AHHHH thank you everyone who indulged my stupid monster AU!!! You’re all a delight. I know some people asked me for more Kitchen Witch Bitty and Jötunn Jack and there were more questions and I’ll get to that BUT I wanna introduce the whole team before I get into real shenanigans so HERE THEY ARE. THE FROGS…and tadpoles.
Once again, thank you @midnitedancer for all of your beautiful ideas and contributions.
A summary: Chowder is adorable and is just happy to be here. The Demonic D-Men are both in need of some serious help. One is a pain in the neck, and the other has a pain in his neck. They are unrelated occurrences.
Also featuring appearances from Accidental HBIC Farmer, Trying His Best Tango, and Whiskey the Mystery.
- Bitty gets used to his new friends. Jack isn’t half as scary as he was before, he’s actually not really scary at all now. And kind of cute, in his own Frost Giant way, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW.
- He carries salt packets around for Lardo just in case, he learned to make a few new all vegetarian dishes just for Holster, and in one truly memorable bonding experience – he helped shave Ransom’s back.
- But now there’s a whole new batch of
creaturesboys coming in and he’s going to have to readjust. He’s excited…but a little terrified.- He saw the roster after all, this year might be a little rougher.
- But then of course he meets Chowder and takes everything back.
- Chowder is a Chinese Demi-God from southern California, and a literal ray of sunshine. Well, actually he’s a literal rain cloud, but he’s doing his best.
- He is descended from the Thunder God Lei Gong on his mother’s side.
- Despite his relation to an all powerful thunder dragon, Chowder himself looks rather human, and no one is quite sure if he’s constantly holding back his powers, or if they are really just that mild.
- As it is, Chowder really causes small breezes and the occasional light rain when he’s particularly upset. As the goalie, there is somewhat of a worry that he might use his powers to move the puck, but he swears on his mother’s life he would never. He actually claims he can’t even use his powers when he’s so worked up over a game. There have been disputes.
- He’s sweet and gentle and Bitty adores him like his own son. But his son is calling the two new defensemen his brothers – so Bitty thinks he might need to get used to them as well. No matter how much they frighten him.
- His tiny storm cloud son and the two Demonic Defensemen.
Tag: omgcp
Monster AU
So @midnitedancer and I got to talking about this dumb idea I had for a monster AU and it turned into a whole thing (this is huge) so here we go.
AU WHERE EVERYTHING IS BASICALLY THE SAME EXCEPT EVERYONE IS A MONSTER.
- Eric Richard Bittle is a small town witch from Georgia.
- He’s not a very powerful witch, and is actually terrible at most spells. He can’t cast a charm to save his life and he almost blew up his house trying to cast a tiny pimple hex on a bully at school. His mother was a champion on a broom, but Eric can’t stay on for more than a minute or two without falling off. For a while he thinks he might have gotten too much of his human father in him, and magic isn’t made for him.
- And then his mother teaches him how to bake.
- Eric is a demon in the kitchen. It’s where all of his magic comes out.
- He always knew his mother was a kitchen witch, but no one really ever knew how that would translate to him. Kitchen witches are typically female, but Suzanne Bittle was thrilled when she realized her son had inherited her knack for magical baked good.
- Eric can bake good luck, misfortune, love spells, hexes, confidence, you name it and he can bake it, into a pie. Cookies and brownies can work as well, but they tend to have a smaller effect.
- His father is a human with no magic, and head football coach for the local high school. Coach is aware that his wife is a witch, though the extent of her powers are a little nebulous to him. Eric tends not to share his own magical abilities with him.
- Doesn’t matter though, because he’s headed off to college at Samwell University to play hockey with the Big
MonstersBoys.- Eric comes from a pretty small community of mainly witches and humans. There was a werewolf pack that had some kids in his high school, and the odd phantom or two, but he knows Samwell is going to be a whole different ball game. There were at least five species he didn’t even recognize on the brochure alone.
- “Are you sure about this?” His mom asks for the 50th time. “I read online they allow demons to attend. Demons, Dicky!” “Mom, stop.” “Okay, but make sure you have your garlic. And your silver. And the gold. And iron. And-” “MOM.” “Okay, okay!”
- Samwell is an even bigger mess than Eric or his worried mother could have ever imagined. He is absolutely
terrifiedexcited.- During athletic orientation Eric ends up between two of his fellow hockey players (Ollie and Pacer, he thinks their names are), both of whom are a foot taller than him. They are both also very excitable werewolves who seem to be forming a pack right in front of him. Or around him, as he is still stuck between them.
