a comprehensive guide to mlm shipping habits in transformative fandom

freedom-of-fanfic:

thesetwoutes:

freedom-of-fanfic:

anonymous said:

Ok, this is going to be a controversial one, but her me out: do you think it’s a bit weird that so many women in the fandom (most of them straight or bi) only show interest in mlm ships? I know on a personal level everybody has their reasons and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking mlm in any sense, but for so many women to only relate to relationships where they aren’t represented is a bit… weird. Not to mention knee-jerk reactions to any mlf pairing 🤔

This is far from a controversial question. People have been mystified that transformative fandom – primarily made up of women* – is ‘only’ interested in mlm for as long as transformative fandom has been a recognized phenomenon.

A caveat for the terminology in this post: as society at large tends to forget/ignore/reject the gender spectrum and transgender people, ‘male/men’ = characters referred to with male pronouns in canon and ‘female/women’ = characters referred to with female pronouns. (NB/agender/genderqueer people don’t come up, unfortunately.)

So first let me point out that transformative fandom is not only on AO3/tumblr. AO3 stats in particular give a very skewed idea of what fandom focuses on. Both ff.net and wattpad – fanfic archives which dwarf AO3 – have far higher ratios of m/f (to m/m) fic than mlm-focused AO3: ff.net is about 50/50 and has more genfic (no pairings) while wattpad features lots of m/f fic, often in the form of (male)character/(female)reader stories.

In other words, Fanworks are NOT mostly mlm; it’s just likely that we tend to notice m/m more than m/f because m/f is the ‘default’ – unmarked, and thus overlooked.

secondly, while you’ve lumped straight and bisexual women together in your ask, if you separate straight and bisexual fandom participants you get an interesting picture in regards to the typical ‘straight women are the biggest m/m fans’ common wisdom:

Now with those caveats out of the way … why is mlm popular in a space that is primarily dominated by women**? I honestly don’t think this can be truly quantified. the reasons vary from person to person too greatly. But there’s a lot of theories and a lot of anecdotal evidence for those theories. Here’s some of them, in no particular order:

  • it’s male privilege (sexism/misogyny). 

    • Male privilege: Male societal privilege and and bias feeds into media bias. media is heavily male-dominated (more male characters, usually played by cis men where actors are called for, with more central/leading roles and more screentime). Even conversations between female characters tend to focus on the male characters. The media bias then itself contributes back to societal bias – and fandom bias – towards seeing men/male characters as more interesting, more dynamic, and more varied than women/female characters.
    • Flip side: societal bias towards men leads directly to a relative lack of interest in women/female characters. they have less screentime, less interaction with one another, and are less centralized by the plot. Their stories are more likely to revolve around a male character in the cast. And when they do get the same treatment as male characters, audiences are very hard on them.
  • it’s simply a function of statistics. the overrepresentation of male characters compared to female characters has a natural consequence. If you do the math, that exponentially increases the odds of a mlm ship being fanned over compared to an m/f or wlw ship.
  • in addition to having more roles, relationships between masc characters are often where the emotional heart of a story lies. people tend to ping on that in and create fan content for it.
  • it’s because fanworks are a function of wish fulfillment, taking various forms:
    • straight women, being sexually attracted to men, consume mlm (nsfw) fanworks for the same reason straight men might consume wlw porn: double the eye candy. (the fact that straight women are actually less likely to consume or create mlm fanfic than non-straight women suggests this may not be as prevalent as often assumed.)
    • non-straight characters are still incredibly uncommon in mass media; transformative fandom, which is mostly non-straight, creates their own representation (perhaps with bias towards the characters with more emotional connection in canon.)
    • non-straight relationships are even less common than non-straight characters, and are unlikely to get much canon focus if they do exist. fandom fills this gap. (conversely, m/f pairings are far more likely to receive canon fulfillment and canon focus, so there’s less need to create fan content for it.)
  • (white cis) male bodies are both more common in (western) mass media and ‘unmarked’. like m/f pairings, white cis males are perceived as ‘default’ due to white/cis/male privilege. If racism, transphobia, and sexism weren’t enough on their own to increase content about pairings between characters of that description, that privilege also means that fictional characters of this description are the least likely to be seen as needing protection by policing elements in fandom, increasing the free rein on content creation. thus: fandom produces more mlm fanworks despite being fannish over m/f and f/f ships as well, which increases content obscurity, which increases free rein, which increases content creation, etc.
  • relatedly: women’s stories/sexuality is too fraught. male privilege/internalized misogyny leads directly to women’s stories and afab bodies being politicized.   some afab people have hangups about fictional representations of themselves in nsfw content, being uncomfortable with portrayals of people like themselves in fiction, and even sickened by depictions of pleasure experienced by bodies with vaginas (particularly in f/f works). mlm stories create enough distance for women to enjoy it without distraction by concerns of misogyny or fear of something hitting too close to home in the experience (and cis mlm nsfw content in particular provides a safe space for afab people who are bothered by depictions of afab pleasure for whatever reason). 
  • it’s an outlet for afab people discovering they are not straight or not cis. they may still identify as a ‘cishet woman’, but they are consuming mlm works because it resonates with a part of them that they haven’t consciously recognized.

