I mean, yes, this is funny, but mostly I’m just struck by how AMAZING language and its capacity for evolution and elasticity is. This would be incomprehensible to an English-speaker living in any other time.
my femme girlfriend: [hour and a half later] ok I’m ready to leave the house
me: [throwing on shorts and a tank top] okay baby i love you and you look so pretty
My overdressed butch ass: [hour and a half later] ok I’m ready to leave the house
My femme girlfriend: [throwing on a sundress and head scarf] okay baby I love you and you look so handsome
Me: [after spending 6 hours on my hair and makeup] Babe I’m ready to head out now
My femme wife: [who has also taken 6 hours] Okay babe I love you I’m ready and your highlight is poppin severely but you need to blend that contour in a little bit
i’m reading a very manly 1950s account of a hunt for el dorado but i’m thirty pages in and the narrator has already described his traveling companion as “handsome” 4 times, “extremely handsome” twice, “exceedingly handsome” once, his voice as “quietly husky” and “a husky whisper,” his fingers as long and deft, his body as “tall and cat-like,” and his eyes as some variation of ice-blue at least three times.
just men being dudes. dudes being pals. it’s great. this is great.
“Ever since he had aimed that gun at my throat, I had liked him immensely. And now I liked him even better.”
oh my god
“I awoke when a beam of light fell across my eyes. Jorge had come into my room carrying a lighted candle.
‘I’m going with you,’ he said quietly.
‘I can’t pay you.’
He smiled. ‘I thought I was a partner?’”
OH MY GOD
according to apparently every adaptation of a search of el dorado, i think we can conclude that maybe the real el dorado was the homosexuality we found along the way
all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.
– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
I actually think this was pretty responsible. Rather than banning it outright, which would result in kids wanting to rebel even more, she offers it in her home where she can control the amount people drink. Good on ya, Mrs George. You’re a cool mom.
She also offered her daughter a condom when she was hooking up with a guy instead of freaking out and kicking the guy out of the house.
It’s kinda funny how she is simultaneously an out-there parent, yet not a bad one. She might actually understand that her daughter is a anger-ridden teenager who can’t be easily controlled and restricted, so instead of telling her what she can’t do, she tries to guide her to a safer decision. I’m not saying I’m 100% cool with how she executes it, but hey, not a bad parent when you think about it.
next up on tumblr: psychoanalysing the mean girls mother.
there’s a post going around about mixing nyquil with 5 hour energy and I’m thinking about the time my parents were both out of town and my brother was in charge of dropping me off at school and I must’ve been 15 or 16 and I was really miserably sick so he gave me nyquil and but the time we were pulling up to the school I was crashing so his friend who was driving said ‘I have a redbull in the glove compartment” and they said “drink it and it’ll like even it out” so I did and I walked into school at 7:30 AM
and then immediately the last bell rang and school was over.
potion seller, I’m going into school and I need your STRONGEST dissociation
just moving along like everyone else 