- Those two, however, are absolutely nothing compared to the rest of his team.
Finally I’ve done fanart for Check Please… FINALLY. Here’s tol and smol taking a selfie
I JUST HAD A THOUGHT
well technically I had this thought hours ago when I wasn’t computer-accessible but anywaysIMAGINE IF Bad Bob Zimmermann was a raging bisexual (like, technically never came out of the closet, but everyone who knows him knows) and he came down for that second family weekend that we never actually heard about supposedly because of “how embarrassing” it was, and he sees Bitty and Mama Bittle again and he’s just like “Oh! Hey there, son, you’ve gotten a lot cuter since I last saw you, well done!”and Bitty’s just like “WHA? UM? THANKS, SIR??? UH” and then Bad Bob turns to Mama Bittle and is like “clearly he gets his looks from you, Suzanne” and it’s like an instant KO to poor Bitty’s mom, she’s out cold, she’s gone
meanwhile Jack’s completely mortified in the corner like PAPA, N O N and he turns to his mom and whispers “MAMA DO SOMETHING, STOP HIM”
and Alicia’s just like “what? He’s right, Eric’s definitely gotten cuter since last time, no wonder you like him” and Jack’s just “ET TU, MAMAN?” and everybody is blushing except for Jack’s parents who literally have no shits to give, they are there to make their own son become a hockey-playing tomato for the WHOLE weekend and to continue fostering the Bittlemann Alliance of Glory.
#okay see i reblogged this already but 1. that was before the canoning #and 2. i lose my marbles over ET TU MAMAN? EVERY. SINGLE. TIME #THE MOST BEAUTIFUL INTERSECTION OF LANGUAGES IN PUN FORM MINE EYES HAVE EVER SEEN #everything about this is beautiful and perfect honestly and i’ll never be over ‘look @ how cute u got! well done!’ dad bob #but jack zimmermann history nerd reaching out with one gay hand#fingers splayed #mouthing ‘stop him’ to his mother the woman who has always protected him from the evils of the world #and the mmm watcha say BETRAYAL when she turns around and just fuckin marcus brutuses him on the senate floor (tags via sadquebecois)
There’s a space of two inches on Bitty’s neck that is the most sensitive part of his body. Jack has catalogued the second most sensitive (earlobe) and third (the inside of his wrist), but pressing mouth to neck pulls Bitty’s bones right out of him, turns him all melted in Jack’s arms. Bitty is–surprisingly–quiet when they’re alone and together like this, his hands and body eager but his throat filled with little whimpers and sighs instead of what Jack expected, which was…words.
It makes him wonder why Bitty is so quiet in this when he’s never quiet in anything. What’s made him so silent in intimate moments like this, the few minutes they have in his room while pretending to wash up for dinner? Through the half-open window in Bitty’s room, Jack can smell the barbecue Coach has on the grill, and he thinks, Oh. That’s probably why.
“You feel good,” Jack tries, his hand on Bitty’s hip, fingers slipped just under his tank to find his sweat-damp skin. Georgia is hot, but Bitty’s skin is even hotter.
Bitty makes another soft noise at that, and when Jack pulls back just enough to look at him, his eyes are glazed, his mouth pink and slack. Jack kisses him. How can he not.
Suzanne Bittle’s voice carries sweetly up the stairs, calling them boys and asking them down for dinner. Bitty goes still in Jack’s arms. Jack can tell by the way Bitty’s chest heaves that his heart is fluttering behind his ribcage.
These stolen moments aren’t enough, and Jack wants nothing more than to explore the summer stretch of Bitty’s body where he can take his time and learn and appreciate. He doesn’t want to be rushed. Doesn’t want to stop.
“Come with me to Providence,” he says, mouth falling into those two inches of his neck. Bitty clutches at him. Jack exhales.
"When?“
“When I leave. Let me get your ticket. Come with me.”
“Jack…"
"Come with me."
Bitty’s fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck feels like he’s had them there for a long time, the movement so easy and practiced. Bitty shakes out a breath. "Yes. Okay. I will.”
nurseydex hc where dex finds nursey’s poetry?
Dex was not raised in a barn. He has manners. He has respect. He has a general sense of right and wrong. He says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me.’ He gives up his seat on the bus for elderly people. He holds the door open for people behind him. He doesn’t steal or cheat, and he tries not to lie. And he knows it’s not okay to read someone’s work unless they want you to. He wasn’t one of the kids who always tried to read his classmates’ personal essays in class. He never pushes his friends to share the things they’re working on. Heck, he grew up living in the same room as his older brother, who definitely kept a journal under his mattress, and never even considered touching it.