In conclusion: at first glance it might seem weird that fandom seems to spend a lot of time on mlm, but this is both not entirely true and (where it is true) there are many, many reasons for it.

I’ve spent 8 hours compiling links and piecing together this post now so that you can have a comprehensive guide to the reasons that parts of fandom seem to be dominated by mlm stories, so I’m going to wrap up now. For more fanwork statistics, try these links:

For more analysis on why mlm is popular (and wlw not so much), try these links:

and this essay briefly sums up the migration of online transformative fandom over the last 15 years or so, giving context to AO3 fic stats.

One final note: the comparative prevalence of mlm to wlw would suggest that male privilege and bias is primary motivation for its popularity, but wlw was not always so scarce as it seems to be now. Just as you might expect, shows with a mostly-female cast had massive amounts of wlw content: sailor moon, utena, etc. But there’s reason to believe that purity culture has stifled wlw popularity, and that’s a damn shame.

*The largest fandom demographic survey from a reputable source (that I am aware of) was based on AO3 users, advertised primarily via Tumblr, and analyzed by @centrumlumina​ in 2013. I’m pulling my stats from this survey, but be aware it has significant limitations.

**in my personal experience, many of those in fandom who identify as women are cis women, but also many of those in fandom who do not identify as women are afab/were socialized as a woman before identifying differently. However, I don’t currently have survey data to back this up.

One small note regarding making inferences from AO3 as opposed to ff.net: don’t forget that ff.net has in the past engaged in wholesale deletion of homosexual content. This suggests that it, at least, represents a selected sample and thus cannot be used for inferences without some transformation.

I don’t know enough about the data to be able to say anything definitive about how to fix it, but I will suggest that a small, random sample is more representative than a large, selected sample. That’s just statistics.

this was never official policy, but there was a bit of that kind of effect.

 I was there for the NC-17 fic purge in 2002 (the announcement can be read here). This was meant to ban any kind of explicit sexual content from the site, but it disproportionately affected m/m fic because LG content of any kind was just considered to be not-kid-friendly, and thus tended to be higher-rated by default (this person’s experience of feeling that any m/m content had to be rated NC-17 was not my experience, but it illustrates my point). m/f kisses were G-rated; m/m kisses were PG-13-rated. and after the NC-17 purge, people who dodged by just dropping the rating on their explicit fic were were more likely to get reported if their work was LG.

Apparently this sexual nsfw ban was reiterated in 2012 and pushed a whole new group of authors to nsfw-friendly sites likes AO3.

Even though fandom often obsesses over the question of why we like mlm so much, the truth is that fandom mlm content has been under fire from outsiders and also from insiders for many, many years.  if you go back into the depths of ff.net, you’ll see a plethora of fics with warnings like MM CONTENT! YAOI! DON’T LIKE DON’T READ! taking up precious character-counter space in the tiny summary line. If you didn’t do that, you’d get ‘flamed’ (nasty reviews with personal attacks in them). It’s only been in the last 5-8 years or so that fandom has come to be considered slash/femslash-friendly and people who are bothered by LG content are the weirdos – which is why it’s so bizarre to me to see this flip happening, where LG content is bad again because the wrong people are writing it.

