If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.
They’re asking you if they can play too.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.
They’re asking if they can watch it with you.
.
When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”
What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”
What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”
Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.
What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.
.
This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.
IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.
I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.
But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.
So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.
Example: what are you reading?
True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book
Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.
Example: what are you doing?
True answer but not: drawing
Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?
And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”
Tldr: communication is wierd
HOLY
SHIT
that explains so fucking much thank you
(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)
Further annoying?
They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.
What’s messed up about this is that we are the ones that communicate explicitly and simply and are pathologized for it, while allistics literally expect us to READ THEIR FUCKING MINDS and that’s normal? How even is that reasonable? How is it we are the ones that society thinks are mentally ill?
Uhg.
Just so… for those of you who have to hide your autism, this is a great thing to keep in mind.
What…what the everloving fuck? Why?
Ok, the reason why NTs do this is a weird combination of wanting to save face for you and them. Asking for social time with someone else makes you vulnerable – so the topic is an excuse in case the person they’re asking doesn’t really want to. (Saving them face.) And it also gives the person being asked the space to turn them down without having to bluntly say “Dude. I don’t even Know you.” (Saving the other person face.)
Basically it’s all intended as social lubrication to allow either side the space to escape the interaction without creating a point of conflict for later interactions.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.
They’re asking you if they can play too.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.
They’re asking if they can watch it with you.
.
When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”
What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”
What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”
Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.
What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.
.
This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.
IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.
I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.
But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.
So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.
Example: what are you reading?
True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book
Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.
Example: what are you doing?
True answer but not: drawing
Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?
And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”
Tldr: communication is wierd
HOLY
SHIT
that explains so fucking much thank you
(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)
Further annoying?
They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.
Here are three guided meditations you can use to help inspire your mindfulness practice and address your specific challenges.
Sometimes it is helpful to cut out thinking and sometimes it is helpful to talk back to your thinking. These meditations are examples of how to talk back to your thinking. They are written in a form inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh’s guided meditations. You can also write your own guided meditations to work on life issues where you would like to create change.
**Overcoming jealousy, building self-esteem, working with anxiety and depression take time. Each of these guided meditations take about 2-3 minutes if you breathe with the lines. If you just read them they take about 30 seconds and don’t give you the benefit of deep breathing. Practice one or all of these every day. Practice the anxiety one whenever you are feeling anxious and need a bit of relief.
**Practice every day, once or twice a day and notice the effects, both immediately and as the weeks pass.
people who encourage calling the cops in case of domestic violence situations have obv never had the cops called in domestically violent situations.
they’ll arrest & endanger the victim’s ass too. especially if they’re nonwhite & undocumented, and almost always is detrimental. so NO don’t encourage people to call 911 n ask for pepperoni pizza.
it’s better to document instances of abuse, HAVE A SAFETY PLAN, then leave and take legal action that you have control over.
1. Navigation. You can see all your chapters, scenes, character & setting planning at one glance and switch between them very easily – compared to scrolling up and down in one long word processing document. Every file can also be a folder, so you can have collapsible items underneath it.
2. Word count targets. The “Project Targets” are particularly useful for NaNoWriMo so you don’t have to keep looking back at the website to see how you’re doing for the day, but more so outside of it, when you want to keep yourself working to a target but don’t have Nano’s charts and daily word counts. It also gives you a nice ding when you hit your session target.
3. How many pages? I only recently discovered this, but it’s very nice to be able to see in Project Statistics approximately how big your manuscript would be in pages without worrying about formatting.
4. Outlining. Scrivener has two methods of outlining – one is Corkboard, which is exactly what it sounds like, a digital corkboard with notes pinned on it that represent your chapters/scenes with their summaries. The screenshot above is called ‘outliner’ and lists collapsible chapters/scenes with various statistics you can select as shown in the tick menu. Generally I prefer Corkboard, but Outliner is useful if you just want to see everything in a clear order.
5. Full screen. I get distracted very easily when writing, so the full-screen writing mode is wonderful for me to avoid that – but you can still choose certain windows from the normal Scrivener view to show up. I have my targets and my summary, so I can stick to my plan when I’m writing and also see what progress I’m making.
6. Notes. No screenshot, but it’s a simple post-it note style box to the side of every document (chapter, scene, character etc.) that allows you to add notes. This may sound very simple, but it’s far more useful than I’d expected. During NaNoWriMo when I’m not meant to be editing at all, but I know something needs fixing, I will jot down something in the side like ‘Take out the horse’ so that when I go through again to edit I know exactly the things to focus on immediately but which would have taken too much time before. It’s linked to the scene so I don’t just have a pile of notes in one document at the end and then have to work out where it needs fixing.
Overall
I downloaded Scrivener for the first time two years ago, and now I can’t imagine working without it. It’s so nice to have the planning and the writing all combined into one place where I can easily switch between the two. I haven’t yet got as far in a novel created in Scrivener to use the compile features so I can’t comment on those, but so far all my experiences of it have been good.
