Barry J Bluejeans is a lich necromancer, capable of casting the paladin/cleric spell Command, who is fluent in thieves cant and identifies as a fighter when his memory is wiped.
Barold what the absolute fuck
Barry J Bluejeans, on top of all of this, is also an item artificer (just like everyone else on the Starblaster), a bond and interplanar scientist, and plays the fucking piano, so at any point in time this motherfucker could class as a bard if he really wanted to.
What is Barry?
All the power is in his jeans. He’s just possessed by them.
sildar hallwinter is a fighter/bard multiclasser
barry bluejeans, sentient pair of pants possessing sildar, is the weird wizard/paladin multiclasser.
Actually, in 5e, none of that is even weird, even if you stick to just the Player’s Handbook, no extra guides. His ability to play the piano is probably from his background, which would have to be Entertainer or Outlander. Barry’s a Human, so he can get a feature at first level, but if he didn’t, he gets the option again at 4, 8, 12, and 16. When he gets that option, he can take Magic Initiate, choosing Cleric, so since Command is a first level spell, he can cast it once per day for free, and using wizard spell slots otherwise. He can use another of those features to take Linguist, which allows him to gain three languages, one of which could be Thieves’ Cant. Another feature gets him Weapon Master, allowing him to wield any four types of weapons, and then he can take Lightly, Moderately, and Heavily Armored, to completely pass himself off as a Fighter by wearing any armor he wants. So no, Barry’s not multiclassed, he’s just built by someone who really knows their way around the PHB
Tag: taz
griffin tried so fucking hard to kill magnus and was thwarted every time by the power of love. first he tried to make the chalice consume him. magnus countered that with his love for julia. then he tried to make the entire astral plane pull him to his death, and the mcelroys gave us the arms outstretched sequence, which was literally taako and merle both going hey god? hey, god? fuck you. this is our ruff boi and you can’t have him. griffo literally had to resort to asking travis “how do i kill your fucking character” because magnus was too hard to kill. your mistake, griffin, you made your podcast about the power of love and family and tried to kill the character who loves the easiest. what did you expect. he’s invincible.
lup: hey babe how do i look
barry: beautiful and perfect and amazing
lup: thanks babe i love you
taako: hey babe how do i look
kravitz: your blouse is just a bit too dark for the rest of your outfit, so you should change it to something more pastel. also, with that skirt you might want higher heels – this would be a good excuse to wear those boots we got last week. while you do that, i’ll go change my shirt so we aren’t completely clashing.
taako: thanks babe i love you
[later, on their double date]
taako: lup what the fuck are those cargo pants
lup: i don’t want to hear it. we’re at a trashy bar and you two look like you just stepped off the runway.
kravitz: all the world’s a stage, lup
Justin: This is my character Taako and he’s a fucking idiot
Griffin: Hmmmm no, actually, he’s an incredibly competent wizard who was top in his class at magic NASA, so jot that down
Justin: K, so in his backstory Taako accidentally killed 40 people through his carelessness-
Griffin: well, ACTUALLY, it turns out Taako was innocent all along! it was really his assistant who killed all those people because he was jealous of Taako, so, like, jot that down
Justin: Okay, well before that Taako spent his childhood alone on the road, and he’s kinda paranoid cause he’s never had anyone to watch his back-
Griffin: BUT ACTUALLY HE HAD A SIBLING THAT LOVES HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING AND HAS BEEN WATCHING OVER HIM THE WHOLE ADVENTURE AND DESPERATELY TRYING TO REACH OUT TO HIM SO J O T T H A T D O W N
#Justin: so here’s my wizard he’s Awful#Griffin: excuse you taako has done nothing wrong ever in his life and i love him
I didn’t even realize how annoyed I was at the general way women in comedy shows are portrayed until TAZ didn’t do the thing and I realized how amazing it was.
The thing is: when you have a group of funny male characters and one or two women, and the women are always super mature and emotionally together and much too responsible and reasonable to engage in shenanigans. Basically the perpetually annoyed straight man for the jokers to butt up against.