(*’MM’ instead of ‘M/M’ because ff.net took ‘special’ characters- including slashes! – out of summaries a while back and most people never edited in response :v )

I would love to know more about when you first started thinking that there was more than friendship between Kirk and Spock and when fans first started talking about it. Was it Amok Time that first gave you the idea?

saatre:

elfwreck:

spockslash:

I started thinking about it before Amok Time aired.

In the summer of ‘67, watching the reruns of the first season, I very clearly remember a growing sense of, “They really love each other.” I did not jump to “they are in a romantic/sexual relationship,” but I was increasingly aware that there was love and devotion between them. I wrote a speculative essay about their platonic love in our summer fan club newsletter, which I remember being well-received.

With the start of Season 2, our whole fan club (and often others) watched the show together, at the house of the one person we knew with a color TV. The show was on Friday nights, so we would start the weekends by piling into her living room and watching “in living color” for the first time. Afterwords we would stay and discuss.

When Amok Time aired, we definitely had a lot to talk about. I am pretty sure no one suggested that they were gay – that would have been quite a scandalous suggestion at that time; and I don’t think I thought it myself.  But we did have quite a discussion about how much Jim was willing to sacrifice for Spock, Spock’s reaction to seeing Jim alive, and what did Spock mean by “having not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting…?”

Did Spock … want Jim?

Two camps formed: one believing that Spock was in love with Jim and was pining for him, the other believing no way! that’s ridiculous!

Single copies of “Spock pines for Jim” stories started appearing and being circulated hand-to-hand. Two other women and I were doing most of the writing in my circle of fan friends, and because distribution was so difficult, we started having Thursday night gatherings. Anyone could come and we would read the latest installments in our Spock-loves-Jim stories out loud to the group.

Sometime between the second and third season, my primary writing mentor – an established, published sci-fi writer who was much older than me – told me in private conversation that she thought their love was mutual, quite possibly physical, and that she thought their relationship was worth exploring in writing.

She and I each started working on long pieces exploring the Kirk/Spock relationship, and it was the first time I had seriously entertained the idea that their love was also physical. That was a very secret project. We only ever shared our work with each other for comment / revision, and never mentioned it to anyone else at the time.

The first time I realized that the K/S relationship – which was called “The Premise” in those days – was being explored by other writers and even artists was in the summer of ‘69. Star Trek had been cancelled and I went to another state to meet with a handful of people who were forming a fan network to try to get Star Trek back on air. While there, a fellow fan showed me a set of drawings, all very tame by today’s standards, that depicted a physical relationship between Jim and Spock.  I remember how shocked I was — not by the subject matter, but by the fact that someone had dared depict it.

Slash stayed very much underground until late 1974, when the first published K/S story used very coded language to suggest a love relationship between them.

Additional history note, for people who aren’t aware of it: In 1973, homosexuality was removed from the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder) as a mental illness. Before that time, it was officially listed as, and treated as, a psychiatric disorder, like schizophrenia: a condition that requires treatment, with the goal of removing it, or minimizing its effects if that wasn’t possible.

How happy someone was with it wasn’t important – it was considered a disease. Anyone who was happy being gay was considered to ill to realize how damaged they were.

Claiming that Kirk and Spock might have those feelings for each other was a hard clash against mainstream psychology. It was a very controversial opinion, because it meant not only looking at the series and saying, “I’m seeing a relationship that I’m pretty sure the writers didn’t consciously intend,” but also, “oh, and the entire AMA and the combined wisdom of its doctors are clueless about how human relationships work.”

Believing that two people of the same sex could have a healthy, loving relationship was an act of defiance all on its own.

This is so fantastic to know. Thank you for that insight into fandom history

universe-c:

Every so often a post comes across my dash accusing women who like gay porn (aka slash fandom) of being just as disgusting and exploitative as men who like lesbian porn. I disagree.

I am a gay, nonbinary trans dude. I didn’t really fully embrace this fact about myself until I was in my 30s. But I have known I was genderqueer since I was 19, and felt deeply uncomfortable with identifying as female or straight for even longer. In the 15 years between coming to terms with being genderqueer and actually starting to transition, slash fandom WAS my only real access to a community supportive of my queer identity or queer sexual exploration. Why?  Because when I tried to come out to IRL gay friends I was called an attention-seeking faghag, a pervert and a dyke in denial. This attitude of ‘oh you’re just a tourist straight girl and your presence is a threat to our identity’ kept me in the closet for over a decade.

