dude i swear based on the demands overwatch players keep making to blizzard
it’s like almost none of them have ever played an online shooter before and just suck at them
mercy, back when i played the damn game was a fragile healer class with a shitty little pistol as a last resort defense
and they made her even shittier with every single nerf they’ve done to her
“she heals too much!!!”
she’s a healer class
that’s her primary thing
her healing is supposed to be huge and overhwhelming cause she’s supposed to stick to her teammates like glue and keep alternating healing between them
how fucking bad are you at shooters if you can’t even shoot the medic that’s literally glowing almost all the time and has the lowest possible health value you can get in overwatch
Old but still pertinent:
“2007″
my fucking god
Her problem is her ressurection ability, which should not be a thing in a competitive fps game. It is anti-skill. Also, she isnt the lowest possible health target because Tracer is AND she also has health regen after 1 second of no damage. It’s really not that simple and I hate when people just boil it down to “just kill her” like this isn’t a game where supports are probably behind at least one shield and at least one tank and is highly mobile. Not even comparable to the medic from tf2.
just
kill her
she’s a giant fuckin glowing SHOOT ME sign
it’s really that easy
especially since the medic has an ability THAT MAKES HIM AND THE TARGET INVINCIBLE and mercy ain’t in the time i played it
(but yeah i was wrong about her being the lowest health because she’s merely 2nd lowest along with unsuited d.va and s76)
Being behind a shield and a tank was also what happened with TF2. “Pocket Medics” where the Medic constantly tagged along behind the hard-to-kill Heavy were incredibly common. You know how people dealt with that?
They stealthed around behind them, or sniped them from above, or just lobbed grenades over the meatshields to hit the medic. Things that you can do in Overwatch with Sombra, Widowmaker/Ana, and Junkrat respectively.
You have the tools, so stop whining and use them. She can’t resurrect people if you kill her first.
You can nade/rocket jump over the medic/heavy pair. Scout is all about maneuvering around and taking out high value targets. Spy can close in with stealth. Now Overwatch has similar heroes. Pharah/Junkrat can fly over and blow up the Mercy. “BUT MERCY CAN FLY.” Fucking learn how to shoot with projectile weapons then. A good soldier/demoman can launch an enemy into the air and hit them mid-air since they can’t dodge as well in the air. Heroes like Tracer and Genji were made for taking out Mercy. Even if Mercy flies away, both have movement abilities made for closing distances. Sombra can just hack her so that she can’t even fly away. Reaper can flank if the enemy doesn’t notice him. You have so many options.
And my god, this isn’t Tribes. Every map in Overwatch is just chokepoint, chokepoint, chokepoint. Fuck, Overwatch doesn’t even have movement that’s as fast or fluid as TF2. Shooting at some slowing flying glowing chick is nothing compared to trying to headshot some demoman flying at you 200mph because he has the sticky jumper that lets him nade jump without damage and omg he has a sword. Or you’re playing on a server where b-hopping is allowed and my god there’s a medic solo-ubering and he’s this fast hopping invincible freak just stabbing the entire team.
I’m glad you mentioned shooting flying/aerial targets because now it gives me an excuse to post this finely aged clip:
I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you’re welcome.
Protagonist, on their knees and spitting blood: You may be stronger than me, but I have one thing you don’t.
Villain: Let me guess, love? Friendship? I’ve heard it all before.
Protagonist: No… “updog”.
Villain: …
Villain: What’s “updog”?
Protagonist, highfiving their friend and probably re-opening several wounds: I TOLD you he’d fucking say it.
Speaking of fuckor, whenever someone talks to me about cosplay, they always mention a vague cosplay where they wore body paint but they won’t really specify what it was , like ALWAYS. And I ALWAYS ask if that body paint was grey, and you can just see the fear in their eyes.
weird noises: happen in the wee hours
me, unaffected: the only supernatural and ominous force in this place is me and i was here first, so whatever and whoever you are you need to Go
I was drawing a bunch of pentagrams in my notebook during math class because I was bored and I think I drew 150 pentagrams in total before a devilish-looking guy wearing a red suit broke down the door of the classroom and yelled“wHAT the fUCK do you wANT?!”
