normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Manners make the man do terrible things. Know when to tell the guy to fuck off.

Taurus: Life is not about momentum or speed it is about rhythm. Bad days are just off-beat, know you’ll find it soon enough. Contract boogie fever.

Gemini: Gear up for tomorrow, you’ll need a backpack full of the shit you use to get things done. 

Cancer: Be afraid be very very afraid, but never let it paralyze you. You’ve got things to do and people to confuse. 

Leo: Nostalgia is a poison, growth is the antidote. Ambien works too.

Virgo: The stars drew a picture of you! It is an excellent picture. Sadly it is hard to describe. Lovely gills you have.

Libra: In the long run you define success. In the meantime, a motherfuckers gotta eat, grab the bat and get in the car.

Scorpio: Turns out you get to shoulder tackle one person consequence free every lifetime. Use it wisely.

Ophiuchus: Collect something small so it wont bother any future roommates.

Sagittarius: Your eye for details can be a curse, some things were meant to go unnoticed. Keep silent.

Capricorn: If somewhere feels magic, it probably is. Trust your gut, it kept you safe this long.

Aquarius: Once you know the rules and when to break them you get to mix and match as you see fit. This is called a personality.

Pisces: Know when to keep the connection with you. Oftentimes the sun can be a better companion than any human.