Idk why Nursey and Bitty think that there’s any possibility that Dex will move back on campus? 1. Getting a room on campus (or even off-campus in a diff house) halfway through a semester is difficult as hell. 2. Dex is stubborn af and believes he’s in the right and that he earned this (honestly I’m on Dex’s side there) 3. I don’t have a 3 but 1 and 2 still stand.
3. Living in student residence is fucking expensive and if you end up with a roommate you can’t stand but are paying half, if not less, what you would have otherwise, you suck it up and deal by spending more time in the library or common areas and waiting for next year.
4. Dex would literally rather string a hammock up in the basement than admit defeat.
the goose has a broken wing and can’t fly south for the winter so dex builds it a shed with an infrared heater and a kiddie pool pond and names it stephanie (the goose not the pond)
bitty: dex, jack and i are dating dex: CAN’T TALK HAVE A GOOSE bitty: dex plz dex: WE’RE GONNA HAVE EGGS FOR DAYS BITTY. EGGS. FOR. DAYS.
chowder: dex. where did you get a goose dex: WHO WANTS QUICHE nursey: it’s pronounced quickie*
au where i am the author of check please and there are 300% more gooses
“keep shooting right at the breadbasket, man, i’m sure it’ll go through him eventually”
“yo, stripes, does your wife know you’re screwing us?”
after literally anyone touches bitty or nursey: “do it again and be ready to drop your fucking gloves, you fucking duster”
“hey tendy, we’re not playing dodgeball, buddy.”
to a fourth-liner before a faceoff: “hey, does your coach know you’re out here?”
after someone dives: “hey buddy did you just trip over the blue line? fucking bender”
also he has absolutely called someone a pigeon and then cooed at them
à la claude giroux
he only uses these chirps when he’s not actually that mad. when he’s really mad it’s all just “fuck you” and the occasional “drop your gloves, make my fucking day”
no one ever fights him bc he looks fucking crazy when he’s mad
he’s only ever gotten in one fight, actually, and the dude dropped the gloves on him bc he skated over to him after a shift and just laughed and said “bro, you’re terrible at hockey”
ransom and holster put it on the wall in the basement as the simplest and most effective chirp in SMH history
Im Really ehausted but this pic of dex staring at the coin is on a Whole Other Level of relatableness, I have spent evenings staring like that at textbooks…. housemates…… homophobic relatives at family dinners….. some whack ass comment on this godforsaken website…. it’s so universal I fuckin love it
Fantasy AU where Nursey is the prophesied hero on a quest to finally take down the tyrannical rule of the Chads. Dex is a fisherman who gets roped into sailing Nursey across a sea for his quest and unwillingly becoming the salty sidekick on the adventure
Some more on this AU
Bad Bob was the loving, kind king before the Chads took over
Bob, his wife Alicia, and his son Jack were like, the cutest family ever everyone loved them
The Chads were able to take over because they somehow got their hands on something that gave them ice powers
When the Chads take over, the Zimmermanns take refuge with the Bittles, a family of bakers a few towns over from the capitol.
(This got really long so the rest is under the cut)
I don’t even know where to start with this 1) Nursey’s hand on Dex’s back 2) the eyes or 3) the fact that Nurse is trying to convince Dex to live with him
just moving along like everyone else 