And then TAZ introduced Lup, and immediately she was petty, and smug, and egotistical, and FUCKING HILARIOUS, and it felt like taking a breath of air when I didn’t even realize I’d been underwater. She’s allowed to be every bit as ridiculous and self-obsessed as her brother, and they just trust that we’ll love her the same way we love Taako, faults and all – they never feel like they’re apologizing for putting a girl in with all this silliness, not once! And, like, they joke about a “competent woman” – she is HIGHLY competent! And very moral! And capable of tremendous love and sweetness!
And she ALSO wants her fucking fifteen dollars back, GREG GRIMALDIS.
and she also wants
her fucking fifteen dollars
back greg grimaldis
^Haiku^bot^0.4. Sometimes I do stupid things (but I have improved with syllables!). Beep-boop!
Kat told me about the theory that Angus is Lup and Barry’s child and I gotta say as there’s nothing I can recall that definitively disproves this, I dig it. Yeah it’s cute as shit but mostly because of the possibility that dear sweet precious Ango was created via mad science and/or black magic.
#taz#Lucretia walks into Lup and Barry’s room#there’s a large pentagram on the floor and they’re in the middle of an eldritch ritual#some real Fullmetal Alchemist shit#Lucretia: what are you two doing??#Lup probably: we’re having a baby!#Lucretia: …well this isn’t the worst thing I could’ve stumbled across
*sirens blaring in the distance*
Angus, who’s done nothing wrong in his entire life: they’ve found me
Taako, who’s committed the crime the sirens are blaring for: you better run boychik
#taako left angus’s magnifying glass at the crime scene#it’s part of magic training#taako considers evading police to be essential knowledge#calls it a cop quiz#like a pop quiz but you’re running ftom the cops! (via @leagueofaveragefolk)
things that canonically exist in the taz universe:
– pro wrestling
– cooking shows
– kids detective novels
– craigslist, only it’s a literal list made by craig, a gnome
– depression and nihilism so powerful it turns you and everyone in your world into a dimension-eating hivemind abomination
– an entire town full of clones of a specific real-world radio personalitythings that canonically don’t exist in the taz universe:
– the number 69
– cheese
Good good OOC TAZ things
because the fact this thing was made by three nerd brothers and their nerd dad is a cornerstone of what makes it so great
- Griffin introducing an NPC and instantly going ‘shit I have to come with a voice’
- Griffin coming up with a voice and then instantly retconning it because he hates it
- The boys’ derisive yet affectionate mockery of their dad’s horrendously out of date pop culture jokes
- Clint’s horrendously out of date pop culture jokes
- The use of nicknames (Juice, Griffy, Ditto etc.)
- The unironic use of the word ‘Daddy’
- Justin growing outrage at everyone else’s lack of character voices
- One of the players suggesting something really stupid and Griffin’s deadpan voice saying ‘you die instantly’
- Something bad happens/is about to happen and you just hear Travis go ‘well tits’
- ‘which celebrity would you say this new NPC most resembles?’
- Some dope plot twist occurs and one or more players breaks character to congratulate Griffin on how dope it is
- Justin laughing so hard it sounds like he’s dying
- Someone trying to surreptitiously open a bag of snacks but it ruins the audio and everyone else yells at them
- Clint never knowing what dice to roll
- One or more of them bursting into song
- Someone making a hella good attack roll and Griffin going ‘holy shit’
- ‘You’ve solved my [X] puzzle!’
- Someone does some crazy-ass stunt and it works and the others start cheering and clapping
okay but like.
how are the mannequins in Wonderland even mildly sentient? bc they clearly are a little bit, outside of “controlled by edward and lydia”. so how are they?
unless they’re maybe a little soul-having.
unless maybe when you come to wonderland, and can’t escape, you keep getting whittled down and down until there’s just a bit of your soul left, and then edward and lydia use that to whittle down others.
so basically my theory is that edward and lydia used the animus bell to trap the souls of the people they’d all but destroyed in their mannequins and used them to trap and destroy even more people. :’D
just moving along like everyone else 