but all people have weird ideas about sex and how it’s done, it’s not a limited population category thing. women are copping the brunt of this dumb discourse because the discoursees are applying some really shallow readings to content on two sites, where the content is generated by women by a huge margin over any other gender, and making some hogwild logical leaps to end up endlessly circling the mlm discourse echochamber.
occasionally you’ll luck out by bedding some fuck shaman who opens your third eye through the power of labe grinding your armpit or whatever, but Regular Guy and Population Median Woman probably know diddly shit beyond PIV and anal on birthdays. sex ed sucks beyond ‘don’t do it/this is a condom on a banana/from the front the uterus-womb-ovary complex looks like a buffalo kinda’, live action porn is stuck in a one-upmanship overton window shift (except, y’know, for sex), and sex positive material online is like a infinite house of mirrors except every reflection shows you erica moen advising you to stick a lamp up your ass
and that’s just the cisgender hets bumbling their way around.
finding out info about what the hell to do and how to do it if you’re gay is hard, and damn near impossible if you’re not cis and probably juggling an extra course load of terminology, body perception, and having to do a 101 How Not To Talk About My Junk to every Brock and Chriss on Scruff.
when all the material out there is basically boiling down getting that dick into a hole as the ultimate goal, it’s a wonder that anyone is even writing anything other than ‘he shoved it in, he came’. 1-2-3-dick is formulaic but man, that it’s even around enough to become formulaic is new.
‘straight girls write anal wrong! they don’t know anything about anal!’ well i mean without getting into the whole thing of yes it’s possible to have comfortable anal penetration with spit, yes it’s possible to have comfortable anal penetration with nil or extremely fast minor fingering, no your o-ring will not blow out and prolapse if you take a pounding without 40 minutes of getting tenderly fingered with free trade lube handmade by monks in the peruvian alps, etc etc etc (i.e. every thing some sanctimonious chucklefuck will grandly declare as absolutes) but lmao women absolutely know about anal. a quick glimpse at cosmo magazine will tell you that. a quick glimpse at fuckin’ pornhub will tell you that. straight women do anal, lesbians do anal. every population microselection you can name has been getting pleasure from the asshole for as long as human beings have had assholes!!!
‘straight girls only write about penetration! real gay people frot and grind!’ again: PIV/PIA is everywhere. EVERYWHERE! gay porn is penetration focused! straight porn is penetration focused! romance stories with a regulation fade to black cut imply penetration! the popular concept of what constitutes sex itself is based on penetration! you can’t get furious at someone for doing a thing when everything around them is doing the same thing!
everyone is stupid about sex. sometimes people get less stupid. sometimes people get brave enough to actually ask for what they want. i really can’t fault anyone for not having every intricacy of boning nailed down straight out of the gate but if the alternate is going ‘women are harming me by not faithfully depicting ultimate best practice safe sex in their fiction written for the purpose of hopefully getting the reader off, and for that sin they’re all b*tches who will never understand what it’s like to be sexualised or objectified 😦 :(*’ then god, just end it.
anyway i got totally off track from your ask, but yes, 100% i am supportive of more sexual education that isn’t based solely around cis bodied reproduction and how to avoid it/recognise it, but amatuer erotica is not the venue to get educated and it’s unreasonable to demand that it should be en masse. that doesn’t mean people can’t strive for good practice and authenticity or whatever. if it works for you then shit yeah, make gloving up a feature, go nuts, the only way to normalise something is by including it, but the smarmy attitude of ‘if you don’t include items a through f, practices 1 through 4 and do my towers of hanoi puzzle to decode the Problematic Content Of The Day then you’re a homophobe who is actively hurting and fetishising smol mlm beans and you deserve to be hounded’ is just… nah. nah, nah. nah.
you know, this entire slashcourse could be cut off at the knees if every time someone said ‘but no REAL gay man writes x, y, z’ their browser was force directed to nifty.org with a posting ban until they do a book report on a randomly selected story.
*’women don’t understand sexual objectification’ is a phrase i read with my own gay eyes on a yaoicourse blog and i had to stare out of the window for a while to absorb the goddamn
audacity of it.
