So after a talk with @ii-thiscat-ii we realized how weird music could be to a species that doesn’t have music. Think of it, what is music, it’s sound organized in specific patterns that evokes emotions in us. Our brains are wired to recognize music. Just tap on the table with our fingers and if we do it regularly enough most people can recognize it as a tune.
But imagine how it would be for a species that have no concept of music. Like they could probably wrap their heads around the idea that we find certain sounds more appealing than others, and that we have tools specifically made to create these appealing sounds.
But imagine them trying to make sense of a movie soundtrack. Like, why is there this sound? There’s no sound like that in an abandoned house? What do you mean it adds atmosphere? Is that what you hear when you go into a place like that?
What about an alien attending an event where they sing the national anthem. Suddenly every human is standing up, and they’re all acting serious, and suddenly they all start making the same sounds, all at once, in unison. They’re also saying the same words, but they’re not saying it the same way they say it when they speak. The words are recognizable, but the pitch and tone are completely different. What’s going on!?
We also have different types of music for different occasions. We have cheery music, dark music, sad music, and so many different varieties of each. The aliens have no idea how we figure this out, or how we can have “cheery” music with accompanying words that are sad.
What if because they didn’t evolve to use music, other species of aliens can’t even really hear the components of music. Like, they can tell that two pieces of music sound different, they can’t really hear things like beat, tune or melody. Or at least they don’t recognize such thing as musical. Like, a human is tapping out a tune on a tabletop and the alien at the table thinks they are trying to communicate through code or something. They know there is a pattern to the tapping but can’t figure it out. It probably blows a few minds that we have our own languages that exist specifically to record these strange sounds humans like to make.
What if species that have dances can’t understand why humans need these strange sounds in order to dance and can’t really see the connection between music and dance that humans seem to have.
What if a crew of a ship suddenly hear the strangest sounds. None of them recognize the sound, but its coming from the engine room so that can’t possibly be good. They burst into the engine room expecting the worst, only to find the human crew members having a jam session.
What if aliens can understand that we would make specific tools to make specific sounds, but a bewildered at the sheer variety of means we will use to generate it. From electronic speakers, to fine instruments, to an upturned pot and a half-empty bottle, to our own voice and bodies.
What if the only thing that blows them away is the fact that one human can start up a tune and the other humans can pick it up and add to it and still create something more or less harmonious.
Tag: humans are weird
I have another terrible idea…
Continuing with my Humans are Space Orc’s thoughts, I was thinking about how children might interact with Aliens, especially small children who have yet to learn to speak in full sentences and then this monstrosity of an idea came to me;
[putting OP’s under-cut text here because its adorable]
Rharzokk Dhudzug was a mighty warrior among his people. He had fought in countless battles across the Galaxy, won the admiration of his people and been given every medal the Galactic Alliance had. But war came to an end and he returned to civilian life, not easy for a Grungrak, but there was no other choice.
Finding work was hard. He was nearly four meters tall, with thick fur and four massive arms. His stature was stocky and heavy, and many were intimidated by more than just his build. He had retractable spikes fill with a paralyzing fluid, when startled, these spikes came out and stabbed people, and many Aliens were allergic to the fluid, causing sever pain or even death.
He had seen many potential employers in the weeks since returning to civilian life, but had not been contacted yet. Reading through the info-board on the stations promenade, he found a new listing. Multi-species vessel in need of a pilot. Primary species: Human. They were doing research on the frontier and needed a good pilot and someone good with pistols and hand-to-hand combat as they had seen some action with pirates. What was the harm in trying, Rharzokk thought to himself. He tapped the “Apply” button with his large finger.
It had been less than a day before he was contacted by the HumanSteve, commander of the SSV – CANARY, he was calling Rharzokk in for an interview. To his surprise, he got the job. Having looked over his experience through the GA Database and confirming his service record with Grungrak Operations, he was told they’d be happy to have him, and he was moved onto the ship within the next solar day.
The journey to Frontier Space took weeks, even at full FTL, and this had given Rharzokk, now going by ‘Zok’ for ease of human tongue, time to meet most of the crew and adapt to his new job.