If we want to normalize the idea of queer people, we also need to normalize the idea of enjoying queer sexuality. Gay sex between consenting adults is normal, healthy sex. Enjoying queer porn doesn’t equate to harming IRL gay people or threatening anyone’s queer identity, no matter who is doing the enjoying. If liking queer sex is perverted then by necessity all queer people are perverts.

The grossness of both icky slash and icky mainstream porn do not come from straight people being straight in gay spaces. They come from the gender essentialism and violent misogyny that we have all been indoctrinated with since early childhood. Gender essentialism and violent misogyny are not integral to being straight, and the assumption that they are helps to perpetuate them.

a lot of gay fic written by gay men i’ve read also have bad unhealthy sex practices (no lube at all ever is very common) so wow i guess this shit might have more to do with bad education/lack of research in general rather than evil women authors not caring. like honestly most of the “bad woman author” shit could be fixed thru education instead of kicking em out. in fact disseminating safe sex info more so ppl don’t apparently gotta learn from FUCKFICTION would be uh a good idea

jumpingjacktrash:

kimthreerings:

dadvans:

grassfire:

but all people have weird ideas about sex and how it’s done, it’s not a limited population category thing. women are copping the brunt of this dumb discourse because the discoursees are applying some really shallow readings to content on two sites, where the content is generated by women by a huge margin over any other gender, and making some hogwild logical leaps to end up endlessly circling the mlm discourse echochamber.

occasionally you’ll luck out by bedding some fuck shaman who opens your third eye through the power of labe grinding your armpit or whatever, but Regular Guy and Population Median Woman probably know diddly shit beyond PIV and anal on birthdays. sex ed sucks beyond ‘don’t do it/this is a condom on a banana/from the front the uterus-womb-ovary complex looks like a buffalo kinda’, live action porn is stuck in a one-upmanship overton window shift (except, y’know, for sex), and sex positive material online is like a infinite house of mirrors except every reflection shows you erica moen advising you to stick a lamp up your ass

and that’s just the cisgender hets bumbling their way around. 

finding out info about what the hell to do and how to do it if you’re gay is hard, and damn near impossible if you’re not cis and probably juggling an extra course load of terminology, body perception, and having to do a 101 How Not To Talk About My Junk to every Brock and Chriss on Scruff.

when all the material out there is basically boiling down getting that dick into a hole as the ultimate goal, it’s a wonder that anyone is even writing anything other than ‘he shoved it in, he came’. 1-2-3-dick is formulaic but man, that it’s even around enough to become formulaic is new. 

‘straight girls write anal wrong! they don’t know anything about anal!’ well i mean without getting into the whole thing of yes it’s possible to have comfortable anal penetration with spit, yes it’s possible to have comfortable anal penetration with nil or extremely fast minor fingering, no your o-ring will not blow out and prolapse if you take a pounding without 40 minutes of getting tenderly fingered with free trade lube handmade by monks in the peruvian alps, etc etc etc (i.e. every thing some sanctimonious chucklefuck will grandly declare as absolutes) but lmao women absolutely know about anal. a quick glimpse at cosmo magazine will tell you that. a quick glimpse at fuckin’ pornhub will tell you that. straight women do anal, lesbians do anal. every population microselection you can name has been getting pleasure from the asshole for as long as human beings have had assholes!!!

