Sometimes everyone is chilling in the Haus living room, watching the TV or something and Tango drops an existential question like it’s nothing but everybody is having a sudden existential crisis
“…Johnson said we’re in a story… but if it’s true, who’s the main character?”
Whiskey thinks Tango is the main character, because Tango is the only person he ever wants to talk to on this team.
Ransom and Holster are both secretly terrified that it’s one of them, which means the OTHER one is the best friend/comic relief character. But which way around?
Shitty thinks it’s Jack, because come on. He’s Jack Fucking Zimmermann. (Or Lardo, possibly it’s Lardo, because Lardo is perfect)
Nursey keeps saying it’s Dex, but mostly to rile him up. Really he thinks it’s Chowder.
Chowder is totally writing fanfic about this already and he’s firmly in Lardo’s camp, because Lardo is the most interesting person he knows. He ships Lardo with both Shitty and Camilla and he’s not 100% sure how that’s going to work but it’s going to be EPIC.
Dex secretly thinks it’s Nursey but says out loud that it’s Tango, because that should throw people off the scent, what scent, nothing to see here.
Bitty refuses to comment on the topic, as he finds it confronting and alarming. He has baked thirteen pies since the question was raised. “If you want to do anything useful, Tango, get me some more butter, honey!”
March thinks it’s June. You know, June, on the volleyball team? You’ve all met her. She was dating Holster last year. She’s Camilla Collins’ best friend. She’s going to be Farmer’s bridesmaid. JUNE. Obviously the story isn’t going to be about the fucking male hockey team, they are background colour for the real story. June has a prosthetic leg and she’s the best scorer in the women’s volleyball league, and she’s totally going to become a brain surgeon. June’s got it going on.
Farmer agrees with March.
Lardo & Jack eye each other across the room. “It’s Bitty, bro,” says Lardo.
Jack explodes. “It’s totally Bitty, thank you. How is this not obvious to everyone?”
“I dunno dude, you have angsty handsome love interest written all over you, so obvs Bitty has to be the protagonist.”
Tango’s next question: “Why is Mr Jack all red in the face, Lardo?”
“The truth hurts, kid.”
Somewhere on the Appalachian Trail, Johnson raises his head and sniffs the air. “I love the smell of meta in the morning. Tango, you are my worthy successor. I salute you, bro.”
concept: jack and bitty get engaged, and shitty and tater fight for the privilege to be jack’s best man the way phoebe and rachel battled it out over who would be monica’s maid of honor
they’re tied after five rounds of questions, so ransom and holster decide on a sudden death round to see who’s willing to sacrifice the most for jack.
tater promises to give up his basically-a-part-time position as host of falcstv for three months, and stop roping jack into unplanned appearances for one whole season.
shitty immediately goes into the bathroom and shaves off his ‘stache.
shitty wins.
holster: okay shitty, you’re jack’s best man. you win tater: no!! i’m take bullet for zimmboni. i’m DIE FOR ZIMMBONI. i should win. i’m be best man. ransom: dude. look at shitty. look at that hairless face. there’s already been a death in this room today. shitty wins.
lord now with this recent update and people will actually LISTEN TO ME EXPLAIN THIS unlike all the posts ive made about this before
Bitty has PTSD!
This is coming from someone who is diagnosed with PTSD and has suffered from it for the past 6-7 years! My PTSD is in relation to trauma from verbal and emotional bullying/abuse, and from what it looks like, Bitty’s is similar to mine except with less emotional abuse and more physical abuse. See here:
Basically? He was bullied. His trauma is in relation to bullying and negative physical contact, see here:
and SPEAKING OF nightmares, lets talk about his symptoms! We now have proof of recurring nightmares (as seen above), (mild?) panic attacks,
and aversion to things like rough housing, namely checking
(I’d like to argue here that he was suppressing an anxiety/panic attack)
Now you may be asking!! But Alex, he tweets about Holster and Ransom rough housing with him! He seems fine with it!
Let me tell you about something that happens when you have undiagnosed PTSD for an extended amount of years, something that I went though. I, like Bitty, experienced my trauma in 7th or 8th grade. I wasn’t properly diagnosed until my freshman year of college, so that was 5-6 years later.