Zok had voiced concerns about the presence of human children of the ship; they were in uncharted territory and potentially in danger, but Zok had been told several times that humans would not leave family units behind.
It wasn’t until the middle of the third week that Zok ran into the first of the human children. They were normally kept in a separate area of the ship for schooling, learning and entertainment. Zok had been told this was also due to human children being easily frightened of Aliens. But here in this corridor stood a small human child.
He stood incredibly still, trying to not make any sudden movements that would frighten the poor, tiny creature, who looked lost. Using the quietest and calming voice he could, he asked “Are you lost little one?”
The human looked up at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. The mess of blond hair wrapped around her head and she seemed to be in shock. She rubbed her eyes and continued to gawk at him.
Believe she hadn’t heard him, he repeated the question. “Are you lost little one?”
What came next nearly frightened Zol. A high-pitched screech came out of girl, but not one of fear, no, her mouth was in a wide smile and she pointed at him. “KITTY!” She yelled.
Confused, Zol pointed at himself and asked. “Do you mean me?”
She laughed and kept pointing at him. “Kitty! Big Kitty!”
“No young one, my name is Rharzokk, but you may call me Z-”
“Kitty!”
Was the translator broken, he wondered. He was getting irate though. Children weren’t supposed to be in this area, but he was too timid to pick her up, or even move for that matter. He already filled out the corridor, if he wasn’t careful she could be injured.
“My name is Rharzokk, I am a war hero of the Grungrak people. You will cease calling me by the name Kitty.” He demanded. Maybe showing his authority would make her more compliant.
“Angry kitty.” She mumbled, putting her hand down by her side. “Kitty take me home?” She asked.
She was lost, though how she ended up near the flight deck was a mystery. Zok crouched down, making himself as small as he could, and using one of his smaller arms, extended a hand to her. Humans likes contact, it was comforting. Or so he was told.
She took his hand and smiled at him. “Take me home?” She asked again.
He walked with her, at a much slower pace than he was used to, until the reached the crew area. There were many humans around, running around frantically. When they saw Zok enter the room, their eyes wandered down to the little girl holding tightly to his arm. A sigh of relief swept over the room as one of the women, HumanKatie, ran to her daughters side.
“Amelia!” She yelled, dropping to her knees in front of the child, “Where have you been?! I’ve been worried sick!”
The girls grip tightened on Zoks hand. “She was near the flight deck.” Zok said. “She was wandering the corridor when I found her. She asked me to return her here.”
“Big kitty helped!” Amelia blurted out. The room went silent and many humans covered their mouths, their shoulders shaking. Some seemed to turn around, while others knelt down towards the floor. Zok was confused, he had never seen or read about such a reaction.
Looking at the HumanKatie, he noticed she was doing the same, though water was streaming from her eyes; crying, he thoughts.
“There is no need to fear, she is unharmed.”Zok reassured.
“Thats not why I’m crying.” HumanKatie replied. “It’s just…” She was struggling to keep her composure. “She thinks you’re a cat.”
“A what?” Zok asked.
“A cat.” HumanKatie replied. She pulled a small device from her pocket and tapped a few buttons. After a moment of searching, she help up the device which displayed a small, furry creature on it. “A cat.” HumanKatie repeated.
“I do NOT look like that!” Zok grumbled. “I am a fierce warrior! I have been in many battles! I am not some tiny creature-pet!” He crossed his upper arms and looked away.
“She doesn’t know that, Zok.” HumanKatie said. “She’s still too young to know the difference. But she likes you, you should be flattered, she doesn’t really socialize with the other kids, but she was more than happy to be with you. Don’t you, Amelia?” She turned to ask her daughter.
“Big kitty. Ami want kitty rides!” She yelled with excitement.
“Kitty rides?” Zok asked. “What are kitty rides?”
“She wants to climb on your back while you walk around. Its entertainment for her.”
“There will be no kitty rides!” He now had both set of arms crossed. “I am a pilot, not a Zakruk, or a Kitty.”
“I think you will…” HumanKatie said, “She’ll pester you until you do, and you don’t want to make her sad, now, do you? Not when she’s made her first friend?”
