Tag: taz

blizardstar:

During the days after Here There Be Gerblins, Lup absolutely refuses to be let go of by her brother under any circumstances. However, due to her limited power in this situation, this manifests as the Umbrastaff falling over and rolling in Taako’s direction whenever he tries to set it down. Taako, presently in his Simple Idiot Wizard phase, fails to recognize that this is Not Typical Spellcasting Focus Behavior.

During the boys first night at the Bureau, the Umbrastaff won’t stop falling against the ladder to his bunk no matter how he sets it back up again and eventually, when he reaches down to fix it yet again, it turns and hooks around his wrist not letting him go. His reaction is simply, “Oh hey little buddy, wanna sleep with ol’ Taako do you? Hey I can’t blame you, who wouldn’t!” and pulls it up into bed with him and sleeps with the Umbrastaff like it’s a teddy bear.

It takes days before Lup lets Taako put her down and several weeks before she lets him out of sight when he’s not holding her. She almost panics when they ask for the boys weapons upon boarding the Rockport Limited and was never happier that she made her magic-absorbing superwand an inconspicuous umbrella than she was at that moment.

Everyone else just sort of accepts that Taako now has a magic umbrella that he has to hang on the towel rack when he takes a shower so it doesn’t constantly knock against the door of the bathroom for the entire time he’s in there. The best guess anyone has is there’s some charm on it that tied the Umbrastaff to it’s owner and a bit of that charm transferred over to Taako. (Lucretia secretly wonders if Lup had it charmed to find Taako if she perished, or if she charmed it to return to her and with Lup not present, the Umbrastaff thought Taako was close enough. Either way Lucretia is glad some part of Lup found Taako again after all these years, even if it’s not under the most desireable circumstances, unaware of the true extent to which she is correct.)

mathes0n:

mathes0n:

kravitz: look i know youre excited to finally meet my boyfriend, but can you please tone it down on the dramatics? just for tonight?

the raven queen, who had already invested in a fog machine and a staircase made of bones to descend upon: … ill see what i can do

kravitz: alright taako prepare to meet my boss, she’s been really hyped to see you

*kravitz opens the door to her room; pitch black smoke billows out dramatically*

kravitz: oh my god

the raven queen: T A A K O … W E   F I N A L L Y   M E E T

*she emerges from the smoke, descending upon a staircase of bones. shes wearing a long feathery black cape that seems to have no end*

the raven queen: W E L C O M E   .   .   .

*she sticks out her arms. ravens fly from her sleeves*

the raven queen: T O   M Y   R E A L M 

kravitz: oh my god

taako, absolutely enthralled: *applauding enthusiastically*

leon-the-artificer:

leon-the-artificer:

headcanon that the thb fuck with leon so much bc it’s how they used to fuck with davenport. the problem is that dav could dish out as much as he took.

#dav: taako could you calibrate the map for this plane?  #taako: right…now is that this screen here or  #dav: yep. the microwave is the navigation system you’ve helped me with for the past fifty years. got it in one.  #[later] taako: hey capnport the electricity in my room stopped working??  #dav: huh……weird……how do i make this doohickey route the electricity again?  #taako: THAT’S THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT AND YOU KNOW IT

theoppositeofprofound:

Magnus during the first, oh, ten years of the Stolen Century had a solid half and half death to life ratio because he kept jumping into things without thinking. Finally around year twelve Davenport realized that he could guilt trip Magnus into staying alive by pointing out that he needed to protect the rest of them going forward, and that kept Magnus from racking up too many other deaths the rest of the century. He was shamed into living. 

“Magnus, you’re in charge of protecting us, if you die in month nine we’re defenseless. You can’t leave us alone with no one to protect us, Magnus. We’re intellectuals, we’re helpless. Look at Barry, do you want Barry to die just because you went cliff diving again? (Look pathetic, Barry) See, he can’t defend himself. Just a sad little science man. Doesn’t even know what a sword is. What’s that, a giant dissection knife? Blah, blah, science. It’s tragic.”

