it’ll show up somewhere—whether I’ll name a character after one of those poets, or use that time period, or use the poetry, I have no idea. But I know one day it’ll be there waiting for me.
You don’t always use your obsessions. Sometimes you stick them onto the compost heap in the back of your head, where the rot down, and attach to other things, and get half-forgotten, and will, one day, turn into something completely usable.
Go where your obsessions take you. Write the things you must. Draw the things you must. Your obsessions may not always take you to commercial places, or apparently commercial places. But trust them.”
– From @neil-gaiman ’s speech given at the 1997 PRO/con in Oakland
Do this four times repeatedly and you’ll be out. But how does it work? There’s some real brain science behind it.
We’re trying this tonight!
It’s about time someone got around to uncovering all the cheat codes for this “human being” software. It’s only been out for like 10,000 years.
?????????????
I’ve used this technique for about a year, and I can safely say that it has efficiently transformed my sleeping habits from several hours of struggle to fall asleep, to passing out in a matter of minutes.
It’s a form of Alexander Technique. It’s a technique that was designed for actors to keep their body in ready working condition and give it the best way to perform. This is the method used to calm, and center the body. Once the body is at that point it can perform anything you want it to.
Reblogging for later reference after I tried it earlier today to try to calm down. It actually does help a lot, not just for sleep but if you have problems with anxiety.
My default mental setting is “vibrating intensely in the background.” After doing this, I felt noticeably calm and relaxed – I wasn’t as fixated on my breathing, I wasn’t tense, my movements weren’t jerky and I didn’t feel like I had to be as tense as possible to be under control. 10/10 would recommend.
me gonna try it
dont wanna reblog but insomnia is a bitch for some ppl so heres for my mutuals having trouble sleeping.
8hy:
there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of
you put it into words
Interesting
Different Strokes?
I think I left the teller at the bank genuinely disturbed when I told him that “If I can’t afford it, I just don’t buy it.”
“What about a car? Do you drive a car?” he inquired, his voice toning on the edge of fear.
I told him, “Yeah, I have a vehicle. I bought it used for under $3,000.”
He looked physically pained. “What about if you want to buy some kind of new appliance? Or furniture?” he persisted.
I stared at him blankly. “My couch was $5.00 at Goodwill. Like…I just buy shit cheap or I don’t buy it at all. The only thing in my life that I make payments on is my house, my bills, and my insurance, and that’s split five ways because I have housemates.”
The young man looked horrified? Appalled? And somehow also awed?
This guy couldn’t have been much older than me. But it seemed that he’d never even considered the option before of saving up for something to purchase it outright instead of using a credit card.
Am I the only person in my general age group (just turned 26) who’s never owned a credit card, and who has forgone basic comforts in order to save up for items so you don’t owe money to anyone, like, ever?If you’re living in the US without a credit card at 26, you’re playing with danger.
No credit is viewed as the same as bad credit. Which means you could be denied if you ever do need to rent an apartment or a car. Hospitals and clinics are also less likely to allow payment plan programs for people without good credit.
The best thing you could do at this point is apply for a credit card you’re eligible for and pay a few things (I do gas and groceries myself) with it each month. As long as you keep it to zero balance each month there is no interest and there will be proof of you not having debt (instead of just the absence of debt).
what.
This is legit how it works. The system requires records on you, or else. So you need a credit card and worse, you need to have a record of using it, even if you pay it off every single month. Unfortunately, the formulas used to determine credit score are secret, so we also have people suggesting that your credit rating is helped if every so often you do pay a bit of interest. The whole thing is a complete mess. If you don’t have a credit rating/history, then any loans you manage to get will be at extremely high interest and will require much more effort than they really should.
what
yeaah let me just go get a card that i can’t pay off because capitalism is shit, even if i literally only buy a pack of gum
that’d go wellIf you pay it off in full every month there is no interest. Do what OP is doing but put some of that on your credit card and pay it off every month, and soon you will have a very good credit rating.
you skipped right the fuck over the “can’t pay it off” part huh
like credit cards are just not a viable thing if you’re poor and have shit income
And I’m saying to literally not put anything on it if you can’t buy it in cash. And I’m aware that they fuck over poor people, but yeah, that’s the system that’s in place. This is advice for navigating it, which is how to obtain good credit which helps a lot.
Right like don’t make minimum payments, put your gas on your credit card then that same day pay the credit card company online then don’t worry about it for another month. It’s an absolutely shit system, but in the event of an emergency it’s good to have.
I have had to explain this to a lot of people in my life, but it’s true- no credit is the same as (or worse than!!!) bad credit. What having (and using) the card actually shows is that you are capable of (and actually follow through on) making regular payments: ie, it is proof of having a steady income (even if you do not actually have a steady income). It is showing you reliably can pay for things you purchase (you do the same thing with cash but there’s no record), and that if you borrow money you’re good for it when it comes time to repay, which is what your credit score is all about.
