Healers in video games: small, low HP, if you blow on them they die
Healers in D&D: tankiest in the group, always on the attack, beats the fighter in arm wrestling
LET’S TALK ABOUT CLERICS SOME MORE YES
tbh because of the video game thing I was kinda dubious about making our cleric the tank of our party?? but he’s the toughest member of the party stat/armour proficiency wise it’s wild
the problem is with clerics (not that its a problem, just figure of speech) is that most games aren’t wired the same way as D&D, mostly out of some fear of dispbalancing the game. Clerics in D&D 5th get 1d8+con modifer every level. Even if you don’t put anything into Constitution, thats 94 hitpoints on average. (which sounds bad out of D&D, because nearly every other game decides to do 100′s for HP, but its actually not the worst.) While there are CERTAINLY classes with better HP, Clerics gain the bonus of having the best healing spells available to them. You can on average heal, what-16 HP in a single round at level 1? not that bad when you think about how som players at level one only have 6, 8 or 10 HP. this is FURTHER compounded by the fact that a couple of powerful domains (war, tempest, etc) gain access to heavy armour. So they’re hard to hit, take a beating, heal well, AND often have strenght based stuff for their backup. Its the Skyrim thing of there not really being any boundaries for which way you can go with a cleric, so why not do what makes you the msot dangerous? Meanwhile, Ana, zenyatta and Mercy are screaming in the distance because a DVA got close to them. its not neccesarily a BAD thing, infact its quite good Game thinking to have the person who makes your other teammembers NOT DIE be pretty tanky.
This is literally the most bomb-ass D&D story I’ve ever read in my life oh my god.
Holy shit ._.
Some RP sessions have better stories than actual fiction. I mean, goddamn.
For those having trouble reading the text:
We had a campaign in D&D where we assembled a steampunk-ish time machine. After many sessions travelling through time, uncovering mysteries and learning harsh lessons about changing history, we had to stop a time-travelling cult from destroying the gods, and therefore the world. We failed.
Our machine crashed, we were stranded earlier than we had ever been able to travel. We found the Gods, but only a few of them were present – it was as if some had never existed. Then we realised – we had to become those Gods. Our party was entirely divine (Cleric, Paladin, Avenger, Invoker), and each of us was a worshipper of a god who had been unmade – and we were the only people in existence with enough knowledge of the forgotten deities to assume their roles.
But two of the players were worshippers of Io (in his twin forms of Tiamat and Bahamut, who would of course form later after Io’s ‘death’), and only one could become Io. The other would have to be the un-created Asmodeus.
So the most just, honourable and dedicated Lawful Good paladin I’ve ever seen roleplayed became the god of tyranny and evil. If he hadn’t, the gods would never have defeated the primordials, and the world would never have been completed.
In our setting, Asmodeus is every bit the epitome of evil you would expect him to be. Nobody but the gods who abide his presence know him as otherwise. He adheres to his role because he knows he has to – and that in doing so, the world can exist. He can never tell anyone his duty, and no-one who knows can ever discuss it.
In the farthest recesses of the Nine Hells, in a chamber sealed tighter than any other in existence is a pocketwatch of finest gnome craft with a photo of his family in it – his wife, son, and little baby girl.
They were killed by an orc army marching under the orders and banner of Asmodeus. Their deaths are what drove him to become an adventurer.
Our party—a bard, a fighter, and a ranger—were on a one-off side quest to deliver a letter to somebody. He wasn’t at his house (learned after breaking in, to the DM’s dismay), so we found out the general area he was in and went there, confusion in our wake and a spring in our steps. I, the bard, had decided that I would funnel every ounce of skill I possessed into charisma, and at level 5 had a +6 modifier. I had been using that power at every opportunity that arose. We wander through the foothills full of caves, looking for this guy, when our fighter rolls a nat 20 perception trying to look for any signs of life.
DM: You—okay, so. Yeah. With that, you actually notice about fifty feet away that a particular cluster of bushes is rustling just slightly, but not with the breeze.
Fighter: Oh. Cool. “Hey guys, I think there are some folks in those bushes over there.”
Me: “Cool beans! HELLOOOOOOO, MY DUDES!”
DM: There’s a few seconds of silence before four guys come slowly forward from the bushes. They look pretty rough and tough, and uh—
Ranger: Can I roll perception? Uh… that’s a 15.
DM: You deduce that they’re probably bandits or something. They’re walking forward and one of the guys says, “Who are you little pests, and what’re ya doing in these here foothills of ours?”
Me: “We’re just hanging out, traveling, and actually it seems like a good time to break for breakfast if you lovely gents would like to join us! I can brew us up some chamomile, I have like a thousand mushrooms I got earlier—”
Fighter: “I got that chicken, too, and jerky.”
Me: “Oh hell yeah, we’re gonna chow down if y’all want in on that action.”
DM: That’s, uh… that’s persuasion, advantage because you’re offering them food and seem too dumb to be dangerous.
Me: Thanks man. Uh… 14 total.
DM: *head in his hands* I just—okay, they join you for breakfast I guess. And yet again you avoid a fight I planned for you. One of the dudes breaks out some eggs from somewhere.
DM: ………<i>all of them???</i> I mean… sure?? I guess??
Me: Hells yeah. Rolling.
Proceeds to roll: 16, 19, and <i>two natural 20s</i>.
DM: *head on the table* Like. You—you make your fellow party members super uncomfortable. You are piled under boys, it’s kinda gross but super chill for you. Kent wasn’t super into the whole group thing before, but now he would straight up die for you. He’s learning a lot about himself today.
Me: I’m gonna write those names down for later. Can I put “a boys harem” in my items list?
Today I had the revelation that my half orc has 30ft speed, but because she’s a monk, her unarmored movement is +10ft at Level 3. Using the ki feature Breath of the Wind, she can dash as a bonus action meaning she can go 80ft in a turn.
If anyone cast Haste on my dear sweet Marfu, she would go 160 in six seconds.
At her most perfect Level 20 self’s unarmored movement of +30, she could go a max 120ft in a turn, or 240ft hasted. With 20 ki points to spend that could mean a solid two minutes of going almost 30 miles per hour and I think that’s beautiful.
Grab yourself the mobile feat for that extra 10ft base movement
We’re up to a max of 210/420 (lol) feet per six seconds which is 47 MPH. I feel like we’re crowdsourcing this monk at this point to make her as game-breakingly fast as possible.
BETTER MAKE THAT 94MPH
I quote the 5th Edition rulebook:
Boots of Speed
While you wear these boots, you can use a Bonus Action and click the boots’ heels together. If you do, the boots double your walking speed, and any creature that makes an opportunity attack against you has disadvantage on the Attack roll. If you click your heels together again, you end the effect.
When the boots’ property has been used for a total of ten minutes, the magic ceases to function until you finish a Long Rest.
Are you telling me Haste and Boots of Speed STACK?! Oh my god we’ve discovered the real Fast Travel function
just moving along like everyone else 