as promised, a continuation of this post. this will be tagged “bbb” on my blog if you want to read more. this got really long so buckle up buttercups:
puberty hits holster like a god damn truck. he goes from tall and gangly to taller and gangly to tall and built and eventually he’s the only guy in his high school who can grow a full beard
meanwhile puberty seems to miss bitty altogether and he like, grows a littler taller and he has to constantly remind people that they’re only 4 years apart, thank you very much
like they go see PG-13 movies together and they get kicked out of the theater because “you can’t bring your kid brother in here” and holster’s so so touched that this random movie attendant thinks they’re biological brothers while he has to hold bitty back
“dude, duuuuuuuude, we’re like, beyond brousins now! we are” holster’s literally tearing up “we’re bros”
bitty, kicking and screaming, “I’M THIRTEEN YEARS OLD, ADAM”
“like, for real bros”
“I CAN LEGALLY SEE THIS MOVIE”
“brothers, man. brothers.”
“ADAM.”
as @abominableobriens so brilliantly pointed out to me, the Atlanta Thrashers were around from 1999-2011 (they became the Winnipeg Jets) and that’s bitty and holster’s team
not their individual favorite teams, but their team
they have custom made jerseys that say Brousins on the back
watching a Thrashers game is a sacred tradition for them, there’s a special opening ceremony that must be performed, events that have to occur between periods, specific pies that must be consumed, jams that must be listened to, blanket forts that must be erected
it’s actually a rule that you have to say erected instead of built/constructed/made/etc
holster becomes 5x grumpier when the sabres play the thrashers because it’s like his two geographical identities physically fighting and bitty has to make him a special North South apple/peach pie just to get him through it
note: this tradition continues and no one on SMH can figure out why holster always gets a special “y’all left georgia but we still love you” pie whenever the jets play
holster and his dad are actually more religious than bitty and his fam are
they go to temple together whenever jacob’s in town, there isn’t a hebrew school in madison so holster does one on one lessons with the rabbi, but judy is still a southern baptist and goes to church whenever suzanne, bitty, and coach do which really isn’t super often but they always go on big holidays
holster’s mom is Conservative while his dad is Reform
he keeps kosher when he visits his mom’s house and they have really traditional shabbat dinners, just the two of them and adam honestly loves it
it’s not uncommon for his dad to be away on shabbat so they celebrate when they’re together and judy totally takes part!! there are some things she can’t do because she’s not jewish and bitty also joins in sometimes
a few people have asked if bitty makes holster jewish food and while i think he’s definitely tried i also think it’s important to keep the creation of cultural objects firmly within the agency of whomever is part of that culture, i.e. bitty, as a non-jew, shouldn’t be the authority on jewish food. holster is a jock boi and bitty is a canonically good cook but these dishes are still a part of holster’s identity, not bitty’s, and it seems disingenuous to place anything pertaining to jewish culture under a gentile’s expertise. i hope that makes sense? there was another post i saw floating around that explained this really well if anyone can find it
that being said!!! bitty shows holster how to cook in general (techniques, knife skills, why not to leave the burner on, etc) and holster shares recipes and they make stuff together fairly often
their hamantashen are the stuff of legends, winners of awards, the first thing to disappear at family gatherings
holster often introduces bitty as a Certified Mensch and All Around Upstanding Goy
when holster gets his drivers license he and bitty immediately go on Adventures (there’s the one time they go raspberry picking and they both end up stained in red juice and they look like something out of 300 when they return home from the Raspberry War)
this is during bitty’s peak figure skating years and he’s always busy training or driving to competitions or working on routines and he’s really good, like so good it’s almost hard to watch because holster can’t imagine being as good at anything as bitty is at figure skating
holster attends pretty much every competition that doesn’t conflict with his own practice/game schedule and gets really into figure skating, to this day he has Very Strong Opinions on the last world championships and has a technical knowledge of the sport
he and bitty get very, very into the winter olympics and basically lock themselves in bitty’s basement and watch every ice skating competition and hockey game and scream and throw things at the TV when they’re upset
many of you have asked about The Closet Incident, and yeah, it still happened.
