Everyone pays pie taxes, except for tango. Why? That’s a mystery. Everyone has to wash dishes, go grocery shopping, lower thing from the top shelf and even compulsory participate in Beyonce jams as taxes. Except for tango.
The mystery prevails until careful observation in the bitty-tango relationship sheds new lights to the investigation. In order to write essays, bitty who suffers from severe procrastination, just tells tango a few details about what his essay is on, and then answers all subsequent questions. He records himself, and then just copies down what he has said and hands it down as an essay. The tango-prompt method has result in a sharp increase in Bitty’s work quality, and thus tango gets rewarded with being exempt from pie taxes.
Bitty nervously gathers his friends one afternoon in the late winter to tell them that he and Jack are dating. Jack is planning on coming out at the end of the season, so Bitty wants to give them all some warning. They’re all happy for them of course, but a few are a little hurt Jack and Bitty had kept it from them for so long.
“I’m sorry, y’all. I hated lying to you, but it just wasn’t the time yet. I feel so bad about not telling you– something as big and as important as that!” Bitty wrings his hands and apologizes again. The rest of the team is nodding their forgiveness, but Dex looks more and more uncomfortable with each word.
“Anything you’d like to share with the class?” Lardo asks casually. Dex looks like he’s about to faint. She loves the kid, but heaven help her if he has a problem with Bitty and Jack…..
“Bitty’s right. It’s not something we should hide. And I’m sick of lying about it.”
“Wait, when did this happen?” Chowder asks, caught between astonishment and excitement (his natural state of being, but just stronger in this particular moment).
Dex flushes. “Like…..last year? After we lost the playoffs?”
“Right after,” Nursey confirms.
“Ah,” Holster says sagely. “Roadie magic. That’s when me and Rans first started hooking up.”
“WHAT?” squawks Bitty. Rans claps a hand on Holster’s shoulder. “Shit, bro, I think we forgot to tell them.”
“What else haven’t y’all been telling me?” Bitty demands, and after that, confessions start rolling in.
“I’ve had at least two drunken sexcapades with Shitty.”
“Lards, bro! Same!”
“Didn’t Johnson get it on with the other goalie that one time? Goalies are weird, man.”
“Hey, Ollie and Wicks are totally doing it, right?”
Then, amidst the increasingly loud and colorful tales of sexual exploits, Tango shouts, “I’ve thought about kissing Whiskey!”
The rest of the Haus falls silent, Ransom and Holster smothering giggles. Whiskey calmly looks Tango up and down. “Huh. Cool. Let’s do that sometime.”
–
That night when Jack asks Bitty how it went telling the team, Bitty sighs helplessly. “Honey, I don’t know where to begin.”
Entirely because of this post by @samwell-womens-hockey. Tango asks how long Bittle and Jack have been together.
He’s not trying to snoop, it’s just there. When he asked for a closer look at the Jack Zimmermann OYO figurine Bitty told him to feel free and turned back to folding his laundry, so now Tango is holding the figure up but he got distracted by the calendar. It’s right behind the mini Jack, so it’s not like he was looking for it, but all those hearts are pretty eye catching.
“Is this your boyfriend’s birthday?” He asks, pointing at the little cake drawing. It’s pretty cute, actually.
“My what now?” Bitty says, almost casual except that he’s stiffened up, fingers clutching into the sweater in his hands, and Tango really stepped in it this time. He’s always asking stupid questions and it’s not the first time he’s said the wrong thing and someone needs to put a sock in his mouth.
“Oh, uh, I-” he stutters “didn’t mean to assume that you’re… I just thought that-”
“Hush, Tango,” Bitty says, taking pity on him. He doesn’t look angry or upset, but his smile is definitely forced. “You didn’t assume wrong, ok? Now go downstairs and get those sheets from the dryer.”
So he goes, because now that he knows about dibs he’ll do anything if it means he doesn’t have to live in those smelly dorms next year, but as he’s struggling to fold the fitted sheet he wonders why Bitty avoided the question.
-Sometimes I forget that Shitty’s one of Bitty’s best friends, too. (I get so tied up in his fantastic, usually-naked, friendship with Jack.) Add this to Ransom and Holster’s careful offers of help and Lardo’s worried looks: Bitty’s got a built-in support system, ready to help him through all these rough patches he’s been weathering alone.