One thing to note is that if transferring project between a Windows and a Mac version of Scrivener, it’s generally best to zip the file first.
[Screenshots from my current novel Kindling Ashes using the Mac version of Scrivener – some features may not be available in Windows yet.]
The problem with writing a quick post that you don’t intend to go far and didn’t want to super-over-explain things in, is that once it starts getting several thousand reblogs then people start adding their own replies on it and some of them are great, and some of them are real super snotty and rude. Sometimes you even get an anon or two in your inbox.
So, yes, I could have done a better job of explaining what the acceptable ads on AdBlock plus are, and I probably should have linked a news article so people had an easy way to research it on their own. The post wasn’t meant to be an in-depth analysis of the benefits of the Acceptable Ads program. I realize that that’s how many websites get their revenue, and I think it sucks that we can’t trust advertisers to be responsible. The purpose of the post was a quick primer on how for my followers to protect themselves quickly and easily. I post things like this on occasion.
I understand what the point of “Acceptable Ads” is, but the thing is, I’m still not going to put my computer’s security at risk in HOPE that AdBlock Plus does its job correctly 100% of the time and malware code doesn’t get injected. Vulnerabilities still happen. If people who look for ways to get around security features find a vulnerability, they’re going to exploit it. There’s no way to be 100% safe from Malware / Spyware / Virisus, but I’m sure as hell going to do whatever I can to keep myself safe.
I say that as a person who runs a website which displays ads from Google Analytics. I don’t depend on it to keep afloat or anything – at this point I might make about $100 a year of profit after costs of keeping the thing going – but I definitely do understand the conundrum. And I’m sympathetic.
I still pay for cable, I pay for Netflix, and Amazon Prime, I donate to my favorite podcast network and try not to skip through ads on the ones that have ‘em. I subscribe the MMOs rather than do Free to Play. If I enjoy a “Free” app I’ll upgrade to the premium version or throw a couple of bucks to the developer to get that starter pack.
I get that things cost money. I support what I can when I can.
I would love it if there was a way to make a small donation to sites that I heavily use to keep it ad-free. I’d love it if I could pay a dime to the Washington Post to read their article anytime I saw something interesting, or a day-pass for a buck. If Tumblr gave me the option to give them like, five bucks a month and I wouldn’t need to block ads, I’d happily do it. Give me the option to fairly pay a reasonable amount and don’t exploit it, and I’ll do it. There are several websites I frequent that give this option that I do support.
If that plan’s not feasible, still, give me a way to help contribute to your revenue without risk and annoyance, and I’m in.
But I’m not willing to put my time and my data at risk in the hopes that your ads don’t contain malware. As an IT person who would be the one having to wipe and rebuild any computers here that got hit by Cyptowall or other malware, I’m not willing to put my company’s time and data on the line. I’m going to do everything I can to stay safe, and even if no one is ever 100% safe, 99% is still better than 98%.
THIS. This is a follow up straight from the OP. It’s a matter of opinion at this point whether you trust AdBlock or not to do the right thing, but THIS is what it’s all about.
Though their original post is still wrong about ‘AdBlock will let advertisers pay them to show their ads’ (I’ve seen nothing to back this statement up, ergo, I’m inclined to believe it’s false.) this follow up explains what it is about.
I personally trust in AdBlock and won’t uninstall their extension over this matter. I don’t see it as 99% safe vs 98% safe, I see it as 99% safe vs a different way of 99% safe. And if you’re doing it ‘cause they sold you out’, you’re doing it over a mistake.
Thanks OP for putting this follow up post out!
I’d happily pay for a way to get my favorite websites to get rid of ads too, especially the annoying ones. But I mean, if letting them put a small text ad off to one side of my screen helps them keep it up then it isn’t a super big deal for me.
And if you are the type of person to click on every ad or link you see anyway, a adblocker isn’t going to help you over much. Practice basic internet safety and it’s hardly a problem.
MSN, bbc.com, the New York Times, AOL and Newsweek. The links inside that blog post explain in more detail.
These aren’t ads you click on. These are ads that did a pop-under and installed the exploit kit from viewing the ads. On sites that hundreds of thousands of people view every day. This is just one example of many showing how you aren’t safe by just “practicing basic internet safety.”
Yes, the exploit was found and mostly nullified fairly quickly, but personally, I’d rather not be one of the thousands of people who had to report the issue because I got hit with it.
Make browsing the Security section of Bleeping Computer a habit. You can see that every day, new exploits are being found. New strains of Ransomware (Cryptowall / Cryptolocker etc.) and other malware are being released, getting around the protections that your anti-malware put in place, getting around the newest patch vulnerabilities, finding new ways to infect your computer. Computer security is mostly reactive, not proactive. And what is proactive usually quickly gets reacted to.
