note: this honestly all started because i was stuck in a TERRIBLE meeting and i
started thinking about bitty being sad about jack and i wrote this meta post and then i had to write 5k words to accompany it. i’m fine.
–
Bitty had
never meant for it to go this far. It had been a crush and he’d had plenty
before. He’d had plenty of experience getting over them, too. The thing was…he’d
never figured on Jack liking him back.
He had no experience whatsoever with this strange brand of casual flirtation,
invisible to everyone except for himself.
Bitty
blamed Kent Parson, perhaps a little pettily. The thing was – it hadn’t been a
problem before Kent Parson crashed Epikegster, because Bitty had been cocooned
in the safety of the knowledge that his crush was straight as an arrow and
therefore, would never be interested. The fact that Jack had definitely been
making out with Kent Parson in his room before angrily kicking him out not because of the kissing but because Kent
was being an asshole was a problem for Bitty.
It was a
problem because it sparked a traitorous little flame of hope in Bitty every
time he looked at Jack. It was a problem because it caused Bitty to rewind
every moment they’d ever shared and sort through them for signs. It was a
problem because it meant Bitty’s crush didn’t have to be unrequited. Bitty was going to burn alive with the
knowledge.
Bitty is a gay man in a collegiate sport who grew up in the Deep South. He is Aware™ of himself at all times, even if he doesn’t talk about it on his vlog. He probably knows that although he is accepted now, if he crosses an invisible line of physical/emotional affection with some of the guys that acceptance can disappear in an instant. We can speculate on the sexuality of the other guys, but none of them are open in the way Bitty is, so he has to operate on different rules than the other guys.
We know, canonically, that he is mostly exempt from rough-housing. This isn’t because he’s smaller, it’s because he’s gay. Rough-housing is toeing that line and Bitty would probably be careful to exclude himself whenever possible. The other guys probably exclude him with the excuse that he’s small, but there’s a layer underneath that they would never acknowledge. This is the sort of thing that even really supportive straight friends do, often unconsciously. It’s part of the “unwritten rules”.
So, back to Jack. We’re shown the two of them getting increasingly touchy in the background of several panels Year 2. We’re shown through Bitty’s twitter that Jack seeks him out, incessantly chirps him (which by Bitty’s own admission, is a variation on flirting), and starts to include Bitty in the rough-housing. Bitty overheard the conversation with Parse and heard Parse interrupt Jack with what was probably a kiss. Bitty can connect those dots – he’s not dumb. The thing is – he’s also never going to bring it up, because Bitty understands living in the closet and how scary it is. He also understands that Jack’s future is on the line. Jack already has so much stacked against him – the overdose, the crazy expectations, his own crippling anxiety – and Bitty surmises that Jack can’t also live with his sexuality out in the open too. So, he lets Jack get closer, orbiting him, but never, ever pushes him or even hints that he knows. It’s a secret and Bitty isn’t going to violate that.
Instead, he just cherishes the moments he gets. He catalogs them carefully, even though it probably really hurts. The guy he has an outsize crush on keeps seeking him out and sitting too close to him and giving him piggyback rides and lending him his jacket. Bitty knows that this is outside the bounds of his other friendships. He knows that Jack is crossing the line and he lets him, instead of closing himself off and not allowing it like he might have with the other boys. He just shakes his head and says this boy.
What I’m getting at here is that Bitty might have known, or at least strongly suspected, that Jack had non-friend feelings for him. However, he also probably thought that Jack didn’t think they were important or big enough feelings to actually act on. That’s why we find Bitty literally sobbing in Jack’s room after graduation because Bitty thinks that it’s the absolute end of the road for them and even the casual flirtation will be gone as soon as he boards that plane to Georgia in a few hours. Jack is moving on to Providence and the NHL and Jack isn’t going to take the risk on his future. Bitty wasn’t expecting Jack to kiss him, but not because Bitty was oblivious to Jack’s feelings. He doesn’t expect the kiss because he has convinced himself that Jack does feel something for him, but not strongly enough to actually pursue it.
Another digital commission for the Year Two Kickstarter! Bitty and Jack enjoying a rainy day at Jack’s place. They are very happy (sleepy?) boys. Thanks for the awesome request, VG!!
concept: Jack Zimmermann walked in on Shitty holding the “yo marry me jack zimmermann” sign once and kind of winked and said “i think you’re gonna have to buy me dinner first, eh?” and shitty fell over laughing and when jack caught bitty holding it he had ever intention of doing the same thing but then his mind went blank and all he could picture was marrying bitty, but somehow, still didn’t realize how gone he was on him
and then when Bad Bob said the thing he said, Jack got a searing white insta-montage of all those stray thoughts he had discreetly filed away, and it was like he downloaded two years of romantic and sexual frustration into his brain in three seconds flat.
It’s amazing that he and Bitty survived their first kiss and didn’t spontaneously combust right there with all those flammable boxes of Sharks memorabilia.
The Falcs do a PR push for Valentine’s Day, looking for the perfect Valentine for their leading scorer and new Alternate Captain. Instagram and Twitter go NUTS, Yo Marry Me Jack Zimmermann posters appear at every game. So many people have proposed to Jack via social media and at the rink, that our boy’s face is basically bright red for the whole month of February.
Georgia sees the hullabaloo and develops a PR Plan. Every day, the Falcs post a picture of one of the players holding the sign. Tater has the sign in one hand and a ring pop in the other. Thirdy has a veil on. Marty is proposing to one of the Jack toys. Even Parse gets in on the action, because, let’s face it, he needs attention, and posts a picture of himself and Jack in Qs with the caption I asked him first.
The final pic of a small blond man holding the sign, he’s wearing a Falcs bow tie and holding what appears to be a real ring. The next day there’s a pic of Jack positively beaming, arm slung around the blond and ring on his finger, holding a sign that says Yo, I Said Yes.
just moving along like everyone else 