-“I hate that I can’t be proud of you.” This though. We’re all used to the idea of having to hide our sadness on occasion, but it can be just as painful to hold back joy and pride and the desire to stand up on a chair and scream, “THAT NHL PRODIGY IS MY BOYFRIEND.” Bitty hasn’t…actually…been very good at restraining his excitement about Jack’s games and funny little stories about his teammates, but imagine what a bubbly mess of joy he’ll be when he can actually open up about it the way he wants to. I have a feeling he’s going to talk nonstop about Jack for several months. (Hopefully Chowder gets to be in on the secret, because Chowder is probably the one person who could talk more excitedly about how awesomely Jack’s doing. Or maybe Shitty, when he’s drunk and weepy.)
-Jack zeroing in on Bitty’s admission that being in this relationship makes him feel like he’s gone back in the closet. Jack absolutely refusing to let that stand, now that he knows how rough it’s been on Bitty.
-Jack immediately suggesting they tell their friends. Bitty’s reaction here makes me think that every other time the topic’s come up, Bitty went into bright, cheery, “everything’s just dandy” mode, and Jack took it at face value. Now that he knows Bitty’s not actually okay with keeping it a secret – that it’s actively hurting him, and he’s only doing it because he’s afraid of secrets leaking and hurting Jack’s career…
-Their entire argument is centered around the two of them arguing for each other. They’re fighting over who deserves to be happier and more comfortable, and then apologizing for getting upset about each others’ welfare.
-That split-screen panel, though, with Jack yelling at Bitty about not prioritizing his career over his happiness, and Bitty sobbing that Jack cannot ruin his entire life for Bitty.
-That’s the moment where it probably fully clicks for Jack. Hockey is his career. Bitty is his life.
-It’s another Graduation Bells moment: Jack was in love with Bitty for a good percentage of that year, but it took a final conversational push to make him realize, Oh. Oh that’s what I was feeling. And he’s probably been feeling this way about Bitty vs his career for a while now: he’s prioritized hockey over everything else in the past, even his own health, but the brightest part of his day now is coming home after a game, hearing Bitty’s voice, gently touching the affectionate, supportive notes Bitty writes for him, finally believing that someone cares about him, rather than about what he can do on the ice.
-Winning a game might feel good. But Bitty makes Jack happy, even on his worst days. Bitty is more important than anything else in Jack’s life.
-And 110% Jack fucking Zimmermann is going to make sure Bitty knows that.
-Can I just say how much I love that breaking up was never even on the table for a second. That entire conversation was – “this is really hard, but we’ll get through this; I’ll be stronger – you shouldn’t have to be; you told me to tell you when I needed you, and I just needed you this week; I needed you to know how I was feeling, because it hurts, but it hurts less when I’m with you.” There isn’t the slightest hint of considering ending things, because these boys love each other and are willing to do everything in their power to make it work.
-Jack isn’t a hockey prince anymore: he’s the king of big romantic gestures.
-Running across campus, out of breath and desperate to see Bitty, his graduation gown billowing behind him, wasn’t enough. Now he’s gotta walk through a storm to wrap Bitty up in his rain-soaked arms??
–This boy.
-“You fool” is my new favorite pet name, after “bud.”
-Jack’s worried face, his hair dripping, as Bitty flings himself angrily at him, crumpling his elegantly tailored suit and berating him for not thinking about the consequences of his actions. Why would you do this for me, when it could’ve hurt you?
-But Jack has thought about it. When he saw those missed calls, listened to the broken-voiced message he was supposed to delete, heard the tears Bitty was trying to choke back when they talked…he thought about what it’d mean to him, to Bitty, to their relationship, to keep hiding from everyone they know. He thought about what it was like before he knew Bitty, when he was quiet and harsh and anxious and dedicating all his energy into being the best possible hockey player. He thought about the warmth that filled his chest when he talked to Bitty, the light, bubbly feeling he got when he had Bitty in his arms.
-It wasn’t much of a choice, was it? Not when one option meant Bitty fighting back tears, turning into the terrified, anxiety-riddled person Jack has far too much experience being.
–“We’re a team.”
-Honestly, this is probably the most romantic thing Jack could ever say. It means loyalty, dedication, hard work, passion. It means having someone’s back, and trusting them to have yours. It means putting in the extra time and effort. It means being your best for the other person, even on the days when it’s too hard, when everything seems to go wrong. It’s an even bigger declaration than Jack asking Bitty to be his boyfriend. And Bitty knows it.
-Bitty’s stubborn chin, the defiant tilt of his head, and Jack’s quiet, soft expression as he waits to see if Bitty really does feel the same way.
-Bitty collapsing into Jack’s arms, and the tension melting out of both of them as Bitty buries his face in Jack’s chest, Jack curving his body around his boyfriend, pressing his face into Bitty’s hair, grateful to be holding him, to know that they’re going to be okay. Still hurting because he’d hurt Bitty without knowing it, but relieved that they’re going to fix it, now that they’re together.