Think of it this way. You have a credit card, which is your credit tracking device. You use the card to tell someone “I will pay for this thing with borrowed money.” They agree to allow you to pay with borrowed money. You then turn around to your credit card company and say “Thank you for allowing me to borrow your money, I will now pay you back with my own money.” (which, if you repay them promptly enough, you can repay them the exact same amount you borrowed, rather than paying them more than you borrowed [which is what interest is])
The credit card company then recognizes that you successfully borrowed their money AND returned it safely, and they pass that information along to credit tracking companies. Each time you do this, you gain credibility. If you do this enough times, you are considered a credible borrower of money, so that if you ever are in a situation where you need to borrow a large sum of money (for example, a mortgage or a car or a hospital bill or whatever), companies with money will look at how well you have returned money in the past, and say Ah yes, this person repays their debts well, so we can lend them our money.
So like, do what the above folks are recommending. Get a credit card and use it to reasonably purchase things you already have to buy- put a batch of groceries on the card. Go home (or wherever you can use the internet), pay it off as if you had paid cash in the store for it. There is no extra fee or interest for doing this, and you are leveling up your credibility in case of emergency later on in life.
More shit in adult life they never tell you about in school
As someone who’s credit history was wiped to zero after an ex stole her identity.
Having no credit is significantly worse than having bad credit. I’ve been fortunate as of late and nothing bad has happened to me, and I’m set to inherit a house and the like. But, if say the furnace dies, or the hot water heater, or I get sick again (since my insurance company jacked my premiums to $1300/mo), I’m proper fucked.
One of the big suggestions my financial guy (I have some stocks and bonds, planning for retirement) suggested was, getting a secured credit card. Basically, it works like a normal credit card, but you put your own money down as a collateral/financing base (generally between $200-500), the financing bank/institution then puts their backing behind you. Secured cards have a near 100% approval rate for those of us with zero credit, whereas normal bank backed cards you are less likely to be approved.
I applied for one and got denied because I had low income…..
Shit I wish had been explained to me 10 years ago.
simple way to build credit: set up your monthly charges– cell, internet, Netflix, insurance– to be paid automatically on your credit card. Instead of paying each bill separately throughout the month, you pay off your one credit card bill.
My son just turned 18 (yesterday), we got him a credit card in his name that we are co-signers on. He’ll use it to get gas for the car we share and we’ll pay the bill each month. This way he can get a credit score.
If you have low income and can’t get a credit card on your own, see if you can get a co-signer. I co-signed on my sister’s first credit card, her first car loan, and her first 2 apartments.
All this. I have credit cards that I use as a 1-month delay-of-payment: I save up, buy it on my credit card (and get airline miles for the purchase!) and then pay for it at the end of the next month with the cash I’d saved beforehand. Ditto reoccurring fees – my monthly mobile and health care bills gets paid that way, automatically, so I never forget.
It takes a little bit of money management, in that you have to make sure the money STAYS PUT for that month, so you have it when needed, but it’s a way to play their game to your own benefit. You use their backing, but don’t pay them any interest on it.
(start with whatever POS card you can, then work your way up to one that offers rewards. they will eventually try to get you to increase your credit limits/offer you higher-term cards. Just Say No)
All of the “yes, get a fucking credit card and build your score” advice is good, as are the various plans to use it without incurring any hit to your actual cash flow, but I will offer one counterpoint to the lattermost bit of advice, and explain why you *want* to increase your credit limit.
One of the factors that goes into your score (it’s one of the biggest, depending on credit agency doing the reporting) is your debt-to-credit ratio; that is, if you have $500 in available credit, and a $100 balance (because you pay your electric and cell phone bills with it, for instance), your debt-to-credit ratio is 20% (100/500). If you talk to your credit company after you’ve been with them a while and say, “I’d like to see about increasing my credit limit,” and they see you’ve been on time with everything, they might bump you up tp $600, $750, or maybe even $1000…. if you keep that $100 monthly balance because your bills are consistent, will give you a ratio of 16.6%, 13.3%, or 10% – which makes your credit score go up, which means you can ask your credit card compaany to lower your interest rate, just in case you can’t pay your bill in full some month due to an emergency expense or whatever, so it’ll cost you less extra money if you have to do that.
But don’t take my word for it (yes, I work at a credit union, but I fix computers for a living) – here’s Equifax’ own explanation of how they calculate it: https://www.equifax.com/personal/education/credit/score/how-is-credit-score-calculated
There are a shitload of things that look at your credit score now that don’t necessarily have anything, overtly or obviously, to do with your ability to repay your debts. renting an apartment, especially from a management company rather than a local landlord – they’ll check it to see if you’re gonna be on time and pay in full. jobs in some sectors of the market – if you look like you’re hustling to make ends meet, that could be seen as leaving you vulnerable for bribes or potentially doing shady shit at work (yes, this is shitty, but yes, it’s the truth).
plus, having a strong credit history means you can get better terms when you buy a car or house or anything else of that nature – sparkling credit will literally cut your interest rate down by 60% or more compared to someone with bad credit… if that latter person can even get the loan at all.
This thread would have saved me a lot of money and stress at 17, and has new strategies i was not aware of but will now definitely implement at 37.
I never realized you could auto pay all your bills at once on a cc. I have no sense of time and i forget shit every month if I’m not careful.
just moving along like everyone else 