bitty was in 7th grade which by my calculations means that holster was a sophomore in high school so they weren’t in the same school then
BUT adam birkholtz has seven senses (6 is perfect pitch and harmonic mastery) and his 7th is Eric Bittle’s Safety, Happiness and Emotional Preservation and he’s actually the one who tracks bitty down and finds him
i’m not saying holster has threatened a 7th grader but holster has intimidated a few 7th and 8th graders to determine the location of his beloved brousin
bitty still has a physical touch/eventual checking phobia! this was still traumatic as shit! but holster is one of the few large men who bitty is 100% comfortable with, and this is because
a. they have a deep emotional bond forged by years of shit talking their relatives
b. holster was the one who found him, he’s associated with safety and home and unconditional support
c. holster is very, very careful around bitty. he becomes louder so bitty can always hear him coming so he’s not surprised when holster appears behind him, he asks permission to hug him until bitty grants him full hug consent, he’s bitty’s one man defense squad when they’re in a crowd and clears a huge path for him, he picks bitty up from school every day and makes it clear he’s not to be messed with
holster spends some holidays back in buffalo with his mom but he and bitty IM each other the entire time and some of bitty’s early youtube videos are actually a Vlog Brothers-esque thing where he’s making videos specifically for holster to watch when he’s away
so yeah, holster’s seen the vlog. he’s been on the vlog. he was the vlog’s first subscriber. he wrote the opening jingle for the vlog
holster’s presence does help keep bitty from being bullied in high school, but bitty does have three years without him there after he graduates
also the truth is that holster’s not like incredibly popular either? he doesn’t have the social capital to really protect bitty because while he’s on the football team for a bit (because coach really wanted him to be) he’s clearly more invested in hockey and is still a northern jew in a sea of southern WASPs and really he can only protect bitty because of his sheer size
that being said holster has definitely fought people on bitty’s behalf but bitty’s actually pretty angry about it and it’s one of the few points of tension in their relationship
this is random but Adele’s 21 came out in 2011 and holster fuckin lost it and it’s all they listened to in the car for like two months (i headcanon that adele is to holster as beyonce is to bitty so they’re the only people who understand why an album release can be so incapacitating)
bitty literally has to sit and rub holster’s back while he lays on the ground and sings “don’t you remember” into the carpet
i’m sorry but i think that’s one of the funniest things i’ve ever written and if someone drew it i would probably die
bitty’s mothering instincts are pretty much honed because of holster
sun screen? always has some, because while bitty is revitalized by the sun’s rays holster just gets burned
note: holster spends every summer between the ages of 12-21 sunburned and sweating gratuitously because his body cannot. adjust. to. the. humidity.
first aid kit? you never know when you might some band aids – ADAM GET DOWN FROM THAT TELEPHONE POLE HOW ARE YOU SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD I SWEAR
snacks? y’all know holster is the inspiration for the term hangry
speaking of y’all, holster says it. he does. it just sneaks up on you and when you least expect it, it just comes out of you. now imagine someone with a buffalo accent saying it. hilarious right?? holster’s accent is all over the place
and on that note bitty has been known to say holy hell
bitty comes out to holster when he’s fourteen and holster’s about to leave to play in juniors (and why does no one in this fandom acknowledge that holster lived in fucking iowa for 2 years????)
