Okay, so like, here’s the facts. Lucretia had to figure out new lives for Magnus, Taako, and Merle with only the ability to take away information via the Voidfish.
As we know, Taako just got hooked up with his show, feesibly without any further erasing needed. I headcanon that the original Merle from Faerun died as a baby, so Lucretia only had to erase the fact that he died to place her Merle with this plane’s version of his family.
But Magnus insists that he was born and raised in Raven’s Roost. And as far as we know, no one ever questioned him on it. So how can Lucretia give him a lifetime at Raven’s Roost if she can only erase something?
The answer: she erased the fact that he’s a stranger. Maybe she wrote down “Magnus Burnsides is not from around here” onto a piece of paper and threw it into the tank without really thinking it through. Because now it’s not just the people of Raven’s Roost who is pretty sure Magnus Burnsides has been here his entire life even though evidence suggests otherwise. everyone in Faerun has this vague sense that Magnus Burnsides has been a vaguely familiar face in these parts for a long time, even if they can’t quite place why.
Magnus tells a barkeeper in Bradybuck that this is his first time here and the barkeeper doesn’t say anything, but they’re pretty sure Magnus has been stopping through here their entire life. Maybe they’re wrong, but either way his familiarity makes him easy to talk to, if not downright comforting to be around.
What I’m trying to get at is that one of the stranger side effects of the voidfish’s static is Magnus’s rustic hospitality.
Tag: magnus burnsides
The Director leans forward over her desk, her face drawn and intent. “So I suppose you’re wondering why I called you three in h–”
“Actually, Madam Director,” Taako interrupts, “I’m wondering how you got this lavender tea so right.”
The Director blinks. “I simmer the lavender blossoms in a saucepan with water and honey, because I’m not a fucking barbarian. Twenty minutes, dash of vanilla, the whole thing. Anyway–”
“It’s good tea,” Merle pipes up.
“Thanks, Merle. So–”
“Hold up, hold up. Holllld up.” Taako actually raises his hand. “How– okay, I mean, what the hell, that’s exactly how I make lavender tea, how’d you know?”
“I know everything, I’m the Director.”
“Are you spying on us?” Magnus says, suddenly interested.
“I can, uh, no, I can’t confirm that, or, deny, that horrific breach of employer-employee confidentiality. I probably just know that stuff because of all the cool superpowers you get when you’re in charge of a secret moon-based operation.”
Merle waves his hand enthusiastically. “Hey, what’s tattooed on my butt!”
“Kenny Chesney, which I know on account of you came into my actual office with your whole entire ass hanging out.”
“It was like three quarters, max,” Magnus says. “Hey, what’s my favorite tea?”
“You think tea is for chumps.”
“I do,” Magnus says, earnestly pleased.
“Does anyone have any non-tea related questions?”
Merle waves his hand again. “Do you know about our secret st—“
“Taped under Magnus’s bed. Yes.”
“Aw,” Magnus says to his tea.
“For someone with such extensive woodworking proficiency, I really thought you’d have, like, a secret drawer somewhere,” the Director says thoughtfully.
“Hey, taped under the mattress is a classic,” Taako says.
“It’s very, mm, very college hijinks, reminiscent, very Animal House.”
“Bullshit, you never watched Animal House,” Merle says.
“I may— I might have. You don’t know.”
“Name one— name one scene! Just one! Gimme a quote!”
“I don’t have to, because I’m your boss. Can I get back to telling you about your new incredibly important mission to save the whole— basically the whole entire world, already, or do you want to waste more time playing Fantasy fucking Trivia?”
The three Reclaimers look at each other, and then Taako uses mage hand to pour himself more lavender tea.
“What’s Merle’s favorite tea?” he asks, grinning, and the Director drops her face into her hands.
“Chamomile,” she says, in the grave, sorrowing tones of one who must bear the unbearable, year after thankless fucking year. “He thinks it’s sexy.”
You guys ever think about how Magnus and Lucretia were barely in their 20s during The Stolen Century?
They were only kids, man.
imagine: magnus giving an Anime Protagonist Speech and the bad guy is like rolling their eyes bc yeah this seems like something he would do but in reality he’s buying time as merle and taako rob the dude blind and then knock them out from behind before the three of them bolt
#magnus: and ill never stop fighting! because i know…i have my friends! #taako: [mouthing ‘hey do you want this cool sword?’] #magnus: yes! …they are always there for me
griffin tried so fucking hard to kill magnus and was thwarted every time by the power of love. first he tried to make the chalice consume him. magnus countered that with his love for julia. then he tried to make the entire astral plane pull him to his death, and the mcelroys gave us the arms outstretched sequence, which was literally taako and merle both going hey god? hey, god? fuck you. this is our ruff boi and you can’t have him. griffo literally had to resort to asking travis “how do i kill your fucking character” because magnus was too hard to kill. your mistake, griffin, you made your podcast about the power of love and family and tried to kill the character who loves the easiest. what did you expect. he’s invincible.
Travis, whenever it’s so much as suggested that an NPC might be stronger than Magnus: now hold on
so you’ve just got your ass kicked and suddenly you remember another time when you got your ass kicked
Magnus during the first, oh, ten years of the Stolen Century had a solid half and half death to life ratio because he kept jumping into things without thinking. Finally around year twelve Davenport realized that he could guilt trip Magnus into staying alive by pointing out that he needed to protect the rest of them going forward, and that kept Magnus from racking up too many other deaths the rest of the century. He was shamed into living.
“Magnus, you’re in charge of protecting us, if you die in month nine we’re defenseless. You can’t leave us alone with no one to protect us, Magnus. We’re intellectuals, we’re helpless. Look at Barry, do you want Barry to die just because you went cliff diving again? (Look pathetic, Barry) See, he can’t defend himself. Just a sad little science man. Doesn’t even know what a sword is. What’s that, a giant dissection knife? Blah, blah, science. It’s tragic.”
“Taako, he’s a lich now. He’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but what about me? I’m fragile as hell, pal.”
i had to make a quick comic about the end of that adventure zone episode
i wonder if magnus ever lies awake at night, thinking there must be something wrong with him because he can’t remember small things that should be important
he knows his parents and he knows great sideburns run in the family (or he thinks they do? the evidence is in his name and face, so he has to be right). but he doesn’t remember where his parents even live. he’s their only child and he can’t even get an address in his head, can’t even send a letter.
you know what, maybe he tried to send a letter once, when he was drunk. he scribbled a messy letter that made sense at the time, but was nonsense later. the mailman knew him (because everyone knew him in Raven’s Roost) so he got the letter back with an added note that “sorry mag, we can’t read the address.” and the address isn’t quite illegible, because the letters are all there on the paper. but when anyone, even magnus himself, looks at it, they can’t string the letters together. and magnus kept that letter in his nightstand and kept trying to understand it through the headaches every day (because something important is written there, he’s sure) until his house burns down with his village and he loses grasp on the thought of it entirely.
just moving along like everyone else 