I’ve posted blogs in the past that mentioned the term skin hunger, the physical and psychological need for meaningful human touch, and I received an inquiry asking for more information about this phenomenon. So, here you are. Top 5 things you should know about skin hunger.
1. It’s an actual *NEED*
Like the name suggests, skin hunger isn’t a desire, it’s a primal necessity that like food, water, and sleep, humans will hunger, long, and ache for when they need it.
The outcomes of unmet skin hunger have been explored in a number of well-documented (but ethically questionable) research studies. Babies in hospitals, orphanages, and other institutional settings that receive adequate bio care (feeding, bathing, and changing) but are left in cribs for 20+ hours a day and not touched or held, experience lasting neurological changes including shrinking of the volume of gray matter in the brain. Adults deliberately exposed to the common cold virus in a lab are less able to fight off the virus and more likely to experience severe symptoms if they didn’t get many hugs in the two weeks prior to the study.
2. It can be partially satiated through sex, but doesn’t have to be
The intimacy of sexual activity is a method to satisfy skin hunger, but it’s only one method. Skin hunger isn’t about sex and there are dozens of ways to nurture your need and provide it for others that isn’t inherently sexual or romantic. Examples include:
Hand shakes
high fives
hugs
pats/rubs on the back
shoulder squeezes
nose boops
massages
piggy back rides
dancing
holding hands
linking arms
playing footsies
kisses (on the head, hand, cheek, or lips)
cuddling
using a friend’s shoulder as a pillow while watching TV or riding the bus
stroking their hair
tickling
horseplay (pillow fights, play wrestling, etc.)
sitting on laps are all examples.
3. Tons of people aren’t getting their skin hunger needs met for a host of different reasons
Lots of us are skin starved, but some populations that may experience touch deprivation most include:
Tweens and teens: Have you ever noticed that people in this age group are constantly horsing around, shoving, and playfully hitting each other in the arm? In western social norms, 11-17 years old are often considered too old for kissing and snuggling their parents, and too young to be given privacy for kissing and snuggling a boyfriend or girlfriend. My theory is they turn to tackling each other to meet skin hunger needs.
Elderly: Social isolation and extreme loneliness that can occur in later life as spouses, friends, and family die off has had a well documented affect on touch deprivation and overall health outcomes.
Institutionalized: Whether it’s in a prison or a hospital, there’s been some research on the torture-like effects of going days, months, years, or even decades without human touch as a matter of institutional policy.
Men: Those pesky social norms that make cuddling, hugging, and hand-holding “feminine” behaviors and “feminine” behaviors undesirable has left lots of men folk in severe touch isolation.
All of us: Between ever increasing work commutes keeping people alone and away from their loved ones for more hours of the day, social media that does a phenomenal job of connecting us emotionally but can disconnect us physically, this irksome but prevalent cultural myth that conflates touch with sex, concerns about touch and sexual harassment, and an epidemic of deep chronic loneliness, it’s safe to say many/most/all of us might be a bit skin hungry.
4. Skin hunger is related to violence
Observational research has found a number of correlations between touch and aggression. Researchers observed people sitting with their friends or family members in cafes and restaurants in different nations and noticed how many times they touched each other (leaning against them, rubbing their back while talking, putting an arm around their shoulder, etc). Participants in cultures that experience less violence were observed to touch each other much more than cultures with high rates of violence. Among the highest was France with 110 touches in 30 minutes. In the US it was 2 touches in 30 minutes.
The interactions among low-touch cultures were also more aggressive and violent among the peer group, not just within the country at large. For example, a 30 minute observation showed more pushing, hitting, and aggressive verbal communication among the American participants with low rates of meaningful touch.
5. There have been conscious attempts made recently to meet human touch needs
Skin hunger is a relatively new concept, and it’s starting to be seen a public health issue crucial to our well being . As such, active efforts to bridge the touch gap have been started, and include the free hugs campaign, cuddle parties, professional cuddling businesses, senior care facilities offering training for their staff on touch as part of elder care, and hospital volunteer programs to cuddle sick newborns.