holster’s just a grumpy jock who doesn’t really know what to do so he just hugs bitty for a long, long time and makes shitty jokes until he breaks down and tells bitty how much he loves him and how his sexuality will never, ever change that
he also goes on a rambly tangent about how it’s totally normal for straight guys to think that other men are attractive and that plenty of straight guys (he knows, he’s straight) sometimes think about kissing other guys (but everyone does it, holster knows, because holster is Straight)
bitty’s engulfed by holster’s hug but he’s nodding along like…sure…that sounds heterosexual…………………
literally one month later holster calls bitty in a Bisexual Panic™ because he just realized he feels something beyond bromance for a guy on his team and he Can’t Deal with this, he really Can’t
they “fight” about who has to come out to the family first
“eric you realized you were gay like a million years before the great bisexual awakening of 2010”
“yeah but you’re older and let’s be honest you’re going to date before i am”
“eric bittle birkholtz are you saying you can’t get a man because that is THE MOST RIDICULOUS THE BITTLE-BIRKHOTLZ-BROUSINS ARE THE FINEST SPECIMENS ON ALL SIDES OF THE MASON-DIXON LINE”
holster actually comes out to his mom first and it really doesn’t go well so he keeps it v under wraps after that
it’s a tough two years for our guys, actually. bitty’s in high school (which we all know was hard for him) and holster’s homesick in juniors, realizing that he’s going to have to make non-NHL life plans
there’s a weekend when one of holster’s games and one of bitty’s competitions are in the same random town in Bumfuck, Ohio and they have this loud, joyful reunion in the middle of main street and cause a huge scene (holster almost gets arrested because he’s like throwing bitty into the air and people can’t tell if bitty is happy or angry – he’s both because he gets to see holster but holster is throwing him around)
then samwell shows interest in holster and he pretty much decides to go based on the hockey program alone
and suddenly, holster’s at samwell with an amazing new team and a best friend and he gets to play with jack zimmermann (bitty knows who he is this time around because c’mon, you know holster tried to show him fanfic and had a poster of bad bob on his wall but bitty never became a zimmerfann)
meanwhile bitty’s given up figure skating, he’s stuck in high school and his best friend has moved away (again) and suddenly seems to care more about Ransom and Kegsters and saying ‘swawesome than anything else
bitty almost doesn’t attend samwell out of spite but when he goes up to visit holster during his senior year he falls in love with the place PLUS he gets to play hockey?? with holster?? which sounds awesome?? or should he say ‘swawesome now???????
Bittle-Birkholtz-Brousins Part 3: The Samwell Years is upcoming! stay tuned
…holster lived in fucking iowa for 2 years???? Oh my god, like, I knew this but I didn’t really internalize it… but do you realize what happens with classically trained choral singers? (And with Holster as into a cappella as he is, you know that’s how this boy got his music credit) DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS? All that training to blend with your partners’ tone? [[no seriously if you’ve been in a Serious Choir they will pair you next to the people with whom your voice blends best, it’s so strange that it works, wtf physics]] IT MEANS YOU START TO ABSORB ACCENTS. I’ve accidentally acquired a German accent after listening to an audiobook. Now imagine that Upstate New York accent getting mangled around an Iowan accent. Imagine Holster trying to parse Québécois, Georgian, Bostonian (both posh and brash bc shitty is a troll) AND SoCal.
when eric bittle is 8 years old his aunt judy marries a Northeasterner named jacob birkholtz and suddenly he’s not the weirdest cousin anymore, it’s this gangly 12 year old named adam who Did Not Want to move to georgia and now they’re stuck in the same town together
yeah, aunt judy is holster’s step mom
this is random but holster’s dad is a pilot and aunt judy is a flight attendant and they have like the cutest dating stories ever
their first date was in paris (at the charles de gaulle airport which is actually hell but they tell people it was at a little cafe and don’t mention it happened to be in in terminal 3)
so holster and his dad move down to georgia and it’s Awkward because everyone is welcoming but distant because they’re so clearly Different (northern accents, don’t know the family history, Jewish, really don’t care that much about jam [but they learn. oh, do they learn]).
