Tag: shitty

kayytx:

kayytx:

kayytx:

concept: jack and bitty get engaged, and shitty and tater fight for the privilege to be jack’s best man the way phoebe and rachel battled it out over who would be monica’s maid of honor

they’re tied after five rounds of questions, so ransom and holster decide on a sudden death round to see who’s willing to sacrifice the most for jack.

tater promises to give up his basically-a-part-time position as host of falcstv for three months, and stop roping jack into unplanned appearances for one whole season.

shitty immediately goes into the bathroom and shaves off his ‘stache.

shitty wins.

holster: okay shitty, you’re jack’s best man. you win
tater: no!! i’m take bullet for zimmboni. i’m DIE FOR ZIMMBONI. i should win. i’m be best man.
ransom: dude. look at shitty. look at that hairless face. there’s already been a death in this room today. shitty wins.

sadhipstercat:

Bitty nervously gathers his friends one afternoon in the late winter to tell them that he and Jack are dating. Jack is planning on coming out at the end of the season, so Bitty wants to give them all some warning. They’re all happy for them of course, but a few are a little hurt Jack and Bitty had kept it from them for so long.

“I’m sorry, y’all. I hated lying to you, but it just wasn’t the time yet. I feel so bad about not telling you– something as big and as important as that!” Bitty wrings his hands and apologizes again. The rest of the team is nodding their forgiveness, but Dex looks more and more uncomfortable with each word. 

“Anything you’d like to share with the class?” Lardo asks casually. Dex looks like he’s about to faint. She loves the kid, but heaven help her if he has a problem with Bitty and Jack…..

Dex blurts out, “I’m sleeping with Nursey!”

“Bruh,” Nursey says, sounding vaguely hurt. “There’s also, like, dates and shit, too.”

“Bitty’s right. It’s not something we should hide. And I’m sick of lying about it.”

“Wait, when did this happen?” Chowder asks, caught between astonishment and excitement (his natural state of being, but just stronger in this particular moment).

Dex flushes. “Like…..last year? After we lost the playoffs?”

“Right after,” Nursey confirms.

“Ah,” Holster says sagely. “Roadie magic. That’s when me and Rans first started hooking up.”

“WHAT?” squawks Bitty. Rans claps a hand on Holster’s shoulder. “Shit, bro, I think we forgot to tell them.”

“What else haven’t y’all been telling me?” Bitty demands, and after that, confessions start rolling in.

“I’ve had at least two drunken sexcapades with Shitty.”

“Lards, bro! Same!”

“Didn’t Johnson get it on with the other goalie that one time? Goalies are weird, man.”

“Hey, Ollie and Wicks are totally doing it, right?”

Then, amidst the increasingly loud and colorful tales of sexual exploits, Tango shouts, “I’ve thought about kissing Whiskey!”

The rest of the Haus falls silent, Ransom and Holster smothering giggles. Whiskey calmly looks Tango up and down. “Huh. Cool. Let’s do that sometime.”

–

That night when Jack asks Bitty how it went telling the team, Bitty sighs helplessly. “Honey, I don’t know where to begin.”

Monster AU

dexondefense:

So @midnitedancer and I got to talking about this dumb idea I had for a monster AU and it turned into a whole thing (this is huge) so here we go. 

Part of the Monster Haus AU

AU WHERE EVERYTHING IS BASICALLY THE SAME EXCEPT EVERYONE IS A MONSTER. 

  • Eric Richard Bittle is a small town witch from Georgia. 
  • He’s not a very powerful witch, and is actually terrible at most spells. He can’t cast a charm to save his life and he almost blew up his house trying to cast a tiny pimple hex on a bully at school. His mother was a champion on a broom, but Eric can’t stay on for more than a minute or two without falling off. For a while he thinks he might have gotten too much of his human father in him, and magic isn’t made for him. 
  • And then his mother teaches him how to bake. 
  • Eric is a demon in the kitchen. It’s where all of his magic comes out.
  • He always knew his mother was a kitchen witch, but no one really ever knew how that would translate to him. Kitchen witches are typically female, but Suzanne Bittle was thrilled when she realized her son had inherited her knack for magical baked good. 
  • Eric can bake good luck, misfortune, love spells, hexes, confidence, you name it and he can bake it, into a pie. Cookies and brownies can work as well, but they tend to have a smaller effect. 
  • His father is a human with no magic, and head football coach for the local high school. Coach is aware that his wife is a witch, though the extent of her powers are a little nebulous to him. Eric tends not to share his own magical abilities with him.
  • Doesn’t matter though, because he’s headed off to college at Samwell University to play hockey with the Big Monsters Boys. 
  • Eric comes from a pretty small community of mainly witches and humans. There was a werewolf pack that had some kids in his high school, and the odd phantom or two, but he knows Samwell is going to be a whole different ball game. There were at least five species he didn’t even recognize on the brochure alone. 
  • “Are you sure about this?” His mom asks for the 50th time. “I read online they allow demons to attend. Demons, Dicky!” “Mom, stop.” “Okay, but make sure you have your garlic. And your silver. And the gold. And iron. And-” “MOM.” “Okay, okay!” 
  • Samwell is an even bigger mess than Eric or his worried mother could have ever imagined. He is absolutely terrified excited. 
  • During athletic orientation Eric ends up between two of his fellow hockey players (Ollie and Pacer, he thinks their names are), both of whom are a foot taller than him. They are both also very excitable werewolves who seem to be forming a pack right in front of him. Or around him, as he is still stuck between them. 
  • Those two, however, are absolutely nothing compared to the rest of his team. 

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