Personally, I don’t really see anything wrong with giving Luke to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. What else was Obi-Wan gonna do? (He pretty much raised Anakin and look how that turned out, he’s not gonna risk Round 2.) (He could have given both kiddos to Bail and Breha Organa, actually. Luke and Leia Organa is a cool as heck AU.)
I like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. As much as people like to say Luke really is Padme’s son, he didn’t get those morals from her. (Keeping in mind I have read no comics or novelizations, and not seen the Clone Wars TV show) It’s pretty clear that Luke’s iron spine and goodness and refusal to abandon his friends come from his upbringing. Owen and Beru Lars are kinda the Ma and Pa Kent of the Star Wars universe.
And they are Luke’s family. Owen is Shmi’s stepson. Owen and Beru probably knew Anakin’s mother for years. It’s a neat circle, and in some ways it has the feelings of an apology, for Obi-Wan to bring Luke back to his family on Tatooine in the same way that Qui-Gon took Anakin. Obi-Wan can’t undo what’s been done, and he can’t start over, but he can give Luke what the Jedi denied Anakin: a loving family and normal upbringing.
Tatooine is Darth Vader’s home planet? Yeah, sure, but did Anakin ever go back to Tatooine? (Probably once or twice, I’m guessing, in the comics at least.) Darth Vader hates that place. Bad memories. Damn sand would fuck up his suit. He’d burn it all down and then the Hutts are gonna be pissed. And how many people actually know that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker? Like, about five? (Bail, Obi-Wan, Yoda, R2-D2, and Ahsoka?) Dude is not exactly getting invites to school reunions and the weddings of childhood friends, is all I’m saying.
Even if Darth Vader ever went back to Tatooine, Tatooine is a big place. The Lars Farm is in the middle of nowhere and Obi-Wan is hanging out left of the funky rock five miles past nowhere. Anakin met his stepbrother once in the entire film trilogy and idk if they even exchanged words, much less space e-mail addresses. I kind of doubt that Uncle Owen and Darth Vader are sending each other Life Day e-cards. (That’s really funny, actually.)
Anyway, the point of this rant is that I want you to imagine new parents Owen and Beru Lars caring for toddler Luke, it’s just after Life Day, and someone rings the doorbell. Owen Lars opens up to Darth Vader holding a fruit basket, because he didn’t know what else to do for Life Day and spontaneously decided to visit distant family rather than mope in his Evil Castle again.
(Everything Obi-Wan hoped would never happen, just… happening.)
Owen, after introductions, panicking, “Uh… the suit is… new.”
He has to invite Vader in, because it’s Life Day and how exactly do you tell Darth Vader to fuck off? Then Owen and Beru have a hushed argument in the kitchen while Darth Vader is sitting awkwardly in their living room with a drink that he can’t actually drink but took to be polite. When they come out, they introduce Luke as Luke Whitesun, Beru’s late brother’s kid, which they guess makes Luke… Darth Vader’s… nephew. (They can’t hide him, Vader’s already seen this 2-3 yr old Luke and the house is COVERED in baby and kid stuff.)
And Darth Vader just… fucking falls for it.
And the Lars family has to spend the holidays with Uncle Darth Vader who is super keen to have a step-nephew-in-law. Beru is showing off her cross-stitching to Darth fucking Vader as Luke plays at their feet. Owen is in the kitchen sending a desperate space text to Obi-Wan, who basically has a heart attack on the spot when Owen sends a shitty stealth-pic of Darth Vader on their couch.
Bonus points if the Lars’ don’t even move after this, because Vader left without issue and Uncle Owen afterwards was like, “It turned out fine. I don’t want to move, that’s too much hassle.” So, every major holiday, Luke gets a visit from his Uncle Darth Vader, which works out fine so long as they instigate a “Don’t Talk About Politics” rule when Luke starts getting excited about Rebellions and starts bad-mouthing the Empire (Vader making small talk at a Star Destroyer water cooler to his terrified staff: “Ugh, I’m going to have to debate my liberal 13-yr-old nephew at the dinner table again.”), and Vader even helps with the dishes and stuff, and every time Obi-Wan ages an extra year from stress.