Zok spun around and began to walk away. “There will be no kitty rides from me.” He said. When he was alone in the corridor, returning to the flight deck, he thought about the ridiculous request. “Kitty rides.” He shook his head in dismay. Like he would ever lower himself to entertainment for a child. Then again, he never had offspring of his own… and HumanKatie said she had bonded with him as a friend. Maybe.
No.
It was too ridiculous. Humans are weird.
Humans are weird / Humans are Space Orc’s
So I’ve been reading a lot of the Humans-Are-Space-Orcs posts and one I didn’t see on there, but I thought was funny was about Humans interacting with infants. Specifically, the way we talk to entertain them.
This is my first post about HASO / HAW so please excuse the terrible alien names, I’m making this up as I go.
[putting the OP’s text from under the cut here because it deserves to be seen]
Xul’tar was new to the ship and had taken the assignment because it had ‘Hu-mons’, a new species to the galactic community and he had been fascinated by them. The vessel they were on, the Culbur was a science vessel, mostly studying stellar phenomena on the outer reaches of what the Hu-mons called “arms” of the galaxy.
“Xul!” yelled Hu-mon Jojo (She said it was her “Nickname” and short for “Joanna”). She was a young Hu-mon, slender, squishy, like most humans. “Come see Allen, I think he would like you!” She was referring to her new-born youngling.
“Has he learned to speak already?” Xul asked, his antennae wiggling with curiosity.
She bared her teeth and made a “Ha-ha” sound, humans called itlaughing. “No,” She continued. “But I think he would like your antennae, they glow and wiggle, he’d think it was funny.”
Xul’s fur ruffled, his curiosity over the youngling was matched by his annoyance with Hu-mons need for entertainment.
They entered her living quarters – her mate was on duty and not present – and beside the sleeping pad was a large basket filled with bundled cloth. It wiggled around and strange noises came from it. As Xul got closer he could make out the small arm appendages with tiny fingers grasping upward. He leaned over and gazed at the child with his large primary eyes. It was so tiny, and she had only given birth to one this mating cycle, she must have been proud it survived. His antennae gently poked and prodded the babies hands and face, glowing with excitement. The youngling did seem pleased with this, and made a series of high-pitched ‘laughs’ with every touch.
“You’re so silly!” Jojo said to Allen. Her voice was higher pitched than normal, and this seemed to induce more laughter from the baby Allen.
“Is ‘silly’ a praise to the child?” Xul asked. His primary eyes slanted to the side in confusion. “Is he being verbally rewarded for accomplishing something?”
“No, no, no!” Jojo said, turning to look at Xul. “Its… something we say to our children when… they’re happy and playful.” She shrugged her shoulders, indicating she wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it to Xul.
The youngling started to make more high-pitched noises, but was not the laughing sound it had made earlier. Xul stepped back, fearful. Was the child ill? “Should I call medical?” Xul asked. “Has the youngling hurt itself? Has it become sick? Did I hurt your youngling?!” He was panicking.
“Oh he’s fine, he’s probably just upset we stopped paying attention to him!” Jojo replied. She knelt down over the basket and began to speak in the high voice she had used earlier. “Are you cranky?! Huh? Mommy not paying attention to you?” She was shaking her head and smiling, but the youngling Allen was still wailing away. “Don’t cry or mommy’s gonna have to eat you!”
Xul reeled back in horror! Eat the child?! For not ceasing its wailing? He ran from the room and to the nearest comm. “Hu-mon Steve! Hu-mon Steve! Reply!” He yelled into the comm.
“What is it?!” Hu-mon Steve replied, his voice filled with worry.
“It is an emergency! You must return to your quarters at once!” Xul continued to yell. The horror in his voice intensifying with every word.
“Has something happened to Jojo? To Allen?” Hu-mon Steve cried through the speaker.
In the background Cul could hear Jojo talking. “nom, nom, nom! So tasty! Yes you are!” She said, the youngling still wailing in the background.
“Youngling Allen is in trouble! Your life mate Jojo had threatened to eat the child for not ceasing its cries for entertainment!”
