Everyone pays pie taxes, except for tango. Why? That’s a mystery. Everyone has to wash dishes, go grocery shopping, lower thing from the top shelf and even compulsory participate in Beyonce jams as taxes. Except for tango.
The mystery prevails until careful observation in the bitty-tango relationship sheds new lights to the investigation. In order to write essays, bitty who suffers from severe procrastination, just tells tango a few details about what his essay is on, and then answers all subsequent questions. He records himself, and then just copies down what he has said and hands it down as an essay. The tango-prompt method has result in a sharp increase in Bitty’s work quality, and thus tango gets rewarded with being exempt from pie taxes.
literally so here for nursey losing his chill this year. im so here for him to become the dramatic nerd child he his on the inside. i want him to get jealous of dex being better friends with whiskey right off the bat and i want him to write twenty poems about it and grumpily stare at dex at breakfast and i want dex to be like “whats ur deal nurse maybe you should just. like–” “don’t finish that sentence dex.”
It happens in slow motion, and every single fucking detail
is burned into Nursey’s mind. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget the
sound Dex made as he crashed into the boards, or the lurching in his stomach
when the ref blew the whistle and Dex wasn’t
getting up, why isn’t he getting up, Jesus Christ Dex please get up.
Bitty nervously gathers his friends one afternoon in the late winter to tell them that he and Jack are dating. Jack is planning on coming out at the end of the season, so Bitty wants to give them all some warning. They’re all happy for them of course, but a few are a little hurt Jack and Bitty had kept it from them for so long.
“I’m sorry, y’all. I hated lying to you, but it just wasn’t the time yet. I feel so bad about not telling you– something as big and as important as that!” Bitty wrings his hands and apologizes again. The rest of the team is nodding their forgiveness, but Dex looks more and more uncomfortable with each word.
“Anything you’d like to share with the class?” Lardo asks casually. Dex looks like he’s about to faint. She loves the kid, but heaven help her if he has a problem with Bitty and Jack…..
“Bitty’s right. It’s not something we should hide. And I’m sick of lying about it.”
“Wait, when did this happen?” Chowder asks, caught between astonishment and excitement (his natural state of being, but just stronger in this particular moment).
Dex flushes. “Like…..last year? After we lost the playoffs?”
“Right after,” Nursey confirms.
“Ah,” Holster says sagely. “Roadie magic. That’s when me and Rans first started hooking up.”
“WHAT?” squawks Bitty. Rans claps a hand on Holster’s shoulder. “Shit, bro, I think we forgot to tell them.”
“What else haven’t y’all been telling me?” Bitty demands, and after that, confessions start rolling in.
“I’ve had at least two drunken sexcapades with Shitty.”
“Lards, bro! Same!”
“Didn’t Johnson get it on with the other goalie that one time? Goalies are weird, man.”
“Hey, Ollie and Wicks are totally doing it, right?”
Then, amidst the increasingly loud and colorful tales of sexual exploits, Tango shouts, “I’ve thought about kissing Whiskey!”
The rest of the Haus falls silent, Ransom and Holster smothering giggles. Whiskey calmly looks Tango up and down. “Huh. Cool. Let’s do that sometime.”
–
That night when Jack asks Bitty how it went telling the team, Bitty sighs helplessly. “Honey, I don’t know where to begin.”
listen….. in one of our first ‘australian wildlife biology’ lectures we had a PhD student talk to us about their work on freshwater fish in the kimberley….. they literally got attacked by a crocodile there’s a photo of them grinning and one has a bandage wrapped around his head….. just fucking smiling all serene… dex is basically steve irwin and nursey is smitten
ok but..dex…in all khaki…and gross boots… who knows all these bizarre tricks to fend off mosquitoes who says “fuckin oath, mate” once a week…Nursey loves him.
has the photo of dex grinning with the bandage on his head as his lock screen.
Dex sees a hot guy and says ‘crikey, that’s a good lookin’ fella’. Nursey’s brain actually breaks. Partially because did Dex just come out to him??? and also partially because oh no is this a kink oh no oh no oh no
I’m kinkshaming Nursey tbh, he deserves it.
he can peel 5 prawns in 30 seconds and nursey is just mesmerised by dex’s hands he doesn’t even care they’re covered in prawn guts
I FOUND THE PHOTO have you ever seen anything more ridiculous LOOK THIS IS CHOWDER AND DEX JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE
literally so here for nursey losing his chill this year. im so here for him to become the dramatic nerd child he his on the inside. i want him to get jealous of dex being better friends with whiskey right off the bat and i want him to write twenty poems about it and grumpily stare at dex at breakfast and i want dex to be like “whats ur deal nurse maybe you should just. like–” “don’t finish that sentence dex.”
he has such a pure laugh omg. like i know we talk about how bitty’s laugh is the epitome of sunshine etc but dex my god. it’s not even that pretty to listen to, not like bitty’s tinkly laugh or jack’s really lovely chuckles. dex’s laugh is loud and everywhere and always shocks everyone because u know that boy has different laughs, like fake ones that he uses a lot. so when the team get to hear dex’s real laugh it’s amazing
and when dex laughs you can’t help but do the same because you’d do anything to keep hearing his real laugh
just moving along like everyone else 