I bet you Shitty goes to every Harvard hockey game and cheers super loud, but the team quickly realize he went to Samwell, was instrumental in kicking their asses for four years running, and is actually chirping them nonstop.
Of course, when Samwell comes to town to play Shitty brings out his YO MARRY ME JACK ZIMMERMANN sign, which makes Holster bellow, “He doesn’t even go here!”
Samples of Shitty cheering at Harvard games:
(when Harvard gets possession of the puck) “That way! You wanna go that way!”
“Good job goalie. You collected WAY more pucks than the other guy!
“A PASS! YOU GUYS COMPLETED A FUCKING PASS! I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!“
Yoooooo, omg that’s a good point my friend. Never considered that possibility.
Mind officially blown.
yo I guess that’s at least partly why he chose shitty to come out to
What if this is like, a thing at Samwell.
Lots of a people know who Larissa is, she’s got lots of angsty art major friends.
But what if there are just as many people who don’t know Lardo? They hear the nickname, they hear stories, but they’ve never laid eyes on her, so they don’t know that Lardo=Larissa.
So, when people hear rumors about Shitty and his big ol’ crush on the hockey team’s manager, and they think the manager is a dude, they assume he’s gay.
Which is why so many people come out to Shitty before the comic starts and Bitty comes to Samwell
youre right, bitty can’t have been the only one who thought the nickname lardo + hockey manager + great at beer pong = guy
Ok but what if for Halloween Dex wears a bad blond wig and glasses and Nursey wears a white snapback and salmon shorts
OK but the best thing about that is that Ransom and Holster CANNOT figure out who they are in costume as, and it just gets funnier as the night goes on because they keep guessing wrong.
Okay but then as they get more drunk they start hyperbolically acting out scenes from Ransom and Holsters life and they keep getting more and more touchy feely and ridiculous as the night goes on.
Dex: Bro…Share a beer with me bro…
Nursey: Bro…I’m going to fucking cherish that beer with you bro..
Dex: I just..I need you to know that this is such a special fucking moment for me man…
Nursey: Bro…
Holster: Bro…Are they like….a Meme…or something?
Ransom: I don’t know man…Hey share a beer with me bro?
Holster: Wait.
UM BUT WAIT
Lardo and Shitty go as Jack & Bitty. And this is Lardo and Shits we’re talking about so, it’s subversion galore. What does that mean? That mean Lardo is Jack and Shitty is Bits.
-Lardo goes all out with the contouring. I’m talking chiseled cheekbones, jawline. Blue contacts. Styles her hair like Jack, gets some Adidas track pants and a black t shirt.
-Shitty doesn’t shave his mustache, but he trims it so its not so bushy. He puts on a blonde wig and gets Lardo to style it. He gets a cute little button up, but that’s not the clincher. He puts on the TEENIEST little shorts, which just barely cover his ass and nads.
– Lardo wears a muscle suit and pads her butt with foam. She stands around frowning at everyone with her arms crossed. Jack sees her and says “I don’t do that.” AS HE’S STANDING THERE WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED, FROWNING.
-Shitty takes on a horrible southern accent and makes up incredibly bizarre exclamations (“mercy May heaven biscuits!”). He keeps draping himself suggestively over furniture, and Bitty keeps laughing so hard he cries.
-Lardo starts eating protein powder out of the tub with a spoon. Shitty starts peeling apples.
-its all fun and games until Shitty squats and his balls fall out of his shorts in front of everyone.
The implications of that past tense are….interesting.
Dex has known Shitty for two years. What does he call him now?
“Now KPC,” you may say, “he doesn’t really call him anything now because he’s not at Samwell anym–”
“Shhh,” I say, gently laying a finger on your supple lips, “there’s literally a panel last update where Dex and Shitty are seen cheering on the Falcs together.”
“Okay,” you concede, “but where are you going with this?”
