One thing I think is useful to conceptualize when thinking about the severity of depression is figuring out what counts as a ‘task’ to your brain

for example, healthy people outlining the tasks they need to do that day might be something like

– class
– work
– homework

if a healthy person is having a low energy day, maybe it becomes

– make breakfast
– go to class
– class
– go to work
– work
– come home from work
– work on an essay
– do 2 readings

a depressed person, on a high energy day will probably see that same day as

– make breakfast
– eat breakfast
– take meds
– shower
– get dressed
– walk to bus
– take bus
… etc

a depressed person, on a low energy day will see that same day as

– wake up
– get out of bed
– walk to bathroom
– use bathroom
– stand back up
– walk to kitchen
– open fridge
– take out juice
– set on counter
– go to cabinet
– reach up arm
– take down glass
– unscrew lid of juice carton
– pour juice
– drink the juice
– finish the juice
…etc

the sort of chronic exhaustion manifests in how each ‘task’ takes a certain amount of energy and when you have depression, what begins to take that amount of energy- and thus, cognitively count as a ‘task’- are smaller and smaller subdivisions of what other people consider tasks.

And the more ‘tasks’ you do, the less energy you have, and the smaller the subdivisions must be to take equivalent amounts of energy. And the longer that “to do” list of tasks is, the more exhausting and overwhelming and hopeless it feels, which creates a feedback loop of dysfunction.

So say our depressed person on a low energy day gets all the way to finishing their glass of juice. They’ve actually gotten through a lot of tasks! They’ve tried really hard.

But to a healthy person, even on a low energy day, that probably looks like not having done anything- not having gotten through any tasks. And when our depressed person is surrounded by healthy people, they will likely internalize that they haven’t done anything, and further that they can’t complete any tasks no matter how hard they try. And that feeds worthlessness and suicidal ideation

That, I think, is why it’s so important to encourage your depressed and chronically low-energy friends when they accomplish tasks, even if they’re operating at a level of subdivision that you don’t recognize. It is an accomplishment to get water and actually drink it for some folks. It is an accomplishment to get to class or to work.

And acknowledging how hard someone is trying and how much energy they’re putting towards accomplishing those tasks can make a huge difference in whether they feel worthless and hopeless or whether they feel like it’s worth it to keep doing what they can.

curlicuecal:

This actually made me feel really good about my day because I somehow managed 80 points?

a fuckin. professional.

30

the only thing that got me out of bed today was the fact that my neighbors wouldn’t stop screaming

*waves little flag*

this is not good

i just realized that im waiting for it to be late enough for me to go to bed

this is bad

i sure hope this isnt the isotretinoin bc damn it i want my skin clear

stuff about depression under the read more

so like i dont think i can use my mood as a predictor/gauge for my depression very accurately anymore

because mood wise i feel basically fine! not great, bc i never feel great but not bad.

so i would assume im fine except that i havent showered for over a week, yesterday was the first time i brushed my teeth in more time than i care to remember, and ive been lying in bed since i came home like 3-4 hours ago

i need to see my therapist

teratocybernetics:

star-anise:

hnmimorlyo:

violent-darts:

da-staplerthief:

violent-darts:

warpedellipsis:

violent-darts:

warpedellipsis:

violent-darts:

extraordinary-arbiter-bluebird:

Laziness: I’d rather sit here than pick up those clothes

Executive Dysfunction: I need to pick up those clothes I need to pick up those clothes why am I still watching this thing on Netflix while sitting down c’mon stand up I need to pick up those clothes I need to pick up those clothes I need to-

The Kind Of Actual Pathology-of-Motivation Associated With Major Depressive Disorder*: I know I need to pick up those clothes, and if I don’t pick up those clothes my quality of life will continue to decline, and theoretically the consequences of picking up those clothes are ones I don’t want, and if I don’t pick up those clothes they will get wrinkled and dirty again and I won’t have clean clothes to wear, but my life is an undifferentiated mass of grey and despite knowing all of these things I cannot actually make myself fucking care I will just stay here and stare at the clothes while Netflix plays until it stops. And tell myself how fucking lazy, stupid and useless I am because if I weren’t I would realize that I need to pick up those clothes and make myself do it. This is totally fine.

[yes, this is actually separate from executive dysfunction; it’s also a symptom of illness, a potentially really serious one, and tends to spring from complications due to anhedonia, or lack of the ability to experience positive stimuli] [it is also often COMORBID – that is, happening at the same time – with executive dysfunction]

Can you expand on how “i just can’t care” is different from “lazy”? Is it the internal ability to care, that it’s just lacking, whereas with laziness you have the capacity to do the thing, you just choose not to. I’m having trouble with cementing the actual explanation. Laziness is a values thing and the rest is a base-functionality thing?

In terms of what I meant, the crux there is cannot make myself.

Say I’m being lazy with my afternoon, and someone I know comes in and says, “You need to stop being lazy and do the thing, or Bad Consequence will happen.” And the consequence is genuinely bad.

For instance, say I’m Not Cleaning the Kitchen and someone comes to me and says, “You need to clean the kitchen or you’re going to get ants”. And they’re even right.

If I’m being lazy, and I agree that now that I think about it, ants aren’t good, I don’t want ants, I kick my own ass, get up and clean the kitchen. This is based on the ability of my brain to literally experience a Reward, a Positive State, from having a cleaner kitchen and not having ants.

