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Lately, I’ve run across complaints that modern depictions of the Knights of the Round Table are too “anime” – giving them all sorts of goofy powers, and sending them on weird, over-the-top adventures.

Allow me to point out that the following are all actual things that appear in the older tales about the Knights:

• Sir Kay is said to have had the power to grow to giant size, hold his breath for nine days, and radiate supernatural heat from his hands.
• Sir Bedivere openly practiced sorcery, and suffered from an accordingly sinister reputation; on more than one occasion, he was saved from being hanged as a witch only by King Arthur’s testimonly to his good character.
• Sir Galahad possessed supernatural strength and speed by virtue of his moral and sexual purity – making him a rare example of a male character with virginity-fueled super powers.
• Sir Balin once wielded the Lance of Longinus, and blew up an entire kingdom with a single blow. He also fought an evil knight with the power of invisibility.
• Sir Marrock was a freaking werewolf.

Conclusion: modern depctions of the Knights of the Round Table aren’t anime enough.

I made this post two years ago, and while it’s never really taken off, it’s still getting a small burst of additional notes every couple of months. I wonder how folks keep finding it?

Anyway, the original post is hardly exhaustive – here are a few more fun examples:

• Sir Gawain (you know, the guy involved in that whole mess with the Green Knight) is described as literally solar-powered in some tales, being three times as strong at high noon as he is at daybreak.
• Sir Owain’s best friend and partner in battle is a talking lion. While his tales do include a sort of “origin story” explaining how he met the lion, the fact that it can talk isn’t remarked upon – it’s just a thing.
• Sir Gwrhyr is able to speak every language, including those of animals, and in some versions can transform into various animals as well.
• Though Lancelot isn’t usually described as having any specific supernatural powers or tools, he’s constantly described as “perfect” by everyone who sees him – you can practically see the bishie sparkles.

(Speaking of Lancelot, it’s interesting to note that in the earlier stories, his illicit romance with Guinevere is actually part of a love triangle involving another knight named Galehaut – and the focus of that love triangle isn’t Guinevere, but Lancelot himself! Galehaut has been quietly edited out of more modern retellings for sadly obvious reasons.)

whats up nerds i found a novelized historical slash fic about lancelot and galehaut written by two medieval scholars here it is youre welcome

Some more examples, from probably the oldest Arthurian
text there is (c. 1100):

-Hen Beddestyr, who could outrun horses

-Hen Was the Swift, who could outrun any four-footed
creature

-Sgilti Light Foot, who could run over treetops and over
reeds without bending them

-Drem ap Dremidydd, who from Cornwall ‘could see a gnat
rise with the sun’ in Scotland (presumably this is an example and he had really
good eyesight, but possibly his special power was just that he was really good
at seeing a specific gnat)

-Menw ap Teirwaedd, who was a magician and could cast
invisibility on his entire party (possibly only effective against pagans) and placate
animals (specifically by magic)

-Osla Big Knife, who may not have been magic himself but
if he laid his knife across a river in its sheath it would form a bridge large
enough to carry all of the armies of Britain

-Gilla Stag Shank, who could leap three hundred acres at
once ‘and who was the chief leaper of Ireland’ (good for you, dude)

-Sol, who could stand all day on one foot

-Gwadyn Osol, who could flatten mountains by standing on
them

-Gwadyn Oddeith, whose soles got really hot and threw
off sparks whenever he hit something hard (a bit less useful than Gwadyn Osol)

-Sugyn ap Sugynedydd, ‘who could suck up a sea on which
there were three hundred ships until it was nothing but a dry strand’

-Cacamwri (possibly just a servant rather than an actual
warrior), who was really good at destroying barns

-Gwefyl ap Gwastad, who when he was sad could stretch
his upper lip over his head and hide under it

-Uchdryd Cross Beard, who could throw his beard over ‘fifty
rafters in Arthur’s hall’

-Clust ap Clustveinydd, who ‘were he buried seven
fathoms in the earth he would hear an ant stirring from its bed in the morning
fifty miles away’

-Medyr ap Medyredydd, who could hit a wren in Ireland from
where he was in Cornwall ‘through both legs’ (unclear if these are the wren’s
legs or his)

-Gwiawn Cat Eye, ‘who could cut a corner from a gnat’s
eye without harming the eye’

-Special
mention to people who may not have had superpowers of any kind: Sanddef Angel
Face, (so beautiful that no one attacked him at Camlann because they assumed he
must be an angel), Morfran ap Tegid, (so ugly that no one attacked him at
Camlann because they assumed he must be a demon), Canhastyr Hundred Hands
(supposedly has a magic collar), Cors Hundred Claws (supposedly has a magic leash)
(I assume they got along very  well), Llwch Windy Hand and Samson Dry Lip (no
explanation of these last four epithets so perhaps they don’t actually have any
supernatural powers), and Gwydden the Difficult, who was probably just a dick

(I’ve included only highlights; I should point out that this list is eight pages long in the Penguin edition I have on hand. And for fairness’s sake I should probably also add that this list is not to be taken seriously since the story it’s included in is probably a parody, though it is also where Kay’s powers mentioned in the original post originate from, and Gwrhyr’s, who as far as I know only appears in this story.)

(Another delightful note is that Kay uses his magic heat powers in this story to keep the rain off his stuff and start fires ‘when his companions were cold’)

Honestly the whole last part just sounds like someone drunkenly and playfully talking shit about all their friends and exaggerating hilariously.  I think I’ve seen things like this on people’s tumblr about/friends pages.  “Yeah, that dude drinks so much he could suck up a whole ocean.”  “Oh yeah, man, his beard was so huge he could fling it over like… fifty rafters.”