So he knows Nursey’s poetry is off limits. It’s tempting, sure, to peek at the words Nursey spends hours and hours pouring over, scribbling down and scratching out and erasing and rewriting until his fingers cramp up. He doesn’t look, though. If Nursey wants to share his poetry with Dex he will. Dex doesn’t have the right to go snooping for it.
Hello! I really love your NHL Chowder headcanons. Just the thought of Chowder asking his friends for help and doing the whole chalkboard thing like Jack, but choosing the Sharks anyway because sometimes the intangibles are just more important, and then meeting his new teammates and being excited to the point where they are aware of his stats but they mostly discount him as a goalie anyway, but then he gets in the net and there’s the complete personality turnaround and they all just go whoa.
[original nhl chowder headcanon]
Yes this is perfect – I really love imaging how Chowder’s first few weeks went with the Sharks. Like, right now the Sharks are a very good team (and have been for a while) but let’s say that the reason they are recruiting directly from college is because they have been really struggling at the goalie position and coming so close to the Cup but then always falling short before the finals has had a toll on morale and to the players, it seems that bringing in such a n00b goalie is a sign that management is looking to shake it up. Or giving up on this team and planning to do a rebuild, get some younger players and try with a different group of guys.
So, essentially, when Chowder bursts into the Sharks locker room full of happiness and enthusiasm and without even the faintest attempt at being cool at all, this does not exactly help matters. This kid is young in every sense of the word (like, yes, he has his braces off by this point, but he is not ashamed to say he wore them up until 2 years ago and dear god he actually won’t stop talking) and bringing in young, untested guys means a rebuild year and people are not that happy.
Chowder does not seem to notice.
He just keeps babbling on about how excited he is to be here and how much he looks up to all these guys and “omg it has been so swawesome to watch you guys like i have grown up watching you and-!!!” (okay, we get it, you’re young, ugh).
So the first few days of practice, they don’t scrimmage, just do some conditioning stuff, practice a few passes. And Chowder is fine. He’s not a bad player and his conditioning seems good but still… a team isn’t going to get far without a really good goalie and this one… well, they just aren’t sure he has what it takes. No one says it aloud but there are shared glances and sighs and the vibe for the first few days is not exactly what it should be.
Then, then finally on Friday of that first week, they scrimmage. Full 5 on 5 with Chowder in one goal, second string goalie in the other (privately people have been saying he should be moved to the first string because at least he seems to take the game seriously and not act like a fan) and, sure, people notice that Chowder goes a bit quiet the minutes leading up to the game but they figure he is probably nervous and his mask covers most of his face so they can’t see him all that well and-
Well, and then they play and Chowder is the goalie.
And Chowder is… well, it’s not that the boys are going easy on him at the beginning but it wouldn’t exactly be good form to demolish your goalie’s self-esteem during your first scrimmage when it’s his rookie year so they aren’t whipping pucks at his head at a full 100%. They are being polite about it.
Until none of their polite shots go in. Not one.
And at this point, the other team has scored twice and, look, the boys playing against Chowder are not trying to lose against their teammates so they start trying harder. And then harder. And, nope, those shots are not being polite anymore. Not even a little bit.
And, still, none of them go in.
married lyfe w/ nursey & dex (shamelessly based on this post by @dereknursey)
(for @nurseydexweek day 5: future nurseydex)
cute nurseydex stuff that will make you want to vom bc they’re so fucking cute:
- ok im fully under the impression that these two would be so fucking extra when they finally get together. like. it took them so long to figure their shit out. when they finally get their shit together, it’s been building for months. years, even. they’d be all over each other
- at first, chowder is so happy for them. they tell him by texting him a picture of them doing that gross, couple-y, one of us is holding the phone way too far away and both our eyes are closed, kissing selfies that every couple seems to have on facebook. chowder screams. he has to resist making it his lockscreen. he’s so fucking happy. he grins every time he sees them acting couple-y
- this slowly turns into slight annoyance after he walks in on them making out for the fifth time in one week. also, they’re really loud. and the attic isn’t that far away and the walls of the haus are pretty thin, and between jack’s monthly visiting and his two best friends loudly going at it every fucking ten seconds, chowder is contemplating giving tango his dibs and moving back into the dorms for his senior year. at least him and farmer are considerate. c’mon guys.
just moving along like everyone else 