With that, Hu-mon Steve burst into laughter over the comm. It was loud and hearty, and it took several moments for him to regain his senses! Why was he not concerned for his new-born?
“Should I call security?” Xul asked. This seemed to only encourage more laughter from the Hu-mon.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes, the baby will be fine.” Steve said “Just let me tell T’krinn I’ll be leaving.”
Xul was too horrified to enter the crew quarters until he saw Hu-mon Steve approaching, a large toothy smile on his face.
“Come with me.” Hu-mon steve said, waving Xul into the quarters.
Xul entered the room slowly, peering around the door frame with his primary eyes first, then his secondary, before slowly shuffling in. He had expected to see the horror of remains, but was shocked to see Jojo holding the sleeping youngling in her arms.
“Aww, daddy’s home and you’re asleep!” She cooed to the child. She bounced him lightly in her arms, and gave Hu-mon Steve the life mate greeting of a ‘kiss’ before he turned his attention to the child in her arms. “Did T’krinn let you leave early?” She asked.
“Yes.” Hu-mon steve nodded. “I had been informed someone was being naughty and needed to be eaten!” He joked, taking one of the infants and and gently nibbling on it.
Xul walked back out of the room, eye’s wide and dizzy. ‘Hu-mons joke about eating their own children.’ He thought as he walked down the corridor. Maybe this assignment would be too much for him.
Humans are weird.
Do you think that, to aliens, we humans are like the supreme omnivores of the universe?
I mean, honestly, one of the greatest advantages we have as a species is our willingness to eat, or at least try to eat, just about anything.
Allergies, cultural differences, preferred diets, and intolerances, and general tastes for flavors aside, the average human is capable of finding a way to consume most anything we can get in our mouth.
Meat? Boom. Vegetables? Pretty good. Fruits? Love it. Bugs? Hey if we had to. Fish? Hell yeah. Eggs? Yeah man. Organs? Sure thing. Milk, honey, and food products made in other creatures? Classic.
Hell, if something isn’t immediately poisonous or just disgusting tasting, or even just flat undigestable, chances are a human can and will eat it.
Honestly, even if something is known to be poisonous (i.e. pufferfish), we’re not gonna rest until we find some part of it that’s not poisonous so we can eat that.
Some humans even will eat disgusting things, either to prove they can, or because they’ve found a way to make it palatable just so that they can actually eat it.
Especially consider that if other alien species we encounter are either flat herbivores or obligate carnivores. It might be to the concern of some newer crew members just how much the humans on board eat and what variety they will consume if given the chance; especially if they’re concerned about food rations being low. Or if they get to an unexplored world and the human is commenting about strange flora and fauna they find and comment how much it resembles foodstuffs on their home planet. Until they realize the humans are saying it about a LOT of the stuff on this unexplored world. To the point they’re worried that either the humans will eat something that would get them sick/poisoned, or they’ll end up just completely devouring anything and everything they see on the planet like a swarm of starved locusts.
Somebody said Humans would be the Mad Scientist species to aliens- like, aliens watch Back To The Future, and they see Doc Brown, and they think yes this is a human scientist, they’re all that crazy, these humans do such insane things with science.
I would like to offer an alternative.
Humans are tough. We can shrug off plenty of injuries, and we recover pretty fast from most others. Hell, we find minor injuries amusing (Don’t tell me you’ve never laughed at someone getting hit in the balls).
Humans have a skewed sense of danger. We think baby anything is cute- tigers, lions, alligators, whatever, no matter how scary they grow up to be- and even then there’s people that would happily cuddle up to a grizzly. Even less adventurous humans keep vermin as pets, or snakes, or dogs, that apex predator sub-species we made.
We are fascinated by morbid and scary stuff. We have a whole genre designed to terrify people. Tons of fantasy revolves around deadly monsters, plenty of which involve romance with said monsters. Lots of grim dystopias in sci-fi. Even children’s stories involve grandmothers getting eaten or witches getting cooked in their own oven.
And if you’re on this site, you know all the jokes we make about depression or social anxiety, or joking about wanting to die.
We aren’t the Doc Brown species.
