midoriya 2 weeks into getting OFA because he’s a dumbass 15 year old but now with the power of G-d and the brains of a teenage boy: then i hit the counter with my fist so hard it shattered. haha it was awesome
iida: that sounds very irresponsible! i am sure your mother does not appreciate you breaking her decor!
midoriya: oh no it’s okay, the counter is fine. i meant i shattered my fist. it was awesome. i mean, not awesome because we had to go to the er, but i got a sweet cast
iida, now realizing one of the peers in the classroom he’s chosen to be friends with has absolutely 0 sense of self preservation and enough Dumbass Energy to power an entire city:
todoroki, fellow dumbass 15 year old: i learned a new power move
iida: oh?
todoroki: yeah so if i raise my body temperature high enough i can melt everything around me, including cameras and metal structures however there is also a very high and exciting chance it will also kill me horribly
iida: well that is. hm.
midoriya: hey iida i heard you’ve been working on improving your speed! care to share with the class?
iida, having recently realized his own dumbass potential and hitting it with exponentially expanding speed: yes, actually! so i went out into the woods and tore off my old exhausts with a pair of pliers and now they will grow back stronger, larger, more powerful, and i will be much faster. nothing says improvement like physically removing a part of your own body for the sake of personal growth!
todoroki: that sounds…..bad. and very painful.
iida: oh, yes, it was excruciating!
midoriya: hey i just had a thought
iida: yes?
midoriya: maybe we should stop putting ourselves through intense physical trauma for the sake of a hero program that quite frankly kinda sucks and seems dependent on punishing us with dangerous and life threatening physical harm.
iida: well…that sounds…reasonable
midoriya: also aizawa wouldn’t let me keep this abandoned cat i found outside in my dorm room so i think we should form a student union and boycott
this makes me laugh bc he comes up w three excuses to justify shooting her in the span of like ten seconds: 1) i knew it was u all along shep i just didnt want the mercs to know it was u ok?? 2) also u were taking too slow 3) also i’m a n experienced rifleman i know i wasn’t gonna kill u promise
in reality he probably spotted shepard through his scope and was so startled he shot her on accident
we need to go back to oppressing gilgamesh fans. I say this as someone who likes gilgamesh: we as a people, as a society, absolutely must oppress gilgamesh and his fans.
chapter babylon looms on the horizon and it is of the utmost importance that we don’t let anyone believe gilgamesh is meant for anything other than relentless bullying
I won’t deny this was about the overrated little twink from fate but you lot know as well as I do that the actual historical king gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh needs to be bullied too. that’s literally why they made enkidu
i know absolutely nothing about whatever game or anime they’re talking about so i continue to parse this as an unearthed clay tablet along the lines of the one complaining about the copper wholesaler ripping them off
one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math
some of my favorite tags on this post
Don’t forget that Frodo also speaks Sindarin, which makes this even worse.
Faramir: Hey, don’t go up the Spider Stairs.
Frodo: Why? What’s up the Spider Stairs?
Faramir: We don’t know, Frodo. We just don’t know.
to be fair, you’d assume the name means “there’s a lot of spiders here,” not, “there is one spider the size of a draft horse here.” so you go up expecting to have to shoo a lot of skeeter eaters out of your tent, and instead you have to figure out how to rope and shoe godzillarantula.
Hmmm…
They do live in a world where godzillarantulas feature prominently in mythology and history (Ungoliant plunged the world into darkness, scared the crap out of Sauron’s old boss, etc) and existed within the last century in Mirkwood. Assuming they ever talk to anyone who’s been to Mirkwood. They… probably know they were giant spiders in Mirkwood pretty recently? It’s hard to figure out how much anyone in Middle-earth has been talking to anyone else when we didn’t actually see it.
On the other hand – what if it’s the giant evil spiders’ prominence in history/mythology that’s causing trouble? What if lots of evil/nasty things/places get called “spider” just to indicate how nasty and evil they are, rather than any association with literal spiders, and it’s just… overloaded? Maybe the bad part of town in Minas Tirith is the Spider District. Maybe every tavern trying to be edgy calls itself the Spiderweb.
Actually spider/Ungoliant references could be really appealing to Gondorians trying to be edgy. They’re dark and evil! Plunged the world into darkness! But they AREN’T involved in the war they’re actually fighting, they aren’t directly associated with Sauron at all, so getting too interested in them would be creepy without being potentially treasonous. Because no one’s ACTUALLY going to worship those dangerous but not epic spiders up in Mirkwood, and no one’s heard anything from any proper spawn of Ungoliant in ages and ages.
In fact, spider/Ungoliant references might be appealing to ORCS trying to express that something is nasty and creepy! Nobody likes Ungoliant.
Maybe Faramir’s been to fourteen different Spider Caves across Ithilien, and half of them he didn’t even see regular spiders in, they’re just dark and damp and may have had orcs at some point, or something, and at some point in history someone got spooked. So you know, it’s POSSIBLE Spider Pass has something to do with spiders? But really it just means people don’t like it.
(The problem with this theory is we never actually SAW anyone overusing spider references. But it’s plausible they would!)
This sounds like something Tolkein would agree with.
that actually makes a lot of sense. there are probably hundreds of river rapids in north america called Devil’s Cauldron. if someone tells you not to canoe on that river, you’ll assume it’s because the rapids will smash your boat, not because the literal devil will boil you for soup.
just moving along like everyone else 