I feel like god personally came down from heaven and kissed me on the mouth with tongue when reading this, this is poetry, this is modern art, if no other document makes it past the burning of our libraries and the fall of society, I hope this is preserved somewhere for someone or something to find in the inevitable ruins
So the thing I find fascinating about this, is that I feel like I’ve been around fandom long enough to have seen this whole thing come full circle. Back when I first started reading slash the sex was often fairly unrealistic. And then there was a BIG BIG BIG push by people within fandom to mock any unrealistic sex tropes, ESPECIALLY in slash fics. I remember post after post about “Things I Never Want to Read in Slash Again” about how much preparation anal sex requires and the wonders of lube and how unrealistic simultaneous orgasms are, how sex can’t really last that long etc, etc.
And this really seemed to take hold. I would occasionally see people mention things like “well this fic has them come at the same time but otherwise, it’s pretty good.” It was very much a Thing.
And personally I became very self-conscious about writing sex to make sure I wasn’t breaking any of those rules. Even the ones I didn’t completely agree with I made sure to follow because I didn’t want anyone dismissing my fic on that basis.
But things started to feel very formulaic to the other extreme. Every slash fic had to be very careful not to make anal the be-all end-all, and make sure there’s endless preparation with gallons of lube and blah, blah, and yanno, it gets kinda boring.
And real, actual sex varies. A LOT. By person, by couple, by day, by taste. I mean, I’ve actually gone and researched some stuff for fics of like biological function of male orgasms and stuff and it’s way more weird and complicated than the “acceptable slash fic” rules would have you believe. And I know my own experiences don’t conform to a lot of that stuff either.
So, I think stereotypes are bad, whether it’s “real gay men do X” or “real gay men don’t do x” or whatever. I always think sex is best when it has a realistic grounding, but at the end of the day this isn’t a textbook. It’s supposed to be sexy and romantic and hot. (Except, I guess, for when it isn’t.)
And ultimately there are only so many ways for human beings to get off. I mean, yanno, props can add variety, but ultimately there aren’t that many sex acts. That’s almost never the point of the story. ‘Dude has an orgasm’ just isn’t very interesting unless we are made to care about that dude and how he FEELS about his orgasm. And that’s almost always the actual point.
i sometimes grump about things like “why is it always three fingers” but it’s not because it’s especially unrealistic or – god forbid – because i don’t want people who don’t hang out with penises to write smut. the more smut the better. it’s just that it kind of breaks my immersion when it’s the same every time in every fic. similarly, the phrase “come for me” has become an instant fourth wall breaker. and “to give him better access,” that one kicks me out of the story as well.
also i guess there’s some minor element of going, “most dicks just aren’t three grown-man fingers thick, y’all, the characters’ hands are bigger than yours,” but that’s not honestly a big deal, it’s just a bit funny.
If this gets 50 notes I’ll tell you guys how I ran an underground sex ed class and helped put a pedophile in jail during second grade
Okay, so my mom has always been super open about health stuff and when I was just starting elementary school she got me a bunch of those American Girl books about your body and your feelings and they were really informative and truthful and I really liked them. One day I was talking to a friend about one of them and we started reading it and she was asking a ton if questions and seemed really excited and interested by it and I answered questions and explained stuff. We talked about the books during recess and eventually more girls joined in until we were a group of about 10-15 seven year-olds talking about puberty and sex and a lot of things that most adults don’t The thing about those books is that they look really innocent with cute drawings and there are chapters about brushing your teeth and stuff; but what most people don’t expect is that there’s a lot of health stuff about puberty and mental illness and drugs and a lot of really important stuff that everyone should know. The teachers didn’t care because the books looked super innocent and they thought were talking about proper brushing habits or something. We’d go sit down and read a chapter and I’d add some other stuff that my mom had told me and then we’d just talk and ask questions. It was kind of like group therapy but with sex ed. This was all okay until one of the boys saw a page with a ton of boobs on it (the page was demonstrating a breast exam) and he told the teacher. So they found and I got suspended and I wasn’t allowed to bring any more of those books into school.