We’re the Addams Family Species.
…ACCURATE.
…. why not both?
two words: Uncle Fester
So a few weeks ago I got interested what made us human apex predators(cuz lets face it we don’t look intimidating). One of the obvious is superior intelligence but that can’t be all. I figured I put a list together for any writer that want to use this information. (these are all google facts so feel free to do your own research or correct me)
- Unique Hunting
- We humans are persistent hunters, so instead of the typical predator approach by stalking our prey and kill it fast, we let our prey know we are here. We tried to hit it with rocks or spears, if the first strike didn’t kill it, we would just calmly walk after it and try again. This goes on over hours, usually during the hottest time of the day, not giving the poor thing a chance to rest until it’s finally to exhausted to run away. We would literally walk our pray to death. There are other animals that hunt like this(wolves) but we humans are the best at it.
- Insanely Good Trackers
- This is tied in with our intelligence but I wanted to give it an extra point. Most animals track by smell, which we don’t. We track foot print and things like fur on branches or broken twigs. Water or rain will wash away a scent but following broken twigs is a bit easier in the rain.
- Amazing Cardio
- We can’t out sprint any animal but we can outrun them. Humans are within the top 5 animals that are able to walk/jog/run long distances without needing a break. And we are the only predator in that list.
- Incredible Aim (hand eye coordination)
- Out of all the animals we have by far the best aim. Other species with similar abilities just don’t have the same success rate.
- Best climbers
- We are one of the best climbers there are and if you don’t believe me watch a parkour video.
- We eat everything (and i mean everything)
- We eat many things that are either unenjoyable for animals or poisonous. Our digestive system is unique and allows us to digest these poisons without a problem. While some of these poisons would be dangerous enough in large doses, it is literally impossible for us to OD on them if we eat them as food. Here’s a list:
- Chocolate
- Spicy food (is not deadly just unenjoyable)
- Milk (Humans are the only animals on earth that are lactose tolerant)
- Avocado
- Garlic
- Coconut
- Yeast bread
- Eggs
- Grapes/Raisins
- Onions
- Super Healing
- Our flesh wounds stop bleeding relatively fast and heal fast too.We heal so well that a broken bone is considered a relative minor medical issue. A broken bone is a death sentence in the animal kingdom and even for modern days vets its impossible sometime to heal an animal’s broken bone. Not only do our bones heal fast but it grows stronger afterward.
- Lack of Fur
- Animals that don’t sweat need to regulate their heat by panting. Humans have much better way at regulating heat: we sweat. Sweating happens parallel to whatever activity we do and allows us to perform these task without needing a break. If you made a dog do sports like a human it would have a heatstroke.
All in all we are a species that can adapt to any sort of environment thanks to these traits.
I Had a Great Idea
for a Humans are Weird story.
So human babies REALLY need to be touched. Its totally critical for development. Small babies can literally die if you don’t cuddle them enough.
But imagine that the aliens are more like reptiles, in that they just sort of hatch and their parents feed them or stay around (and presumably, like, educate them, since they’re intelligent aliens), but don’t carry them around or cuddle in the same way.
So one of them gets stuck with a human baby that they’re responsible for and of course, they go ask a xenobiologist or someone ‘what do you do for a human baby, they’re all weird and squishy’.
And the scientist says: well, you have to stroke them. Like actually pick them up and stroke their skin.
Why, says the alien, what could that possibly accomplish. Does it make their skin tougher. Will they grow proper scales.
No, no, that’s just what human skin is like, you just… you have stroke them or they won’t grow right. They get a stroking-deficiency and can die.
Suddenly our obsession with petting everything makes sense to them.
“Why do they ask to pet our fur? Why do they touch every animal we find? Humans are so strange!”
“No, no, Pod Leader, we have discovered the reason for this. Humans require tactile contact for health. Their young will actually die without frequent touchings of skin, Even as adults, their health deteriorates if they are isolated from touch. Human Technical Adjunct Rupert is trying to nurture us and preserve our healthfulness with this touching they offer.”
“… they actually believe that touching our fur with their grubby paws is healthful?”