“Taako, he’s a lich now. He’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but what about me? I’m fragile as hell, pal.”

“Barry’s name was originally Sildar Hallwinter” taken very literally. Walk with me.

momnar:

momnar:

Sildar Jean Hallwinter. A stuffy name that belonged to great grandpa. “Jean” said all fancylike as in “Jean Valjean”.

Heck it. That’s a mouthful. Parents called him “Darry”. Darry Jean Hallwinter.

Misspelled as “Barry” on his introductory IPRE nametag. It stuck as a joke, then became the only thing people knew him by. Barry Jean Whatshisface.

Haha “Bluejean”. Cause he wears Bluejeans all the time. It’s hilarious.

Barry J. Bluejeans.

#i’m fucking yelling good god #he just starts introducing himself as barry bluejeans by the time he gets to ipre #then at he and lup’s wedding #‘do you take sildar hallwinter to be-’ #‘do i take fucking WHOM’

I’m dying

good taz things

spellslots:

  1. taako’s sincere voice
  2. that time when carey thought magnus was hitting on her and she was like “you’re not my……. cup of tea” and mag was like “i know you’re gay” and made her a ring
  3. it ended on episode 69, which is the sex number
  4. lup was looking after her dumbass brother and the first thing she did when she could talk to him was kinkshame him
  5. angus mcdonald, boy detective
  6. the moon base, home to the bureau of balance and also fantasy costco and the chug n squeeze
  7. the form of transport between the planet and the not-really-the-moon moon is cannons
  8. the lack of description of garfield the deals warlock, leading to most fanart of him being garfield the cat
  9. when lup made the umbra staff, which justin knew would become an icon of his character, taako made fun of her for looking like a clown
  10. lup is arguably the coolest character and she’s trans
  11. all the gays
  12. boyland’s 400 sons and 13 daughters and unknown number of wives and husbands
  13. the big enemy is basically vore
  14. team sweet flips, which is 2 lesbians and a robot who is also probably lesbian
  15. abraca-fuck-you
  16. merle has completely forgotten that kravitz was responsible for the loss of his arm and continues to blame magnus
  17. magnus eating the philosopher’s stone
  18. everyone just assumed that the reason tres horny boiz could resist the relics was bc they were dumb as hell
  19. they almost always refuse to take anything seriously, but when they are serious… oh boy
  20. garyl the binicorn
  21. klarg just wants to drink tea with taako
  22. characters such as tom bodett (who is every citizen of rockport), della reese (a powerful angel), and clint mcelroy (the embezzling janitor)
  23. taako wore a skirt and the other boys kept trying to make it a Man Skirt™ but justin was like “no dudes it’s just a skirt”
  24. merle switched gods and clint immediately forgot who his previous god was
  25. “taako went on a date with death” “[you hear a very familiar voice that makes you so happy but you don’t know why] is it kravitz?” “you’re dating the grim reaper??” “i love you, taako” “i saw my boyfriend” “my boyfriend is death”
  26. the way the boys get so invested in the npcs
  27. all of the antagonists are so good (magic brian, jenkins, sloane, kravitz, the purple worm, lydia & edward, john hunger) (actually fuck lydia & edward. jenkins also is kinda shitty. of course the hunger isn’t great exactly. but yeah magic b, sloane, krav, and that bigass worm are all wonderful and gay)
  28. the ipre, aka nasa but with wizards
  29. griffin’s elevator fetish
  30. it’s me, taako. you know, from tv?
  31. taako’s relationship with paloma. his disappointment when he was tryin to talk about baking and she was like “uhhhhhhhhhhhhh scone magic”. him calling her the oldest woman he had ever seen.
  32. the cleric never heals anyone but damn he can make people tell the truth
  33. the whole thing actually

feel free to add on