“I was talking to a friend recently and I told him that I didn’t think I believed in the death penalty. And my friend said to me, ‘Oh, so you’re telling me that if you saw Hitler walking down the street you wouldn’t kill him?’
That wasn’t what I was telling you. But all right. Let’s talk about this… entirely new topic.” -John Mulaney
Tag: john mulaney
ok don’t get me wrong the ‘salt and pepper diner’ bit is hysterical, but john mulaney has so many more hilarious stories that no one seems to talk about:
•the party at the house of the teacher that everyone hated
•the dog trainer
•meeting bill clinton
•“hUSH!”
•“-too old to be a duckling, quack, quack!”
•“eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”
•literally any story involving his parents (especially the black coffee one)
just please, do yourselves a favor, don’t just stop at ‘salt and pepper diner’, listen to all this guy’s stories because they are gold
Don’t forget
– sometimes I get nervous on airplanes
– Delta Airlines / The I Love My Girlfriend
– “I just wanna sit here and feed my birds”
– JOHN that bathroom’s been closed for FOURTY YEARS!
– the Lawyer Parents stories
just moving along like everyone else 