suzanne is like so heckin jazzed to have her sister back in the same city so she and judy get together all the time and holster and bitty are forced to hang
bitty thinks holster is snarky and obnoxious and holster thinks bitty is too peppy and weird and they’re sitting at the kids table together at thanksgiving and holster is grumpily shoving mashed potatoes in his mouth and bitty can’t believe he’s not even putting GRAVY on them like WHAT is WRONG WITH HIM
meanwhile holster’s just trying to figure out why everyone keeps saying “bless your pea-pickin heart”
coach and holster form a football-based bond where they just sit on the couch next to each other and mumble stats back and forth while they watch the game
bitty is jealous because it’s not fair that this stranger relates to his dad better than he does but holster is jealous because bitty’s dad is home every night while his dad is off flying around the world
do they bond over their daddy issues?? you fuckin bet
holster joins a hockey team and he sees the tail end of bitty’s training with katya because there’s like one ice rink in their town and he’s like so impressed that his tiny strange cousin does ice magic
holster becomes peak Team Bitty. he begs to be taught jumps and ice skating moves, he starts doing the mixes for bitty’s routines, they go skating together and race even though bitty always wins
bitty starts doing drills with holster and that’s how he initially gets into hockey
he uses holster’s old gear and stick and stuff and it’s all way too big but so so so cute
like, tiny baby bitty with his loud cousin watching hockey for the first time and holster’s actually like patiently taking the time to explain everything because bitty is so impressed by the game
holster refers to them a brousins (bruh – sinz, brother cousins)
they’re the bittle-birkholtz-brousins there’s a lot of alliteration ok
they’re both outsiders in their family and they end up spending half their family gatherings eating a secret pie bitty stashed, listening to one of holster’s playlists on his first generation ipod, gossiping about their entire town
bitty is one of the few people holster likes
holster is one of the few people who like bitty
BITTY AT HOLSTER’S BAR MITZVAH
i have a billion more ideas for this verse so if you’re interested i’ll keep going with Bittle-Birkholtz-Brousins Part 2: puberty and beyond
(this wants with all its heart to be a multichapter fic but i need instant gratification sooo)
He likes to read.
He likes to read and Kent likes him, and he really doesn’t know what to do about this fact.
Kent ran into him – well, ran past him, really – on a morning jog, in a usually deserted area of the community park where trees have been planted and are carefully watered to give the appearance of a verdant, lush grove in the middle of sunny, dusty Nevada. He was standing against a tree and reading, and when Kent jogged back to ask what he was doing, the man laughed and pointed to his book. Walden.
Kent’s never read it. The man shrugs. “It’s about a man who gave up his whole life to go live in the woods,” he says. “I used to go to Walden Pond and re-read it once a summer. But now I’m here and, well… this is as close to the woods as I can get.”
His name is James. He’s a high school English teacher. He shakes Kent’s sweaty hand and asks his name, what he does for a living.
Kent blinks at him hard. “You…” he starts. He was about to say, you don’t know?
“Me? You do me?” James cracks a smile. “Is that a pick-up line?”
His smile is sunny, and Kent breaks a little bit inside. He finds himself quickly enough to say, “Would it work?”
a grad student in animated russian about the kid’s research project about fucking quantum mechanics and even the other guys on the falcs are like “tater wtf how do you know this shit???” and he just kinda shrugs and goes, “physics is best? there is english idiom i’m thinking of… ‘it grew on me’? yes, grew on me when I was teenager. i’m see physics and think ‘okay, tell me how to put puck in net, is good class’” 2/2
exactly!!!! is tater an overexcitable pupper? yes definitely. but is he also a goddamn adult man who understands complex emotions and things? motherfucking yes.
and i love that idea of him starting a scholarship program!!! falcs tv does a huge segment on it and it’s a huge fucking deal. also bonus points for tater funding a ton of research projects, writing competitions, etc.
I bet you Shitty goes to every Harvard hockey game and cheers super loud, but the team quickly realize he went to Samwell, was instrumental in kicking their asses for four years running, and is actually chirping them nonstop.
Of course, when Samwell comes to town to play Shitty brings out his YO MARRY ME JACK ZIMMERMANN sign, which makes Holster bellow, “He doesn’t even go here!”
Samples of Shitty cheering at Harvard games:
(when Harvard gets possession of the puck) “That way! You wanna go that way!”
“Good job goalie. You collected WAY more pucks than the other guy!
“A PASS! YOU GUYS COMPLETED A FUCKING PASS! I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!“
Part 1, 7k, zimbits, homophobia warning, generally fluffy though, Samwell Men’s Hockey Team
Okay, so back to this Dan Erikson guy.
