normal-horoscopes:

Aries: The solution is almost always muddy and complicated. Smash shit together until something works.

Taurus: People are good at finding problems but bad at solving them. 

Gemini: Never lose your keys again, the stars say to clip your keychain into exposed skin.

Cancer: Death is holding a party and everyone is invited.

Leo: Deadbolt the door, the peaches are coming.

Virgo: Most thoughts are circle shaped. Dont worry too much about it. 

Libra: The world is what you make of it and rubble is absolutely and acceptable choice. 

Scorpio: This is a higher class of house plant. A Dreadfern.

Ophiuchus: Take a moment and ask yourself: “How can I ask myself questions when I already expect and answer, what is the nature of self knowledge?”

Sagittarius: The hunt is on! No starbucks will escape your horn-blessed gaze.

Capricorn: Be what you were always meant to be. Nothing. Anything is possible.

Aquarius: Use a lantern to light the way. 

Pisces: People never expect the unorthodox. Be the knuckleball.