Tag: lmao

dovebalitang:

protector of the small characters as john mulaney quotes

kel: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.

neal: If it’s a true or false question, you should be able to add a third option, which is “who’s to say?”

duke baird: Psh. You’re not gonna faint.

alanna: First of all, no.

raoul: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

lalasa: Everybody get out of my way. I just want to sit here and feed my birds.

tobe: I have had a very long day. I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

cleon: All right! I am Too Blessed to be Stressed, let’s do it.

wyldon: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.

peachblossom: You know how I’m filled with rage?

owen: You’re never too young to learn our national no snitching policy.

finitetypewriters:

my favourite thing abt the tortall books is that even leaving aside daine, all the main characters have an unapologetic disney princess thing going on that everyone just accepts at face value. like when kel says “one of the sparrows that follows me around everywhere and which knows military signals told me the enemy is in the north woods” the whole army is just like “ok 🙂 thanks for the heads up”

tree4life25:

i-love-word-association-games:

So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

This is the best thing I’ve ever read in my life.

syneblue-blog:

pluckypalaeontologist:

putthison:

“When I was young there were beatniks. Hippies. Punks. Gangsters. Now you’re a hacktivist. Which I would probably be if I was 20. Shuttin’ down MasterCard. But there’s no look to that lifestyle! Besides just wearing a bad outfit with bad posture. Has WikiLeaks caused a look? No! I’m mad about that. If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, it seems to me he should at least have an outfit for that.”

– John Waters on the sorry style of today’s rebels  (emphasis mine)

helpless laughter oh god

This is the only criticism of millenials I will accept