If I’m having catastrophic anhedonic motivation failure? That doesn’t work. It’s not that I want to stay on the couch more than I don’t want to have ants. It’s that I can’t make myself care about EITHER state because it’s all fucking horrible. Nothing gets better. I might as well fucking have ants. I deserve ants. Look at me I can’t even fucking keep my kitchen clean I don’t even WANT my kitchen clean obviously since I’m still lying here so fuck it, I’ll just lie here and have ants. Oh look now I have ants. Isn’t that fantastic proof of how fucking awful I am.

Of course the entire thing is usually not that articulated in the brain, you know? This whole thing is an example. Usually it’s more like:

Laziness: … meh put away clothes later.
Executive Dysfunction: *want to put away clothes* *constantly stall on the initial cognitive step of How To Put Away Clothes* *get more and more distressed/stressed about not putting away clothes* *keep stalling* *cry*
Anhedonic Lack of Motivation: *lie there. stare at clothes. know clothes should probably go away. can even think of whole set of steps to put away clothes.* *cannot fucking feel anything about putting away clothes* *stalls out forever in pit of ‘why do i even fucking bother i should lie here and rot’* *uses fact that clothes have not been put away as evidence*

But the original form is pithier and has better rhythm.

So, it looks the same to a third party, but it feels/behaves differently on the inside

Well yes. They ALL look the same to a third party, at least casually – that’s the point.

If you know the person it’s pretty easy to see the difference (the general aura of misery and disinterest in anything else in the universe is a big hint).

This is something I wish was more widely understood. Executive dysfunction has become known about in my irl circles and while there’s definitely one or two for which this a problem most of the rest seem to use it as an explanation for the symptoms of unmanaged depression. As a society we are really bad at recognising the flat, empty, grey gaping maw that eats time and quietly lets us ruin our lives through neglectful apathy. Because that’s laziness, right? So I can understand wanting an explanation that doesn’t relegate blame. The problem is the most easily accessible, without further stigma (eg. depression as a moral failing) is an incorrect one, and genuinely unhelpful. Not the same strategies to address, plus depression can use more brain broken to feed to ifs narrative of I Hate You.

I mean: executive dysfunction is also a symptom of depression, and like I noted they’re often very much comorbid. I have had whole periods where what made my life fall apart was the total demise of my executive function.

But yes, executive dysfunction and anhedonic lack of motivation are actually different things, and they also require different things to fix.

And gods yeah, I think that the way that anhedonia – the actual impairment or destruction of your ability to experience positive emotions and stimulus – is something that needs way, way more attention, w/r/t how it works and how it affects your ability to function.

i wonder if theres such a thing as a disconnect between the action and the reward–as in you do feel a reward from doing something, it’s just that while you’re not doing it you sort of can’t believe in or don’t care about the reward? and so it doesn’t seem worth doing, but then if you do somehow get forced or just do it in a random fit of motivation the reward does happen, it’s not gone.

Fuck yeah! The brain reward system is a major problem in most disorders of motivation and executive function. Sciency links:

Deficits In Brain’s Reward System Observed In ADHD Patients; Low Levels Of Dopamine Markers May Underlie Symptoms

The brain reward circuitry in mood disorders

holy fuck those ARE two different things

claryfightwood:

so the irish term for depression is “an mór-bhrón” which directly translates to “the big sad” and that right there is the mood of this fine winter lads

geminifromthesky:

Seasonal Depression, tag urself.

wowthesaddestpersonalive:

How to tell it’s getting bad again

Physical pains (sore jaw, old injuries acting up)

tired tired tired tired

Can’t think/can’t stop thinking

Sleeping too much/not enough

Early waking

Can’t make eye contact

Picking or scratching at skin, nails, hair, etc

Forgetful

Sex repulsed or sex obsessed

Lonely in crowds

Unjustified assumptions (my friends all hate me)

Too much/too little food

Everything tastes bland?

Headcolds/the flu out of nowhere

Distancing yourself

Spending too much time in bed

Not showering/brushing teeth/brushing hair/taking care of your body

Not able to do laundry

Not turning in assignments

Forgetting about assignments

Zoning out

Defensive

Overly emotional/painfully numb

depression tips™

lee-the-ghost-to-her-idols:

so-sorry-mom:

iride9scent:

astrologynshit:

rage-quitter:

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over.

put on clean, comfortable clothes.

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink.

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

Reblog as much as you can

Absolutely helpful. I think I’ve done three or four of these things today, makes you feel better.

I do a lot of these things to cope, very helpful post.

@that-one-girl-who-is-trash

jojothesplatoonhentaiweeb666:

rivendellrose:

pervocracy:

morganoperandi:

anarcho-shindouism:

for the record, ‘not feeling anything’ is a valid and not unusual response to trauma or grief

so if you feel empty and devoid of feeling, it’s not because you’re a cold and uncaring person.

Sometimes, not feeling anything is the only way you can cope.

Be prepared for a delayed reaction, too. It’s very common to be totally calm during a crisis, and then days or weeks (or years) later suddenly get hit with a tidal wave of “HOLY SHIT THAT HAPPENED.”

Sometimes your mind waits until it feels safe to start processing things emotionally. It’s a powerful survival strategy, but it can really blindside you, because just as you start to feel like things are okay, you’re overwhelmed by the realization of how not-okay things were before.

This may not happen, and that’s okay too. But it’s something to watch out for when your initial reaction is numbness.

It’s also okay to have seemingly inconsistent reactions sometimes, or reactions that seem contrary, especially if you’re exhausted or in shock. Be open to how you feel, and accept it.

*applause* you guys know what’s up