R2D2 communicates in a language consisting exclusively of swear words which can somehow still transmit meaning. Like Mat.
EXACTLY 😀
“I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS THE EVENTS OF EVERY MOVIE I’LL SAY WHAT I LIKE”
R2 IS GONNA GIVE U A VERY FOULMOUTH PEPTALK LUKE AND UR GONNA LISTEN TO HIM
“hey fucker, long time no see, you got a single CLUE how much SHIT i’ve gone through for your shitass family? go ahead and guess. Because I can asure you, what you’re going through is nothing by comparison, and I NEVER RAN AWAY”
so the stormtroopers right. if they think u didnt fire ur blaster they inspect it & if you didnt they send you for reconditioning.
maybe. thats why. they never. HIT. anything.
they dont want to be punished but they dont really want to hurt anybody.
maybe.
DUDE
well this is an entirely strange new level of sadness
This has been observed in conflicts through out the last century and a half or so, Soldiers deliberately firing high and missing.
Oh. My. God.
Trooper QG-3148 was a sergeant placed on the Death Star a scant five months ago, but they had wanted to be part of the Imperial Forces since they were a small child. They were the best shot in their squadron with blasters, second best with rifles and had never missed a target when deployed.
So when that kid running around with the Princess crossed their path trying to escape, QCG3148 lined up the first shot to take them out…. and missed. The Princess with no world and her rescuer dashed off down another corridor and QG-3148 gave chase slowly. Couldn’t make it seem like they weren’t chasing the rebels, that would only put QG-3148 in trouble.
In every hallway they passed, troopers were marching in time, blasters at the ready. But no shots hit and none of the rebels were harmed. No words needed to be spoken between the ranks; they had all seen the destruction of the planet Alderaan and knew what needed to be done.
It was a secret between the Stormtroopers that the brass buttons had no notion of; orders were to be followed unless they proved to cause harm to your brothers and sisters. Veteran trooper CC-2224, nicknamed Cody among the troops, was adamant every Stormtrooper followed this creed before clearing them for duty. It seemed that every Stormtrooper on the Death Star remembered that lesson; many of them had families on Alderaan, after all. And now they were hurting.
well, shit. and that explains why hux’s stormtroopers CAN hit what they aim at. i mean, i haven’t seen tlj yet, but in tfa i quite clearly recall them rolling over that village like a lawnmower over a tennis ball. with a single exception, they were not firing to miss.
because they’ve been, as hux said, indoctrinated since birth. i imagine stormtrooper culture in the first order looks a lot more gung-ho than it did in the empire, because brendol hux was kind of a twisted genius in the brainwashing department, and armitage improved on his methods.
which brings us back to finn being a precious gem, because he was raised to be all HOOAH GET SOME but he still said no.
aka
“Look for the Force, and you will find me” and the Giant Middle Finger towards
the Chinese Inequalities
So a couple of weeks back, I saw this
video of an interview of Donnie Yen and Jiang Wen, in which someone asked them
about Baze and Chirrut’s relationship. They said a lot of things, mostly
teasing, but the video ended with Donnie smiling and saying, “They’re very good
brothers.”
My immediate, visceral reaction is bull-fucking-shit. And a sense of
absolute glee because I know he knows
that he’s talking bullshit.
I’ve been thinking for the last couple
of weeks about why it’s bullshit.
This post is the result. It’s pretty long, so: tl;dr Chinese culture is about extremely structured and strict societal
relationships, and Baze and Chirrut’s smashes that all into pieces to show how
people can be equal and not fit into boxes.
Disclaimer: I
grew up in a staunchly Chinese family in a Chinese-majority country and grew up consuming media from China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. But I did not grow up in any
of those places. My country of origin is pretty damned Westernised. If I get
anything wrong, please tell me.
I have brought my tl;dr to a new fandom and I still keep it under a cut.
So… I have a guilty love of the prohibition era. I’dd never want to LIVE then, but int terms of really interesting social dynamics, fashion, art and narrative possibility, its really, really interesting. During the ‘Would-Bacta-work-as-lube?“ question posed by @poplitealqueen a few months ago, I set about scouring-SCOURING, I TELL YOU– Wookieepedia and all my SW-related material to find out what Bacta actually COST, and how it operated, to answer the question of whether it was economically and practically feasible. And I found out that:
1. It apparently makes ideal lube, as long as you don’t mind the smell of Pineapple.
2. It’s basically ultra-thick saline with suspended nutrients and ACTUAL BACTERIA in it.
(so, these next couple conclusions are made in the face of conflicting canons, but it’s the one that makes the most sense for how shit plays out)
3. Bacta is the GMO reconstruction of Kolto, which is a psuedo-parastic microorganism that may or may not be related to midichlorians that alters it’s DNA to turn into the host’s cells. (IDK it’s science fiction, roll with it) Kolto was the more effective substance, able to treat things like cirrhosis, brain damage, etc,- but was wiped out by a virus during the KOTOR era as part of a plot to get rid of the Jedi.