Guys, please, the way this continues is that the general events of the Star Wars universe continue as normal (Leia, having literally just left a space battle: “Darth Vader, the AUDACITY of attacking an innocent diplomatic vessel!”) UNTIL the stormtroopers show up at the Lars Farm. (Luke is desperately chasing down the droids he lost and properly meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi.)
At first, it’s business as usual, y’know? Stormtroopers break down the door and interrogate the occupants and start prepping to burn the place down, and the leader is in the middle of shouting, “TELL US WHERE THE DROIDS A-” when he pauses and just… stares… at the mantlepiece.
Because on the Lars family mantlepiece and walls are, like, a hundred family photos and roughly half of them have Darth Vader in them. There’s Darth Vader wearing a Life Day party hat at a dinner table. There’s Darth Vader holding a toddler and playing with model ships. There’s Darth Vader and a pimply thirteen year old in the stands at the Boonta Eve Classic. There is a cross-stitched pillow on the couch that says OUR FAMILY on it, consisting of a man, a woman, a boy, and Darth fucking Vader.
Stormtrooper Grunt #1: “What… what… what the fuck.”
Aunt Beru, who has HAD it with these guys wrecking her house, already angrily jabbing at their space phone: “I am calling Mr. Vader RIGHT NOW about this.”
Darth Vader, excusing himself from the bridge of his Star Destroyer to take a call from his stepsister-in-law: “Beru. This isn’t a good time-”
Beru: “Well, MAKE TIME, because your stormtroopers broke down our door and tracked SAND all over my nice clean floors and they won’t stop yelling about the droids we just bought! You better have a good explanation for this!”
Darth Vader does not, actually, have a good explanation for this. The stormtroopers can feel his wrath from across the galaxy. It’s a work thing and he’s very sorry and he’ll make the stormtroopers fix their door, but he does really need those droids and could they hand them over, please? He’ll have the Empire compensate them. Yes, he’ll pay them back and send new droids. Yes, kicking doors down is very rude, Beru, you’re absolutely right.
So Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru promise to pick up Luke and the droids, and hop in the spare Landspeeder to go looking for them. Owen is Not Happy to find that Obi-Wan’s given Luke a lightsaber, and Aunt Beru is Not Happy to find out that the Empire’s made some superweapon. Of course they have to get these plans to the Rebellion! Yes, she promised Vader, but he should have told her it was for such a terrible thing! Yes, Owen, they’re all going to Alderaan.
So the Lars family runs away to Mos Eisley and get on the Millennium Falcon to Alderaan, while the stormtroopers are standing around like, “Are they… coming… back???” And Han Solo does not know what the hell is going on or what to do about the Weird Old Wizard talking about “universe-penetrating magic”, or the Grumpy Farmer who keeps trying to fix his “piece of junk” ship that excuse you does not need fixing, or the Sunny Farm Boy waving a light sword around, or the kindly old woman who is currently cross-stitching in his back seat and gossiping with Chewie like he’s not even there.
Later, after the Death Star’s been destroyed, Owen and Beru Lars are now a part of the Rebellion with Luke. Beru sends Darth Vader a piece of fabric in the Space Mail, and it’s the little cross-stitched Vader from her OUR FAMILY pillow who’s been cut out because she’s mad at him. (Except her note says DISAPPOINTED and that’s worse.) Darth Vader is more upset about this than the Emperor being mad at him for the destruction of the Death Star.
this website is really uniquely terrible in nearly every way but where else am i gonna put my posts about batman being named after bruce springsteen. do i post that on facebook? do i email my mom
The best explanation of Tumblr’s appeal that I’ve seen
everywhere else you speak TO people, specific people, one at a time or in small groups
here you can scream into the void, and if a passing weirdo likes it they can give you a thumbs up or pass it along to their weirdo friends who might like it too
just moving along like everyone else 