It’s three years after he wrote his article on Jack Zimmermann’s college experience and, look, he’s generally too busy to obsessively stalk one hockey player because his day job involves roaming the country and doing all the feel good stories that go on that last page of Sports Illustrated, but every once and awhile, he takes a night to watch Jack’s interviews and he’s not looking for clues, per se but…
Well, he is a journalist. And the answer to the unspoken question of the Blond boy in all the photographs itches at him. Because… journalist.
So for three years now, he sort of drawn his own conclusions. He notices how Jack never brings a date to events and he finds the blog of a certain Southern Baker and notes how there is an abrupt shift from sadness to ‘barely contained glee’ after graduation. And he notices that the “friend’s kitchen” Bitty shoots his most recent videos at is very nice. Very spacious. And so when Dan Erikson gets told that the Falconers want to meet with him (and that they asked for him by name), he has a flash of “they know I have been stalking Jack Zimmermann and I am about to be sued,” which, frankly, makes no sense but he still shows up to the meeting in his best suit and manages to look like a nervous idiot in front of all the publicity interns and if he thought it was bad then, it’s nothing compared to when he is shown into a conference room.
Because Jack Zimmermann is already there. Like… in the room.
It’s a good thing 50% of a journalist’s job is acting neutral in the face of anything because that’s all that keeps Dan from freaking out. But he manages. Admirably if he does say so himself. He shakes hands with George and then with someone from the Falconers legal team and then with Jack Zimmermann and they all sit down.
And the legal person- Michelle, he thinks her name is – she jumps in and starts talking about how this information cannot leave the room until written in an official article and they’ve already discussed this with Sports Illustrated and – honestly he sort of stops listening because Jack Zimmermann looks like he does when the Falconers have just won Game 1 of a playoff series. Aka he looks intense and focused and it’s not that he’s unhappy, per se, but he’s not celebrating quite yet.
Also, his fingers drum once against the table before he stops them and that reads as nerves.
Dan wants to tell him he already knows. That he saw the pictures three years ago and he’s suspected and this proves it and he still has no idea what he’s doing here.
Finally, Michelle goes quiet and there’s a beat of silence before:
“I’m gay,” Jack announces. “I’d like you to write the article.”
Dan blinks once because that makes no sense. For good measure he does it again before managing to push a word out. And then that word is simply:
Okay, I’d like a fic where a reporter, maybe for a smaller online publication or maybe someone used to writing Sports Illustrated’s more “personal interest” pieces decides to go back and examine Jack Zimmermann’s college years through his assignments and by interviewing his professors.
So, first and foremost, he has to ask permission because Samwell – well, they’ve never really had this situation before, but professors do keep student’s work on file and they decide that if they get permission from the student (in this case NHL superstar Jack Zimmermann), it is fine for them to show this work to outside parties. (real talk: no idea if this is how this would work, in fact, for thesis papers i think they are automatically available to the public… ANYWAY)
So this reporter (lets call him Dan) asks for Jack’s permission and, honestly, Jack is a little confused by the request but also a little bit excited because no one seems to take his time in college all that seriously and it drives him crazy. So he says yes without thinking about it and figures that the man will get to read a beautiful 30 pages on sports during WWII and maybe there will be a little blurb about it and that will be that.
That is not that. Because Dan here is thorough and after he reads Jack’s thesis (which was much better than he expected and if he’s being honest, he expected some stupid jock paper that passed only because well, what college is going to fail Jack Zimmermann??)- after he reads the thesis, he is interested. He chats with Jack’s thesis advisor who has nothing but great things to say (”Always turned in his drafts on time, took great notes and listened to suggestions, hard working kid, I hear he’s playing some sport now?- oh! you’re a reporter, is he doing well then?”) (sorry, this is a history professor, he probably had no idea who Jack Zimmermann was while he was advising him and less of idea who he is now that he is gone… ah, spacey nerdy history professors, my fave, ANYWAY) and so Dan decides to go seek out more of Jack’s work and talk to more of his professors and this means–
He finds the Photography professor.
And, more than that, because Jack had given him permission (he has the paper and everything!) he is supposed to be allowed to see Jack’s projects. Aka the pictures he turned in for a grade.
And, for the first time, a professor gives him a hard time about letting him see Jack’s work.
just moving along like everyone else 