“For humans, Pod Leader, it is.A little unsanitary, we are understanding the reservations, but it is kindly meant. We think it is actually very nice of Human Technical Adjunct Rupert to be so concerned with our healthfulness.”
“We are still not sure we believe this. That sounds like a weak attempt at deceit to us.”
“Let us show you this vid of humans nurturing their young, it is very instructive.”
Some time later, Human Technical Adjunct Rupert is bewildered but pleased to find that fur-petting is now encouraged provided they have washed their paws. This seems reasonable to Human Technical Adjunct Rupert.
I LOVE THIS ADDITION SO MUCH!
So about those space orcs…
I’ve seen a lot of posts about humans pack-bonding with frankly everything, no matter how big, scary, threatening, lethal or oozy.
But you know what I haven’t seen?
Humans entrusting their young to their pack-bonded friends. Because that’s a thing we do. We entrust our children to our friends. We entrust our children to our dogs. We befriend the biggest, meanest, scariest shit, and then we dump our defenseless, hasn’t-even-got-a-fully-fused-skull-yet offspring on them. Half for shits-and-giggles, half because it’s cute, mostly because children are exhausting and we need a nanny.
[OP’s text from under cut because its adorable]
Captain Zardher is by no means what the humans call a noob – they’re still not 100% of the exact definition of the term, mostly because every human they’ve asked has given a different one, but the common thread through all is inexperience and youth, of which Captain Zardher likes to think has none. They have crossed three galaxies and fought anything and everything, for the glory of the Federation.
…admittedly, the most recent addition to the Federation is unlike anything they’d ever seen before, but they have seen it now. They have humans in their crew. They have traveled with them and seen them be exactly the kind of bizarre, horrifying, strangely friendly monstrosities that only a death world like Earth could produce.
Humans are strange, otherworldly creatures, but Captain Zardher prides themselves in their own adaptability and they know them.
…still, they pause when they hear the tell-tale high pitched calling of a human young in the depths of the containment zone. They know the humans call it giggling, and find it endearing, somehow. Captain Zardher finds it personally terrifying, comparable to the sound of a predator cowering prey into rushing out of hiding in a poor attempt of fleeing, but when they shared this insight with one of the humans under their command, they’d laughed and said the sound was “cute.”
The Captain had wisely chosen not to argue.
They walk slowly through the labyrinth of stasis pods containing all sorts of strange flora and fauna collected as part of the science division’s mission to curate near extinct species. Most of the humans aboard the ship are part of the science division, in fact. The Captain has learned not to trust on labels though, because they are humans first and everything else second. Their enthusiasm for research is only comparable to their capacity for being unpredictable, and every now and then, even the meekest-looking one of them will do something that will remind the crew as a whole that these are indeed creatures that colonized a planet seemingly hellbent on destroying them, and then flourished on it, to boot.
The Captain is not inexperienced or new or young. The Captain has served thousands of tours of duty, from science missions to more unfortunately violent ones. The Captain is wise and patient and commanding.
…the Captain also makes a loud distress display when they round a corner and find Human Scientist Sarah’s young lying on a pile of blankets, giggling, and trying to catch the waving scythe like tail of a large, black quadruped creature, the name of which escapes the Captain at the moment. Quite possibly because their hearts are beating too fast to keep each other’s rhythm and they might be going into cardiac arrest. The Captain might not remember the name, but they remember the titanic effort required to capture the specimen and the four separate task forces it demolished before the humans stepped in to take care of it.
Not the warriors, mind, the scientists.
Which is why the Captain knows not to trust labels.
Then the creature notices the Captain and stands up to its imposing size, nearly ten feet worth of heavy armored exoskeleton covering nearly twelve hundred pounds of solid muscle. It shifts into an aggressive stance, body towering over the human young and bares its double rows of teeth, acid already sizzling in its maws. The Captain takes a defensive stance on reflex, one pair of eyes focused on the wicked-looking tail swinging high above, and the other on the small human that is now making quiet, distressed noises.
“Mia!” Human Scientist Sarah snaps as she walks from another corridor. “Bad dog! Don’t hiss at Captain Zardher!”
