Tag: lmao

redwoodriver:

bemusedlybespectacled:

spiritednug:

z-nogyrop:

lovelylovelyartist:

theorynoodle:

mezzodical:

one round/action in D&D is 6 seconds so anything you could accomplish during a vine you could do during your turn

Rogue: “I’m back at it again at Krispy Kreme.”

DM: “Roll an acrobatics check.”

Fighter: I want to see my little boy

DM: roll a perception check

*nat 20*

DM: here he comes

bard: toss me my keys

*rolls a 1*

DM: i thought you said printer

Fairy: I still haven’t found my berries

DM: roll a perception check

*rolls a 9*

Fairy: BUT! *holds up an orange* I found this.

Druid: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand.

DM: Roll an intimidation check.

*nat 20*

DM: Poseidon quivers before him!

Druid: Fuck off!

Dm: can you read this for us?

Fighter: rolls a nat 1

Fighter: what up im Jared im 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

vehicleproficiency:

vehicleproficiency:

vehicleproficiency:

bureau of balance employees who have never interacted with tres horny boys: wow.. the reclaimers are so cool…. the saviors of our organization
bureau employees who are forced to interact with thb on more than a monthly basis: taako broke into my office the other day and emptied all my staplers and sat on my filing cabinet throwing individual staples at me for five hours

fav thing about reading the tags on this post: people making their own callouts

like fuck!!! get ‘em!

ONE LAST ADDITION CAUSE IM ABSOLUTELY HOLLERIN

batneko:

raisel-the-riveter:

so I’ve been meaning to put this on tumblr and keep forgetting but, in the campaign I’m running my sister is playing an orc fighter, and one of the options you can pick for a fighter’s signature weapon is that it “glows in the presence of [fill in the blank].”

I was like, “oh, that’s funny because it’s a reference to that sword in The Hobbit that glows in the presence of orcs. Your weapon probably doesn’t glow in the presence of orcs.”

to which she responded, “FUCK YEAH it does.”

So now we have in the party an orc fighter with a club that glows in the presence of orcs. Or, as far as the character is concerned, a club that glows. It’s been in her family for generations since some ancestor won it in a battle, and it’s just always glowed. She has a sack to put it in when she’s trying to be stealthy.

#orcs in LotR don’t know that Sting doesn’t glow#that is crazy#they think elves and hobbits just carry glowing swords#for the Aesthetic#and if you know enough elves that probably makes sense to you!#sparkly drama queens would probably make their hair glow if they could

moodyehudi:

epaulettes:

wildlyannoyingdoofus:

These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:

1.

“Okay, and who’s the president?”

“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”

“It’s okay, you know who he is.”

2.

“Who’s the president?”

“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….

“Yup, good enough.”

3.

“And who’s the president,”

“Not fuckin’ Obama!”

“I feel ya.”

4.

“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“

“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

5. (My personal favorite)

“Who’s the president?”

“Ew.”

“Good enough.”

My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.

lol me too , lady