depressed kids in the media: I donât wanna go to therapy! I donât need help! Iâm not some specimen for you to dissect!
me, rollin up to my therapistâs office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week
families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie weâve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful
actual parents of depressed kids: look i get youâre sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didnât you go to school today, whatâs wrong with you, youâre such a burden on this family.
Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*
My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing Iâve ever heard.
Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also Iâm prescribing you 500 different medicines
My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so letâs try taking a nap
My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know youâd love.
Therapist in media: serious face the whole time
My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*
therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, âIâm afraid I havenât [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]â
my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???
my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance⊠youâre my padawan now
Actual things my therapist has told me:
âYouâre bassicly a glorified sad lizard.â (It makes sense with context)
âDamn girl you need to get your shit together.â
âGo home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isnât bleach or memes.â
Iâll add more tomorrow after I see her again.
my late lamented 74-year-old-therapist with margaret thatcher hair and eyeglasses on a chain: âso in this dream were you the fuckER or the fuckEE?â
depressed adult men in media: depression is for girls, iâm just brooding and drinking because itâs cool
me in real life: *to the tune of rubber duckie* lexapro pill, youâre the one! you make it possible to have fun!
â
depressed adult men in media, when forced at gunpoint to see a therapist: nothing is wrong, everything is peachy, three seasons of trauma have not given me PTSD because iâm a protagonist, can i go now
me in real life seeing stacy the brain mechanic: ⊠help?
â
therapist of adult man in media: good, you expressed a feeling, well done! same time next week ok?
stacy the brain mechanic: dude, you do realize that if anyone else talked about you the way you talk about yourself, youâd kick their ass
Tommy was driving like people drive in Grand theft Auto
Yâall not gonna talk about the jet and Formula 1 car?
You not gonna talk about Tommy almost having a head on collision with a tank?
Yâall gone act like tommy ainâtcut in front of that semi truck making him slam on his brakes causing the other semi to slam into the back of himâŠ
how he drive over the top of the plane wing tho? my man got some fuckin AIR
So we just going to ignore the fact that reptar is snatching niggas up on the highwayâŠ.
Ainât nobody fittna say shit bout the sign thats just a fuckin bottle of milk?
i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the âhello its me your cousin oskaar from icelandâ video on my dash yet you are all slackers
i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i
When I put them in the queue I thought everyone was going to get annoyed because theyâve seen them a million times, I feel terrible that so many of you guys havenât!
There is this controversy in book industries about e-books; specifically Amazon who has made it easy for someone to self publish whereas before it would cost someone thousands of dollars and so if you did you were a loser because you obviously couldnât get an agent or even get an indie publisher to back you. All of a sudden a million books are being self published by losers who are ruining literature because anyone can just print anything and nothing matters anymore. Itâs the same thing they said when they invented the printing press and then again when trade paperbacks became a thing.Â
A whole bunch of people, mostly fanfic writers just repurpose in their work, start publishing these short erotic novels that they havenât even edited and it was all getting weirder and weirder.Â
BDSM became mainstream because of EL James publishing her Twilight fanfiction â50 shades of grayâ and then suddenly there were a bunch of books that made people uncomfortable about time traveling to fuck dinosaurs. One erotic novel written by Christie Sims and Alara Branwen kind of became the poster child for the demise intellectualism.
A few years later someone calling themselves Chuck Tingle started to publish tiny erotica novels about people having sex with unicorns and Bigfoot that were intentionally weird with long and had highly specific titles. The covers went viral, most people thinking they were memes but then discovered they were real books that were actual short stories written by somebody who knew how to write and was obviously mocking the controversy.
Everyone was complaining and trying to find out who he was and journalists were trying to contact âhimâ but he refused to be interviewed. The popular rumor started going around that it was actually a father and son that wrote the books together and someone who everyone is probably sure was actually Chuck Tingle was anonymously interviewed and was like, âlol yeah and we usually write them start to finish in one nightâ which made people madder and was true because he really blew up when a meme about this dress went viral in a day and by the end of the day
Chuck
Tingle had a new erotic novel about fucking the dress.
Adding to the controversy is the fact that if you publish through Amazon people can read your books for free through their âdigital libraryâ but when people check out books itâs technically counted as a sale. Out of nowhere some dude named Chuck Tingle was at the top of the bestsellers list with these offensive books and sort of accidentally got nominated for a really prestigious award and everyone lost their shit.
The powers that be were changing the rules so he couldnât win, which is what also happened to Neil Gaiman when his comic book Sandman got nominated and everyone was outraged that a comic book could be considered literature. Neil Gaiman actually won the award and then they put in a rule that no more comic books could be nominated, but they got lucky with Chuck Tingle and he didnât win. Except then he was nominated for a second time.
Obviously Chuck Tingle didnât win again,Â
but then he kind of doubled down and published books about getting fucked by his nomination and then fucked by the concept of getting fucked over by the industry. Then his book started getting really mostly sociopolitical and shoved his award nomination down everyoneâs throats..
They were still just short weird erotica, but instead of being tongue-in-cheek funny they became condescendingly critical.
He has a website with an about me page but heâs become a folklore hero and everyone is 99% sure itâs fake.
As he stands now, the industries are still really upset but the indie scenes are considering them high art.
I am among the latter.
Donât forget, the whole reason people nominated Chuck Tingle for the Hugo awards in the first place is because a lot of white male authors were really mad that women and racial minorities were winning awards. They nominated him, but of course, he wasnât going to ruin the mystery by revealing himself, so instead he had someone go to the Hugos in his place⊠Zoe Quinn, who Gamergate centered around, and who was therefore the poster child of everything this group *hated*.
Chuck Tingle is a goddamn master.
Thank you for addingthat. I was about to be âbut it wasnât an accident he was nominated for a HugoâÂ
These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:
1.
âOkay, and whoâs the president?â
âObama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him⊠whatâs his nameâŠâ
âItâs okay, you know who he is.â
2.
âWhoâs the president?â
â*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhhâŠOrange⊠damn it whatâs the fuckâs nameâŠ.
âYup, good enough.â
3.
âAnd whoâs the president,â
âNot fuckinâ Obama!â
âI feel ya.â
4.
âWhoâs the president- wait, nevermind youâre from Korea you said, right? So whoâs-â
âEverybody knows that Trump-bitch.â
âOh, well, alright then.â
5. (My personal favorite)
âWhoâs the president?â
âEw.â
âGood enough.â
My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been âay dios mioâ during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.