this got kind of out of hand which is why it took me 200 years to publish it?? it is also arguably the worst thing i’ve ever written and i love it. not exactly what u requested by enjoy 🙂
Kent is lying on his side on the couch with his head in
Jeff’s lap.
Jeff is watching Sports Center, and Kent is mostly just
spacing out. It’s warm and comfortable, and he feels safe, and the background
noise of the TV and Jeff’s hand carding through his hair is lulling him to
sleep.
In all the discourse about things boys do (crack open a cold one, come to the yard, are back in town) not once has someone mentioned the good old boys drinking whiskey and rye and singing “this’ll be the day that I die” and I will not stand for this good old boys erasure
Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon
“I want to be a half-ogre.”
“What? You can’t. They’ve seen your picture, and you’re a human.”
“The ogre half is at night.”
“Ok, now it’s time for the boss fight against Farquaad.”
“I have my dragon girlfriend eat Farquaad.”
“…you what?”
“I have my dragon girlfriend-”
“No, no, I heard you the first time. Look, I’m gonna roll a d20 and if it’s a 20 then the dragon will eat Farquaad.” -dice sounds-
*pinches the bridge of his nose* “Ok, so the boss is fucking dead now.”
By Shrek 2, everything has just gone to shit.
“Okay, so I go in as sexy human Shrek, riding on the shoulder of the giant gingerbread man, and pull down the drawbridge of the castle so I can slip in and crash the fairy god mother’s performance of I Need A Hero. Do I need to roll Endurance to survive boiling milk?”
*DM covers their face with both hands, sobbing* “What the fuck have you assholes done to my campaign!?”
Donkey is the bard who seemingly forgot that their spells require a free hand to cast.
Puss In Boots is the rogue who put all of his points into charisma, probably bribed the DM into letting him be bipedal. Donkey’s player won’t let it go.
my favourite thing about the ancient egyptian numerals is that once you get to a certain point really high up in numbers you just have this little guy holding out his arms saying “a whole fuckin lot of numbers”
dont know why this got notes but i figured itd be relevant to add that the little guy’s name is “heh”
Ahahaha,
OK, I had to put some thought into this. So. In order from Most Jealous to
Least.
Miracles:
KISE
– There is never any doubt. He is super jealous all the time and is not ashamed
to make sure *everyone* knows it.
Akashi
– Almost as jealous/possessive as Kise, but very much doesn’t want people to
know that (having perceived Kise’s jealousy as character flaw/weakness, he does
not like to think he has the same character flaw/weakness.)
Murasakibara
– If Kise and Akashi are at like, 10, there’s probably a big gap between them
and the rest and Murasakibara is around at a 5? It doesn’t bother him that Himuro has
dated other people and he’s not the kind of person who would get upset if other
people were talking to Himuro, but if he thought someone was actually trying to
take Himuro away he would go full on “crush everything” mode.
Aomine
– similar to Murasakibara; pretty low key about it unless he thought someone
was actually moving in on Momoi. Or if Momoi was gleefully talking about the
virtues of dating someone else =D He’s also at about a 5.
Midorima
– Probably a 3? He’s fairly low key but occasionally can get jealous.
Kuroko
– Doesn’t typically get jealous.
Hinata –
(not sure if you wanted Hinata, but sometimes people don’t like when I leave
Hinata off the list) – Never gets jealous. Thinks too much about volleyball;
knows Kageyama thinks too much about volleyball.
Miracle
Boyfriends:
Himuro
– Hahaha, I always figure he is the most jealous; very much likes having all of
Murasakibara’s attention, but he is super subtle about it and most people don’t
typically realize.
Takao
– Can get fairly jealous, but also hides it much more subtly than, say, Kise
does.
Momoi
– Not a Miracle Boyfriend, but since I included Aomine I thought I’d include
her. She can get very possessive =D
Furihata
– Gets more insecure than jealous, but maybe his jealousy level is around 2?
Kagami
– Doesn’t typically get jealous.
Kasamatsu
– Never gets jealous. (Kise really wishes he would get more jealous.)
Kageyama
– Thinks too much about volleyball; knows Hinata thinks too much about
volleyball =D
Thanks again for the question, anon-friend!! I figure, most of the Miracles tend to get more jealous because they aren’t used to having people they care about and so they don’t always know how to react about that. I think they all probably mellow out as they get older/more confident in their relationships.
just moving along like everyone else 