Tag: lmao

useless ancient roman law facts

thoodleoo:

thoodleoo:

  • if you call someone to witness and they refused to show up, you are legally entitled to stand outside their house and scream, but only every third day
  • you can sell your son into slavery once or twice, but after the third time he doesn’t have to put up with that shit anymore
  • no wailing allowed at funerals
  • also you can only have ONE funeral per person, don’t get greedy
  • if your neighbor’s tree has a branch hanging into your yard, you can legally cut down the entire fucking tree
  • however, if some of your neighbor’s fruit from his dumb tree falls into your yard, he can legally come into your yard to snoop around get it
  • if you call someone to witness and they’re too sick or old to get to court themselves, you have to provide a cart for them to come in, but it doesn’t have to be, like, a nice cart if you don’t want it to

#…if these are actually true im gonna scream (via @dragonchantant)

they are indeed real! they’re from the twelve tables, a roman law text so old that it’s hard for even people who are well-versed in latin to read by the text is archaic (also half of it is missing but whatever)

while we’re on the subject, here are some more good ones that i forgot to put in:

  • the penalty for writing a song slandering someone (it’s very specific on the song bit) is getting clubbed to death
  • if you hurt someone (or if you just sort of inconvenience them) through magic arts, the penalty for that is also death
  • however if you maim someone’s limb through normal limb-maiming processes you just sort of have to figure things out between yourselves
  • if there’s a road right next to your property, feel free to build a fence around it to prevent people from driving into it, but if you don’t build your own fence then tough shit
  • if you waste all your money you can legally be prevented from wasting even more of your money
  • if you’re a woman and you live with a man for a year, that technically makes you married, unless you spend three successive nights at somewhere other than his house, in which case you’re not married i guess

veliseraptor:

taranoire:

have you ever thought about the fact that since thor and loki are like 1000 years old the events of the entire marvel cinematic universe so far has probably been the equivalent of like…..two really, really bad weeks 

#worst. spring break. EVER. (via @gaslightgallows)

bluehairedspidey:

so me and my mom were just doing our annual rewatching of The Wizard of Oz (1939), as all kansans must do to retain our citizenships

and like ofc ive already seen it a bunch of times and my mom even more but somehow only this time did i notice that when they go to hunt for the witch scarecrow has a fucking gun

bane-of-technology:

bigmouthlass:

sarapsys:

streetlifemanifesto:

Don’t trust morning you. Morning you is a dick. Morning you would sell your loved ones if it got them 5 minutes of extra sleep

maybe morning me wouldn’t be such a dick if that flaky bitch evening me had gone to bed instead of tumblring til butts oclock int he morning

Well evening me might have fallen asleep at a reasonable hour if that dumbass afternoon me hadn’t lain down for a “little nap” that lasted four hours.

jp-blindperson:

ndiecity:

The sun is probably the closest thing we’ll ever have to a true Eldritch Abomination. Hear me out here-

  • Older than recorded history; was here longer than any of us and will be here long after we leave. Has a finite beginning and end but is still incomprehensibly ancient
  • Burns itself into your vision instantly and can blind you if you look for too long
  • Further prolonged exposure can cause cancerous growths
  • Non-humanoid shape floating through space; colossal flaming tentacles angrily lash out on occasion
  • Sort of just appeared one day and is now surrounded by the corpses of its stillborn children
  • People used to sacrifice other people to appease it
  • Pretty sure it screams at us sometimes

Well. Shit.

aisarete:

lierdumoa:

evilminji:

moonsofavalon:

star-lord:

lilian-cho:

roachpatrol:

vulcandroid:

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

@sineala

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek

give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

image

IDK where the version of this post went with the reminder that Solkar is Spock’s not-so-distant ancestor, but he is.