trying to convince people who don’t live around corn that you Do Not Fuck With Corn is such a weird and exhausting conversation like how am i supposed to convince your california ass that something evil is within those stalks and its not the same thing every time and maybe its not always there but its always watching and this is not the kinda monster that you wanna fuck its the kinda monster that Fucks You Up™
“if goofy is a dog and pluto is a dog why is one a pet” is the cartoon equivalent of “if man evolved from monkeys why are there still monkeys”
The implication that Goofy is just a more advanced stage in canine evolution is oddly terrifying somehow
theres no such thing as ‘more advance’ in evolution. a dogman isnt more evolved than a dog, just as you are no more evolved than an seagull or coral, they are just fitted for different environments and have evolved as such
Goofy is not more evolved the Pluto, Goofy just fills a different ecological niche. While Pluto is just a scavenger and Goofy is an apex predator both play important roles in the ecosystem.
Goofy’s a domestic dog, Pluto is a real one.
“Why me? I’m domesticated!” is the deepest rabbit hole of a line in the entire disney canon
dorian hid that painting but I bet y’all if he’d just hung it in his living room and been like “oh yeah I get someone to come in and paint it to be slightly more gruesome every night” and everybody woulda been like “I believe you you dramatic bitch”
dorian, completely serious over a glass of wine, hand trembling: this painting is the literal decay of my soul. this painting is all my sinful anguish and moral depravity
literally anyone who knew him longer than 5 minutes:
The Riddler hijacks the local TV airwaves and appears onscreen holding a comically long roll of paper. After dramatically clearing his throat, he proceeds to read from it.
“The following is a list of people who can suck it. Number One: The Joker. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Number Two: Cluemaster. Fuck you, you stole my bit, and I will be like a plague unto your house. Number Three: King Tut. You also stole my bit, but did it while killing people and got me arrested for murder. Also, I’m, like, 93% sure you’re a white guy and your costume is racist.
“Number Four: The Scarecrow. I know you ate my leftover Chinese, Jon, even though I wrote my name on it. I was saving that for lunch. I had to eat a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a five-year-old. It was all you had in the hideout. For fuck’s sake, go shopping, not all of us can live like a bridge troll.
“Number Five: The Penguin. You- No, no, wait, wait… That one should be crossed out. He replaced that and apologized. Never mind, Oswald, you’re fine. Drinks at 7:00 tomorrow, right?
“Anyway, where was…? Ah, yes. Number Six: The Mad Hatter. You carded me and left me like that for six hours because I, and I quote, ‘would not stop talking about Mythbusters.’ Well, excuse me for trying to make intellectually stimulating conversation on a level you could understand. I suppose every time you prattle on about mome raths and borogoves it’s goddamn Shakespeare? Well… Well, it’s Carroll, but… Oh, you know what I mean!
“Number Seven: Catwoman. You left me hanging by one hand from a ledge five stories up and holding a twenty-pound bag of jewels and very pointy
objets d’art while you ‘distracted’ the Dark Knight. I know you were making out with him, Selina. You were gone for fifteen minutes. My shoulder almost dislocated. Very unprofessional.
“Number Eight: Kite Man.”
Here the Riddler pauses, lifting his narrowed gaze to glare at the camera, voice dropping to an ominous tone.
“You know what you did…”
His demeanor shifts quickly, and he’s back to reading from his list almost cheerfully.
“Number Nine! Th-”
He’s interrupted by a crashing noise in the background and looks over his shoulder just an instant before a deep voice angrily growls, “Riddler!”
“Oh, for the love of-” He turns to glare at the camera, speaking quickly. “Number Nine: Batman! Interrupting me while I’m on television making very important- Hm-mmph!”
He’s reduced to muffled curses as a black gloved hand covers his mouth and pulls him out of frame. The camera tilts, a cracking noise is heard, and the broadcast turns to static.