-Jack smiling blissfully and chirping a tired, still emotional, but deeply affectionate Bitty as they head up the stairs. It’s them. It’s the perfect example of their comfortable, best friends and boyfriends dynamic.
-Bitty slipping easily back into pet names and stripping Jack out of his wet clothes. Jack thanking him for taking care of him – for letting Jack take care of him, too.
-“Let me in?” Jack asks, waiting on the porch, his heart on his throat. As though the answer would ever be anything but yes.
AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH YES THIS
(Thanks for writing this all out so I don’t have to lol 😉 )
jack zimmermann: eric bittle??? yeah, he’s amazing [digs into jacket pocket] [pulls out hundreds of thousands of photos of bitty] he’s my boyfriend–just look at him [flips through them] i’m so proud of him [shoves photos in your face] see this? this is the first time he ever checked someone. god i love him so much.
Jack is not aware of how much Bitty is making him happy
Ngozi, making me cry in the middle of the stream (via bittybutt)
Headcanon I’m working on now: Bitty is team captain in his senior year. He has nebulous “omg what to do when I graduate???” thoughts but his plans are mainly “move in with Jack in Rhode Island, get a job”
Then scouts for NHL feeder teams start showing up to his games. And practices. And taking him out for coffee. And asking him who his agent is. Because let’s get real, someone who can start playing a sport and end up at NCAA championship level five years later? Is a pretty special athlete.
When he gets the offers Bitty is originally like, but I don’t WANT to play pro hockey! I wanna be with my boyfriend!
The greatest part of this would be when Bitty and Jack have games against each other, because their competitiveness would get ranked up to a million, since the loser will basically get chirped non stop by friends, teammates, family and of course each other.
And maybe Jack and Bitty start making small harmless bets. It starts with winner picks what we eat for dinner and what we watch afterwards, but then they move to stuff like if Jack wins Bitty can’t use twitter for the whole weekend, or Jack will have to appear on his next vlog post etc.
(And of course there’s the private fun stuff they also bet on but will never tell anybody about winkwink)
So it’s always small silly stuff, but they take it super seriously. And then they start using the games to settle arguments like this:
“Y’all, we need to win. You don’t understand, we have to. If we don’t Jack is taking us to the most boring vacation in history. He wants to go to
Gettysburg,
Pennsylvania
to watch a reenactment of the battle and of the
Gettysburg
Address and if I have to go, you will see a grown man cry of boredom. I want to go to the beach. I deserve to go to the beach.”
“We agreed the winner will get to set the thermostat. Bitty always puts it too high and it’s annoying.”
“If we win Jack will finally admit he has been pronouncing
pecan
wrong! No you don’t understand, this is important, we have been arguing about this for years.”
“Bitty will stop breaking diet and I’m afraid if we don’t win this, his nutritionist will kill him.” (They don’t win this, because there is 0 chance you will get Bitty’s team to give up all the baked goods they have been getting since he joined the team.)
Also, it is absolutely impossible to get interviews afterwards with either of them, because turns out playing against each other is like the weirdest most intense form of foreplay ever.
Like they can’t see each other very often during game season, so by the end of their games they honestly couldn’t care less about anything other than making it to each others apartments, so they skedaddle
with 0 shame and sometimes just go straight to the car and shower at home.
George: Jack, you have interviews…
Jack: (speed walking away) No.
George: Jack!
Jack: (pretends not to hear her) Goodbye.
And well, George figures there’s some battles you can’t win and at least she’ll get an apology pie for this.
Jack lives alone, but Bitty has roommates. However they know better than to show their faces after a game, like we are talking complete pie ban for the whole team for a month here.
Also, if you think Jack Zimmermann is scary on the ice, you have never seen his face when you interrupt marathon sex after weeks of not seeing his boyfriend.
also can we talk about the height difference between jack and bitty? and how much jack would LOVE that?? like jack is all tall lines and hard planes, but bitty is small, soft curves next to him and he doesn’t understand how this sweet southern boy isn’t put off by his sharp edges, like how can he be so kind when Jack is so…much? And he thinks about it sometimes at night when his chest is pressed against bitty’s back, and his breath comes quicker and his vision blurs a little, but then bitty sighs and presses into his chest and jack’s heartbeat calms and he can breathe again, so he slings his arm over bitty’s side and kisses his neck and remembers it’s not up to him how much other people love him. and he’s happy.
just moving along like everyone else 