“I’m going to the obvious conclusion:” I draw out the words before pausing for dramatic effect. “Dex, through what are probably hilariously mundane circumstances, found out Shitty’s first name.”
reminder that this is an actual thing that was said by william ‘dex’ j. pointdexter to his captain at what is most certainly one of their first meetings.
don’t look at me and tell me dex hasn’t had some very gay thoughts about jack’s butt.
Shitty designed his own So You Have A Crush On Jack Zimmermann, Don’t Sweat It Brah We’ve All Been There pamphlet to distribute to all freshman recruits.
What he must never know is that Jack and Lardo distributed their own pamphlet titled The Bewildering Appeal of Shitty Knight’s Sick Flow: A Survivor’s Guide.
where is my very soft time traveling fic featuring zimbits where they meet their grown-up selves with 2.5 kids via stanley cup magic just so I can read a scene like this:
Shitty (coming downstairs to kitchen for breakfast): oh hey Bob. I didn’t know you were visiting us. Nice flow, when’d you get it? Who’s the cute blonde dad behind you? Also why are there children in the haus– Older Jack (juggling his toddler, who is playing with his hair): …I’m Jack. Shitty: haha okay–(focuses on Jack’s face, spits out coffee)–holy–
who is going to write this so i can read another scene with Older Bitty meeting Younger Jack and telling his husband, “Oh, honey, look at you! Jack, sweetheart, you’re practically a baby! Can you believe I fell in love with this face 15 years ago? Gosh, it’s been so long.” and Younger Jack is just like….oh God Dad Bitty is hot what do i do while Older Jack kind of narrows his eyes at his younger self in a way that’s obviously saying ‘dont even think about touching my husband’ but then he’s like wait, Younger Jack is still technically himself so now he’s just confused
so I’ve seen about a gazillion headcanons about how exactly shitty got his nickname—whether it was in fic or just a random post floating around on tumblr dot com—and I have a lot of thoughts on this subject so we’re gonna talk about it.
a lot of the theories I have seen involve a very long, complicated backstory that was super hilarious, but also very specific. those headcanons are very fun and I enjoy them immensely, but consider this:
shitty got his nickname in the dumbest, most obvious way possible.
so we know that shitty comes from a wealthy, almost definitely conservative family (at least on his dad’s side). his mom is a professor and his dad was a higher up for a hedge fund. his paternal grandparents forced him to cut off his flow, were angry he chose to go to samwell (probs because it’s super liberal and not ivy league), and basically that whole side of the family are all uptight, pretentious assholes who go to smart people schools to become doctors and lawyers and whatever.
and we don’t know shitty’s first name either. we know it starts with a b. but that’s it. and based on what we know about his family, his name could very well be something stupid and pompous like barrington or bernard.
so shitty shows up at samwell, ready to start anew and not be confined by the restrictions his family put on him growing up. he’s gonna do whatever the fuck he wants. he’s gonna grow a mustache and swear and smoke a shit ton of weed and kick ass at hockey and also wear crop tops and be a floral feminist bro and befriend the art kids because why the hell not?
and then some upperclassman on the hockey team asks him for his name, and giving away his pretentious ivy league-sounding first name totally ruins the effect shitty was going for, so their conversation goes something like this:
“yo, what’s your name again?”
“it’s knight.”
“nah, man. like, your first name.”
“oh, it’s shitty, man. don’t worry about it.”
“…what?”
“just call me knight. my first name is shitty so like, don’t worry about it.”
and the upperclassman just starts cracking up because he realizes that this guy’s name isn’t actually “Shitty” and that he’s is using the word as an adjective, but it sounded like that was what this guy was saying his first name was.
and that’s how shitty got his name. and somehow they never got his real name out of him and upon graduation he learns all his closest friends don’t even know what his real given name is.
Hey, guys! Reblogging , retweeting, and sharing the comic is the best way to help Check, Please! grow. Thanks so much to all the people who are doing this already. Seriously–awesome write ups, primers and screaming in your friend’s face* † about this person named Eric Bittle keep the comic going. Thank you!
just moving along like everyone else 