Closer to the end of the year, one of the second grade teachers was revealed to be a pedophile when one of his students said that he tried to touch her inappropriately and then three other girls came forward with the same story. After he was arrested, the girl told me that she said what he did because we had talked about what to do in that exact situation. Because of our group she knew that she probably wasn’t the only one and she knew that it was wrong for him to do that and that she wouldn’t get in trouble if she told someone and that she probably wouldn’t have said anything if she hadn’t read those books.
I started doing it again the next year. No one stopped me.
Bless.
Reblogging again in hope someone could give me those books’ names
I believe it’s this one! Fits the description and the back cover even has the brushing girl.
There’s a series of books! ^^
The American Girl books are really, really good. They talk about things honestly but simply, and cover a lot of important stuff. 11/10 for those books.
These books were the only sex ed I had as a young girl. These were a door to reading bigger, badder texts and getting involved in activism…
100% recommend you buy these for sisters, daughters, nieces. 110%
holy shit literal children should not be taught abt sex and preteens that do experience sexual attraction have no privilege over their peers who might experience it later or not at all
ok but leaving the discourse behind, sex education is actually really important though??? i mean, my elementary school taught that so sex wouldn’t be a stigmatized thing for in the future
literal children are already taught about sex, i don’t understand. in my elementary school, in 4th grade we were taught about “”“male and female”“” development and “urges” we would feel. in 5th grade, we saw actual pictures of naked adult bodies, and in 6th grade we were taught about “types” of sex and protection and pregnancy.
my parents gave me a book targeted at 7-12 year olds that also taught about sex and the body and sex organs and shit like that, like. this post is objectively bad. education from a young age is good and important for the destigmatization of sex in society. i don’t understand, is there a point you hadn’t made clear that i’m misunderstanding, maybe?
let’s not show nudes to ten year olds what fucking school did you go to
learning abt puberty =/= learning about how to fuck and 110 versions of asexuality
I… wha… where the hell were you raised that you think there’s something wrong with kids knowing what a naked body looks like? What century is this?
Sex education isn’t just learning about puberty; it’s learning about sex, relationships and consent, and it’s goddamn important even for children.
I started having sexual fantasies when I was 4 years old; I just didn’t know what they were at the time, or why they made me feel strangely good. My Mum gave me my first book on sex and sexual health when I was 8, but by that time I’d already heard years’ worth of playground rumours about “sex” ranging from the improbable to the downright terrifying, and had at least one inappropriate physical encounter with another child. It’s much better for kids to be taught healthy and safe attitudes to their own sexual development – physiological and mental – than for them run off fifth-hand misconceptions they pick up from equally clueless kids.
I’m not saying we should be teaching five-year-olds about reverse cowgirl. I’m saying it’s never too early to teach kids messages like, “If she’s not having fun you have to stop.” I’m saying most kids have some awareness that sex and sexuality exist, even if they don’t fully understand what those things are. I’m saying some kids have feelings about getting physical with other people from a very early age. I was particularly precocious, but the average age people start experiencing sexual attraction is 10 years old.
And I’m saying that all of these things are why it’s crucially important to give kids the tools and information they need to contextualise and process their understanding of sex and sexuality, both in terms of their own possible sexual identities (all possible sexual identities), and of course in terms of consent and bodily autonomy.
Apart from anything else, we’ve seen proof that this makes kids safer in terms of identifying and reporting sexual abuse. The puritan myth that kids live in some magical fairyland isolated from any conception of sex or sexuality literally causes harm to children. You’re not protecting them from dangerous information, you’re depriving them of information and support they need to safely contextualise their experiences and feelings.
Teaching kids about sex is not the same thing as encouraging kids to have sex. That is literally the exact same bullshit argument that religious fundamentalists use to try to justify abstinence-only sex ed.
Studies show that teaching kids about sex actually delays their sexual debut as well as reduces the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancy. The more you teach kids about sex, the less they actually have it.
