Tag: suzanne bittle

i found this post in my drafts and have ZERO memory of writing it (thank u alcohol) so im gonna put it in my queue lol

eve-baird:

  • ok but imagine 
  • Bitty comes out to his parents but he doesn’t tell them about Jack, thinks it’s for the best, maybe to ease his parents into things or maybe to keep the pool of People Who Know as small as possible 
  • and like yeah Ransom and Holster are super oblivious but Suzanne Bittle is not, not when it comes to her son, because she is a certified Nosy Southern Mother and she can see he’s been acting differently, happier but quieter, always on his phone and blushing when she asks about boys
  • and he talks about the team a LOT 
  • Jack’s one of his best friends and he’s just started his NHL career, so of course Bitty’s never gonna shut up about Jack
  • (Same goes for Shitty and law school. And eventually Ransom and med school. Dicky is proud of his friends and wants everyone to know. He gets that trait from Suzanne, she understands)
  • but he keeps talking about this one Boy, how sweet he is and how his smile is like a sack of puppies and how bitty’s always making this boy do things with him like baking and getting froyo and going shopping and Suzanne is like. Yes. This must be Dicky’s secret boyfriend. 
  •  the next family weekend or whatever, Suzanne demands to meet this Chowder boy who’s stolen Bitty’s heart
  • Bitty is both confused and mortified

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jacksbits:

canolacrush:

I JUST HAD A THOUGHT well technically I had this thought hours ago when I wasn’t computer-accessible but anyways IMAGINE IF Bad Bob Zimmermann was a raging bisexual (like, technically never came out of the closet, but everyone who knows him knows) and he came down for that second family weekend that we never actually heard about supposedly because of “how embarrassing” it was, and he sees Bitty and Mama Bittle again and he’s just like “Oh!  Hey there, son, you’ve gotten a lot cuter since I last saw you, well done!”

and Bitty’s just like “WHA?  UM?  THANKS, SIR??? UH” and then Bad Bob turns to Mama Bittle and is like “clearly he gets his looks from you, Suzanne” and it’s like an instant KO to poor Bitty’s mom, she’s out cold, she’s gone

meanwhile Jack’s completely mortified in the corner like PAPA, N O N and he turns to his mom and whispers “MAMA DO SOMETHING, STOP HIM”

and Alicia’s just like “what?  He’s right, Eric’s definitely gotten cuter since last time, no wonder you like him” and Jack’s just “ET TU, MAMAN?” and everybody is blushing except for Jack’s parents who literally have no shits to give, they are there to make their own son become a hockey-playing tomato for the WHOLE weekend and to continue fostering the Bittlemann Alliance of Glory.

#okay see i reblogged this already but 1. that was before the canoning #and 2. i lose my marbles over ET TU MAMAN? EVERY. SINGLE. TIME #THE MOST BEAUTIFUL INTERSECTION OF LANGUAGES IN PUN FORM MINE EYES HAVE EVER SEEN #everything about this is beautiful and perfect honestly and i’ll never be over ‘look @ how cute u got! well done!’ dad bob #but jack zimmermann history nerd reaching out with one gay hand#fingers splayed #mouthing ‘stop him’ to his mother the woman who has always protected him from the evils of the world #and the mmm watcha say BETRAYAL when she turns around and just fuckin marcus brutuses him on the senate floor (tags via sadquebecois)