Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.
They’re realistic and reliable
They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.
They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.
Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.
They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.
They’re respectful and reciprocal
They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.
They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.
They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.
They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells.
When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.
They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.
They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.
They’re responsive
Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.
They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.
They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.
They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.
They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.
They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.
– ©
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.some of this seems like something to aspire to, rather than a baseline definition of maturity, but yeah, that’s what you’re aiming for.
Tag: oh hey
just because you don’t look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. flowers are pretty but so are christmas lights and they look nothing alike
I don’t think anyone could’ve said it in a better way
I reblog these things in the hope that someday I will grow to believe them.
I needed that
I always advise people to take the love language test, and not so much as a means of learning how you need to be loved by a romantic partner but learning how you need to be loved by yourself.
For instance, if your love language is acts of service then doing nice things for yourself could be a form of self-care. Taking yourself out on dates, treating yourself to nice things when possible, and making accommodations for yourself. If your love language is physical touch, this could mean you lean more toward topical or aromatic self-care methods. You may want to buy body butters and lotions and the act of rubbing on your own body could be soothing; lighting candles, incense, or aroma therapy oils in your dwelling areas may also soothe you.
My love language is words of affirmation so of course, that is exactly what I do for myself. I write sticky notes tailored to my current emotional needs during that time and keep them up on my walls for as long as I see necessary. I recite my daily affirmations while I do my skincare routine, or when I’m in the shower.
Discovering your love language can be beneficial in romantic relationships but even more beneficial in your current relationship with yourself.
I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”
“if it’s meant to be, it will be” – friendships, relationships, people in general coming into your life, dealing with rejection
“if you want it, go get it” – your goals, aspirations, work and work ethic, changing your life (diet, exercise, hobbies, political views, opinions)
^this seemed important
8hy:
there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of
you put it into words
Interesting
My favorite self care tip is to pretend you’re a demon inhabiting a humans body and you gotta look after it, treat it right, cause these things are weak af man and you gotta protect your host
…You know, that might actually work.
Always and forever reblogging this
Sigh. No self-respecting demon would let the body go this long without showering. Brb.
XD wtf that’s great.
This worked for me quite a few times. Especially when I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning just like
The vessel must be present.
This may actually work, motivation by “to be a successful infiltrator on the mortal plane my host must be as successful as possible”
“The meatsuit has to be presentable if I want to convince the other meatbeings that I’m one of them. Ugh. I guess I have to brush the suit’s teeth and hair.”
Every time you say that you only donate to charities and non-profits with extremely low overhead and administrative costs, what you’re actually saying is that you’ll only support charities and non-profits that underpay their employees and stretch them thin because they don’t have the budget to hire enough of them.
Transparency should be the priority here. Not low administrative costs.
#OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS#AS SOMEONE WHO’S WORKED IN A NONPROFIT THAT HAD LIKE THREE PEOPLE AT HEAD OFFICE#AND AT NONPROFITS WITH A STRONG AND LARGE TEAM OF SUPPORT STAFF#IT MATTERS#IT FUCKING MATTERS
THIS.
Also? Especially in really BIG catastrophes, in the IMMEDIATE aftermath?
You want the charities that can MOBILIZE FAST. You CANNOT DO THAT if you are pinching every penny and working to the minimal staffing. You just can’t.
Transparency is important. And a charity should be able to EXPLAIN why each of the dollars they spent is spent the way it is, and it should be a solid reason.
And no, this is not just a factor of Money Is Evil. Even if we weren’t in a monetary-reward situation, value of effort, time and training still exists, as does value of goods, and it would simply turn to a different metric.
Considering all the damage done by Harvey and BEING done by Irma and Jose, this seems like a good time to reblog this.
I ended up having a really interesting conversation with some people at the bus stop today. They were getting out of some sort of ‘clean and sober’ meeting and had starting saying how they were so bored because they didn’t have anything to do, and had to stay at home because all their old friends would pull them back. So I said something like, ‘So this is the time to do all the stuff your parents told you they didn’t have money/time for!’
“Whatcha mean?”
“You know, like when you were five and you REALLY wanted to have that toy or do that thing and you were like, ‘Please mom please I gotta have this I gotta go do this’ and they went ‘Hell no you think I’m paying for that do you want to goddamn EAT?’ “
And this light went on in their eyes. The lady is going to go check thrift stores for an Easybake Oven and I told her about Wilton cake decorating classes. The dude is going to Griffith Park and ride horses, because, ‘I always wanted to be a cowboy, and you can’t drink when you’re on a horse ‘cause you’ll fucking die!’
Fuck it. This is what being an adult is. Sure it’s bills and work and relationships, but damn it, it’s also time to do the things you LIKE.
I signed up for a free class/lecture on Water Gardens. I’m going. It’s time.
Jill. Jill you are wonderful.
be so completely yourself that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too
i can’t think of much that i aspire to more than this
You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
C. S. Lewis
(via goodreadss)
just moving along like everyone else 