The Captain stares, as the creature lets out a high, screeching sound but ceases all threat displays at once, lowering its body until it’s curled around the human young. Who then proceeds to reach out and pet the shiny black plates of the creature’s body and resumes its giggling.
“I’m sorry,” Human Scientist Sarah says, expression shifting into what humans term apologetic. “Mia is really attached to Lily, Captain. But she didn’t mean to upset you,” she adds, giving the creature a stern-coded look. Then she smiles. “She won’t do it again, right, big softy?” The creature makes another screechy noise, raising its head towards the human and lazily flaring the spiked barbs around its collar. “Good girl.”
“That is not a dog,” is all the Captain manages to say, because they covered basic human symbiotic species learning module when they got their first human crew members, and they are pretty sure dogs are much smaller, covered in fur and definitely not capable of producing acidic spit.
“Well, no,” Human Scientist Sarah says, now coding her face with embarrassment, “but she acts like one. And she reminds Mark of this big, silly mastiff he used to have back home.”
The Captain stares a bit more before bobbing his head into what humans call nods, because they’ve learned that nodding is perhaps the safest way to deal with a human being… well, human.
“Is… is it customary?” They can’t help but ask, after their hearts are no longer beating discordantly in their gut. “To establish pack dominance so early?”
Human Scientist Sarah is bewildered for a moment, before she laughs.
“I guess?” She gives the now crooning creature a fond look. “She’s just good at looking after Lily for those blessed five minutes, you know?” The Captain most assuredly does not know. They nod anyway. “Honestly we were all a bit surprised but Mark says a patient nanny dog is nothing to scoff at. And Mia was so bored inside that cage, poor thing.”
Later, much later, after the Captain has returned to their quarters without even delivering the notice they had meant to give Human Scientist Sarah in the first place, they slowly and methodically rub every inch of skin with intoxication gel and feel, as humans say, so very blessed that humanity chose to join the Federation, rather than stand against it.
So very #blessed.
humans are weird
what about games, then? we have a HUUUUUUUGE ass variety of games, to be played alone, in groups, in competition or in collaboration: chance games (dices, roulette, certain card games, rock paper scissor), board games (from chess to monopoly to Colt Express and the Legends of Andor and Raise your Goblets and Patchwork and Snakes and Ladders), to videogames, to team games (soccer, rugby, basketball), to kids’ games (tag, the witch of colours ecc.), to roleplaying games, and many, many more.
Like, imagine aliens stumbling upon humans who’re into a very hard game of rock paper scissor: they’re waving their fists madly, making signs with the fingers and yelling to and at each other, and they declare a winner every three finger gestures. They are told “we’re playing, don’t you worry, we’re not going to kill each other”.
then they stumble upon a group having an extremely heated match of Uno, cursing each other as they drop +4 and +2 and dammit I just had declared Uno!!! again, they’re told “we’re playing, don’t you worry, we’re not going to kill each other”.
then they see chess, where there are only two people playing mainly in silence, their brows furrowed in concentration.
aliens are utterly confused. these two do not look like they are going to kill each other, what the hell??
On the humans are weird thing, what about the Hadron Collider?
Like, aliens come to earth and are kind of impressed with how fast our technology is progressing, and they’re like, touring the earth and meeting the greatest minds of our generation and eventually end up at CERN.
Alien: So what are you doing here, Human Scientist of CERN?
Scientist: Oh, well, we made this machine that smashes atoms into even smaller stuff.
Alien: Oh? And how did you achieve this?
Scientist: Well, we throw them at each other at amazing speeds until they break apart. It’s actually pretty cool.
Alien: It does sound interesting.
Scientist: Right? It sucks there’s people who are pissed about it.
Alien: Excuse me?
Scientist: Well, theoretically there’s a chance that we could create a black hole if we go through this process.
Alien:
Alien:
Alien: Why do you persist in this endeavor if this is a possibility?
Scientist: It’s fuckin’ sicc
And then the aliens realize that oh, humans are only so ahead of the times is because they’re fucking crazy and just do shit. And then they leave.
Just in case.
just moving along like everyone else 