Okay but if I’m gonna reblog this I need to tell you guys the story of this legendary pachirisu
So in the competitive Pokemon scene, there’s what’s called a ‘metagame’, which is what’s generally used and what is/isn’t allowed in competitive battling. Certain pokemon are banned from the ‘meta’ because of being too powerful. Others aren’t generally used because there are better alternatives, or they’re simply too weak. People base their entire strategies around the expectation that they’ll be facing certain pokemon, and attempt to counter them with certain pokemon.
But the problem with this meta is, during the 2014 World Championships, there were a small number of pokemon choices that everybody had. Gardevoir, Kangeskhan, Salamence, Tyranitar, Talonflame, Garchomp… the same pokemon coming up again and again. Things weren’t really all that interesting.
And then came the Double Battle World Championship. And this guy.
Park Se Jun. One of the best players in the world. He used a Pachirisu with Nuzzle (a move with 100% paralysis chance), Super Fang (cuts target’s HP in half) and Follow Me (a move that redirects attacks AWAY from allied pokemon), and equipped with a recently-buffed Sitrus Berry. And he turned the metagame on its head, because nobody in the championships had prepared for anything outside their incredibly restrictive expectations.
Their strategies and planning were completely tripped up by an electric squirrel. Battling his Pachirisu in incredibly tight synergy with the rest of his team, Park Se Jun swept the finals and became World Champion of 2014 Doubles.
And that is the story of the #BASED GOD PACHIRISU.
The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”
it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
I WANT TO DRAW ALL OF THIS
I want to draw all of this as a mini comic so badly
Holster: *downing a whole bottle of vodka* SMH team: chug! chug! chug! chug! chug chug! Ransom: oh damn… Holster: *coughing, lays on ground, rolls over* WHAT ARE THOSE! SMH team: *goes nuts* Shitty: *is the guy in red hat*
Ok but what if for Halloween Dex wears a bad blond wig and glasses and Nursey wears a white snapback and salmon shorts
OK but the best thing about that is that Ransom and Holster CANNOT figure out who they are in costume as, and it just gets funnier as the night goes on because they keep guessing wrong.
Okay but then as they get more drunk they start hyperbolically acting out scenes from Ransom and Holsters life and they keep getting more and more touchy feely and ridiculous as the night goes on.
Dex: Bro…Share a beer with me bro…
Nursey: Bro…I’m going to fucking cherish that beer with you bro..
Dex: I just..I need you to know that this is such a special fucking moment for me man…
Nursey: Bro…
Holster: Bro…Are they like….a Meme…or something?
Ransom: I don’t know man…Hey share a beer with me bro?
Holster: Wait.
UM BUT WAIT
Lardo and Shitty go as Jack & Bitty. And this is Lardo and Shits we’re talking about so, it’s subversion galore. What does that mean? That mean Lardo is Jack and Shitty is Bits.
-Lardo goes all out with the contouring. I’m talking chiseled cheekbones, jawline. Blue contacts. Styles her hair like Jack, gets some Adidas track pants and a black t shirt.
-Shitty doesn’t shave his mustache, but he trims it so its not so bushy. He puts on a blonde wig and gets Lardo to style it. He gets a cute little button up, but that’s not the clincher. He puts on the TEENIEST little shorts, which just barely cover his ass and nads.
– Lardo wears a muscle suit and pads her butt with foam. She stands around frowning at everyone with her arms crossed. Jack sees her and says “I don’t do that.” AS HE’S STANDING THERE WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED, FROWNING.
-Shitty takes on a horrible southern accent and makes up incredibly bizarre exclamations (“mercy May heaven biscuits!”). He keeps draping himself suggestively over furniture, and Bitty keeps laughing so hard he cries.
-Lardo starts eating protein powder out of the tub with a spoon. Shitty starts peeling apples.
-its all fun and games until Shitty squats and his balls fall out of his shorts in front of everyone.
picking RPG clothes based on maxing stats instead of whether they match or not
[*rpg music playing as gear gets picked* boss (wearing paper crown): so you’ve finally… arrived… what the hell are you wearing? player character: it’s my ass kicking outfit, bitch!]
it’s pretty wild that this reality is what we got in exchange for the cubs breaking their world series curse. not worth it imo.
i can fully imagine some dudebro cubs megafan drunkenly stumbling into a magic time machine & it telling him he can change 1 thing in the world and his go-to was for the cubs to win. now every day he watches the butterfly effect of his decision destroy all of humanity, with zero memory of that magic time machine because he was mad wasted. telling himself, sure, the world is rapidly going to so much shit, but at least i got to see my cubbies break the curse of the billy goat.
i have a deep respect for scotland because i was at an ireland vs scotland football match and their chant was “we hate england more than you”
one time at a germany vs scotland game some german fans started the “stand up if you hate england” chant and the whole stadium stood up
WHAT DID WE DO?!
When old people in England complain about all of the immigrants, I always reply:
“Well then perhaps England shouldn’t have run around the planet sticking its dick in every bloody country. Inviting them over for tea is the least England can do.”
I have Scottish ancestors who hated England so much, they helped fight battles against the English all the way in Germany. A small population of their Scottish descendants still live in Germany, today.
just moving along like everyone else 