Yes, definitely you’re way more protected by browsing safely and not clicking on things, and by not going to suspicious websites and just plain common sense, but it honestly doesn’t make you completely safe. And again, as someone who deals with the laptops when things go wrong at work, I’m going to do everything I can to protect my users. Since we made everyone switch to uBlock Origin and install Flash Control, combined with our Enterprise-strength virus/malware protection, and overly-stringent email spam filtering, we’ve had 0 incidents of malware infections in a year and a half.
If you’re unfamiliar with Ransomware, I put up a basic guide here, and Bleeping Computer has a good FAQ here, though it’s about 2 years out of date now.
The garden spiral is like a snail shell, with stone spiraling upward to create multiple micro-climates and a cornucopia of flavors on a small footprint. Spirals can come in any size to fit any space, from an urban courtyard to an entire yard. You don’t even need a patch of ground, as they can be built on top of patios, pavement, and rooftops. You can spiral over an old stump or on top of poor soil. By building up vertically, you create more growing space, make watering easy, and lessen the need to bend over while harvesting. To boot, spirals add instant architecture and year-round beauty to your landscape: the perfect garden focal point.
One of the beauties of an herb spiral is that you are creating multiple microclimates in a small space. The combination of stones, shape, and vertical structure offers a variety of planting niches for a diversity of plants. The stones also serve as a thermal mass, minimizing temperature swings and extending the growing seasons. Whatever you grow in your spiral, it will pump out a great harvest for the small space it occupies. I’ve grown monstrous cucumbers in my large garden spiral, with one plant producing over 30 prize-size fruits. The spiral is a food-producing superstar!
Stacked stones create perennial habitat for beneficial critters, such as lizards and spiders that help balance pest populations in the garden. The stone network is a year-round safe haven for beneficial insects and other crawlies that work constantly to keep your garden in balance—and you in the hammock. A little design for them up-front pays big, tasty dividends later.
For a full and updated list of writing advice, click here. All advice is by Marina Montenegro and originally posted on Writing the Words blog. (This list is updated to include August’s Romance section)
Don’t buy Angelus pain’t on Amazon, it’s like $6.99 an ounce. Buy it direct from their online store the poster above linked, the single ounce bottles are $2.95 there. Also, a little goes a long way, unless you have something HUGE to paint, you can probably do it with a small bottle. I barely dented the one I got doing all the black on this;
According to the CDC, in 10 percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch the child do it, having no idea it is happening. Drowning does not look like drowning—Dr. Pia, in an article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine, described the Instinctive Drowning Response like this:
“Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled before speech occurs.
Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water.
Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe.
Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment.
From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.”
This doesn’t mean that a person that is yelling for help and thrashing isn’t in real trouble—they are experiencing aquatic distress. Not always present before the Instinctive Drowning Response, aquatic distress doesn’t last long—but unlike true drowning, these victims can still assist in their own rescue. They can grab lifelines, throw rings, etc.
Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are in the water:
Head low in the water, mouth at water level
Head tilted back with mouth open
Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus
Eyes closed
Hair over forehead or eyes
Not using legs—vertical
Hyperventilating or gasping
Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway
Trying to roll over on the back
Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder
So if a crew member falls overboard and everything looks OK—don’t be too sure. Sometimes the most common indication that someone is drowning is that they don’t look like they’re drowning. They may just look like they are treading water and looking up at the deck. One way to be sure? Ask them, “Are you all right?” If they can answer at all—they probably are. If they return a blank stare, you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them. And parents—children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why.
Can I just say thank you to OP for putting such a detailed description on this?
I’ve been a lifeguard for 6 years now and of all the saves I’ve done, maybe two or three had people drowning in the stereotypical thrashing style. And even those, like the save I made last weekend, it was exactly like OP describes where the person’s head is going in and out of the water but it isn’t long enough to get any air. Mostly you recognize drowning by the look on someone’s face. If someone looks wide eyed and terrified or confused, chances are they’re drowning. That look of “oh shit” is pretty easily recognizable. And even if you can’t tell for sure: GO AFTER THEM ANYWAY. I’ve done “saves” where a kid was pretending to drown and I mistook it for real drowning, but that’s preferable to a kid ACTUALLY drowning.
Also please remember that even strong swimmers can drown if they have a medical emergency, get cramps, or get too tired. If your friend knows how to swim but they’re acting funny get them to land. And even if someone can respond when you ask them if they need help, if they say they do need help? GO HELP THEM.
However . If the victim is a stranger, I can’t recommend trying to get them. Lifeguards literally train to escape “attacks,” because people who are drowning can freak the fuck out and grab you and make YOU drown as well. If you do go in after someone, take hold of them from the back and talk to them the whole time. IF YOU ARE GRABBED: duck down into the water as low as you can get. The person is panicking and won’t want to go under water and should release you. Shove up at their hands and push them away from you as you duck under. Don’t die trying to save someone else.
Please guys, read and memorize this post. Not all places have lifeguards. Being able to recognize drowning is such an important skill to have and you can save someone’s life.
just moving along like everyone else 