Good job guys.
So Bacta is the GMO they managed to cobble together afterwards with the remaining info they had, and while it’s pretty miraculous as a traumatic injury treatment, it doesn’t do chronic diseases like Kolto did
4. Bacta is literally grown in cultured vats, much the way insulin is farmed today.
5. While it’s heavily regulated in the TPM era, because it’s MEDICAL EQUIPMENT, it’s still really easy to grow once you get your startup costs out of the way.
6. The expensive part of bacta is the administration devices- bacta doesn’t do well in tubes, so you either need to keep a small live colony (a bacta tank ala ESB), or flash-freeze them in the ultra thick saline, and have a small…bacterial microwave, essentially, to thaw bits of it out for use.
7. During the clone wars, Palpatine subsidized the crap out of the bacta industry so he’d have enough for his army and the worlds loyal to him- post 66, he was a punitive asshole who controlled all “legitimate” (but not necessarily well-run) bacta production, and would just not ship it to worlds he didn’t like.
The point I’m getting at is- The conditions are PERFECT for there to be a massive Bootleg Bacta trade starting in TPM and going all through the empire (and into TFA probably, we’ll see what the timeline looks like once this all shakes out) Just thing- ALL the shenanigans people got up to with bootlegging, but with bacta.
People with illicit ‘stills’ in the basement, people doing insane planetary runs to get it to worlds in need- or pirating Imperial ships for the stuff. Kids going to school with an “ice pack” in their lunch bag, only to give the frozen bacta to their Rebel-sympathizing teacher. Imperial Facilities get raided by Bacta Pirates, not for the shitty imperial strain, but literally to pull the piping and saline tanks out of the walls.
Of course, some people are gonna be unscrupulous and cut corners with their vats, resulting in horrible mutant strains that do god knows what (but that’s another plot bunny). Or Strains of bacta that are more refined and effective, because much of the scientific Community was not friends with Sheevy P, even before the war.
AND CLONES WOULD KICK ASS AT BACTA FARMING- because a LOT of bacta farming happened On Kamino, and hell, it was probably part of chores to tend to the tanks. “Feed the vats so your brothers can live”
The HARD part about starting your own farm is 1. finding/making suitable vats 2. GETTING YOUR HANDS ON A GOOD STRAIN.
Kix becomes an unintentional fucktillionaire distributing the Kamino strain. He wasn’t even charging, people just kept giving him money.
“Uncle Jesse’s Extra-Viscosity Varmint Grease” is the joke name of the best strain. Kix is SO MAD that drunk Jesse named it that but you know? No imp inspection officer has ever wanted to open those barrels.
The things people pretend to be shipping instead of bacta though, which might actually include booze:
"Booze! Twelve million gallons of Zanbar Blue!“ “Oh that stuff is gross. Carry on.”
Also, the REALLY enterprising people who figure out how to start mixing spice in with their bacta- and create a medical revolution in the process. Glitterstim is a bad idea to snort, but the trace amounts in the “Candy Cane” strain heal nerve damage! "Pineapple express” is a strain that essentially acts as a topical PTSD treatment "Beskar Berserker” is a strain that has some pretty awesome painkiller/amphetamine combo, and while it was meant to keep people from coding, it becomes REALLY popular with former ARC troopers.
Hera gets Kanan a strain called “second sight” after he loses his eyes. She did it because it was supposed to be good for treating optic injuries and numbing visual hallucinations… they find out later it’s basically bacta + Midichlorian chow.
Anyway, this was a fun thought, please feel free to play with it if you want and tell me all about it
This is such a cool idea! If anyone decides to run with this, here are some facts about bacteria-growing to consider in case it helps (I’ve worked in a bio lab).
Bacteria can be frozen down at around -70˚C with a bit of glycerol (presumably the “ultra thick” descriptor of the saline). This doesn’t hurt the bacteria and it can be re-grown simply by scraping a bit off the frozen tube and rubbing it on an agar plate. You then pick the colonies that look right on the plate and grow only those ones.
It’s really hard to grow the bacteria you want and only the bacteria you want. The good bacta strains have probably been engineered to have resistances to some cheap and common antibiotics. The plates, ultra thick saline and any growth broth would contain these antibiotics to help limit bad/useless strains.
It’s an ongoing struggle to keep everything reasonably clean and sterile to prevent bad/useless strains from growing. There’s probably space-technology that makes it easy and the illegal stills may or may not have access to them.
Bacteria that interact with human bodies grow best at 37˚C (internal human body temperature) and when they’re shaken. The vats would absolutely be as sealed as possible. They would also have to be purified out of the growth broth and put in the ultra thick saline for use in humans.