Children live in a sexualised world. All 10-year-olds have already been exposed to sex in advertisements, on TV, and on the internet. If they don’t know what sex is, only that it’s this secret, shameful, dangerous thing they’re supposed to want and which will make them cool and successful people if they have it, they’ll explore their own sexuality in ignorant, harmful ways. This is why the USA have the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the developed world:
The only way to keep children safe is to empower them with the knowledge to make informed decisions about their own sexuality. No one was ever protected from something by keeping them ignorant of it! And no information is actually harmful if presented in age-appropriate ways – which, by the way, also doesn’t mean what antis and Americans think it means.
My school showed us a video of what was essentially softcore porn at age
10. I mean full on nudity, an erect penis, how to roll on a condom, a
man and a woman having gentle sex, and then how to remove the condom and
tie it off. It completely undid the ~mystery~ of sex and made us go
‘huh, that’s it? nah, not really interested actually.’
You can watch the sex ed video here on the Danish National TV’s web archive; it’s in Danish, but you can jump to 10:10 for the sex scene, although honestly I think you’d find the whole video fascinating even if you can’t understand what they’re saying.
just because it “fits” doesnt mean its comfortable or sustainable stopppppppp this shit
There are two main factors at play when someone says that a condom is too small: (1) the band size is too small & (2) the condom is not sustainable
The band is at the base of the condom. It’s latex is made thicker here than the shaft and is, therefore, less elastic. The band keeps the condom secure so it does not come off mid-insertion and so penial fluids do not leak from the condom. To do this, the band has to keep a very tight grip on the base of the penis. This is the main complaint from people using condoms too small for them. The shaft’s plastic can stretch comfortably, but the band is not so lenient and uncomfortably or painfully squeezes the base of the penis.
Condoms in use experience a lot of friction. For a condom’s shaft or band to be stretched farther than it was intended weakens the latex. The band and shaft are then at risk of being broken from the friction. It fitting does not mean it is sustainable.
If your partner says a condom is too small, believe them and cease from doing anything that requires a condom. If your partner says a condom is too small but is trying to pressure you into unprotected sex, kick them out the door.
Thaaaank you please read the above they make large and XXL condoms for a reason and it’s not to stoke men’s egos
A former… friend suggested I try a size or two larger, and yes, they do work.
Yep. At first, I thought that condoms were supposed to be that tight. I’d seen those “condoms can fit on a two liter bottle so quit your complaining,” I had no basis for comparison because dudes don’t talk about that shit, and no one wants to be that “HURR HURR GUESS I NEED A MAGNUM XL” guy.
Now wear that condom on your arm for a while. Ten minutes at least. Still got sensation in your arm?
One of the many failures of sex ed in this country is the notion that there’s only two types of condom, “fits everyone except those elephant-trunk-cock freaks” and “for elephant-trunk-cock freaks or lying braggarts” (and yes, there’s implicit shame in the idea of people needing non-”regular”-sized condoms and the genesis for such is pretty likely rooted in some really nasty viewpoints about certain groups of people but I’m digressing).
But penises come in a LOT of dimensions, and not all of them fit right in a “normal” condom. You don’t need to have a monster down there for a condom to be legitimately painful and/or break mid-act. This can leave a lot of people legitimately unawares that it doesn’t have to be like this. (I was, early on.)
Condom too tight? That’s a real problem for the reasons pointed out above. But it’s a solvable one at most drug stores, which generally have a broader (ha ha) selection than your Walmarts or Targets. Or suck it up (ha ha) and go to an “adult boutique” (a proper one) where they’re likely to have even more options and let’s be real here the people working at these aren’t gonna give you Looks over condom selection. Or shop at said boutiques online if you REALLY need to avoid the in-person thing.
And if you think you’re gonna be doing things requiring condoms, HAVE YOUR OWN. Yes, even if you personally don’t have a penis. Buy a box of large-size as well just in case.
And don’t let anyone give you guff over it, and don’t let anyone pressure you into unprotected sex because of condom size.
just moving along like everyone else 