You suppress your triggers. You learn to live with them and suppress them. Basically it’s either suppress them or you really fucking suffer. And hey, if we know anything about Bitty, it’s that he’s a champ at suppressing things (though he has gotten better with communication with Jack lately!).
I have a trigger of other people touching my neck. It used to be way worse, inducing panic attacks and leaving lasting arousal symptoms for a week after. (Click here for some info on PTSD symptoms including arousal symptoms!!) But because I just had to, you know, live with it for 5-6 years I just learned to suppress them. Someone touches my neck now? Yeah, I still jump a bit and have a panic response, but I’ve stopped going into full on panic attacks and instead suppress the feelings associated with it.
So basically? It’s HIGHLY possible Bitty has suppressed his triggers! Large boys picking him up? Probably have an immediate panic response and then the subsequent “no, it’s just holster and ransom. i trust them.” Jack doing the checking clinics with him was literally immersion therapy. That being said, even with immersion therapy, you know, the triggers are still there. You just have coping mechanisms. You’re numb to them. But, they’re still there.
There’s a reason Bitty is afraid of checking. And it’s because it triggers his trauma of being tackled in football.
okay i love nurseydex and i love enemies to lovers nurseydex and i love nurseydex being in love but! let’s talk about the stage in between
let’s talk about nursey and dex being best friends???
sending each other stupid memes and captioning them all “u” no matter what it is
lengthy philosophical middle of the night discussions when they stay together on roadies, talking about what they wanna do and what they think their place in the world is
watching those weird 3 am infomercials together and debating heatedly over what is more useful, the magic bullet blender or the shamwow
actually taking nice photos together very occasionally instead of just ugly ones zoomed in on like nursey’s left nostril or whatever
playfully messing up each other’s hair???
going hard af as a ping pong team at kegsters
trying to cook a fancy recipe and having to throw it all out and settle for ramen
“dude should i buy this shirt? do i look good in it?” “well nothing’s gonna fix that face but it’s a nice shirt”
making fun of each other’s regional accents (except they accidentally pick up a bit of the other’s accent after a while oops)
acting deeply personally offended when the other hasn’t watched one of their favorite movies and forcing them watch it
automatic backup singer??? (nursey: i be UP in the GYM just working on my fitness he’s my witness/dex: ooEEE)
idk they’re best friends man!!! they’re best friends
HE REMEMBERED SOMETHING!!!!! HE GOT IT RIGHT!!!!! BE PROUD OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!
(Be proud of me too, this took me a while xD I drew him on my phone, y’all)
Anyways I’m so happy that we got a deeper look into the person that is Justin “Ransom” Oluransi, an undergrad senior afraid of moving away from his best friend, a son afraid he’s only living his life for his parents expectations, a pre-med student who recognizes that studying medicine for another 7 years may not actually be the most healthy choice for himself.
I’m so proud of him for knowing he’s not ready, that he needs a break, that he wants to take care of himself for a while.
okay so there’s this going around which i love and adore but also please consider:
dex hitting it off right away with whiskey, for whatever reason. they become fast friends. dex kinda takes him under his wing, they spend a lot of time together.
Like, I’m totally down for the salty!bro deadpan-master aloof-as-shit Whiskey but hear me out:
Shy Whiskey. Actually maybe even painfully cautious, and not like in a cute-nervous-anxious way but in a way like maybe he came out of a walking-on-eggshells home environment. Follow his eyes –
they’re almost always focused directly on other people’s faces even when they’re not looking at him.
Like he’s watching people trying to figure out where the lines are, how they’re responding to things.
And when he talks, it’s very small questions about the language he’s supposed to use (“swawsome?”) questions about the people (“Harvard law school?”) and he demurs, “Whiskey’s fine” like he doesn’t want to rock the boat, don’t call attention.
Like yeah, maybe he’s too cool for school, but just maybe he’s a guy used to skating on the thinnest of ice and he’s holding his breath waiting to see where the cracks are gonna be.
just moving along like everyone else 