Lots of bacteria are kind of smelly when they grow up to large numbers. A well-seasoned lab person can tell if the good kind or bad/useless kinds have grown just by the smell. Pro-tip: some bad/useless kinds smell rank.
OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE BEST
I’m running another EotE game soon and bacta-farming is almost certainly going to come up.
The concept of humanly toasty vibrating tanks is HILARIOUS tho, becuase we have a cat-dude in the party.
I figure that if SW has whatever magical tech that keeps kamino’s pristine halls pristine despite being occupied bu appx 5 million teenage boys, your average bootlegger can keep a few hot vibrating tanks reasonably clean. Space Windex or whatever.
Listen, there is an approximately 0% chance that Luke Skywalker doesn’t speak Huttese. He is fluent in Huttese, and probably in multiple dialects. He was beyond any doubt perfectly capable of communicating with Jabba the Hutt directly, in Jabba’s own language.
But he doesn’t. He insistently uses Basic when talking to Jabba, and he makes Threepio translate Jabba’s words before he replies. He acts for all the world as if he needs the translation.
Which he doesn’t. And Jabba must know damn well that he doesn’t. Because he introduced himself as Luke Skywalker, and that’s an unmistakably Tatooine name (and a slave name, at that).
Conclusion: Literally every word Luke Skywalker speaks throughout his interaction with Jabba if a veiled “fuck you.” Every single word.
see i know that we all like to make fun of luke skywalker, hick farmer from the back of nowhere, thinking that shooting womp rats with the space equivalent of his dad’s old rifle is somehow sufficient preparation for taking down the death star; but i love the idea that actually womp rats are six foot abominations of teeth, spines & poison and bulls-eyeing them is actually excellent preparation for the rebellion. think about it: swarms of six foot rats, and some skinny kid with an outdated weapon taking them out, cool as paint. hardened soldiers whisper scary stories to each other, about the monsters who scavenge in the sands, stripping a camp of everything living in five seconds flat, and luke just saying oh, womp rats? they’re nothing. great with a bit of butter and some toast.
REMEMBER THAT HE TOLD WEDGE, “THEY’RE NOTMUCH BIGGER THAN TWO METERS” LIKE THAT’S SOME MINOR INCONVENIENCE
BIGGER THAN TWO METERS
Wedge: So, you’ve been to Tatooine
Han: Yeah
Wedge: Womp rats?
Han: Sure. Chewie uses ‘em for bowcaster practice. Kinda gamey tasting. Sandy colored fur, lotsa teeth, little over two meters…
Wedge: Luke wasn’t lying???
Luke (head inside X-wing panel, tinkering): Why would I make THAT up?
Honestly, I’ve always thought that farm work on Tatooine, unintentionally, must have provided a fairly excellent groundwork in establishing Luke’s baby Jedi skills outside of an academy context.
There are of course the aforementioned womp rats, which are both terrifying and a fantastic way to develop shooting skills.
There’s beggar’s canyon for piloting. And if Phantom Menace brought us nothing else, it actually showed us the living death trap that is beggar’s canyon. He’s not like zipping around the Grand Canyon, he’s literally goofing off in a place that killed off a shit ton of professional pod racers. So needless to say, Luke’s had a chance to develop scary good reflexes, information processing, and spacial relation skills.
The Lars’s economic status means that they had to make do with ancient, crap equipment. Luke would have learned how to make incredibly fine tuned repairs, and keep shit going forever. And sure, he never built a C3PO or a pod racer, but honestly, if he found the materials to do it, he probably would have used them in a moisture collector.
And there’s even combat experience. From what we know about Tatooine, a farm like the Lars Homestead, would have been at risk for attacks by raiders, Jabba’s goons, and any of the terrifying hellbeasts that populate that planet. It’s not like Jedi temple training or anything. But Luke definitely learned to be cool under pressure, even when outnumbered or with really old, shit equipment.
I would just like to note that in The Old Republic MMORPG (set three thousand years before the movies) the womp rats are not only two meters long, covered in spines, with teeth as long as my hand, and sometimes DISEASED
BUT THEY ALSO ATTACK IN PACKS
You think you just pissed off ONE rodent as long as you are tall? Oh no. It’s calling ALL SIXTEEN OF ITS FRIENDS
AND THEY ARE ALL AIMING TO BITE YOUR CROTCH OFF.
*THAT’S* what Luke grew up sniping to keep them away from the droids and moisture vaporators. *THAT* (and Beggar’s Canyon) is what prepared him to take down the Death Star.
Womp rats are bad news.
My favorite thing is that they are just one example of how Luke doesn’t know he’s from a Death Planet until he leaves it.
i’m just going to reblog this so you can all enjoy the excellent commentary about my space son who is equal parts sunshine and tempered death
So you’re saying he’s not from Space Nevada, he’s from Space Australia
just moving along like everyone else 