KITE MAN’S CRIMES WERE NUMEROUS AND TERRIBLE
If I were batman I’d give him like a five minute warning, because this actually sounds theraputic.
Batman: Riddler, you’ve hijacked the TV airwaves and you know that’s wrong but I think this is actually theraputic. So I’m giving you five minutes, and then I’m taking you to Arkham
Robin: Geez get a facebook account for this crap, hell if you wanna vent to millions of strangers just get youtube.
“RIDDLER YOU CAN’T JUST GO ON TV AND SCREAM AT PEOPLE
THAT’S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR”
Riddler takes this advice. He gets his own youtube channel called RiddleMe_Th15. It starts out as being purely therapeutic, a platform for publically calling out those who have annoyed him. Then someone leaves him a pathetically easy riddle to solve in the comments, and he spends his next segment ranting about it, and then posing a better one.
This starts a dialogue with a number of other youtube users who both attempt to answer his riddles and pose their own riddles in return.
Riddler has found his people, and his hit count is climbing.
Update: Legolas’ pupils are about 3.5 cm wide each. Now drawing kawaii Legolas on physics assignment.
And they told you science was no fun.
Science!
I’m going to do it. I’m going to hand it in.
Legolas’s pupil size isn’t the problem here, though. 5 leagues is 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere is perfectly clear, you can’t see around the planet. If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at LEAST 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between. Which, knowing Rohan, isn’t impossible.
But consider: Elven satellite eyeballs.
you mean like
@sidereanuncia it’s back, the post that I can only imagine haunts your nightmares
I shall never find peace.
Also, for what it’s worth, there’s absolutely no reason to believe that the curvature of Middle Earth is the same as that of Earth.
There’s no evidence that Middle Earth curves.
Yeah there is. The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it.
So middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic.
So wait, the reason he can see that far is because Elves just have the ability to ignore the curve of the earth? That’s awesome. It also means that no matter how good your optics got, you would always want elf eyes manning the spyglass because they can see arbitrarily far while everybody else is limited by this ‘horizon’ bullshit.
Oh thank God, my poor elf prince has seen too much in this post
Elves are flat-earthers
This post went from amusing to horrifying, to be brought back down to amusing, sprinkled in with some cannon explanation, and then you leave me here in fucking outrage
Okay so I did not know only a year had passed between these events. It was Maedhros who negotiated the land things, I believe.
Dude went from half-dead in Angband right back to being a fantastic leader within ONE YEAR and honestly, dude was like, prolly writin letter and getting briefings while in a hospital bed, dude,,,,
further reasons why I dislike Broken Pity Puddle interpretations of post-Thangorodrim Mae
this guy sat down in his hospital bed and rearranged the politics of an entire continent via snail mail and if that aint the most badass shit idek
you’re right he is so feanor’s son
Hmm.
These are Points to Consider.
I fucking love Maedhros. I know he’s a bit problematic to have as a favorite character, but godDAMN does he do it well.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Maedhros is a fucking badass. He probably started working again early with the power of spite alone fueling him
Maedhros, immediately after having his hand cut off: so fingon what’s up hows the stock market hows the housing development
He was cut down off the mountain and he’s like “Whelp guess I’m gonna live. Hey Finno how’s the treasury looking?”
“We have 32 cents and a ball of lint.”
“ErU ILLuvaTAR! The war won’t pay for itself! Get my broker on the line!”
“Russo I am your broker.”
Maedhros be like „I have an oath to uphold get thee gone from my hospital bed“
“Sir you’ve lost three pints of blood.” “But mY OATH!!”
Maglor: Brother, your hand–
Maedhros: can do better running an army hanging off a cliff than you can in 30 years!!!
*whisper* he’s right tho
fingolfin: which one of us is the high king of the noldor here
maedhros, leading the first line of defense against morgoth, negotiating land rights for all three houses of the noldor in beleriand, orchestrating political and military unions with other races, and keeping 5 brothers from murdering everyone else on the continent:
just moving along like everyone else 