Check back next week for another Top 5 Friday!
Dr. Jill McDevitt is a nationally recognized, San Diego based
sexuality educator, speaker, writer, and the resident sexologist at
Swiss Navy. She has a BA in Sexuality, Marriage, and Family, MEd in
Human Sexuality Education, and PhD in Human Sexuality, which means she
is the only known person in the world with all three degrees in sex. It
also means she has the coolest job ever!
Okay but can we use the term “touch starvation” instead, because when you say “skin hunger” my brain immediately leaps to either cannibalism or Buffalo Bill
anyone else still sometimes catch themselves thinking about how after all those years of idolizing dave strider and after all that time in the void session wondering and anticipating and nervously awaiting this theoretical possibility that he might get the chance to meet him, dirk finally fucking sits down with dave one on one hours from the final battle and like wow fucking surprise motherfucker
he gets to find out his literal worst fears were ACTUALLY true! the version of him that dave knew actually did, in fact, do his level best to ruin dave’s life and was an abusive, toxic influence from day one and throughout to the point where dave can’t even look at him without flinching!
this coming at a time when dirk is already horrendously low on himself, his relationship with Jake literally just blew up like 3 hours ago and if the AR thing went down even remotely the same way there was also that and holy hell dude what a time to be informed about the existence of Bro Strider. Dirk is sitting there thinking he was a toxic influence to Jake from moment one and probably all of his friends the whole time and here Dave is confirming everything from a parallel perspective?
you can just see this horrible gut clenching moment when this utterly defeated Dirk just meekly accepts that this other version of himself is reflective of his true innermost self and has justifiably ruined any chance he ever had of impressing or even knowing Dave
– and then you see Dave just immediately lift it off him, even get kinda angry at him for having the audacity to even try accepting it that way, you can FEEL Dave’s fucking confusion because he went in guns blazing expecting a confrontation with someone as impossible and inscrutable as Bro was. Dave went in expecting to punch a brick wall and get nowhere, and instead he got Dirk “you’re absolutely right and I’m so fucking sorry I ruined your life” Strider
and from Dirk’s pov, listening to this, watching this, having this realization that this dave isn’t an untouchable, aloof, mysterious and mythical heroic figure of legend at all, but that only makes him MORE worthy of idolization in all the ways that genuinely matter – and simultaneously thinking that he’s already sabotaged himself out of the chance to know him at all.
It’s like, god, you know those hyperrealistic nightmares people have sometimes that are so fucking scary because they’re indistinguishable from real life, the ones where after you wake up it takes a long time for the understanding that it was actually just a dream to hit you and then you want to cry with relief?
For Dirk this had to have been so much like that, the whiplash between being 100% sure that Dave was just going to say what he needed to say and then never speak to him again (and knowing Dirk would have considered it completely justified and never questioned his right to do so jesus christ) followed IMMEDIATELY by Dave just being like no you don’t get it, THIS you, this version of you, what I am looking for deep down in my fucking SOUL is for this you that you are right now to be a person that I can have in my life to tell me that I’m okay, that you’re okay, that WE’RE okay – and after fifteen minutes talking to you I can already immediately tell that you ARE that person.
Dirk’s friends were always only interested in denying the possibility that Dirk could ever truly become a monster, they could never have possibly understood just how DARK Dirk is at his most self destructive, and that’s part of why their reassurances were always hollow for him – they didn’t GET IT, right, they never could have followed the rabbit hole all the way down, so what did they know? But this guy, Dave Strider, has literally seen Dirk at his worst, has lived through the actual reality of the worst things living inside the full-picture potential of Dirk Strider, has dealt with that to great personal detriment and is fucking STILL sitting here telling him “I can tell that you are different, I can tell that you are better, and I am willing to trust you and help you to become a better person than the guy I knew because at the end of the fucking day, you are too important to me to give up on”
like yeah confronting dirk with all of that was what dave needed absolutely but BEING confronted and ultimately forgiven by dave was what dirk needed too, just as much
in conclusion homestuck is good
both of them grew up looking for a brother and they found each other at last
just moving along like everyone else 