‘straight girls only write about penetration! real gay people frot and grind!’ again: PIV/PIA is everywhere. EVERYWHERE! gay porn is penetration focused! straight porn is penetration focused! romance stories with a regulation fade to black cut imply penetration! the popular concept of what constitutes sex itself is based on penetration! you can’t get furious at someone for doing a thing when everything around them is doing the same thing!

everyone is stupid about sex. sometimes people get less stupid. sometimes people get brave enough to actually ask for what they want. i really can’t fault anyone for not having every intricacy of boning nailed down straight out of the gate but if the alternate is going ‘women are harming me by not faithfully depicting ultimate best practice safe sex in their fiction written for the purpose of hopefully getting the reader off, and for that sin they’re all b*tches who will never understand what it’s like to be sexualised or objectified 😦 :(*’ then god, just end it. 

anyway i got totally off track from your ask, but yes, 100% i am supportive of more sexual education that isn’t based solely around cis bodied reproduction and how to avoid it/recognise it, but amatuer erotica is not the venue to get educated and it’s unreasonable to demand that it should be en masse. that doesn’t mean people can’t strive for good practice and authenticity or whatever. if it works for you then shit yeah, make gloving up a feature, go nuts, the only way to normalise something is by including it, but the smarmy attitude of ‘if you don’t include items a through f, practices 1 through 4 and do my towers of hanoi puzzle to decode the Problematic Content Of The Day then you’re a homophobe who is actively hurting and fetishising smol mlm beans and you deserve to be hounded’ is just… nah. nah, nah. nah.

you know, this entire slashcourse could be cut off at the knees if every time someone said ‘but no REAL gay man writes x, y, z’ their browser was force directed to nifty.org with a posting ban until they do a book report on a randomly selected story.

*’women don’t understand sexual objectification’ is a phrase i read with my own gay eyes on a yaoicourse blog and i had to stare out of the window for a while to absorb the goddamn

audacity of it.

I feel like god personally came down from heaven and kissed me on the mouth with tongue when reading this, this is poetry, this is modern art, if no other document makes it past the burning of our libraries and the fall of society, I hope this is preserved somewhere for someone or something to find in the inevitable ruins

So the thing I find fascinating about this, is that I feel like I’ve been around fandom long enough to have seen this whole thing come full circle.  Back when I first started reading slash the sex was often fairly unrealistic.  And then there was a BIG BIG BIG push by people within fandom to mock any unrealistic sex tropes, ESPECIALLY in slash fics.  I remember post after post about “Things I Never Want to Read in Slash Again” about how much preparation anal sex requires and the wonders of lube and how unrealistic simultaneous orgasms are, how sex can’t really last that long etc, etc.   

And this really seemed to take hold.  I would occasionally see people mention things like “well this fic has them come at the same time but otherwise, it’s pretty good.”  It was very much a Thing.  

And personally I became very self-conscious about writing sex to make sure I wasn’t breaking any of those rules.  Even the ones I didn’t completely agree with I made sure to follow because I didn’t want anyone dismissing my fic on that basis.  

But things started to feel very formulaic to the other extreme.  Every slash fic had to be very careful not to make anal the be-all end-all, and make sure there’s endless preparation with gallons of lube and blah, blah, and yanno, it gets kinda boring.  

And real, actual sex varies.  A LOT.  By person, by couple, by day, by taste.  I mean, I’ve actually gone and researched some stuff for fics of like biological function of male orgasms and stuff and it’s way more weird and complicated than the “acceptable slash fic” rules would have you believe.  And I know my own experiences don’t conform to a lot of that stuff either.

So, I think stereotypes are bad, whether it’s “real gay men do X” or “real gay men don’t do x” or whatever.  I always think sex is best when it has a realistic grounding, but at the end of the day this isn’t a textbook.  It’s supposed to be sexy and romantic and hot.  (Except, I guess, for when it isn’t.)  

And ultimately there are only so many ways for human beings to get off.  I mean, yanno, props can add variety, but ultimately there aren’t that many sex acts.  That’s almost never the point of the story.  ‘Dude has an orgasm’ just isn’t very interesting unless we are made to care about that dude and how he FEELS about his orgasm.  And that’s almost always the actual point.

i sometimes grump about things like “why is it always three fingers” but it’s not because it’s especially unrealistic or – god forbid – because i don’t want people who don’t hang out with penises to write smut. the more smut the better. it’s just that it kind of breaks my immersion when it’s the same every time in every fic. similarly, the phrase “come for me” has become an instant fourth wall breaker. and “to give him better access,” that one kicks me out of the story as well.

also i guess there’s some minor element of going, “most dicks just aren’t three grown-man fingers thick, y’all, the characters’ hands are bigger than yours,” but that’s not honestly a big deal, it’s just a bit funny.